Author's Note - This Chapter has been a long time in the making and thank you to Yvette for her help! Charl I hope you like this! It's for you. mcj
CHAPTER 5 - THE AQUANAUT
Well it's five thirty in the morning and it's my birthday. Yep - I'm seventy-five years old now. I guess I should be depressed but living here makes that hard.
It will soon be time to put on the morning coffee that Scott and I share before the sun rises each day. Scott sleeps less than I do and morning coffee on the balcony is a welcome ritual I share with him! It's time I got up and out of bed.
As I dress in the darkness I look out my window at the sea. Despite the fact that there are no lights for thousands of miles around us, it shimmers against the darkness of the night. I look out across the dark blanket of water and marvel at the calmness that prevails. Calmness that is ever present on Tracy Island.
I see a dark figure on the beach. I nod as I recognise him and acknowledge that this young man never misses a morning.
Gordon Tracy; Jeff's second youngest son; International Rescue's Aquanaut.
He's been awake every morning at dawn for years. He swims in the sea or trains in the pool as part of his daily routine. Above everything in his life, he loves the sea. It mesmerises him. It's as much a part of him as his signature red hair.
He walks across the sand carrying a surfboard under his arm. It looks like he's chosen the sea this morning. I won't see him until at least eight o'clock then. He'll swim out to the point, he'll surf the heavy swell on the other side of the island, sit alone on the beach there and then swim back. When he's through he'll walk sand all through the kitchen, grin at me, kiss the top of my head and ask what's on for breakfast. I will tousle that red hair of his and admonish him about the sand. He will just kiss me again. I love that young man and I know how much he loves me.
I see him stretching his shoulders in preparation to swim and say it again. He loves the sea. I now see him grimace and hold his back for a few moments.
He's obviously having trouble this morning.
I watch him sit on the beach for a while. He's debating whether he is up to going.
You see; my grandson Gordon may love the sea but the sea almost ended his life not so long ago. Emotionally, it almost ended the Tracy family. Dealing with Jeff as a devastated young widower was one thing but dealing with him as a Father about to lose his son was another and as for his brothers...
Like I said, emotionally, it nearly ended us all.
We are just so lucky to still have him. He says his Mother sent him back to us when he didn't want to return. He wanted to stay with the others who had died including his special little girl.
As the first light of day begins to fall over Tracy Island I see him stand up and stretch again. This time his well-developed shoulders and back appear to be holding up all right but he is in pain. I know he is in pain by how he bends to pick up the surfboard.
He enters the water regardless and becomes one with the sea as his wetsuit merges with the blackness. He has gone.
Only two people can detect if Gordon Tracy feels pain these days.
I am one of them.
His brother Alan is the other.
I am here. Alan is not. However he will be later tonight I remind myself. When he "surprises" me by coming home from Thunderbird Five for my birthday. The two of us help Gordon over his rough days and I am glad that Alan will be returning this evening.
It looks like today might be one of those days and Gordon will need his brother.
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ACCIDENTALLY BORN
Gordon Cooper Tracy's whole life story seems to have been a series of accidents.
As I've already told you the fourth son of Jeff and Lucille Tracy was found to be on the way as a result of a timing accident. I can understand how both his mother and father would have felt I suppose. They thought they had completed their family eighteen months before. Their three little boys, one dark, one chestnut and one blonde kept them both on their toes, and Jeff's Aerospace business was becoming bigger. He also had plans for further expansion. They were an extremely busy young couple.
Neither of them was prepared for the shock when a missed month and "stomach bug" turned out to be seven months worth of pregnancy. Lucy was furious with herself. After her first accident with Scott before they were married, she had been very careful. She'd had her two other babies exactly when she wanted them and quite frankly she didn't want any more now.
Jeff was pretty good about it though, too good I think. I somehow sensed he felt it was a bit of poetic justice that he'd managed to get one up on Lucy for a change even if it did mean his life plans would need to alter a little. He didn't want any more babies either but they were going to have another one and that was that.
My view? Accidents happen. You have to learn to live with them and the consequences. I was to say this many times over my years raising Gordon.
Well, as I said earlier, Lucy ended up with only seven months, not nine months of pregnancy. Our little Gordon was now involved in his second accident; the accident of his premature birth into the world.
It was Valentine's Day. I wasn't around at the time, and neither was Jeff. I was on the farm in Kansas; Jeff was at a business conference in New York. We'd both planned to be in Boston in April when the baby was due of course but accidents happen.
Lucy went through the whole thing herself from falling very badly at the shopping centre, being admitted to hospital, being told her little unplanned baby was in trouble, consenting to the Caesarean section, and undergoing theatre.
Jeff and I of course did all the worrying for her. He flew himself back from New York in absolute panic and I spent hours on the telephone getting details for him. Never was I more relieved than when Jeff called me from Boston to say he was at the hospital and she had just woken from the theatre she'd received. She was in a stable condition herself but very traumatised about her baby.
"Is the baby all right?" I asked feeling a million miles away as Grandmothers do when things like this happen.
"I don't know yet." he replied and I could hear real worry in his voice. "I'm waiting for an update on his condition."
Did he say "his condition?
"Oh dear," I remember thinking; " He's given her another boy."
Lucy wouldn't like that. I remembered her face when she'd held John.
Jeff didn't need to worry about the fact that the tiny little scrap he had fathered was another boy. Lucy was terrified of losing him in those early days and she didn't care about his sex at all. She just wanted her baby to survive. Jeff said she wasn't holding up too well under the strain and I offered to fly out to be with them. Jeff shook his head. I think he had the thought in the back of his mind that there might be a funeral to go to and I'd need to come out for that instead.
Those first days were awful for all of us as Jeff and Lucy waited to see if their little boy would make it and I sat by the telephone waiting for news. The Tracy family counted its' blessings when the respirator was finally taken off little Gordon after three weeks and he began to get stronger.
I felt so useless in Kansas. I should have been in Boston with the family but Jeff insisted I didn't come over until Gordon was released from hospital. He wanted me to see Gordon as I had seen his other little baby boys; not fighting for his life in an incubator. It was over two months after his accidental arrival into the world that he was allowed to come home.
The day finally came when I could meet my new little Grandson. I was most excited after all this time. However, as we sat in the car on the way home from the airport I couldn't help but sense that Jeff was keeping something from me.
"He's a lovely little baby Mom," he said as all doting Fathers say.
" I'm sure he is if you're his Daddy. Who's he like?" I asked as all doting Grandmother's ask.
"Err... none of the others." he said carefully.
"Jeff Tracy you can't tell me he's not at least like one of his brothers. You've got one of each colouring."
"Yeah... well...I'll let you decide who he's like Mom."
Hmmm. What was up?
It wasn't long before we were at the house and my two eldest Grandsons both greeted me wanting to tell me about their new baby brother Gordie. I kissed Scott and gave him his birthday present, hardly believing he was now eight years old. I hugged Virgil and slipped a silver dollar into his hand since it wasn't his birthday. Jeff sent them off to play.
Lucy met me at the front door. She looked tired and stressed. Obviously the strain of Gordon's premature birth had taken its toll on her. Beside her was my third grandson John. As I've told you before, wherever she was, he was.
I hugged her and then little John and she showed me in while Jeff put my cases away.
I couldn't wait to see Gordon and went up the hallway alone to their bedroom for a sneak look. The room was darkened and for a minute I couldn't focus properly. However I was sure I couldn't be seeing him right. Was that red hair on that little head? Red hair? Where in the blazes would a Tracy baby get red hair?
"Well Mother. Who's he like then?" said Jeff from behind me with a huge smile on his face.
"Jeff why didn't you tell me?" I scolded.
"Because Mom, I wanted to see the look on your face when for once you have to honestly admit you don't know something. Now you can't tell me where the hair came from can you?"
I gave him a light-hearted glare.
"No I can't Jeff but I can say it sure is red!"
Jeff laughed. I must admit I have never seen him look happier than he was that day looking at his little red-haired son. I had a sneaking suspicion that he was more than just a little charmed by him and secretly delighted in the accident that had created him.
"You can pick him up if you like Mrs Tracy." Lucy said knowing how desperately I wanted to nurse him. "I have to wake him for his feed in a bit anyway."
I nodded. Jeff had told me she still had to feed him every three hours. According to him, he wasn't feeding very well either and Lucy was becoming anxious.
You didn't have to ask this Grandmother twice to nurse any of her grandsons. I carefully picked him up. He was so tiny and so fragile. Jeff informed me he was four times the size he was two months before. Despite the disturbance he continued to sleep in my arms.
"Sweetie he's a lovely little boy." I said to Lucy as she busily prepared his special formula.
She smiled and held out her arms to take him. I watched her trying to wake him up and when she finally succeeded, the loveliest pair of honey coloured eyes opened to look at her sleepily. She started to feed him. He kept falling asleep as he suckled.
"Baby please wake up and feed for me." she said in a worried voice as she stroked him gently. "Daddy and I need you to grow strong like your big brothers."
Its funny isn't it how the world turns a full circle? I remembered how unhappy she had been about the pregnancy. She hadn't wanted this baby. Now he was everything to her.
The feeding took her an hour. I watched her change him and put him back into his crib.
I saw the worry and anxiety on her face coupled with the exhaustion of mothering four young boys. Poor girl.
However I look at my Grandson's voracious appetite now and laugh to myself as I remember the day he wouldn't feed for her. My laugh is tempered with sadness and loss.
If only Lucy had actually lived to see him grow.
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ACCIDENTALLY MOTHERLESS
At thirteen months old, one would never have known Gordon Tracy had been fighting for his life just over a year before. He was a sturdy little toddler who walked unsteadily about the house getting into everything he could. He looked about for his Daddy and grinned whenever he saw him; he looked about for his brothers and squealed with delight whenever they gave him their attention. He looked about for his mommy.
His mommy was gone.
The saddest thing to accept was the fact that one day Gordon had a mother fussing over him and the next day he didn't. Perfectly healthy to dead is a cruel blow in the game of life, particularly when mothers and babies are involved.
Gordon was too young to understand anything or feel the dreadful pain and loss his older brothers were experiencing. As a result, life continued as normal for him.
I'm sure if he saw Lucy in front of him all hell would have broken loose. It had the night she died. The sad fact was; she wasn't in front of him any more now.
Grandma fed him now. Daddy bathed him now. Scott played with him now. He didn't notice his mommy was gone.
I made a mental note to myself to make sure I talked to Gordon about his mother, as he grew older. I wanted him to feel like he had known her. She had loved her little unplanned baby very much and I wanted him to know that.
As he grew from babyhood, Gordon formed special and different bonds with each of his four brothers. He idolised Scott and naturally Scott who had taken on a parenting role loved him deeply in return. He had a close affinity with Virgil who shared his unique sense of fun. He was particularly close to John and I've always said it was because when he was a baby, John was always next to his Mother and consequently next to him.
However the closest bond he shared was the one with his youngest brother, born only thirteen months after him.
Those two played together, ate together, slept together and went everywhere together. They also got themselves into trouble together. The two of them separated only when it was time for Gordon to start his schooling.
Gordon was an astute little boy. He didn't say much but I noticed over the weeks that followed his first day of school he spent a lot of time staring at people. I remembered Virgil and the staring at the same age and wondered if perhaps Gordon was going to be artistic too.
However Gordon wasn't staring at people to try to remember them. He was trying to work out what a normal family consisted of after one of his classmates had asked him where his mommy was. He knew he had a Daddy and he was at work. He had a Grandma and she was at home looking after the house. He had four brothers who were like him. What did a mommy do?
"I don't have one," he must have said because his friend had informed him "everyone has a mommy."
It began to bother the little five year old that he didn't know where his mommy was.
