Tales of A Grandmother

by mcj

NOT MOVIE-VERSE It's Grandma's birthday and tonight she's leaving no story untold. STORY COMPLETE

15. CHAPTER 8 PART 1 WORDS OF WISDOM FROM ...

Author's Note - Well we've heard from the Grandma, we've heard from the boys but until now the Billionaire has held his tongue. He's certainly going to speak now and he has more than just a few things to say too! Thanks to my friend Lady Viva for her wonderful help and encouragement. mcj

CHAPTER 8 - WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE BILLIONAIRE

JEFF TRACY - PART 1 - THE EARLY YEARS

I look around the room fixing my eyes on each member of my wonderful family and can't help but feel a special kind of warmth and happiness well up within me.

This party was such a good idea and I'm glad I convinced the boys we should go through with it to celebrate Mother's seventy-fifth birthday. I know she's has been carrying on all night because we didn't level with her about what we were planning to do but deep down inside I know she is absolutely delighted with all the attention and is certainly making the most of it.

Lord knows what she's up to at the moment though. She hauled that youngest one of mine out onto the balcony over ten minutes ago like a woman possessed and the balcony doors are still closed. I wonder what he's done wrong to get her going this time.

As if I didn't know.

Mother knows Alan's sleeping with Tin-Tin Kyrano and the bottom line is that she wants him to marry her. She's grasping at straws there. That boy of mine has no intention of getting married and just for the record I know everything about what's going on between him and Miss Kyrano too. I also know from experience with Alan that there isn't too much common sense being applied when it's happening either. I only hope Tin-Tin has the sense to take enough precautions to protect the two of them. I can't afford to lose my Assistant Engineer to motherhood and the very thought of my youngest son becoming the Father of a child makes me break out in nothing less than what I'd describe as a nervous sweat.

All of that aside I really don't have the time or the inclination to be a Grandfather right now.

I have too much to do in International Rescue.

Mother on the other hand would think having a baby around here was absolutely wonderful and whilst she hasn't actually been bold enough to say she approves of what's going on between Alan and Tin-Tin, I know she does. She's used every devious trick known to man to get them this far believe me and she's not going to stop now.

However let me tell you right now I'm certainly not happy about what's going on between them and I'm not apologising for the fact that I'm not either.

Unfortunately there's nothing much I can do about things; that is of course as long as it doesn't affect their work for me. If it does or their little midnight soirees start to affect their performance in International Rescue I'll be having more than just something to say about it then believe you me.

But until then I'll be biting my tongue and pretending to go along with their little charade. Oh yes, didn't I tell you? The two of them assure me they're "just friends". I guess I can buy it when they both disappear down onto the beach together for hours on end but please ... when I call her on her wrist communicator at three o'clock in the morning and my son is snoring his head off in the background, it's pretty damned obvious they're a couple.

However as I said before, I'll just keep biting my tongue. And do you know why? I can't believe I'm admitting this to anyone but the only reason why is because my mother won't allow me to do anything else.

As she constantly points out, Alan and Tin-Tin are consenting adults and whenever I open my mouth to argue, she reminds me of a similar statement I made to Dad when Lucy first moved in with me in Houston. She takes a great deal of pleasure in reminding me that when Lucy and I started ... err... "co-habitating" together I refused to listen to anything Dad had to say about it.

"You hotheadly told your Father to keep his objections to himself, mind his own business and allow you to get on with yours." she recites remembering my argument with Dad word for word.

"Therefore Jeff." she adds like she's won some massive victory over me after nearly thirty years. "Don't expect young Alan to listen to any of your objections either."

Well she's right there at least. Alan never listens to anything I tell him objections or otherwise. That boy honestly thinks I don't know what he's up to and one day I swear I'm going to floor him and make it very clear that I do.

But like his four older brothers he thinks I'm just "dear old Dad"; a middle aged man who sits behind his desk in the lounge room day after day totally oblivious to everything.

If only the five of them knew how much I actually I do know about what they've gotten up to over the years they wouldn't be half as relaxed as they are right now.

Take Scott for example. I look at him leaning on the piano talking to Virgil. He thinks I don't know he ditched his Jet Fighter in the ocean when he was in the Air Force. I can't believe he thinks I wouldn't know about that. I'm Jeff Tracy for goodness sake. I know everything that happens in the Air Force and have done for years. My buddy Jack Roach who went into space with me runs the whole darned outfit. He often seeks my opinion on things and we've stayed in close contact ever since I resigned from the Forces. He was the one who happened to mention a certain Captain Scott Carpenter Tracy made an error of judgement whilst out on manoeuvres over the Atlantic. He also happened to mention the same Captain Scott Carpenter Tracy received a mighty big dressing down over it too.

