Trying to Forget
By youkokurara

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Everyone knows that, so why do I have to keep saying it?

Chapter 4: Liar

"No, no..." Kaoru whispered, shock spreading through her body. It can't be true! He was just grateful for having a home, a small family of friends, and he was drunk the other night. "You don't mean it."

Kenshin froze as the words hit home. "What do you mean? Why wouldn't I mean it?" He grasped her by the shoulders, shaking her some as he spoke. He meant the words from the very center of his being. He really loved her, she just didn't understand.

"You were drunk last night, Kenshin. 'Sides, you couldn't possibly love a hideous tomboy such as my self!" She started to wiggle out of his hold, which she found easy as Kenshin let her go, his arms falling down to his sides in pain. Grabbing her things she stormed out of the bathroom, keeping her head high as she did so. He did not need to see the pain that filled her eyes, he couldn't see them, anyway. Kenshin's eyes were closed, trying to block the tears that were coming.

"I really do care, Kaoru..."

Kaoru did not hear him; the slamming of her door as she closed it was all she heard. She glared at the door, threatening it without words to keep anyone else from coming in. It was useless to think such thoughts, but she did so anyway, as it gave her some comfort. Some control over the events in her life.

Kenshin was a liar; he did not care for her at all. All his words meant was that he was trying to atone for the damage he had done the night before. He was trying to fix everything so that nothing would seem out of place. He would marry her over a mistake, just to stay "safe" in the eyes of society, even if he didn't want to. He did not love her.

"I'm probably not good enough, too," she muttered to herself, slipping into her underclothes and then pulling her kimono on. Smoothing out the cloth she took her obi and tied it into a bow. She was beautiful, but not in the way Megumi was or other women were. Plain hair that never wanted to do anything she wanted it to, not pale enough skin, not enough curves. She was no woman; she was a, "little girl. That's all I am even after last night; just a little girl who thought she was a woman. But no longer."

She gathered up her strength. No longer would she be a little tomboy in the eyes of society, she was a woman and would act like one. There was no reason to act like a child anymore, she was no longer a child.

Today on she would be a woman, a proud one with or without a husband, she would keep her family fed and a roof over their heads. Even if the rest of society looked down upon her. She would keep herself strong. "Strong is what you need to be, Kaoru. Not a weak girl, but a strong woman."

It would be a problem, however, if she was pregnant, but she would not know for some time if that was true. Half of her did wish she was going to have Kenshin's child, even if it meant her name would be tarnished according to the rest of society, the other wished that she was not. The child would be scorned by everyone, including Kenshin; well, maybe not so much by the father, but Kenshin would probably leave to save his own hide, even if it wasn't his character to do so.

Sighing, she brushed her hair quickly and tied it back in her regular ponytail and left her room, putting on a strong front as she did so. Kenshin was probably waiting not far from her door, wanting to convince her that what she thought wasn't true and that he really cared for her.

Kenshin wasn't there. Kaoru looked left and right before shrugging and closing her bedroom door. Him not being there was better for her in the long run. This way she didn't have to see him, wouldn't have to hear him try and speak to her. The idiot was rather cute, still, when he was worried.

"You are not supposed to think like that, Kaoru!" She scowled herself with a small shake of her head. Kenshin was an idiot, and she was not going to think that he was cute ever, EVER again. She was going to be strong and she was going to get through this, just like she had gotten through life before when her father had died, before that morning when she meant Kenshin.

Shaking her head once more to rid herself of such thoughts, she walked out into the yard, looking about once more in case the red head was insight before heading for the gate. "I'm going for a walk!" She called out over her shoulder before leaving the grounds, humming a soft tune when she came out onto the street. A walk might clear her thoughts, and would be good for her in the long run. Maybe she could go down to the Akabeko and chat with Tae, or go down to the clinic and see Genzai and his granddaughters; maybe have a few nice words with Megumi.

She cringed at the thought of seeing the fox; she would probably laugh that infamous laugh of hers, and make a fool of Kaoru for the younger girl ever thinking that Kenshin could have real feelings for her.