I have been fortunate or unfortunate as the case may be to "accidentally" overhear quite a few conversations between Gordon and his brothers. This one simply made my heart ache.
Gordon had approached Alan first.
"Alan do you know where our mommy is?" he asked.
"No. Do we have one?" four-year-old Alan asked.
He was every bit as uneducated as Gordon and I went to say something but decided to remain silent. Jeff was the one who needed to explain to these two little boys about their mother, not me.
Gordon then asked John when he came in from school.
"Johnny where's our mommy?"
John at seven had gone all teary and refused to reply. He locked himself in his room and started crying on his bed.
Gordon approached Virgil when he came inside to do his piano practice.
"Virgie where's our mommy?"
Virgil was now ten years old and quite well adjusted to the situation compared to John but he still did not want to talk about it.
"Gordie we don't have a mommy any more."'
"Why not?"
Virgil started to get upset. He brushed past Gordon on his way to the piano.
" 'Cos we don't that's why. Go ask Scott. He'll tell you."
I watched Gordon sigh with frustration. All he wanted to know was whether he had a mommy and where she was so he could tell his friends when they asked him.
He approached Scott.
Scott was thirteen years old and to a five year old seemed like a God. Gordon stood in the doorway looking at him in awe for nearly ten minutes before Scott noticed him.
"What's up with you squirt?" he asked in his half broken voice.
"Scotty can I ask you something?"
Scott sighed and looked annoyed.
"Gordie I'm pretty busy with my Math homework. Can't it wait until later?"
"It doesn't matter. I can ask Daddy. Is he here?"
Scott looked back down at his Math book. "No Dad's at work. What do you want to ask him?"
"Why I don't have a mommy."
I held my breath. Poor Scott. I wondered what he was going to say. Scott closed the Math book and tried to explain without saying too much.
"Gordie we all had a mommy once but she died when you were little." he said carefully.
"What did she die for?" he asked innocently.
"She just did Gordie." replied Scott tightly. "Now don't ask about her anymore all right?"
"Does Daddy know why?"
Scott stood up and said in a worried voice
"Gordon you can't ask Dad about her OK? Dad doesn't like talking about it and he'll get mad at you. Promise me you won't ask him."
Gordon nodded. Scott was his idol. If he said he wasn't to ask his Father, then he wouldn't.
However his inquisitiveness grew to the point where he forgot his promise to Scott.
It didn't help that Gordon, unlike his four brothers, was not the least bit in awe of his father at all. He never guarded his tongue where Jeff was concerned.
"Daddy." he began suddenly over dinner one night. "Why did mommy die?"
Jeff instantly looked annoyed. "Who's been speaking to you about that?" he snapped.
Gordon's fearless little eyes looked into his Father's.
"I'm the only one in my class at school who doesn't have a mommy. Scott said my mommy died. Is that right Daddy?" he replied.
Jeff resumed eating after glaring at poor Scott. He brushed aside the question with,
"Yes that's right. She did. Now eat your Dinner."
Hardly the answer his inquisitive little mind was seeking but it was the best he would get out of his Father who simply refused to talk about it.
Naturally the responsibility was going to end up with me. He'd tried his brothers; he'd tried his Father. I knew I was next. I readied myself for the question.
It came one afternoon when I was tidying the bedrooms. I was in the room that he and Alan shared. Alan was asleep on his bed and little Gordon was quietly reading a book. I smiled at him as I moved the myriad of toy cars from the dresser to make room for the clothing I had folded earlier.
"Grandma." he said closing the book. "Do you remember my mommy?"
"Yes child I do." I said.
"Why did she die?"
"Err... "I stammered. "God called her to heaven."
"I wish she was still here." he said as if yearning for something he didn't quite properly realise he'd lost.
"I wish she was too sweetie." I said and meant it.
"Do mommies love you like Grandmas do?"
I tousled his red hair with my fingers. I truly doubted that Lucy could have loved this sweet little boy any more than I did. However, true to her memory I forced myself to say,
"Mommies love you more than Grandmas do sweetie."
"If mommies love you more why do they die and go away?"
"Because God wants the special ones to be in heaven with him. God decided to take your mommy away sweetie."
"Can God take Grandmas away too?"
"No God can't. God wouldn't have the nerve to take Grandma away." I said in a determined voice. I dared God to take me on with that statement. I shouldn't have to be having this conversation with this little boy. God should have left his mother here on this earth.
"Grandma. Was my mommy pretty like you?"
Tears pricked my eyelids. This child didn't even know that. How could he? He'd only been a baby back then and his Daddy wouldn't talk to him about her.
I took his little hand and led him down the hall. I opened the door to Jeff's bedroom and motioned him inside. He hesitated at the door. He was not allowed in his Father's room and he knew it.
"I want to show you something." I said softly. "But you can't tell Daddy I showed you."
His honey brown eyes lit up.
"OK Grandma I won't tell."
I went to Jeff's sideboard and picked up the photograph of Lucy. I showed it to her fourth son.
"This is your mommy." I said holding out the frame. "You see? She was much prettier than Grandma."
"She's beautiful" he breathed as if viewing a goddess. "She looks like Virgie." he added as he looked at the photo and then at me.
"Yes Virgil and your mommy are very similar." I agreed.
All of a sudden it struck me, as I looked at the photograph and then at Gordon, how similar he was to her too in his own way. He had her mischievous tilt of the chin, the same lively smile and the same determined jaw line.
He looked at the photograph for quite some time. Finally his little red head nodded as if he had been having some sort of internal conversation.
"Mommy is with God." he said aloud. "But she just said she wants me to go and be with her."
"Child, don't be saying that now." I had said uneasily.
Despite my anger at God, I still believed in his warnings.
Warning Number One.
I didn't think much of it after that, as he was only a little boy. However it had been the first of several warnings Gordon gave us. Warnings of what nearly came to pass.
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ACCIDENTALLY FAMOUS IN THE WATER
As Gordon moved closer to his tenth birthday his PE teacher accidentally stumbled on the fact that he was quite a talented swimmer. Gordon had been asked to substitute for a young boy in the swimming team who had fallen ill and Gordon had surprised them all by winning the race. As a result of it, I remember getting a note home asking if Gordon could stay back after class in the afternoons to train with the older children.
We had always known that Gordon loved the water and was the strongest swimmer of all Jeff's boys so it came as no surprise that he could win a swimming race. Jeff frowned a bit but agreed that when we returned from vacation Gordon could train.
Gordon loved the family vacations to the beach and he enjoyed that vacation very much. While his younger brother collected seashells, John read books on the sand and Virgil and Scott collected beach "babes," Gordon busied himself with swimming, snorkelling and surfing for best part of each day. He always took the evening walk along the beach with his Father and I, his red hair lifting in the night breeze as he looked out over the sea.
"It's so big and mysterious Dad," he would say in awe. "And there's so much under it. There are treasures, marine life and sunken ships. I wish I knew how to dive. I want to learn how to do that one day. Can I Dad?"
Jeff looked across at me on those walks and shrugged. I shrugged too. How could a little boy from Boston with a Father who pioneered in space fall in love with the sea as completely as he seemed to have?
Still, none of the five Tracy sons were what I'd term ordinary and young Gordon was no exception.
"When you're around sixteen I'll let you dive Gordon." his Father promised. "You'll be old enough to handle yourself then."
We returned from vacation and true to his other promise Jeff permitted Gordon to train with the swimming team.
However, the change in routine brought about by the training was inconvenient.
Gordon could no longer get the school bus with his brothers and he required picking up on the other side of Boston. I offered to do it knowing how busy Jeff was with the business, despite it taking me several hours to get there and back. That little red-haired boy had broken several school records I'd been told and if he had a talent, it deserved to be nurtured. It also seemed to make him happy and I can tell you I'd rather have him happy in the water than happy playing his practical jokes. Those jokes are a whole story unto themselves.
After a few more weeks of training Gordon broke the National swimming record for boys under sixteen years of age. He did it effortlessly and during a simple training session. I remember the youngster getting in the car and telling me about it in the same way he would tell me he had worn a hole in his pants.
His famous words were always, "By the way Grandma…"
That particular day he said, "Can we have steak for dinner tonight? I'm starving from training so hard next to the older guys. Boy I sure am hungry right now. By the way Grandma, the Coach said I broke a National record today."
All of a sudden Gordon was a young celebrity and his Father was none too happy about all the attention, having been through the same ordeal himself with the moon landing. Gordon was asked to train in the mornings as well and travel to swim meets on weekends. All of it took time and to his Father whose time was extremely precious, it was a right royal pain. Despite how he felt about it Jeff suffered in silence. He drove Gordon in the morning; I drove him in the afternoon.
Jeff kept telling me that Gordon's life needed a balance. I always laughed at this philosophy, particularly when it came from him...the workaholic with no balance in his life whatsoever. He wanted Gordon to be a normal child despite his talent. He put his foot down with all the training and cut it back to just afternoons. The swim meets were allowed less frequently. This ended up having the completely opposite effect to what he had intended.
Gordon continued to break National records anyway and when he did swim in meets, everyone noticed him.
Four years later at fourteen he won his first Adult Championship race. He was now being watched seriously. His future as an Olympic Champion was being touted. Jeff was becoming uneasy. He felt Gordon was far too young for things like that. I managed to convince him that what was destined to be should be.
"His mother wouldn't have liked it one little bit." he grumbled.
I looked at him and promptly reminded him that knowing Lucy, she would have probably been lobbying the Olympic Committee to select him.
At sixteen he was selected for the Olympic team and won a gold medal for the United States of America. Despite his pride in his son, Jeff's foot now well and truly came down. His son needed more in his life than simply spending it in the pool swimming up and down. Gordon's swimming career ended and his Father now permitted him to learn to dive. Exploring under the sea changed Gordon's life.
Naturally I've skipped around a bit because it's hard for me to tell you about Gordon's stages of life as they all centred around water. I feel better I've got the swimming achievements out of the way because I now want to tell you about the real larrikin that lies inside my grandson Gordon.
Gordon Tracy the practical joker.
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ACCIDENTAL HAPPENINGS
As I've told you already, Gordon and that youngest brother of his were a pigeon pair but there is always one that is the ringleader when trouble is brewing. You guessed it; the ringleader in this case had red hair, honey brown eyes and a look of innocence that would stop anyone in their tracks and not suspect him.
Except me. I knew what was going on.
Gordon had a terrific sense of humour inherited from his mother which dare I say manifested itself in the most dire way possible with his never-ending array of practical jokes. No-one in the house was exempt from them and that included his Father, his brothers and of course, me.
Now I've got a pretty good sense of fun for a Grandma but sometimes Gordon's practical jokes cut a little too close to my southern temper and made the palm of my hand itch.
At seven he sat angelically opposite me in the kitchen when my chocolate cake didn't rise in the oven. "That's too bad Grandma." he said as I viewed the disaster it had become. Too bad all right. Who changed the labels on the flour containers?
"It must have been an accident," he pleaded when his giggling with Alan gave him away.
At ten he sat out in the garden with the whole family and quite a few of Jeff's business associates enjoying a business-related Christmas party. All of a sudden the whole party erupted into chaos as the sprinkling system inadvertently came on full blast. The food was saturated, the associates were saturated, and his Father's brand new suit was saturated. Several major contracts were saturated. Who put the timer on for the middle of the party?
"It must have been an accident Dad" Gordon said trying not to laugh. I was sure I set it for tomorrow. Gee I'm sorry about the suit Sir."
At thirteen the pranks became more elaborate. Clothing tampered with so that it gave way at the most inappropriate times. He must have figured that one move the wrong way would send a piece of elastic into a spiral. I still recall losing my petticoat standing in the line at the market. One minute I was decent bending over unpacking my purchases, the next my petticoat was down around my ankles with him howling with laughter behind me . A brand new petticoat! Closer observation showed it had been tampered with.