Well I've been waiting for four years for Captain Scott Carpenter Tracy to finally come clean and tell me about his little faux pas but he's never said a word. Obviously wrecking a million dollar jet fighter doesn't rate too highly in importance when you're talking to your Father about what you've been up to during the week. But one day I'm going to inform my eldest son I know all about what happened and have done for quite a few years.

I move my eyes a little to the left and look at my second boy; young Virgil. I still feel my throat catch and my stomach tighten whenever Virgil's involved. He is so like his Mother it cuts my emotions to the bone, especially tonight looking at him in that chestnut brown sweater which accentuates his unique colouring and beautiful brown eyes.

But unlike Lucy who always told me everything, Virgil tells me very little about what he's up to and what he thinks. He has no idea I knew about his paintings hidden up in the attic and that I've known about them all along. He also has no idea I have spent more than my fair share of time up there over the years looking at them and shedding silent tears over his Mother.

But when Mother called me over and told me about the paintings tonight I pretended I didn't know a thing about them. I know Lucy wouldn't approve of me lying like that. She would have wanted me to admit I knew. We always had differing opinions on how to handle Virgil's sensitive personality and I still believe I know best. So as far as I'm concerned it was a revelation to me that he's been painting his Mother's picture, writing songs for her and storing them in the attic for the past twenty years. I never knew a thing and that's the way it will stay.

Then I look over at the fourth one ... my red-haired rascal with the honey brown eyes. At the moment he's having a conversation with Kyrano. Watch out my friend; there's probably a hidden agenda behind Gordon's polite attention to your words. More than likely he's planning yet another practical joke to liven up Mother's birthday Dinner, something I might say is rather overdue thanks to his last prank in the kitchen. I have never seen so much foam leave a fire extinguisher in my entire life. And for what? So I didn't go upstairs and walk in on his brother and Miss Kyrano that's what.

That boy is such a handful. He was a handful when he decided to make an early entrance into the world and a handful when he nearly made an early exit out of it. And if you want to know the honest truth he's been a handful every other day in between! He's always been mischievous like his mother and one of these days I'm going to let on to that young man that I know all about what he and Jezzica Parker got up to two years ago in the middle of my king-sized bed. I might have been preoccupied with my business but I certainly know when someone's been "sleeping" in my bed. Gordon thinks I don't know the two of them were together in there and that I know for a fact there would be only one reason why they were in there too!

Let's face it when a man's slept alone for as many years as I have and suddenly there's long blonde hair on one pillow and signature red hair on the other, it doesn't take too much imagination to work out what's been going on in your absence.

I look towards the window.

There's my precious Johnny looking up at the universe.

John thinks I don't know how much he still misses his mother and because I can't bring myself to talk to any of the boys about Lucy, he thinks I don't miss her anymore. He's so wrong about that. I more than anyone know how torn up he still feels inside about her death because I feel exactly the same way he does. The knot I have in my stomach hasn't gone away in over twenty years and I'm sure John's got a great big one in his stomach too. We just don't talk about it. He can't and I know I can't either.

John's such an articulate and perceptive boy and it shows right now in the silent conversation I know he's having with the evening star as it sparkles in the centre of the night sky. John thinks I don't know he still finds comfort in the star he attached himself to when his mother died, but I do know.

And I can't bring myself to say anything.

Being a Father isn't an easy job. Being a good Father is harder still. And being a single Father is the hardest job of all.

But thanks to mother I think I've managed to do a reasonable job and in the process raised five wonderful sons, each of them a credit to their mother and to me and all of them unique in their own right.

It's been hard but worth every single minute of it. All the boys have varying degrees of Lucy's mischief in them and as a result they have made life rather difficult for me at times. Believe me their antics have set my hand itching for my belt on more than one occasion over the years let me tell you.

But despite the ups and downs of being a single Dad, raising my sons has taken me on one incredible journey through life over the past twenty-one years.

It's a journey which began when my Lucy died unexpectedly and I fell apart right in front of their eyes.

It's a journey which faltered until I got my head together and began to cope on my own.

It's a journey which continues today with the six of us stronger and closer together than ever.

And the reason we are so close is because of the love and determination of a wonderful woman. A woman to whom the value of family means more than anything else on this earth.