Just a walk would work rather fine, Kaoru decided. Yes, this was she wouldn't feel like spilling her guts to any of her dear friends. No one needed to know about last night, it would soon simply leave her thoughts and no one would ever find out about it.

Including Kenshin and herself.

It would simply float away into nothingness over time. Into a sweet blissful nothingness and it would no longer haunt her like it had been doing. No one would remember and no one would know.

"What's this we have here, fellas? A little girl walking without someone to watch over her," a mocking voice said, followed by several snickers. She had wandered off aimlessly and walked into the woods not far from the dojo, but far from a lot of people. No one would be able to hear her scream, and she had no weapon to defend herself with.

They were a group of five men, big and ugly, with messy thick beards and stained clothing. She could smell sake and sweat as the wind blew, blowing her hair back slightly. They were disgusting and she did not want to be bothered. "Please leave me alone."

And still she was polite, turning back around she continued to walk, heading back to the road and the dojo. The walk wasn't turning out to be such a good idea.

"We don't think so little missy." one grabbed her arm roughly, there would be a bruise by next morning. "We think you should stay and have a little fun with us."

There were more snickers. And Kaoru felt fear. Leaving home wasn't such a good idea that day, but she couldn't stay in the dojo with Kenshin around. She didn't want to face him, didn't want to see him. She knew that it would hurt her if she had to do that, but Kaoru knew that this would hurt much worse.

Buy time, she thought. Maybe that would help, maybe Kenshin would come and try and find her. Fear settled in her stomach as she watched the men for a semi circle around her. "Maybe a little 'fun' wouldn't be so bad?"

It sounded like a question, and her voice was shaking but the men were drunk and didn't notice. One laughed and grasped her chin roughly and gave her a kiss. Kaoru tried her best not to puke as his fowl tongue forced its way into her mouth. The taste of sake and smoke was on his tongue. Kenshin had sake on his breath, yes, but he tasted unique and warm. Almost sweet.

Another started at the knot of her obi, and managed to tighten it, squeezing the air out of her body in one quick movement. She felt dizzy, and her ribs hurt. The one at her obi was strong, though he didn't show it. Gasping, she tried to fight off the fear that had finally filled her body. She was going to be raped!

Tears filled her eyes, flowing down her face as felt a hand slip in-between the folds of her kimono, touching her thighs as it went upwards...

Kaoru closed her eyes tightly and tried to think of better things, tried to cry out but her voice was muffled by another kiss. At least she had lost her virginity to Kenshin, and not these bastards.

Suddenly, the one at her mouth left her, the one at her back, the hand at her thighs, they were all gone, followed by several thuds that reminded her of bodies hitting the ground, but she didn't open her eyes. She didn't want to see anything, didn't want to hear anything.

She was supposed to be strong but here she was being weak. She hadn't even fought back. Kaoru realized with disgust that she had wanted to be raped, a reason behind why her virginity was gone; no one would have suspected her of having slept with Kenshin.

Two warm arms surrounded her into a tight embrace, holding her close as Kaoru returned the embrace. It was Kenshin, and she knew so without opening her eyes. His smell, his warmth, it was all him and she welcomed it all with open arms and more tears.

"There, there, it's alright, Kaoru. I'm here... just cry."

And she did exactly that.

AN: Hm... that wasn't really so bad actually. And I know I said she would be strong, but she had a reason for doing what she did at the end there, and she was strong at the beginning of this chapter, ne? This will just have a few more chapters tell it hits the climatic end. And this chapter is nice and long to, 1,639 words... I like it, though I don't know why I am telling you all the amount of words in each chapter. O.o Anyway, thank you oh powerful future ruler of the world, MoMo-ChAn. bows

I can't promise a date as to when I'll update next, it varies, and school is certainly going to be taking up much of time, especially when I really need to start and write my Senior Project paper. It's this project that determines if I will be able to graduate high school or not. It will be LOTS of fun.

To my wonderful and faithful two reviewers:

Carrie: I didn't want to write out your whole name, sorry. Thank you for your support.

Alea Seikou: I really hope you enjoy this chapter and what comes ahead! Your questions helped me with Kaoru's response to this, to thank you very much.

Yep, that's it. Oh well. Thanks you all for your support and keep waiting for the next one. .