"I'm innocent Grandma" he said looking at me with those big honey brown eyes of his.
" You should take that petticoat back to the store and ask for a refund. I would!"
Sure I should young man! So why are you still smirking like that when you think I'm not watching you?
No one escaped Gordon.
Scott enjoyed entertaining his girl friend after school but ended up serving her crackers and cat-food instead of the fresh salmon topping I'd prepared. The worst part was they both enjoyed it. Scott later got the message when he found the empty tin on his bed with a typed note, "Hope you and Adelaide enjoyed it". Scott didn't eat for days. Needless to say Gordon avoided him for the same length of time.
Virgil's musical pieces, so carefully planned and written to the last semi-brieve didn't seem to play quite right when he sat at the piano to play them. Virgil thought he was losing it until he suspected the music had been altered and not by his own hand.
"I dunno anything about music." Gordon pleaded. "You must have done it yourself." As Virgil walked away starting to believe it was his own fault, the honey brown eyes would gleam and he would comment.
"By the way Virg, that music really sounds terrible. You're losing your touch man."
John's astronomy notes for a speech he had to give in Junior High were accidentally replaced with a picture of a star and the nursery rhyme of the same name. John discovered the mix-up only as he opened the notes to speak in front of the whole student body. Gordon was in the audience at the time and rolled about with hilarity at John's discomfort and extreme embarrassment. His excuse?
"I must have accidentally put my art assignment in there Johnny! Sorry. Guess your astronomy notes won't get me an A in art huh?"
He even tried it on his youngest brother who was supposed to be his ally. That one was less than two years ago. Alan had been unpacking the purchases from a shopping trip he and Tin-Tin had been on together during their college vacation. It had been about the time we all suspected something was going on between them. A box of condoms fell out of the bag in front of his Father.
I don't know who went redder, Alan, Tin-Tin, his Father or me.
"They're not mine Dad. Honest Sir, I didn't buy them. I didn't. Please believe me." Alan kept saying to his Father and Tin-Tin over and over again.
Where was Gordon? Innocently sitting up the other end of the room, his insides shaking with laughter at his brother's embarrassment.
Don't you worry Gordon Tracy. I was on to you, and by the look your brother gave you that day, so was he!
Despite all the "misery" his jokes caused us, we loved our practical joker with all our hearts. Jeff had gotten himself to the stage where he merely shook his head in despair at news of yet another suspension from school for his pranks.If Gordon wasn't playing a prank he was copping a caning for his last one and Jeff's bedroom became the revolving door for that red-haired young man.
But Jeff frightened me one night by telling me a comment Gordon made to him when he was in his room receiving a lecture on his antics.
"Mother, it was eerie. I said to him if he kept clowning around he wouldn't make it to Adulthood. He looked at his Mother's picture and then he said " that's what she says too."
Warning Number Two.
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ACCIDENTALLY EXPERIENCED
Now I told you I've heard a few conversations between my grandsons over time but nothing prepared me for the one I heard between my Grandson Gordon and my Grandson Alan the day after the USA Swimming Championship.
Jeff had accompanied Gordon to and from the Championship where I soon discovered he had gotten more than a gold medal for his efforts there.
After telling me about Gordon's easy win and now sure selection in the National Team, Jeff had gone to wash up for supper. While he was busy doing that I decided to take a walk down the back garden to pull a little bit of mint for the sauce I was making. As I wandered about with the mint in my hand, I heard Alan's newly deepened voice exclaim.
"You're kidding me! Tell me everything Gordo!"
Tell him what I wondered? It must be good whatever it was by the enthusiasm in Alan's voice. And it must be either illegal, immoral or something the two of them didn't want anyone to hear as they were sat behind the retaining wall in the corner of the garden as far away from the house as they could get. So naturally I listened to the story. It appeared Grandson Number four at sixteen years of age was now a man.
"You did it in the women's shower?" I heard Alan exclaim like Gordon was some sort of National lovemaking hero instead of a National Swimming Champion.
"Yep. It was a dare to start with. Mark, you know the captain of the team, he dared me to go in there to catch a look at the talent. You ought to know no one dares me to do anything Alan so I went inside. The eight free stylers had just gone in."
"Uh huh!' enthused Alan. "What were they like?"
"Oh yeah nice to look at Al. Butt naked as the day they were born."
"Well?" Alan asked impatiently. "Details?"
"I told you. Butt naked."
"Not the back view Gordo." Alan sighed. "You know what I mean."
"Front naked." Gordon joked sensing Alan's urgency for the information. "And very easy on my eyes."
"So who'd you do it with?" Alan asked. "And don't tell me the whole eight of 'em."
"I wish!" Gordon replied. "Nope I'm not telling you Alan. You're too young."
"Why? You have to tell me. I'm your brother and I'm nearly as old as you." whined Alan in that annoying tone he used when he wanted his own way.
Now there's an interpretation of brotherly love for you I thought to myself. However I was too shocked to be amused at that point in time.
"All right I can tell you about it but I'm not telling you who with. Deal?"
"Deal!"
Well all the sordid details were revealed to this stunned pair of ears from when she'd seen him there, invited him to remove his racers, invited him to shower with her, and quite frankly invited him in. The last bit left me wishing I hadn't listened at all.
"She was really twenty-one Gordo? Wow! Way to go." Alan enthused. "That's worth three our age."
"Oh yeah Alan." he had sighed. "I'm tellin' ya. We've got a lot to look forward to man."
Twenty-one and seducing a poor innocent young sixteen year old like my Grandson Gordon? Disgraceful!
What I wanted to know was where Jeff was when all this was going on? I would have thought by the time the fourth one had reached sixteen he'd anticipate what he was going to get up to and not leave him alone for a second.
However as we ate our supper, Jeff appeared quite unaware of his son's experience.
I, on the other hand, banged my cutlery around a little louder than usual and snapped when Jeff pointed out that I had forgotten to make the mint sauce for him.
"Didn't you go have time to down the back Mother?" he asked looking surprised at my unexpected outburst.
"I went down the back all right." I said fixing my eyes on that red-haired rascal opposite me. "I got waylaid in the garden. It's not as if I'm twenty-one any more Jeff." I said deliberately with particular emphasis on the "twenty-one".
Gordon's face gave me the acknowledgement I expected.
I knew he knew I knew.
Jeff merely looked confused. "What Mom?"
Poor Jeff. If only he really knew what those boys of his got up to sometimes.
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ACCIDENTALLY KILLED
I hate having to tell sad tales and this next one is right up there with them.
I often blame myself in a way for not supporting Jeff back then in this one. If I had I don't think our young redhead would have followed the course he did. He certainly wouldn't have suffered the injuries he did. He wouldn't have ruined his happiness as he did. He wouldn't have lost his little girl as he did.
As you know, our young Gordon loved the water and loved the sea. He was now a qualified Diver and could drive a speedboat better than his Father and all of his brothers put together. He could swim like a fish, water-ski like a Champion, and identify any form of marine life into the bargain.
Fresh out of High School our young Gordon wanted to join the World Aquanaut Security Patrol. He'd met up with a pretty young girl in High School who planned to follow the same career path and he was keen to enlist.
Actually I think he wanted to "enlist" with her myself and by the look of things between them he already had! I didn't say anything. He was almost eighteen. She was nineteen and a half. Old enough for Grandmas to stay silent on what should and shouldn't be going on in a young man's life.
He was still a rascal; still a prankster; but Gordon Tracy was starting to grow up and had some very definite ideas on where he wanted his life to take him. Funny, I once had a young son under my own roof that was like that although he seemed to forget the fact sometimes when he dealt with his sons.
I knew Jeff wasn't too pleased about his son wanting to join "the others"; a term he used unflatteringly for other areas of the services, particularly when he had been encouraging Gordon to join the Air Force. After all Scott was excelling in Nevada, Virgil was now piloting commercial craft and John was turning heads in NASA. It stood to reason that Gordon would follow his brothers.
When Jeff announced to him that he had secured a place for him in his old Air Force Academy, Gordon had looked at his Father like he had two heads. What would he join the Air Force for? His whole life had revolved around water. The woman he was infatuated with had already signed up with WASP. He had no intention of being a pilot.
I remember that altercation with his Father very clearly. It was not one of the better moments this Father and son shared but you have to understand two things. Gordon Tracy had never been afraid of his Father even as a little boy and he had the same determined jaw line and stubbornness as his Mother.
It was a recipe for a showdown.
"I don't want to go t College and I sure don't want to fly planes Dad. I only want to enlist in WASP," he said simply but distinctly. "WASP is my calling and that's where I want to be."
"I can't say I remember anyone in WASP ever making headlines for anything." Jeff said sarcastically. "And as for the calling, I think it's the skirt that's calling you, not the career."
"Yeah well if you'd stayed in the Air Force you probably would never had made the headlines either Dad. It's the same thing." Gordon said with a directness that reminded me of the Father he was confronting.
"And as for Jezz... that's her name Dad not "the skirt"...she's got nothing to do with this." he warned.
"Gordon, I didn't stay in the Air Force did I? Jeff challenged choosing to ignore the comment about young Jezz. "I got myself promoted and got myself known by having skills. Learning skills at the Academy. Skills that got me into NASA."
"I'll develop skills Dad. Skills they'll need in the WASP outfit. I'll get myself promoted Dad. You'll see."
"I walked on the moon because of the Air Force Gordon. You'd be better served listening to me. "
Gordon walked out on his Father after stunning him into silence with,
"You might have walked on the moon Dad but you're still up there if you think I want to."
Oh dear. It had to be the red hair! His other brothers would never have dared speak to their Father like that, especially fresh out of High School.
Gordon went off defiantly to be with his little girl in WASP and unfortunately for Jeff but fortunately for Gordon, he was exactly the type of recruit the Patrol had been waiting for.
Within eighteen he had been fast-tracked through the ranks to Lieutenant. The young man who had no fear, could swim like a fish, dive, drive a speedboat, ski and snorkel was proving to be every bit of the achiever his Father had been. He loved it. He excelled in it. Sorry Jeff, I had to be proud of him and deep down I'm sure you were too.
His Father reluctantly acknowledged he seemed to be making his way in the world and their rift healed to now only be "an absence of presence."
Gordon rarely visited the island after their argument even though he rang his Father regularly. He knew his Father disapproved of WASP and didn't like to "rock the boat." by visiting too often.
I hated not seeing him...his cheeky young face...his honey brown eyes... his signature red hair.
However as only a Grandmother can be, I was particularly interested in how his life outside WASP was progressing. I knew he had entered WASP because of the little girl and I also knew the two of them were more than just close.
According to my youngest grandson I was right.
"Jezz is gorgeous Grandma." Alan enthused as we talked. "She's got blonde hair and green eyes. She's super smart and really pretty and I can tell you Gordon thinks she's it. He loves her Grandma almost as much as I love..."
Oh yes I thought interested. What was he going to say then? However his words had me interested in what appeared to be a close relationship between Gordon and this young lady.
"Really Alan?" I asked. "Are they really that close?"
"He's been with her exclusively for three years Grandma. He said to me "She's the one."
I thought to myself, reminiscing about another young man who lived under my roof who once said, "Mom she's the one." and again seemed to have conveniently forgotten about it.
I only met Jezz once face to face. She was a sweet, fun-loving little girl with the same adventurous and cheeky nature as Gordon. What a pair these two made with their senses of humour. I even started to think of the Tracy babies these two would produce. God help my petticoat then! I'd have to die before the great-grandchildren killed me with their antics!
The day we met, I spoke with Jezz about her life in WASP. She admitted she had not progressed in WASP as fast as my Grandson had but she told me she didn't mind being "under him."