That woman is Josephine Alice Tracy.

My mother.

I owe my mother more than I can ever repay her in a thousand life-times for everything she's done for the boys and me since Lucy died.

She's been the mother, friend and counsellor to this family for twenty-one years and no-one appreciates it more than I do. She took a shattered young man and his five frightened little boys under her wing and despite terrible odds and dreadful sadness kept us together as a family.

So, tonight over Dinner I intend to tell you a little about my mother, the things she's done good and bad, and how much she means to me.

I also intend to surprise her with something I promised to give her back a long time ago. It's taken me twenty-one years to fulfil that promise and it hasn't been easy to do it either.

I suppose you want to know what that something is but I'm not going to tell you just yet. Not until I tell my side of the story. God knows what Mother's said about me and I want to set the record straight before I do anything else tonight.

I might also let a few things slide about what I know about those young men of mine that they think I "don't know".

I think it would be good for them to realise that "Dear old Dad" is not as silly as they think.

And for years he's been turning a blind eye too.

Stage One - Life on the Farm

People who know me will essentially tell you that Mr. Jefferson Grant Tracy is a billionaire. He's an astute businessman who made his money from engineering and new technology and heads the massive corporation known as "Tracy Enterprises".

That's essentially true.

However people who've known me a little longer will recall when Major Jefferson Grant Tracy pioneered the World Space Agency rocket into space and walked holding the American flag on the moon in the first stages of colonisation. He was an Astronaut with a Master's degree in engineering and a NASA commission which demanded he quickly embrace new technology.

Those people who go back further than that will remember the days when Lieutenant Jefferson "JT" Tracy flew his F-16 in Red Flag. He was a young Air Force pilot with a need for speed, a love of combat and an arrogant belief he was invincible in the air. Sure he was happy studying Engineering and new technology was an interesting diversion but there was only thing that really mattered to him.

Emerging victorious from a dog fight. In that he truly was invincible. It not only earned him respect in the Air Force but landed him his coveted NASA Commission at only twenty four years of age.

But very few people know the real Jefferson Tracy.

You see Jefferson Grant Tracy is a wheat farmer who hails from a small county in the state of Kansas. It's not something I care to dwell upon these days but it's realistically where my life and my passion for flight began. Hard to believe? Well it's true. I decided I wanted to fly as I ploughed the wheat fields of Kansas day after day after day.

I know I can operate any of the Thunderbird Craft at maximum speed. I know I can pilot a moon rocket. I know I can fly an Air Force Fighter Jet at suicidal speed. I know I can command a Red Flag squadron like a master.

But I also know I can drive a Tractor with both hands tied behind my back, bale hay like an expert and calculate exactly when and where to plant and take off a summer wheat crop with pin-point accuracy.

And I know I can because I was taught by the best.

My Daddy.

And it is with my Daddy that my story begins.

I was born the only son of Grant Daniel Tracy and his pretty young wife Josephine.

Dad was a fifth generation wheat farmer.

The Tracy family had its roots in Kansas and had farmed our one thousand acres for well over one hundred and fifty years. The Tracy men were good Farmers, resilient, efficient and productive. They were simple men with a love of family and a love of life.

Times were good for decades. The Tracy name meant money in the District and while the farm thrived so did the family.

The Tracy wives produced the children, always sons, and the sons followed on the tradition of the farm.

Times grew lean when my Grandfather was alive. The drought in Kansas was relentless in those years and it became impossible to produce crops of the same size and quality as before. Grandpa fell deeper and deeper in debt as he continued to try.

My Father inherited the farm when it was at its worst. At the time he was desperately in love with the Bank Manager's daughter Miss Josephine Alice Brown.

Now I have to say something right here and now. When my Father started to get serious about Josephine Brown he obviously didn't read her the position description of what being a Tracy wife entailed. Up until mother came along, all the women in the Tracy family had been quiet, retiring young women who supported their husbands and tended to the home.

Not mother.

She was one feisty individual and still is if you haven't guessed it for yourself by now.

She doesn't say too much about her courtship with Dad but from what I gather it was a rocky one because of the money situation and in the end she was instrumental in the two of them getting married.

Why doesn't that surprise me? Mother's been interfering in everything for years so I'm sure she had to get her basic training in somewhere.

She was also instrumental in turning around their fortunes. I guess being the Bank Manager's daughter helped but from what I understand she encouraged Dad to move away from the family tradition of only growing wheat and started to keep chickens and a few animals around. She grew her own vegetables, baked her own bread and made their life quite self-sufficient.

