Disclaimer: I do not own the Discworld or any of its characters. I do not earn any profit whatsoever from this story. I am doing this merely for pleasure.
Chapter 1 : Little Blue Men
This is the Discworld, a world carried through space on the back of four elephants, who are in turn standing on the great, meteor-pocked shell of the Great A'tuin, a giant turtle slowly swimming through the depths of the universe. Many people find this fact impossible to entertain, as how could such large elephants exist? Or how could they not get friction burns? You might as well ask what sound orange makes, or if an awkward silence can swim.
This is Ankh Morpork, economic and industrial hub of the Discworld, 'Citie of One Thousande Suprises', echoing with the cries of street vendors, locals and tourists learning the quaint and folkloresque culture of Ankh¹. This is the city where any barbarian invader would wake up holding a pink umbrella and wondering where his horse was, why his head was hurting so much, and why his wallet was a lot lighter than it was before. This is the city where thieves prowl the dark alleys, and assassins creep across the red tile roofs. This is the city where the wizards are sleepy old men with tangled beards and puffy eyes who pore over boring books. This is the city where dreams can come true...
'Crivens, Daft Wullie, are ye sure this be the way tae the big city? I be thinkin' we shoulda taken thet other turn, ye ken?' whispered Rob Anybody, leader of the clan of Wee Free Men.
'I swear to the fact that I hev the brains o' a beetle thet I be sure this be the way.' replied Wullie, tripping over a loose stone in the road.
'Och, we've gotta git tae thet there city, we've got imporrrtant matters there.' said Rob.
'An' we've gotta git back in time tae take care o' the ships².' This was Aw'flly Titchy Billy, the gonnagle³ of the Nac Mac Feegle.
'Nah, oor big wee hag can taek care of 'em' said Daft Wullie.
'Crivens, Wullie ye scunner, dinnae gimme thet blethers!' yelled Anybody. 'Ye'd bett'r git us tae thet city or I'll be telling oor kelda!'
Their shouts and scuffles faded into the mist of the small country road.
In the great city of Ankh-Morporkh, Tom the blacksmith's apprentice woke up with a start. Where am I? He looked nervously around, and discovered that he was safe at home. If I'm at home, then where are all those little blue men? It must have been a dream. Just a dream...
¹ Such as: 'Sausage-inna-bun! Gitchore sausage-inna-bun! Git 'em while they're fresh and luvverly!', 'Buggrit' and 'Hey! Don't wave that knife at me you little…ARRGGHH!'
² Fluffy things that eat grass and go 'baa'. Easily confused with the other kind.
³ Gonnagles are the battle poets of the Wee Free Men. Words can be weapons.
No one cared about him enough to want to kill him.