The two of them gave each other a naughty glance much like another glance I once saw my son give Lucy Evans in the house in Boston the night I caught them together when Gordon was small. Whilst everything else might be going on me, my recognition of innuendo wasn't.
"I like you being under me too baby." he had said mischievously right in front of his dear old Grandma.
"Gordon Tracy I heard that!" I scolded.
"Grandma! You should be ashamed of yourself! I was talking about Jezz being under my command in the squadron. I'm still an innocent little boy!"
Then he turned and kissed her neck and playfully unzipped her dress.
What did you say to me Gordon Tracy? Innocent? I believe I heard you say the following words to your youngest brother a few years back.
"Oh yeah. We've got a lot to look forward to man."
Yes, that young man did have a lot to look forward to but nothing chilled my soul more than hearing that little girl's words the week before the accident as the two of them joked about in the kitchen of our island home.
"The day you ever think I'm under anything but your command Gordon Tracy, you'll be dead."
Warning Number 3. The direst warning of all.
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Twenty-one years ago I had spoken to my son on the telephone. It had been Valentine's Day. He had flown faster than he ever had before to the hospital in Boston. His wife had just given birth to their fourth son. The baby was two months early. I had felt a million miles away as Grandmas do when this sort of thing happens. I asked in fear how the baby was. He had said,
"I don't know yet." and I could hear real worry in his voice. "I'm waiting for an update on his condition."
Twenty-one years on, I spoke with my son on the telephone. It wasn't Valentine's Day but he had flown faster than he ever had before to the military hospital on the other side of America. His fourth son had been involved in a hydrofoil accident. He had been driving the hydrofoil. People had been killed. His Commander. Two others. Gordon was in theatre, his injuries horrific. Two others were critical and not expected to survive. I had felt a million miles away as Grandmas do when this sort of thing happens. I asked in fear how my grandson was. He had said.
"I don't know yet." I could hear more than just real worry in his voice. "I'm waiting for an update on his condition."
Twenty-one years ago Jeff and Lucy waited to see if their little boy would make it and I sat by the telephone waiting for news. They waited over a week.
Twenty-one years on Jeff sat alone and waited to see if his little boy would make it and I sat by the telephone waiting for news. He had waited nearly a week and had not left his son's side.
Twenty-one years ago I had felt so useless in Kansas. I should have been in Boston with the family but Jeff insisted I didn't come over until Gordon was released from hospital. He wanted me to see Gordon as I had seen his other little baby boys; not fighting for his life in an incubator.
Twenty-one years on I had felt so useless on Tracy Island. I should have been in that military hospital with the family but Jeff insisted I didn't come over. He didn't want me to see Gordon fighting for his life on a respirator.
Twenty-one years ago I think he had the thought in the back of his mind that there might be a funeral to go to and I'd need to come out for that instead.
Twenty-one years on I think he had the thought in the back of his mind that there would be a funeral to go to. His son's.
Finally the news.
Twenty-one years ago Gordon Tracy had come home from the hospital to join his brothers after a long two-month battle to survive.
Twenty-one years on the Doctors gently told Jeff to gather his other sons by his side. Despite hours of theatre and days of intensive care, the damage appeared too great.
Gordon Cooper Tracy wasn't going to survive.
I'm a tough old stick from the south and I can take a lot of pain in my heart and suffering in my soul but when Jeff contacted me to tell me he needed me to be ready when the private jet arrived, I broke down. I broke down like a child.
This couldn't be happening, not again. God couldn't do this to Jeff again.
He had taken away that beautiful little girl of Jeff's and now he wanted to take his son too. The red-haired son. The one with Lucy's soul and sense of fun. The one who didn't fear his Father and wanted to be different.
Kyrano tried to comfort me as I waited for the plane but I knew.
God had warned me.
Warned me three times that Gordon would go to his mother.
I knew Gordon Tracy was about to die.
I remember getting to the hospital trying to hold myself together. I had to for Jeff's sake. I was taken to the intensive care unit where he was. I was shown inside.
Before me was my family. My son. My grandsons. I knew she was here too. She would be here in this room too; ready to take her son.
Jeff sobbed with heartbreak, his body hunched in the same defeated way when he had lost Lucy. He said over and over again. "Please don't take him. Not my son. I'll give up everything. All of it. Just let me keep my son."
Scott, straight from Nevada, still in his Air Force uniform stood pale and devastated, silent tears running down his cheeks. He rested his hand on his Father's shoulder but that hand shook with fear.
Virgil sat looking at the bed where Gordon lay, crying as if his heart would break. He had flown himself from Denver to be by his brother's side..
John, hurriedly flown from NASA stood by his Father. Never close to his father but close now. Close as he prepared himself to lose the brother he had sat with for months so they could share their mother. John looked at me and broke down. Broke down utterly.
Alan, the worst sight of all, sobbing on the bed where his brother lay. Newly arrived from College in Colorado, blinded by tears, shaking with emotion, never experiencing the pain of loss before and about to lose his favourite brother.
His Father and brothers had experienced the pain. I had experienced the pain.
My youngest grandson hadn't and in his grief said what all of us were thinking.
"There can't be a God if this is what he does to our family."
Jeff saw me. He reached out his hand blindly to me. I took it and squeezed it as hard as I could.
"Mom. It's happening again. What have I done to anyone for this to happen? Gordon can't die. He's my son. Mom!"
He burst into tears and sobbed in my arms like a baby. Scott swallowed and started crying too.
The Doctor came in to speak with us. We were told Gordon's head injuries had left him in the coma and it was now likely he wasn't going to come out of it. His spine and ribs were shattered and had been repaired as best they could although he probably wouldn't walk again. Both of his legs were broken and they had done the best they could with them for the time being. They would be re-setting them if he lived but that was unlikely. .
"I don't care if he never walks again, I just want him to survive." his Father wept.
The Doctor looked at Jeff with sympathy and then told us that Gordon was now the only survivor of the crash. Everyone else had died.
I followed the Doctor quietly out of the room and asked if a little girl had been on the boat. A little girl named Jezz. He nodded grimly.
"Miss Jezzica Parker passed away some hours ago ma'am. Her body has been released to her family."
The final blow. He'd lost his little girl.
I knew right there and then I would never see his honey brown eyes open again to look at Grandma, never see the cheeky smile again he gave to Grandma, never be on the receiving end of a prank he played again on Grandma. His little Jezz had gone to be with his mother. He had told me his mother wanted him to go to heaven. I knew if Gordon could now choose, he would go to be with the girl he loved and the mother who had been calling him home.
Silent tears rolled down my face.
God had warned me. Three times. I blamed God for everything. I had dared God to cross me. Now God was. For the first time in twenty-five years I said a prayer to God.
"Please don't take my Grandson away. If you are really up there please don't take my Grandson."
As I prayed silently in the corridor, the Doctors rushed into the room. Gordon's heart monitor had stopped. His Father was pushed aside as he was pushed aside when he lost his wife. His brothers stood horrified in the corner. Gordon stopped breathing. His chest stopped moving. He was now clinically dead.
Alan broke down. Scott left the room devastated. John and Virgil turned away and wept in each other's arms.
Jeff collapsed with grief.
I kept right on praying trying to change the course of this dreadful moment. The Doctor's hadn't given up on him so I wasn't going to stop praying.
"Don't take my Grandson away. Don't take my Grandson away."
God didn't take him.
The Doctors stabilised him and got his heart started again. His brothers and I breathed a sigh of relief. His Father looked up to heaven.
"Lucy please. Please let him stay with me."
The power of prayer.
The power of belief.
I was a converted old lady after that day and I swore I'd read my bible every day for the rest of my life now. And do you know what? I actually do and when I do I thank God for my Grandson's life.
God had listened. God had let him stay with his Father.
It was two months before Gordon came out of the coma and started his long rehabilitation.
He couldn't remember the accident, only the speed of the boat and the love of the water he was feeling at the time. He asked about the others on the boat. His Father gently told him that they had died. He looked at me with his honey brown eyes and whispered.
"Jezz too?"
I nodded silently and watched the tears fall unchecked from the sides of his devastated eyes.
"I loved her Grandma." he cried. "I wanted to marry her."
I held his hand trying to comfort him as I whispered.
"I know sweetie. I know."
He told me many months later of his experience with his Mother when he had lain clinically dead. He told me he had gone into her arms but she had looked at him disappointed. She had told him he wasn't ready to be with her yet not like Jezz was. His father and the world still needed him for something. She had told him to tell his Father she loved him and his brothers that she missed them. She told him she would continue to watch over him until it was his time. Then he could come back. Back to be with Jezz.
To this day every time Gordon Tracy looks at that photograph of his Mother or goes out on a dangerous rescue, I worry if that time might have come.
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ACCIDENTALLY THE AQUANAUT
After the accident, Gordon took a long time to recover. He was discharged from WASP a broken young man. Broken in body, broken in spirit, broken in heart.
He underwent extensive therapy and learned to deal with his pain with the help of his brothers. Scott spoke to him about the accident, assuring him it wasn't his fault even though many of the Authorities still speculated he had been speeding at the time. Virgil and John joked about with him during their daily telephone calls. I spoke to him about little Jezz and went with him to her grave. I held him as he cried.
His brother Alan never left his side. He went to every therapy session he could and anxiously sat through it. He tried to laugh and joke with the brother he held so dear and when that brother didn't respond because of his depression, Alan refused to give up.
Alan knew how much Gordon had loved Jezz. He shouldered the tears I couldn't. The two of them grew even closer together.
His Father anxiously supervised his recovery. He sat beside his bed at the expense of his business, and at the expense of the rescue organisation he was creating. He made sure Gordon took his medication and did his exercises. I often found Jeff asleep in the chair next to Gordon's bed in the evenings and sometimes in his hand he would be holding a small picture of Lucy holding Gordon as a baby only two months before she died. A picture none of us had ever seen and never would if Jeff was given the chance. The picture was one that never ceased to give him pain. His cheeky red haired baby son and his beautiful English wife, seven months pregnant again with his brother... both of them smiling...both of them with so much to live for. Her life.... unbeknown to them all about to end... and leave her little red head baby alone.
As I read my bible, Jeff would look at the picture and thank Lucy for giving Gordon back to him.
Eventually Gordon walked properly again although the pain he felt was debilitating.
Eventually Gordon started trying to swim again. He looked at his Olympic gold medal and made himself train although the pain he felt often brought him to tears..
Eventually Gordon started diving again although the pain he felt at pressure was unbearable.
Eventually Gordon started laughing and joking again although the pain he felt in his heart was beyond unbearable. He hid behind a jovial mask that fooled no-one. Least of all his brother Alan and myself.
Eventually the Doctors said he had recovered but Gordon didn't tell the Doctor everything. The pain he felt was still enormous. Manageable but enormous.
When International Rescue was born, his Father asked to speak to him.
He offered him the job as his Aquanaut.
"I'm broken down Dad." he said. "You're taking a chance with me."
"I've been taking chances with you my whole life." his Father said honestly. "You've never let this family down. You'll get stronger. You have a Tracy heart son. The job's yours."
His face filled with gratitude as he accepted.
Now our little premature baby, our Olympic Champion embarks on rescue missions under the sea in Thunderbird Four. He's saved many lives in the water. He can swim like a fish again; he can dive again; he can snorkel and water-ski. There's only one difference now.
It still hurts sometimes.
He's learned to cope with it and disguises it.
His Father has still never asked him to fly despite the need in International Rescue.
I think Jeff has finally accepted that Gordon never ever wanted to fly.
He only ever wanted to be in the water and be with his little girl.
One day you will be back with her my honey-eyed grandson but not too soon.
I want you here with me.
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Author's Note...What a wonderful character.
