Nobody's Business
What the Cleaning Woman
Confessed
By: Mariel
He surprised me one night. Approached when I was entering the building. He asked me my name. When I told him, he showed me his badge and said he wanted to ask me a few questions.
My heart beat hard in my chest. His badge said he was F.B.I., but I had never seen him before, not in all the years I have worked as a cleaner at the Bureau. I thought he must have been investigating a case that brought him to New York from somewhere else.
What lead him to me I was sure I did not know.
He took me to a room on the seventh floor. Feeling hot and uncomfortable in my winter coat, I sat across from him at the large table where they question suspects. I was worried about being late for my shift, and I told him I would be in trouble if I was not on time. He told me he would explain and it would be okay.
So I looked at him and waited, not knowing what he wanted.
I felt frightened.
He began to ask me questions. At first I did not understand the point of what he was asking. Then he began to ask about the people on the twelfth floor. He leaned forward when I began to answer and his eyes sharpened as he listened more closely to what I said. Sometimes he wrote my words down in a little black notebook. I knew then what he was interested in - it was not in how long I had worked here, or my cleaning schedule, or anything like that. He was interested in something much different.
My heart sank. It had been a long time, and I had thought that what I knew would not need to be spoken...
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confession...
It's quiet on the twelfth floor at night. Even when people are still working there, they walk quietly, speak softly, and keep their movements more thoughtful and slow. I do not know if this is in respect for the hour or in respect for those lost and not at home with their loved ones.
That night - the night that brings me here, Father - that night there were few people around. I remember I was late for work - Manuel was sick again and I had to take him to the clinic. I phoned my boss and he said it was okay, as long as I put in my hours and stayed until my work was done.
The clinic was busy, so I arrived at work more than two hours late. As I always do, I began work on the eleventh floor. There were only about half a dozen agents there, working silently in their yellow halos of light. I like it when it is like that. I like to go about my business quietly, too, leaving only a tidy trail of empty waste baskets to mark where I have been.
When I got to the twelfth floor, it was even more quiet. Usually, there are people present - on the phone or busy with paperwork or searching for something on their computers. The lost do not always choose their time of disappearance, and so it is that the agents who work in Missing Persons cannot choose the hours in which they search for them. But that night it was peaceful, and when I saw that there was nothing on the whiteboard, I knew that for the moment at least, there were no lost souls for them to search for.
Though it has been years since that night, I can atill remember standing there in front of the whiteboard and just listening to the silence. There were no voices speaking or phones ringing. There were few lights on, and the place seemed deserted. I remember feeling a deep sense of contentment. Everyone had left. I was tired and the quiet was welcome, so I tried not to disturb it.
I am not afraid of silence.
And because it was silent and because I had decided to enjoy the peace and vaccuum last, I heard what I heard, and saw what I saw...
I dusted where it was needed and emptied waste baskets. Then I walked down towards Agent Malone's office. I was only a few feet away from it when I noticed movement.
I stopped, surprised.
Through the mostly-open blinds, I could see that Agent Malone and Agent Spade were still there. He sat at his desk; she sat on the sofa set against one wall of his office. They were working, and unaware of my presence.
I do not know why, but I stood there in the dark and watched them. It made a nice picture, the two of them sitting in golden light, their heads bent over paperwork. I liked these two agents, and there was something warm and comfortable about the way they worked together so quietly.
Then Agent Spade set her papers aside and stretched and rose. She looked at her watch. She said something to Agent Malone and he lifted his head and smiled. Then she walked towards his desk. I could hear only low murmurs, not words, but something in the way he looked at her held me there, watching...
He turned his chair to face her as she approached. I thought she would draw to a stop at any moment, but she drew closer and closer to him. She did not stop until she stood directly in front of him, her legs touching the chair between his knees. She placed her hands on his shoulders and she leaned towards him. He tilted his face up and their lips met. They kissed. When Agent Spade straightened, she took his hand and stepped back, drawing him up out of his chair to stand in front of her. They stood looking down at their clasped hands for a moment. When Agent Malone released her hand, Agent Spade slid her palms up Agent Malone's chest and around his neck. Again, their lips met. Their kiss was soft at first, almost tentative...then Agent Malone clutched her tightly against him and the kiss deepened.
I should have left then, or made a noise, or done something to let them know that they were not alone.
I did not.
Instead, I watched until they parted and Agent Malone reached for his suit jacket. I stood behind a divider as he walked with Agent Spade to get her coat and purse. I heard her ask if he would drive or leave his car. He mentioned getting a taxi, and suggested they stop for something to eat first. I heard her refuse, saying she would rather fix something for him at her place.
Agent Malone, who had a picture of his wife and daughters right there in the office with him, and Agent Spade, who was young and beautiful and had the choice of many men...they were lovers.
When they left, I resumed my work. I carried the knowledge of their sin with me, telling no one. I never again saw them so close, but for months after that I did see that they worked late together often, and left together many times.
This stopped after a few months, but knowing that he was married and acted that way...it was a burden. What I had seen troubled me.
I know, Father. Carrying the knowledge was not a sin. The sin came more recently, when the man with the F.B.I. badge asked me what I knew about them. The truth would have exposed their sin, made them face the wrong they had committed and atone for the hurt they caused his wife and children. Telling that man would have been the right thing to do.
But I could not do it.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have given false testament. I have lied by ommission...
The man wanted to know about Agent Malone. I did not want to be the one to get him in trouble.
I remember when Agent Malone first started, I wondered how things would change. The people before him did their jobs well, I am sure, but he was different. The way he spoke of the missing, the way he talked to his team... I think he is a very passionate man, a man who feels deeply about the people he searches for, a man who takes life to heart.
The team he put together seems much like him. I do not know if they carry the ghosts that Agent Malone carries with him, but they care deeply and work hard. I overhear them talk - their words hold humour and concern and dedication. They respect one another and the people they search for. Samantha Spade is a part of that team. If my child went missing, they are the people I would want to search for him.
I am not making excuses for them Father, I am simply telling you. What Agent Malone and Agent Spade did together - it was a sin. I know that. They have ended it, but it was still wrong, what they did - wrong in the eyes of God and wrong in the eyes of man - and they have to answer for that wrong. His wife did not deserve to be treated so. His children did not deserve a father who dishonoured their mother so.
But when that man asked me about them, I told him nothing.
The affair is over now. Agent Malone does not leave with Agent Spade any more. So when that man asked me his questions about Agent Malone and Agent Spade, I worded what I said in such a way that though I spoke the truth it led to his believing a lie.
God will see that they answer for what they did in His own way...
It is sad, but I think they may be answering in heartache..
End
What the Cleaning Woman
Confessed