Chapter Four

NOW

Gaz awakened to Dibs voice drearily. It was warm and cozy and she didn't want to awaken.

"Are you alright?!" He half shrieked.

"I feel fine." She admitted.

"Thank the sky! I was af---Well, it doesn't matter.." He blushed slightly. "What where you dreaming about?"

"I only have a vague memory of it..Why?"

Gaz met his gaze and felt fear.

"Gaz you where screaming in your sleep."
Gaz looked as if it was normal.

"Its probably just another memory. I'll be fi--"

"You tell me you'll be fine," Dib interjected, "Please listen, Gaz. I can't help you if you don't open up a little. When we where young, I told you everything, even if you wheren't listening." He took her hand, and met her eyes.

"I want trust. Nothing more."

Gaz felt an anesthetic numbness pass over her. A knot was lodged in her throat.

"I-I-Thanks..."

Dib was afraid, and she could hear it in his voice.

"I just need you to know you could trust me. You don't need to be independant all the time." Gaz locked arms around him and, although suprised, Dib accepted the small sign of affection.

She sat there, deep in thought..

Zai. The name brought her back. Raven black hair(later died a light powder blue), icey green eyes, and a serpant like movment that betrayed his human nature. He was pensive and silent, something Gaz had admired. Where he was cold, Gaz was forgiving. She remembred dancing in the dark, singing in starlight, fnetle brushes of the two liips to make one.

"Gaz?" Gaz felt herself leap out of her memories.

"Are you sure your alright?"
She turned to face her brother.

"Yah..Just remembering.." She whispered placidly, then detatched herself once more. He wanted an honest answer, because he knew she was not okay.

She hung her head, closing her eyes again. She hear incoherant mumbling as she wandered upstairs.

"I wish she'd open up to me."

Dib grinned subtly. She was trying hard, he could tell. She wouldn't confide so he wouldn't walk out and hurt her if oppertunity arised, and she wouldn't let go because he was her only anchor to life. Could he tell? Did he know, late at night, she would press the blade against her wrists? She wouldn't let the cuts show, and she wouldn't kill herself. She just walked such a thin line between life and death, knowing she was in control comfoted her.

Since Membrane died, all she thought about while holding the blade was Dib and Zai. Wishing Dib would come back, and wishing Zai was still by her side. Without him, she knew she was broken. She had felt her guy knaw out all of her words to him, lkike she wanted to break and spill every truth she veiled. The blade comforted her, but she wouldn't trust it at her throat. What if she lost control and cut? No, not at her throat. Definatly not.

God, she missed Zai. What would he think about her now? Weak and dependant. Her comforts? A blade and a CD. She hadn't seen a piano for years, and she missed that.

She turned to the window, Linkin Parks "Numb" filling her ears. The music soothed her. It was her in the lyrics. She knew only so much would keep her sane. She wandered to her bedside and lie down. 11:30. Dib had told her he would be downstairs working. Sullenly, she grabbed a long blade. Someone had..erm.."given" it to her, but who's name she had dismissed(cough JTHM cough). The steel was cold, but a comfort nonetheless. She pressed it against her fingertips, and watched a trickle of scarlet coat the tip. She was full of self blood lust. Fearing for her own safety, she pushed it away, and curled up in bed. Empty auttumn wisped outside, just beyond the thin window glass. Zai once resided in these very walls, and it bothered her..

That night, Gaz slept with dreams of blades and Zai's arias to serende her.

Her nightmares kept coming, wakening her at around 1:00. She hated them as much as ZIM for tearing apart her family. Her and ZIM where friends once, but he had destroyed what little trust she had in him. Slowly, she sat up, head spinning. She knew a charm that might help, but she decided to go straight to the tylonal. She glided, just as Eov did, and humans took notice. Eov had moved about four years ago, and Gaz had missed having a good friend. Dib didn't like Eov at all. He said she was "dangerous", and didn't approve of her witch-craftian ways. But Gaz didn't mind. She didn't seek approval. After chasing the pill down with some water, Gaz reached for her Game Slave IV. Almost immediatly, she was enthralled.

Dib was in the lab. Classic 2 AM scenario(I like saying that, you see ) . He had lots of things to do, and so little time to complete it. In his spare time, Dib had been doing some DNA research. Mostly, to find more out about his mothers side of the family. Her name was AIme and she had been a scientist in Colorado when she'd met Membrane. A couple photo's showed her curly, long pale violet hair, and odd blue eyes. She reminded him a bit of Gaz, actually.
He pushed the picture onto its face and turned away. Maybe..He'd just go to bed.

He wandered upstairs to the first floor, and saw Gaz's depressing eyes shut into slits as she assumed the solitairy pose she'd almost constantly adapted as a child.

"Gaz? Shouldn't you be...sleeping?"

"I will when the tylonel kicks in. Promise."
She answered calmly, lost in the pattern of the box.

"These still make those?" He paused.

"Well, good night."

"Bonus nox noctis , frater."
She almost said without thinking. The language of latin and english came together as one to her.