NEXT CHAPTER - THE WILD-CHILD
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CHAPTER 5 - THE AQUANAUT
Well it's five thirty in the morning and it's my birthday. Yep - I'm seventy-five years old now. I guess I should be depressed but living here makes that hard.
It will soon be time to put on the morning coffee that Scott and I share before the sun rises each day. Scott sleeps less than I do and morning coffee on the balcony is a welcome ritual I share with him! It's time I got up and out of bed.
As I dress in the darkness I look out my window at the sea. Despite the fact that there are no lights for thousands of miles around us, it shimmers against the darkness of the night. I look out across the dark blanket of water and marvel at the calmness that prevails. Calmness that is ever present on Tracy Island.
I see a dark figure on the beach. I nod as I recognise him and acknowledge that this young man never misses a morning.
Gordon Tracy; Jeff's second youngest son; International Rescue's Aquanaut.
He's been awake every morning at dawn for years. He swims in the sea or trains in the pool as part of his daily routine. Above everything in his life, he loves the sea. It mesmerises him. It's as much a part of him as his signature red hair.
He walks across the sand carrying a surfboard under his arm. It looks like he's chosen the sea this morning. I won't see him until at least eight o'clock then. He'll swim out to the point, he'll surf the heavy swell on the other side of the island, sit alone on the beach there and then swim back. When he's through he'll walk sand all through the kitchen, grin at me, kiss the top of my head and ask what's on for breakfast. I will tousle that red hair of his and admonish him about the sand. He will just kiss me again. I love that young man and I know how much he loves me.
I see him stretching his shoulders in preparation to swim and say it again. He loves the sea. I now see him grimace and hold his back for a few moments.
He's obviously having trouble this morning.
I watch him sit on the beach for a while. He's debating whether he is up to going.
You see; my grandson Gordon may love the sea but the sea almost ended his life not so long ago. Emotionally, it almost ended the Tracy family. Dealing with Jeff as a devastated young widower was one thing but dealing with him as a Father about to lose his son was another and as for his brothers...
Like I said, emotionally, it nearly ended us all.
We are just so lucky to still have him. He says his Mother sent him back to us when he didn't want to return. He wanted to stay with the others who had died including his special little girl.
As the first light of day begins to fall over Tracy Island I see him stand up and stretch again. This time his well-developed shoulders and back appear to be holding up all right but he is in pain. I know he is in pain by how he bends to pick up the surfboard.
He enters the water regardless and becomes one with the sea as his wetsuit merges with the blackness. He has gone.
Only two people can detect if Gordon Tracy feels pain these days.
I am one of them.
His brother Alan is the other.
I am here. Alan is not. However he will be later tonight I remind myself. When he "surprises" me by coming home from Thunderbird Five for my birthday. The two of us help Gordon over his rough days and I am glad that Alan will be returning this evening.
It looks like today might be one of those days and Gordon will need his brother.
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ACCIDENTALLY BORN
Gordon Cooper Tracy's whole life story seems to have been a series of accidents.
As I've already told you the fourth son of Jeff and Lucille Tracy was found to be on the way as a result of a timing accident. I can understand how both his mother and father would have felt I suppose. They thought they had completed their family eighteen months before. Their three little boys, one dark, one chestnut and one blonde kept them both on their toes, and Jeff's Aerospace business was becoming bigger. He also had plans for further expansion. They were an extremely busy young couple.
Neither of them was prepared for the shock when a missed month and "stomach bug" turned out to be seven months worth of pregnancy. Lucy was furious with herself. After her first accident with Scott before they were married, she had been very careful. She'd had her two other babies exactly when she wanted them and quite frankly she didn't want any more now.
Jeff was pretty good about it though, too good I think. I somehow sensed he felt it was a bit of poetic justice that he'd managed to get one up on Lucy for a change even if it did mean his life plans would need to alter a little. He didn't want any more babies either but they were going to have another one and that was that.
My view? Accidents happen. You have to learn to live with them and the consequences. I was to say this many times over my years raising Gordon.
Well, as I said earlier, Lucy ended up with only seven months, not nine months of pregnancy. Our little Gordon was now involved in his second accident; the accident of his premature birth into the world.
It was Valentine's Day. I wasn't around at the time, and neither was Jeff. I was on the farm in Kansas; Jeff was at a business conference in New York. We'd both planned to be in Boston in April when the baby was due of course but accidents happen.
Lucy went through the whole thing herself from falling very badly at the shopping centre, being admitted to hospital, being told her little unplanned baby was in trouble, consenting to the Caesarean section, and undergoing theatre.
Jeff and I of course did all the worrying for her. He flew himself back from New York in absolute panic and I spent hours on the telephone getting details for him. Never was I more relieved than when Jeff called me from Boston to say he was at the hospital and she had just woken from the theatre she'd received. She was in a stable condition herself but very traumatised about her baby.
"Is the baby all right?" I asked feeling a million miles away as Grandmothers do when things like this happen.
"I don't know yet." he replied and I could hear real worry in his voice. "I'm waiting for an update on his condition."
Did he say "his condition?
"Oh dear," I remember thinking; " He's given her another boy."
Lucy wouldn't like that. I remembered her face when she'd held John.
Jeff didn't need to worry about the fact that the tiny little scrap he had fathered was another boy. Lucy was terrified of losing him in those early days and she didn't care about his sex at all. She just wanted her baby to survive. Jeff said she wasn't holding up too well under the strain and I offered to fly out to be with them. Jeff shook his head. I think he had the thought in the back of his mind that there might be a funeral to go to and I'd need to come out for that instead.
Those first days were awful for all of us as Jeff and Lucy waited to see if their little boy would make it and I sat by the telephone waiting for news. The Tracy family counted its' blessings when the respirator was finally taken off little Gordon after three weeks and he began to get stronger.
I felt so useless in Kansas. I should have been in Boston with the family but Jeff insisted I didn't come over until Gordon was released from hospital. He wanted me to see Gordon as I had seen his other little baby boys; not fighting for his life in an incubator. It was over two months after his accidental arrival into the world that he was allowed to come home.
The day finally came when I could meet my new little Grandson. I was most excited after all this time. However, as we sat in the car on the way home from the airport I couldn't help but sense that Jeff was keeping something from me.
"He's a lovely little baby Mom," he said as all doting Fathers say.
" I'm sure he is if you're his Daddy. Who's he like?" I asked as all doting Grandmother's ask.
"Err... none of the others." he said carefully.
"Jeff Tracy you can't tell me he's not at least like one of his brothers. You've got one of each colouring."
"Yeah... well...I'll let you decide who he's like Mom."
Hmmm. What was up?
It wasn't long before we were at the house and my two eldest Grandsons both greeted me wanting to tell me about their new baby brother Gordie. I kissed Scott and gave him his birthday present, hardly believing he was now eight years old. I hugged Virgil and slipped a silver dollar into his hand since it wasn't his birthday. Jeff sent them off to play.
Lucy met me at the front door. She looked tired and stressed. Obviously the strain of Gordon's premature birth had taken its toll on her. Beside her was my third grandson John. As I've told you before, wherever she was, he was.
I hugged her and then little John and she showed me in while Jeff put my cases away.
I couldn't wait to see Gordon and went up the hallway alone to their bedroom for a sneak look. The room was darkened and for a minute I couldn't focus properly. However I was sure I couldn't be seeing him right. Was that red hair on that little head? Red hair? Where in the blazes would a Tracy baby get red hair?
"Well Mother. Who's he like then?" said Jeff from behind me with a huge smile on his face.
"Jeff why didn't you tell me?" I scolded.
"Because Mom, I wanted to see the look on your face when for once you have to honestly admit you don't know something. Now you can't tell me where the hair came from can you?"
I gave him a light-hearted glare.
"No I can't Jeff but I can say it sure is red!"
Jeff laughed. I must admit I have never seen him look happier than he was that day looking at his little red-haired son. I had a sneaking suspicion that he was more than just a little charmed by him and secretly delighted in the accident that had created him.
"You can pick him up if you like Mrs Tracy." Lucy said knowing how desperately I wanted to nurse him. "I have to wake him for his feed in a bit anyway."
I nodded. Jeff had told me she still had to feed him every three hours. According to him, he wasn't feeding very well either and Lucy was becoming anxious.
You didn't have to ask this Grandmother twice to nurse any of her grandsons. I carefully picked him up. He was so tiny and so fragile. Jeff informed me he was four times the size he was two months before. Despite the disturbance he continued to sleep in my arms.
"Sweetie he's a lovely little boy." I said to Lucy as she busily prepared his special formula.
She smiled and held out her arms to take him. I watched her trying to wake him up and when she finally succeeded, the loveliest pair of honey coloured eyes opened to look at her sleepily. She started to feed him. He kept falling asleep as he suckled.
"Baby please wake up and feed for me." she said in a worried voice as she stroked him gently. "Daddy and I need you to grow strong like your big brothers."
Its funny isn't it how the world turns a full circle? I remembered how unhappy she had been about the pregnancy. She hadn't wanted this baby. Now he was everything to her.
The feeding took her an hour. I watched her change him and put him back into his crib.
I saw the worry and anxiety on her face coupled with the exhaustion of mothering four young boys. Poor girl.
However I look at my Grandson's voracious appetite now and laugh to myself as I remember the day he wouldn't feed for her. My laugh is tempered with sadness and loss.
If only Lucy had actually lived to see him grow.
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ACCIDENTALLY MOTHERLESS
At thirteen months old, one would never have known Gordon Tracy had been fighting for his life just over a year before. He was a sturdy little toddler who walked unsteadily about the house getting into everything he could. He looked about for his Daddy and grinned whenever he saw him; he looked about for his brothers and squealed with delight whenever they gave him their attention. He looked about for his mommy.
His mommy was gone.
The saddest thing to accept was the fact that one day Gordon had a mother fussing over him and the next day he didn't. Perfectly healthy to dead is a cruel blow in the game of life, particularly when mothers and babies are involved.
Gordon was too young to understand anything or feel the dreadful pain and loss his older brothers were experiencing. As a result, life continued as normal for him.
I'm sure if he saw Lucy in front of him all hell would have broken loose. It had the night she died. The sad fact was; she wasn't in front of him any more now.
Grandma fed him now. Daddy bathed him now. Scott played with him now. He didn't notice his mommy was gone.
I made a mental note to myself to make sure I talked to Gordon about his mother, as he grew older. I wanted him to feel like he had known her. She had loved her little unplanned baby very much and I wanted him to know that.
As he grew from babyhood, Gordon formed special and different bonds with each of his four brothers. He idolised Scott and naturally Scott who had taken on a parenting role loved him deeply in return. He had a close affinity with Virgil who shared his unique sense of fun. He was particularly close to John and I've always said it was because when he was a baby, John was always next to his Mother and consequently next to him.
However the closest bond he shared was the one with his youngest brother, born only thirteen months after him.
Those two played together, ate together, slept together and went everywhere together. They also got themselves into trouble together. The two of them separated only when it was time for Gordon to start his schooling.
Gordon was an astute little boy. He didn't say much but I noticed over the weeks that followed his first day of school he spent a lot of time staring at people. I remembered Virgil and the staring at the same age and wondered if perhaps Gordon was going to be artistic too.
However Gordon wasn't staring at people to try to remember them. He was trying to work out what a normal family consisted of after one of his classmates had asked him where his mommy was. He knew he had a Daddy and he was at work. He had a Grandma and she was at home looking after the house. He had four brothers who were like him. What did a mommy do?
"I don't have one," he must have said because his friend had informed him "everyone has a mommy."
It began to bother the little five year old that he didn't know where his mommy was.
I have been fortunate or unfortunate as the case may be to "accidentally" overhear quite a few conversations between Gordon and his brothers. This one simply made my heart ache.
