Chapter Seven

She had sworn him to secrecy. She didn't want anyone to know…not Garret, not Nigel, and certainly not her dad. Max would take it hard that Jordan got pregnant and wasn't going to get married. He was still that Catholic. Jordan wasn't sure what he would do when he discovered it was the result of artificial insemination.

She went through the first procedure with no luck. Disappointed, but not too discouraged, she waited another month…taking the fertility drugs and putting up with the hot flashes they caused…the mood swings. Everyone thought that her tearfulness was the result of losing Joy and were sympathetic to her. Only Woody really knew what was going on. The casual "How are you?" question that he always asked her when they were together took on a new, highly significant meaning to the both of them.

The second procedure didn't work either. The doctor increased the fertility drugs she was taking. By the time the third month rolled around, Jordan was a nervous wreck. Woody knew about the first two procedures failing and her fragile emotional state. He offered to drive her to the clinic and stay there with her. To his surprise, she agreed. She was in no shape to really be by herself this third time around. He sat in the waiting room while the doctor was with her. When it was over, the nurse called him back to Jordan's room.

"Hey," he said softly, entering the exam room. Jordan was on the table, sheet over the lower half of her body, feet still in stirrups. "How'd it go?"

"Okay, I guess. The doctor is hopeful. So am I. He wants me to stay here for a while…about a half an hour. I didn't know if you had other things you needed to be doing or somewhere you should be. I didn't want to hold you up. I know this is probably not the most comfortable situation for you…and the last place you want to be….but I really appreciate you being here."

"I'm fine…and I don't have to be anywhere. I have the afternoon off. It's been interesting….I've never been in this kind of doctor's office…."

She grinned. "Guess you never had a reason to, huh?"

"No…not at all."

"Well, I'll make sure my kid knows just how dedicated his or her Uncle Woody was…"

That statement hit Woody hard…like a fist in the solar plexus. Uncle Woody….he was that far removed from her life now. A couple of years ago he would have bet money he'd be the father of this child…not the uncle. He blinked back the tears he felt come to his eyes so that Jordan wouldn't see them.

"Yeah…make sure you do that. Are you comfortable?"

"You've got to be kidding….like this?" she motioned to the stirrups.

"Can I get you anything?

"Just the permission from the doctor I can go home."

Woody grinned at her. Leaning over to whisper in her ear, he said "I still think making babies the old fashioned way is better….more comfortable, too. And hell of a lot more fun."

She went home and went to bed. The doctor wanted her horizontal for another eight to ten hours, preferably with her legs raised. She waited a week. Then she waited two, and held her breath. The third one rolled around. Woody kept coming in and out of her office, supposedly to ask her questions about the cases they were working on together. He would simply raise his eyebrows and she would nod yes…everything was still okay. He would walk away strangely relieved….he wasn't sure why. Maybe he knew just how much Jordan wanted this…maybe he wanted this baby that badly for her.

He strolled over to the morgue during the fourth week after the insemination. This should be the final week they had to wait. Us, he thought. It's not my baby, and I feel like I'm as involved with this just as deeply as she is. Probably because I'm the only other person that knows about this other than Jordan. She wasn't in her office. She wasn't in trace or autopsy. Putting a damper on his rising dread, he asked Garret, "Have you seen Jordan?"

"She went home…said she wasn't feeling well."

Woody swallowed hard and made for her townhouse. It was possible morning sickness could have set in this early…especially with the amount of fertility drugs she had been taking…her hormones had been on a rollercoaster ride to begin with. He knocked and she came to the door…dressed in her robe and in tears. "I started my period," she said.

Without a word, he took her in his arms and carried her to the couch, settling her in his lap and just letting her sob. "I'm sorry, Jordan…so sorry…." He didn't know what to say. He had never been in this situation…a single woman wanting to be pregnant…through artificial insemination. He had no idea what to do. Hallmark didn't even make a card for this event.

Drying her eyes on the sleeve of her robe, she finally sat up. "There was only a 65 to 70 percent chance it would have worked, anyway. The odds weren't great, you know."

"I'm sorry…I know how much you wanted a baby….Can you do it again?"

"Can't afford to. Insurance doesn't cover it…and it has to be paid for upfront. I maybe able to in a few years…after I save a little more money."

Woody just held her tighter. She was disappointed and upset. And probably missing Joy more than ever. He really didn't know what to do for her…he just held her until she stopped crying altogether. Smoothing her hair back from her face, he asked, "Can I get you anything? Dinner? Scotch?"

She have him weak smile at the mention of Scotch. She really needed a drink. But not with him here. She didn't to fall apart in front of him. She wanted to get roaring drunk, all by herself, and go to bed and sleep it off. She'd regret it in the morning, but she didn't really care. "No. I'm not hungry…I guess I just need time to adjust to this, too."

"What are you going to do now, Jordan?" he asked, laying his cheek on the top of her head. He felt her sigh.

"I'm not sure…but I haven't given up…not yet."

She had come back from Atlanta a more mature woman than she left. She had realized she had a void in her life. And through a series of events, she knew what she wanted to fill it. Not a man, not a cause, not a job….not money or material goods.

She wanted to be a mother.

But all of heaven and hell were conspiring against her. She couldn't adopt. She couldn't afford artificial insemination again right now. It would be at least three more years before she could. She reasoned with herself that she could wait that long. She'd only be 39…Lots of women start families at that age….

Or she could do what Woody had jokingly suggested. Get pregnant the old fashioned way. Once she had the thought, she immediately dismissed it from her mind. To involve someone like that in Boston…would have repercussions as far as she could see. Most of the men she knew well…at least well enough to even possibly consider them a candidate, she worked with. Talk about awkward.

The only man she would consider it with was a blue-eyed detective who was content remaining her friend. And wanted nothing more. He was out of the picture.

So she shuttled the thought of motherhood out of her mind…at least to the back burner and concentrated on her job, working long hours…doubles…weekends, to fill her hours. Woody stayed in closer contact with her than she thought he would. He would stop by her office nearly daily, checking in on her…making sure she was all right. She found his concern touching. Despite of everything that had happened in the past between them, despite of Devan, despite of Jordan herself, they had come to be good friends. She now had a friendship with Woody where the sexual tension wasn't sizzling underneath the surface. She guessed they had both matured beyond that.

She worked and saved…trying to get up enough money to try the artificial insemination one more time…pushing the thought of "having a baby the old fashioned way" out of her mind….until one day there was a knock at her office door. Looking up at the doorway, she caught her breath when he said, "Hello, Jo. Long time, no see."