LARRY SNOTTER AND THE STARGATE OF DOOM
Chapter 7: Time Passes
It would not be entirely accurate to say that the next few weeks passed without event. In fact, quite a lot of things happened around Slogworts Castle in that period of time. Most of these things, of course, had to do with such mundane activity as eating, sleeping, working, pretending to work, trying to avoid work, inconspicuously searching for absent DHDs and eating pie.
Of those that weren't any of these things, quite a few were very memorable indeed. Such as the time that Larry got his head stuck in the lavatory.
(This, of course, was no unusual occurrence in itself, for Larry's eyes were apt to wander to the toilet bowl when faced with the boring décor of a bathroom cubicle - and the waters, when clean as they sometimes were after flushing, did tend to reflect the face of the one staring into them… And Larry, of course, being by nature – if not quite chivalrous bloke, then certainly not one to neglect his own skin – would always startle at the discovery that he appeared to be drowning in the U-bend and would immediately leap to his own rescue.)
And then there was the time that Daniel had been accidentally turned into a pumpkin and the team had spent four sleepless nights compiling a list of potion ingredients necessary to revert him to his human status – only to be met, as they returned rather the worse for wear from the forest, laden with golden fleeces and unicorn horns, by a very irate Dr. Jackson raving that he didn't care how much longer time seemed to pass when shut up in a book cabinet, for it had surely been more than the promised return time of five minutes by now and he wasn't about to wait any longer!
To this day, the pumpkin has not been heard of since.
Yes, upon reflection, there were a lot of very memorable things that occurred in the specified time frame. However, only a very select few bear any relevance to the plot whatsoever – and here we approach what I believe is the closest we will get to a point in this chapter.
Item number one was Professor Dumb Bitch's immediate dislike of Larry and SG-1. This could only be expected, given Jack's inability to behave subservient, Sam and Daniel's inabilities to quell their own levels of intelligence, Teal'c's inability to hide the fact that he could snap Dumb Bitch in two and Larry's inability to exude anything close to charisma.
That being said, the penning-death-threats-in-their-own-blood thing was a little bit over-the-top.
Item number two was that Jack was made a finder-keeper on the Gryffindork Quiddit team. This was largely due to the facts that Drone had overslept.
Item number three, as you have probably already guessed, is that Sam began a stamp collection.
At this juncture, she can proudly boast the ownership of six specimens, each at the value of three Knutcases.
Of course, our heroes do not know that these occurrences are in any way important to the plot at this time.
In fact, as we join them, they are still puzzling over the pumpkin calamity...
Notes: Apologies for this stingy excuse for a chapter; it's been quite a while, I know. I promise the next one won't be so long in coming. In fact, as it's the dawn of the New Year and all – I resolve that the next chapter will not be so long in coming.
Have a wonderful, safe and humourous New Year, everybody!
Insert standard disclaimer, desperate requests not to sue me and inventories of my meagre possessions here.