Gordon had approached Alan first.
"Alan do you know where our mommy is?" he asked.
"No. Do we have one?" four-year-old Alan asked.
He was every bit as uneducated as Gordon and I went to say something but decided to remain silent. Jeff was the one who needed to explain to these two little boys about their mother, not me.
Gordon then asked John when he came in from school.
"Johnny where's our mommy?"
John at seven had gone all teary and refused to reply. He locked himself in his room and started crying on his bed.
Gordon approached Virgil when he came inside to do his piano practice.
"Virgie where's our mommy?"
Virgil was now ten years old and quite well adjusted to the situation compared to John but he still did not want to talk about it.
"Gordie we don't have a mommy any more."'
"Why not?"
Virgil started to get upset. He brushed past Gordon on his way to the piano.
" 'Cos we don't that's why. Go ask Scott. He'll tell you."
I watched Gordon sigh with frustration. All he wanted to know was whether he had a mommy and where she was so he could tell his friends when they asked him.
He approached Scott.
Scott was thirteen years old and to a five year old seemed like a God. Gordon stood in the doorway looking at him in awe for nearly ten minutes before Scott noticed him.
"What's up with you squirt?" he asked in his half broken voice.
"Scotty can I ask you something?"
Scott sighed and looked annoyed.
"Gordie I'm pretty busy with my Math homework. Can't it wait until later?"
"It doesn't matter. I can ask Daddy. Is he here?"
Scott looked back down at his Math book. "No Dad's at work. What do you want to ask him?"
"Why I don't have a mommy."
I held my breath. Poor Scott. I wondered what he was going to say. Scott closed the Math book and tried to explain without saying too much.
"Gordie we all had a mommy once but she died when you were little." he said carefully.
"What did she die for?" he asked innocently.
"She just did Gordie." replied Scott tightly. "Now don't ask about her anymore all right?"
"Does Daddy know why?"
Scott stood up and said in a worried voice
"Gordon you can't ask Dad about her OK? Dad doesn't like talking about it and he'll get mad at you. Promise me you won't ask him."
Gordon nodded. Scott was his idol. If he said he wasn't to ask his Father, then he wouldn't.
However his inquisitiveness grew to the point where he forgot his promise to Scott.
It didn't help that Gordon, unlike his four brothers, was not the least bit in awe of his father at all. He never guarded his tongue where Jeff was concerned.
"Daddy." he began suddenly over dinner one night. "Why did mommy die?"
Jeff instantly looked annoyed. "Who's been speaking to you about that?" he snapped.
Gordon's fearless little eyes looked into his Father's.
"I'm the only one in my class at school who doesn't have a mommy. Scott said my mommy died. Is that right Daddy?" he replied.
Jeff resumed eating after glaring at poor Scott. He brushed aside the question with,
"Yes that's right. She did. Now eat your Dinner."
Hardly the answer his inquisitive little mind was seeking but it was the best he would get out of his Father who simply refused to talk about it.
Naturally the responsibility was going to end up with me. He'd tried his brothers; he'd tried his Father. I knew I was next. I readied myself for the question.
It came one afternoon when I was tidying the bedrooms. I was in the room that he and Alan shared. Alan was asleep on his bed and little Gordon was quietly reading a book. I smiled at him as I moved the myriad of toy cars from the dresser to make room for the clothing I had folded earlier.
"Grandma." he said closing the book. "Do you remember my mommy?"
"Yes child I do." I said.
"Why did she die?"
"Err... "I stammered. "God called her to heaven."
"I wish she was still here." he said as if yearning for something he didn't quite properly realise he'd lost.
"I wish she was too sweetie." I said and meant it.
"Do mommies love you like Grandmas do?"
I tousled his red hair with my fingers. I truly doubted that Lucy could have loved this sweet little boy any more than I did. However, true to her memory I forced myself to say,
"Mommies love you more than Grandmas do sweetie."
"If mommies love you more why do they die and go away?"
"Because God wants the special ones to be in heaven with him. God decided to take your mommy away sweetie."
"Can God take Grandmas away too?"
"No God can't. God wouldn't have the nerve to take Grandma away." I said in a determined voice. I dared God to take me on with that statement. I shouldn't have to be having this conversation with this little boy. God should have left his mother here on this earth.
"Grandma. Was my mommy pretty like you?"
Tears pricked my eyelids. This child didn't even know that. How could he? He'd only been a baby back then and his Daddy wouldn't talk to him about her.
I took his little hand and led him down the hall. I opened the door to Jeff's bedroom and motioned him inside. He hesitated at the door. He was not allowed in his Father's room and he knew it.
"I want to show you something." I said softly. "But you can't tell Daddy I showed you."
His honey brown eyes lit up.
"OK Grandma I won't tell."
I went to Jeff's sideboard and picked up the photograph of Lucy. I showed it to her fourth son.
"This is your mommy." I said holding out the frame. "You see? She was much prettier than Grandma."
"She's beautiful" he breathed as if viewing a goddess. "She looks like Virgie." he added as he looked at the photo and then at me.
"Yes Virgil and your mommy are very similar." I agreed.
All of a sudden it struck me, as I looked at the photograph and then at Gordon, how similar he was to her too in his own way. He had her mischievous tilt of the chin, the same lively smile and the same determined jaw line.
He looked at the photograph for quite some time. Finally his little red head nodded as if he had been having some sort of internal conversation.
"Mommy is with God." he said aloud. "But she just said she wants me to go and be with her."
"Child, don't be saying that now." I had said uneasily.
Despite my anger at God, I still believed in his warnings.
Warning Number One.
I didn't think much of it after that, as he was only a little boy. However it had been the first of several warnings Gordon gave us. Warnings of what nearly came to pass.
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ACCIDENTALLY FAMOUS IN THE WATER
As Gordon moved closer to his tenth birthday his PE teacher accidentally stumbled on the fact that he was quite a talented swimmer. Gordon had been asked to substitute for a young boy in the swimming team who had fallen ill and Gordon had surprised them all by winning the race. As a result of it, I remember getting a note home asking if Gordon could stay back after class in the afternoons to train with the older children.
We had always known that Gordon loved the water and was the strongest swimmer of all Jeff's boys so it came as no surprise that he could win a swimming race. Jeff frowned a bit but agreed that when we returned from vacation Gordon could train.
Gordon loved the family vacations to the beach and he enjoyed that vacation very much. While his younger brother collected seashells, John read books on the sand and Virgil and Scott collected beach "babes," Gordon busied himself with swimming, snorkelling and surfing for best part of each day. He always took the evening walk along the beach with his Father and I, his red hair lifting in the night breeze as he looked out over the sea.
"It's so big and mysterious Dad," he would say in awe. "And there's so much under it. There are treasures, marine life and sunken ships. I wish I knew how to dive. I want to learn how to do that one day. Can I Dad?"
Jeff looked across at me on those walks and shrugged. I shrugged too. How could a little boy from Boston with a Father who pioneered in space fall in love with the sea as completely as he seemed to have?
Still, none of the five Tracy sons were what I'd term ordinary and young Gordon was no exception.
"When you're around sixteen I'll let you dive Gordon." his Father promised. "You'll be old enough to handle yourself then."
We returned from vacation and true to his other promise Jeff permitted Gordon to train with the swimming team.
However, the change in routine brought about by the training was inconvenient.
Gordon could no longer get the school bus with his brothers and he required picking up on the other side of Boston. I offered to do it knowing how busy Jeff was with the business, despite it taking me several hours to get there and back. That little red-haired boy had broken several school records I'd been told and if he had a talent, it deserved to be nurtured. It also seemed to make him happy and I can tell you I'd rather have him happy in the water than happy playing his practical jokes. Those jokes are a whole story unto themselves.
After a few more weeks of training Gordon broke the National swimming record for boys under sixteen years of age. He did it effortlessly and during a simple training session. I remember the youngster getting in the car and telling me about it in the same way he would tell me he had worn a hole in his pants.
His famous words were always, "By the way Grandma…"
That particular day he said, "Can we have steak for dinner tonight? I'm starving from training so hard next to the older guys. Boy I sure am hungry right now. By the way Grandma, the Coach said I broke a National record today."
All of a sudden Gordon was a young celebrity and his Father was none too happy about all the attention, having been through the same ordeal himself with the moon landing. Gordon was asked to train in the mornings as well and travel to swim meets on weekends. All of it took time and to his Father whose time was extremely precious, it was a right royal pain. Despite how he felt about it Jeff suffered in silence. He drove Gordon in the morning; I drove him in the afternoon.
Jeff kept telling me that Gordon's life needed a balance. I always laughed at this philosophy, particularly when it came from him...the workaholic with no balance in his life whatsoever. He wanted Gordon to be a normal child despite his talent. He put his foot down with all the training and cut it back to just afternoons. The swim meets were allowed less frequently. This ended up having the completely opposite effect to what he had intended.
Gordon continued to break National records anyway and when he did swim in meets, everyone noticed him.
Four years later at fourteen he won his first Adult Championship race. He was now being watched seriously. His future as an Olympic Champion was being touted. Jeff was becoming uneasy. He felt Gordon was far too young for things like that. I managed to convince him that what was destined to be should be.
"His mother wouldn't have liked it one little bit." he grumbled.
I looked at him and promptly reminded him that knowing Lucy, she would have probably been lobbying the Olympic Committee to select him.
At sixteen he was selected for the Olympic team and won a gold medal for the United States of America. Despite his pride in his son, Jeff's foot now well and truly came down. His son needed more in his life than simply spending it in the pool swimming up and down. Gordon's swimming career ended and his Father now permitted him to learn to dive. Exploring under the sea changed Gordon's life.
Naturally I've skipped around a bit because it's hard for me to tell you about Gordon's stages of life as they all centred around water. I feel better I've got the swimming achievements out of the way because I now want to tell you about the real larrikin that lies inside my grandson Gordon.
Gordon Tracy the practical joker.
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ACCIDENTAL HAPPENINGS
As I've told you already, Gordon and that youngest brother of his were a pigeon pair but there is always one that is the ringleader when trouble is brewing. You guessed it; the ringleader in this case had red hair, honey brown eyes and a look of innocence that would stop anyone in their tracks and not suspect him.
Except me. I knew what was going on.
Gordon had a terrific sense of humour inherited from his mother which dare I say manifested itself in the most dire way possible with his never-ending array of practical jokes. No-one in the house was exempt from them and that included his Father, his brothers and of course, me.
Now I've got a pretty good sense of fun for a Grandma but sometimes Gordon's practical jokes cut a little too close to my southern temper and made the palm of my hand itch.
At seven he sat angelically opposite me in the kitchen when my chocolate cake didn't rise in the oven. "That's too bad Grandma." he said as I viewed the disaster it had become. Too bad all right. Who changed the labels on the flour containers?
"It must have been an accident," he pleaded when his giggling with Alan gave him away.
At ten he sat out in the garden with the whole family and quite a few of Jeff's business associates enjoying a business-related Christmas party. All of a sudden the whole party erupted into chaos as the sprinkling system inadvertently came on full blast. The food was saturated, the associates were saturated, and his Father's brand new suit was saturated. Several major contracts were saturated. Who put the timer on for the middle of the party?
"It must have been an accident Dad" Gordon said trying not to laugh. I was sure I set it for tomorrow. Gee I'm sorry about the suit Sir."
At thirteen the pranks became more elaborate. Clothing tampered with so that it gave way at the most inappropriate times. He must have figured that one move the wrong way would send a piece of elastic into a spiral. I still recall losing my petticoat standing in the line at the market. One minute I was decent bending over unpacking my purchases, the next my petticoat was down around my ankles with him howling with laughter behind me . A brand new petticoat! Closer observation showed it had been tampered with.
"I'm innocent Grandma" he said looking at me with those big honey brown eyes of his.
" You should take that petticoat back to the store and ask for a refund. I would!"
Sure I should young man! So why are you still smirking like that when you think I'm not watching you?
No one escaped Gordon.
Scott enjoyed entertaining his girl friend after school but ended up serving her crackers and cat-food instead of the fresh salmon topping I'd prepared. The worst part was they both enjoyed it. Scott later got the message when he found the empty tin on his bed with a typed note, "Hope you and Adelaide enjoyed it". Scott didn't eat for days. Needless to say Gordon avoided him for the same length of time.
Virgil's musical pieces, so carefully planned and written to the last semi-brieve didn't seem to play quite right when he sat at the piano to play them. Virgil thought he was losing it until he suspected the music had been altered and not by his own hand.
"I dunno anything about music." Gordon pleaded. "You must have done it yourself." As Virgil walked away starting to believe it was his own fault, the honey brown eyes would gleam and he would comment.
"By the way Virg, that music really sounds terrible. You're losing your touch man."
John's astronomy notes for a speech he had to give in Junior High were accidentally replaced with a picture of a star and the nursery rhyme of the same name. John discovered the mix-up only as he opened the notes to speak in front of the whole student body. Gordon was in the audience at the time and rolled about with hilarity at John's discomfort and extreme embarrassment. His excuse?
"I must have accidentally put my art assignment in there Johnny! Sorry. Guess your astronomy notes won't get me an A in art huh?"
He even tried it on his youngest brother who was supposed to be his ally. That one was less than two years ago. Alan had been unpacking the purchases from a shopping trip he and Tin-Tin had been on together during their college vacation. It had been about the time we all suspected something was going on between them. A box of condoms fell out of the bag in front of his Father.
I don't know who went redder, Alan, Tin-Tin, his Father or me.
"They're not mine Dad. Honest Sir, I didn't buy them. I didn't. Please believe me." Alan kept saying to his Father and Tin-Tin over and over again.
Where was Gordon? Innocently sitting up the other end of the room, his insides shaking with laughter at his brother's embarrassment.
Don't you worry Gordon Tracy. I was on to you, and by the look your brother gave you that day, so was he!
Despite all the "misery" his jokes caused us, we loved our practical joker with all our hearts. Jeff had gotten himself to the stage where he merely shook his head in despair at news of yet another suspension from school for his pranks.If Gordon wasn't playing a prank he was copping a caning for his last one and Jeff's bedroom became the revolving door for that red-haired young man.
But Jeff frightened me one night by telling me a comment Gordon made to him when he was in his room receiving a lecture on his antics.
"Mother, it was eerie. I said to him if he kept clowning around he wouldn't make it to Adulthood. He looked at his Mother's picture and then he said " that's what she says too."
Warning Number Two.
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ACCIDENTALLY EXPERIENCED
Now I told you I've heard a few conversations between my grandsons over time but nothing prepared me for the one I heard between my Grandson Gordon and my Grandson Alan the day after the USA Swimming Championship.
Jeff had accompanied Gordon to and from the Championship where I soon discovered he had gotten more than a gold medal for his efforts there.
After telling me about Gordon's easy win and now sure selection in the National Team, Jeff had gone to wash up for supper. While he was busy doing that I decided to take a walk down the back garden to pull a little bit of mint for the sauce I was making. As I wandered about with the mint in my hand, I heard Alan's newly deepened voice exclaim.
"You're kidding me! Tell me everything Gordo!"
Tell him what I wondered? It must be good whatever it was by the enthusiasm in Alan's voice. And it must be either illegal, immoral or something the two of them didn't want anyone to hear as they were sat behind the retaining wall in the corner of the garden as far away from the house as they could get. So naturally I listened to the story. It appeared Grandson Number four at sixteen years of age was now a man.
"You did it in the women's shower?" I heard Alan exclaim like Gordon was some sort of National lovemaking hero instead of a National Swimming Champion.
"Yep. It was a dare to start with. Mark, you know the captain of the team, he dared me to go in there to catch a look at the talent. You ought to know no one dares me to do anything Alan so I went inside. The eight free stylers had just gone in."
"Uh huh!' enthused Alan. "What were they like?"
"Oh yeah nice to look at Al. Butt naked as the day they were born."
"Well?" Alan asked impatiently. "Details?"
"I told you. Butt naked."
"Not the back view Gordo." Alan sighed. "You know what I mean."
"Front naked." Gordon joked sensing Alan's urgency for the information. "And very easy on my eyes."
"So who'd you do it with?" Alan asked. "And don't tell me the whole eight of 'em."
"I wish!" Gordon replied. "Nope I'm not telling you Alan. You're too young."
"Why? You have to tell me. I'm your brother and I'm nearly as old as you." whined Alan in that annoying tone he used when he wanted his own way.
Now there's an interpretation of brotherly love for you I thought to myself. However I was too shocked to be amused at that point in time.
"All right I can tell you about it but I'm not telling you who with. Deal?"
"Deal!"
Well all the sordid details were revealed to this stunned pair of ears from when she'd seen him there, invited him to remove his racers, invited him to shower with her, and quite frankly invited him in. The last bit left me wishing I hadn't listened at all.
"She was really twenty-one Gordo? Wow! Way to go." Alan enthused. "That's worth three our age."
"Oh yeah Alan." he had sighed. "I'm tellin' ya. We've got a lot to look forward to man."
Twenty-one and seducing a poor innocent young sixteen year old like my Grandson Gordon? Disgraceful!
What I wanted to know was where Jeff was when all this was going on? I would have thought by the time the fourth one had reached sixteen he'd anticipate what he was going to get up to and not leave him alone for a second.
However as we ate our supper, Jeff appeared quite unaware of his son's experience.
I, on the other hand, banged my cutlery around a little louder than usual and snapped when Jeff pointed out that I had forgotten to make the mint sauce for him.
"Didn't you go have time to down the back Mother?" he asked looking surprised at my unexpected outburst.
"I went down the back all right." I said fixing my eyes on that red-haired rascal opposite me. "I got waylaid in the garden. It's not as if I'm twenty-one any more Jeff." I said deliberately with particular emphasis on the "twenty-one".
Gordon's face gave me the acknowledgement I expected.
I knew he knew I knew.
Jeff merely looked confused. "What Mom?"
Poor Jeff. If only he really knew what those boys of his got up to sometimes.
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ACCIDENTALLY KILLED
I hate having to tell sad tales and this next one is right up there with them.
I often blame myself in a way for not supporting Jeff back then in this one. If I had I don't think our young redhead would have followed the course he did. He certainly wouldn't have suffered the injuries he did. He wouldn't have ruined his happiness as he did. He wouldn't have lost his little girl as he did.
As you know, our young Gordon loved the water and loved the sea. He was now a qualified Diver and could drive a speedboat better than his Father and all of his brothers put together. He could swim like a fish, water-ski like a Champion, and identify any form of marine life into the bargain.
Fresh out of High School our young Gordon wanted to join the World Aquanaut Security Patrol. He'd met up with a pretty young girl in High School who planned to follow the same career path and he was keen to enlist.
Actually I think he wanted to "enlist" with her myself and by the look of things between them he already had! I didn't say anything. He was almost eighteen. She was nineteen and a half. Old enough for Grandmas to stay silent on what should and shouldn't be going on in a young man's life.
He was still a rascal; still a prankster; but Gordon Tracy was starting to grow up and had some very definite ideas on where he wanted his life to take him. Funny, I once had a young son under my own roof that was like that although he seemed to forget the fact sometimes when he dealt with his sons.
I knew Jeff wasn't too pleased about his son wanting to join "the others"; a term he used unflatteringly for other areas of the services, particularly when he had been encouraging Gordon to join the Air Force. After all Scott was excelling in Nevada, Virgil was now piloting commercial craft and John was turning heads in NASA. It stood to reason that Gordon would follow his brothers.
When Jeff announced to him that he had secured a place for him in his old Air Force Academy, Gordon had looked at his Father like he had two heads. What would he join the Air Force for? His whole life had revolved around water. The woman he was infatuated with had already signed up with WASP. He had no intention of being a pilot.
I remember that altercation with his Father very clearly. It was not one of the better moments this Father and son shared but you have to understand two things. Gordon Tracy had never been afraid of his Father even as a little boy and he had the same determined jaw line and stubbornness as his Mother.
It was a recipe for a showdown.
"I don't want to go t College and I sure don't want to fly planes Dad. I only want to enlist in WASP," he said simply but distinctly. "WASP is my calling and that's where I want to be."
"I can't say I remember anyone in WASP ever making headlines for anything." Jeff said sarcastically. "And as for the calling, I think it's the skirt that's calling you, not the career."
"Yeah well if you'd stayed in the Air Force you probably would never had made the headlines either Dad. It's the same thing." Gordon said with a directness that reminded me of the Father he was confronting.
"And as for Jezz... that's her name Dad not "the skirt"...she's got nothing to do with this." he warned.
"Gordon, I didn't stay in the Air Force did I? Jeff challenged choosing to ignore the comment about young Jezz. "I got myself promoted and got myself known by having skills. Learning skills at the Academy. Skills that got me into NASA."
"I'll develop skills Dad. Skills they'll need in the WASP outfit. I'll get myself promoted Dad. You'll see."
"I walked on the moon because of the Air Force Gordon. You'd be better served listening to me. "
Gordon walked out on his Father after stunning him into silence with,
"You might have walked on the moon Dad but you're still up there if you think I want to."
Oh dear. It had to be the red hair! His other brothers would never have dared speak to their Father like that, especially fresh out of High School.
Gordon went off defiantly to be with his little girl in WASP and unfortunately for Jeff but fortunately for Gordon, he was exactly the type of recruit the Patrol had been waiting for.
Within eighteen he had been fast-tracked through the ranks to Lieutenant. The young man who had no fear, could swim like a fish, dive, drive a speedboat, ski and snorkel was proving to be every bit of the achiever his Father had been. He loved it. He excelled in it. Sorry Jeff, I had to be proud of him and deep down I'm sure you were too.
His Father reluctantly acknowledged he seemed to be making his way in the world and their rift healed to now only be "an absence of presence."
Gordon rarely visited the island after their argument even though he rang his Father regularly. He knew his Father disapproved of WASP and didn't like to "rock the boat." by visiting too often.
I hated not seeing him...his cheeky young face...his honey brown eyes... his signature red hair.
However as only a Grandmother can be, I was particularly interested in how his life outside WASP was progressing. I knew he had entered WASP because of the little girl and I also knew the two of them were more than just close.
According to my youngest grandson I was right.
"Jezz is gorgeous Grandma." Alan enthused as we talked. "She's got blonde hair and green eyes. She's super smart and really pretty and I can tell you Gordon thinks she's it. He loves her Grandma almost as much as I love..."
Oh yes I thought interested. What was he going to say then? However his words had me interested in what appeared to be a close relationship between Gordon and this young lady.
"Really Alan?" I asked. "Are they really that close?"
"He's been with her exclusively for three years Grandma. He said to me "She's the one."
I thought to myself, reminiscing about another young man who lived under my roof who once said, "Mom she's the one." and again seemed to have conveniently forgotten about it.
I only met Jezz once face to face. She was a sweet, fun-loving little girl with the same adventurous and cheeky nature as Gordon. What a pair these two made with their senses of humour. I even started to think of the Tracy babies these two would produce. God help my petticoat then! I'd have to die before the great-grandchildren killed me with their antics!
The day we met, I spoke with Jezz about her life in WASP. She admitted she had not progressed in WASP as fast as my Grandson had but she told me she didn't mind being "under him."
The two of them gave each other a naughty glance much like another glance I once saw my son give Lucy Evans in the house in Boston the night I caught them together when Gordon was small. Whilst everything else might be going on me, my recognition of innuendo wasn't.
"I like you being under me too baby." he had said mischievously right in front of his dear old Grandma.
"Gordon Tracy I heard that!" I scolded.
"Grandma! You should be ashamed of yourself! I was talking about Jezz being under my command in the squadron. I'm still an innocent little boy!"
Then he turned and kissed her neck and playfully unzipped her dress.
What did you say to me Gordon Tracy? Innocent? I believe I heard you say the following words to your youngest brother a few years back.
"Oh yeah. We've got a lot to look forward to man."
Yes, that young man did have a lot to look forward to but nothing chilled my soul more than hearing that little girl's words the week before the accident as the two of them joked about in the kitchen of our island home.
"The day you ever think I'm under anything but your command Gordon Tracy, you'll be dead."
Warning Number 3. The direst warning of all.
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Twenty-one years ago I had spoken to my son on the telephone. It had been Valentine's Day. He had flown faster than he ever had before to the hospital in Boston. His wife had just given birth to their fourth son. The baby was two months early. I had felt a million miles away as Grandmas do when this sort of thing happens. I asked in fear how the baby was. He had said,
"I don't know yet." and I could hear real worry in his voice. "I'm waiting for an update on his condition."
Twenty-one years on, I spoke with my son on the telephone. It wasn't Valentine's Day but he had flown faster than he ever had before to the military hospital on the other side of America. His fourth son had been involved in a hydrofoil accident. He had been driving the hydrofoil. People had been killed. His Commander. Two others. Gordon was in theatre, his injuries horrific. Two others were critical and not expected to survive. I had felt a million miles away as Grandmas do when this sort of thing happens. I asked in fear how my grandson was. He had said.
"I don't know yet." I could hear more than just real worry in his voice. "I'm waiting for an update on his condition."
Twenty-one years ago Jeff and Lucy waited to see if their little boy would make it and I sat by the telephone waiting for news. They waited over a week.
Twenty-one years on Jeff sat alone and waited to see if his little boy would make it and I sat by the telephone waiting for news. He had waited nearly a week and had not left his son's side.
Twenty-one years ago I had felt so useless in Kansas. I should have been in Boston with the family but Jeff insisted I didn't come over until Gordon was released from hospital. He wanted me to see Gordon as I had seen his other little baby boys; not fighting for his life in an incubator.
Twenty-one years on I had felt so useless on Tracy Island. I should have been in that military hospital with the family but Jeff insisted I didn't come over. He didn't want me to see Gordon fighting for his life on a respirator.
Twenty-one years ago I think he had the thought in the back of his mind that there might be a funeral to go to and I'd need to come out for that instead.
Twenty-one years on I think he had the thought in the back of his mind that there would be a funeral to go to. His son's.
Finally the news.
Twenty-one years ago Gordon Tracy had come home from the hospital to join his brothers after a long two-month battle to survive.
Twenty-one years on the Doctors gently told Jeff to gather his other sons by his side. Despite hours of theatre and days of intensive care, the damage appeared too great.
Gordon Cooper Tracy wasn't going to survive.
I'm a tough old stick from the south and I can take a lot of pain in my heart and suffering in my soul but when Jeff contacted me to tell me he needed me to be ready when the private jet arrived, I broke down. I broke down like a child.
This couldn't be happening, not again. God couldn't do this to Jeff again.
He had taken away that beautiful little girl of Jeff's and now he wanted to take his son too. The red-haired son. The one with Lucy's soul and sense of fun. The one who didn't fear his Father and wanted to be different.
Kyrano tried to comfort me as I waited for the plane but I knew.
God had warned me.
Warned me three times that Gordon would go to his mother.
I knew Gordon Tracy was about to die.
I remember getting to the hospital trying to hold myself together. I had to for Jeff's sake. I was taken to the intensive care unit where he was. I was shown inside.
Before me was my family. My son. My grandsons. I knew she was here too. She would be here in this room too; ready to take her son.
Jeff sobbed with heartbreak, his body hunched in the same defeated way when he had lost Lucy. He said over and over again. "Please don't take him. Not my son. I'll give up everything. All of it. Just let me keep my son."
Scott, straight from Nevada, still in his Air Force uniform stood pale and devastated, silent tears running down his cheeks. He rested his hand on his Father's shoulder but that hand shook with fear.
Virgil sat looking at the bed where Gordon lay, crying as if his heart would break. He had flown himself from Denver to be by his brother's side..
John, hurriedly flown from NASA stood by his Father. Never close to his father but close now. Close as he prepared himself to lose the brother he had sat with for months so they could share their mother. John looked at me and broke down. Broke down utterly.
Alan, the worst sight of all, sobbing on the bed where his brother lay. Newly arrived from College in Colorado, blinded by tears, shaking with emotion, never experiencing the pain of loss before and about to lose his favourite brother.
His Father and brothers had experienced the pain. I had experienced the pain.
My youngest grandson hadn't and in his grief said what all of us were thinking.
"There can't be a God if this is what he does to our family."
Jeff saw me. He reached out his hand blindly to me. I took it and squeezed it as hard as I could.
"Mom. It's happening again. What have I done to anyone for this to happen? Gordon can't die. He's my son. Mom!"
He burst into tears and sobbed in my arms like a baby. Scott swallowed and started crying too.
The Doctor came in to speak with us. We were told Gordon's head injuries had left him in the coma and it was now likely he wasn't going to come out of it. His spine and ribs were shattered and had been repaired as best they could although he probably wouldn't walk again. Both of his legs were broken and they had done the best they could with them for the time being. They would be re-setting them if he lived but that was unlikely. .
"I don't care if he never walks again, I just want him to survive." his Father wept.
The Doctor looked at Jeff with sympathy and then told us that Gordon was now the only survivor of the crash. Everyone else had died.
I followed the Doctor quietly out of the room and asked if a little girl had been on the boat. A little girl named Jezz. He nodded grimly.
"Miss Jezzica Parker passed away some hours ago ma'am. Her body has been released to her family."
The final blow. He'd lost his little girl.
I knew right there and then I would never see his honey brown eyes open again to look at Grandma, never see the cheeky smile again he gave to Grandma, never be on the receiving end of a prank he played again on Grandma. His little Jezz had gone to be with his mother. He had told me his mother wanted him to go to heaven. I knew if Gordon could now choose, he would go to be with the girl he loved and the mother who had been calling him home.
Silent tears rolled down my face.
God had warned me. Three times. I blamed God for everything. I had dared God to cross me. Now God was. For the first time in twenty-five years I said a prayer to God.
"Please don't take my Grandson away. If you are really up there please don't take my Grandson."
As I prayed silently in the corridor, the Doctors rushed into the room. Gordon's heart monitor had stopped. His Father was pushed aside as he was pushed aside when he lost his wife. His brothers stood horrified in the corner. Gordon stopped breathing. His chest stopped moving. He was now clinically dead.
Alan broke down. Scott left the room devastated. John and Virgil turned away and wept in each other's arms.
Jeff collapsed with grief.
I kept right on praying trying to change the course of this dreadful moment. The Doctor's hadn't given up on him so I wasn't going to stop praying.
"Don't take my Grandson away. Don't take my Grandson away."
God didn't take him.
The Doctors stabilised him and got his heart started again. His brothers and I breathed a sigh of relief. His Father looked up to heaven.
"Lucy please. Please let him stay with me."
The power of prayer.
The power of belief.
I was a converted old lady after that day and I swore I'd read my bible every day for the rest of my life now. And do you know what? I actually do and when I do I thank God for my Grandson's life.
God had listened. God had let him stay with his Father.
It was two months before Gordon came out of the coma and started his long rehabilitation.
He couldn't remember the accident, only the speed of the boat and the love of the water he was feeling at the time. He asked about the others on the boat. His Father gently told him that they had died. He looked at me with his honey brown eyes and whispered.
"Jezz too?"
I nodded silently and watched the tears fall unchecked from the sides of his devastated eyes.
"I loved her Grandma." he cried. "I wanted to marry her."
I held his hand trying to comfort him as I whispered.
"I know sweetie. I know."
He told me many months later of his experience with his Mother when he had lain clinically dead. He told me he had gone into her arms but she had looked at him disappointed. She had told him he wasn't ready to be with her yet not like Jezz was. His father and the world still needed him for something. She had told him to tell his Father she loved him and his brothers that she missed them. She told him she would continue to watch over him until it was his time. Then he could come back. Back to be with Jezz.
To this day every time Gordon Tracy looks at that photograph of his Mother or goes out on a dangerous rescue, I worry if that time might have come.
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ACCIDENTALLY THE AQUANAUT
After the accident, Gordon took a long time to recover. He was discharged from WASP a broken young man. Broken in body, broken in spirit, broken in heart.
He underwent extensive therapy and learned to deal with his pain with the help of his brothers. Scott spoke to him about the accident, assuring him it wasn't his fault even though many of the Authorities still speculated he had been speeding at the time. Virgil and John joked about with him during their daily telephone calls. I spoke to him about little Jezz and went with him to her grave. I held him as he cried.
His brother Alan never left his side. He went to every therapy session he could and anxiously sat through it. He tried to laugh and joke with the brother he held so dear and when that brother didn't respond because of his depression, Alan refused to give up.
Alan knew how much Gordon had loved Jezz. He shouldered the tears I couldn't. The two of them grew even closer together.
His Father anxiously supervised his recovery. He sat beside his bed at the expense of his business, and at the expense of the rescue organisation he was creating. He made sure Gordon took his medication and did his exercises. I often found Jeff asleep in the chair next to Gordon's bed in the evenings and sometimes in his hand he would be holding a small picture of Lucy holding Gordon as a baby only two months before she died. A picture none of us had ever seen and never would if Jeff was given the chance. The picture was one that never ceased to give him pain. His cheeky red haired baby son and his beautiful English wife, seven months pregnant again with his brother... both of them smiling...both of them with so much to live for. Her life.... unbeknown to them all about to end... and leave her little red head baby alone.
As I read my bible, Jeff would look at the picture and thank Lucy for giving Gordon back to him.
Eventually Gordon walked properly again although the pain he felt was debilitating.
Eventually Gordon started trying to swim again. He looked at his Olympic gold medal and made himself train although the pain he felt often brought him to tears..
Eventually Gordon started diving again although the pain he felt at pressure was unbearable.
Eventually Gordon started laughing and joking again although the pain he felt in his heart was beyond unbearable. He hid behind a jovial mask that fooled no-one. Least of all his brother Alan and myself.
Eventually the Doctors said he had recovered but Gordon didn't tell the Doctor everything. The pain he felt was still enormous. Manageable but enormous.
When International Rescue was born, his Father asked to speak to him.
He offered him the job as his Aquanaut.
"I'm broken down Dad." he said. "You're taking a chance with me."
"I've been taking chances with you my whole life." his Father said honestly. "You've never let this family down. You'll get stronger. You have a Tracy heart son. The job's yours."
His face filled with gratitude as he accepted.
Now our little premature baby, our Olympic Champion embarks on rescue missions under the sea in Thunderbird Four. He's saved many lives in the water. He can swim like a fish again; he can dive again; he can snorkel and water-ski. There's only one difference now.
It still hurts sometimes.
He's learned to cope with it and disguises it.
His Father has still never asked him to fly despite the need in International Rescue.
I think Jeff has finally accepted that Gordon never ever wanted to fly.
He only ever wanted to be in the water and be with his little girl.
One day you will be back with her my honey-eyed grandson but not too soon.
I want you here with me.
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Author's Note...What a wonderful character.
NEXT CHAPTER - THE WILD-CHILD
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