All Dad had to do was farm the crop and she took care of the rest. And as life is when you are a Farmer some of the years they experienced were good, others not so good.

It was into a world where the seasons controlled our fortunes that I was born.

I was the first son and as it turned out, the only son. Dad was an only son too and he had it in his head that once the Tracy name was able to be passed on to the next generation, there was no room for any more children.

Hence I grew up a much loved little boy but a very lonely one. I would have loved a brother to knock around the Farm with even if it was only to shoulder the burden of Dad's unrealistic expectations, but unfortunately that was not meant to be. I swore even when I was young that whenever I married, I was going to raise at least three children. That was the first of my differences of opinion with my Father.

Dad was a very strong minded man and he was determined to instil the values of good clean living into me. He worked very hard and valued everything he had. He made me work hard beside him so I valued it too. He taught me the importance of family and set me a faultless example in how he treated his own. Dad might have been tough and cynical but he loved and treated my mother like a Princess.

He told me once his own Father had made him promise he would always treat Mother that way and warned whenever I found myself a wife he expected me to do the same. Dad also said the engagement ring Mother wears used to belong to my Grandma and there's a very special story of love attached to how she managed to get it. He told me I should ask her to tell me about it one day. Come to think of it I never have. I might do that later on. The boys might like to hear one of her stories. If she was involved with what happened anything is possible.

I was educated at the local school and progressed through to High School where I worked hard during the day and studied my heart out in the evenings. Before and after school I helped Dad on the farm and during the vacations when most of my friends left Kansas with their families to see different parts of America I stayed home, driving the tractor and tending to the crop.

Needless to say as the years went on I became acutely aware of the fact that I was missing out on something. My friends returned from vacations full of stories of big cities, wonderful beaches and fabulous experiences. My world only extended from one side of a picket fence to another and if Dad would have had his way that was the way it would always stay.

I remember asking Dad once why we didn't go on vacations like everybody else. It was when I was around fifteen. I still see Dad's face. He certainly wasn't amused.

"I haven't had a vacation in my whole forty-one years of livin' Jefferson." he said sternly. "There ain't any room in your life for vacations when you're a wheat farmer."

He paused, looked me fully in the face and added.

"And the sooner you learn to accept that, the better off you'll be."

That was my Dad all right. He loved me very much but he was one direct man.

Mother told me the vacations my friends bragged about weren't really all they were cracked up to be. She reminisced about when she was a teenager and used to take vacations with her parents and two younger sisters.

"If you want the honest truth we always came home needing a vacation Jeff." she said. "So you're not missing out on anything sweetheart. Honest."

However her eyes took on a distant look before she added. "Even so it sure would be nice to see the beach again."

I think about where the two of us live now in this beautiful island paradise and smile at the memory of those poignant words.

I wasn't long before I entered my last year of High School and as the year wore on I, like everyone else in my class, began to give some serious thought to my future.

I stupidly believed that like my High school friends I would have a choice about where my life was going to take me.

Boy was I ever wrong about that.

A few of my friends were entering the military but most were going on to College in Kansas City. I was a little torn in both directions. I wanted to study Engineering in College and certainly had the Grades to do it but I'd also been fascinated with flight since I was young. This had pointed me in the direction of the Air Force and I was very enthusiastic when the Air Force Recruitment Officers visited our town and showed me what opportunities were available.

But Dad's highly anticipated crop failed late in my senior year and one night he called me out on the porch of our old farmhouse and told me point blank that I wasn't going to be able to go anywhere the following year. He simply couldn't afford to send me to College and even if he could he needed me to help him with the new crop. He was adamant he didn't want to get back into debt again "after busting his goddamn ass to get out of it" as he so bluntly put it and it was my responsibility as his son to back him up.

My heart fell as he broke the news. I appreciated he couldn't afford to send me to College and didn't intend to argue about that but I at least hoped he would allow me to enlist in the Air Force. I certainly didn't want to stay on at the Farm and tend to a fledgling crop which was at the mercy of the next seasonal disaster.

I opened my mouth to say so but as I did he said.

"A man works his fingers to the bone for a whole year to provide for his family and ends up with nothin' at the end of it. It just ain't right."

I remained silent and watched him as he looked out over the farm.

"Still as your momma says there's always next year." he said trying to reassure himself.

I nodded my head.

I knew my duty simply by his tone. I guessed I would be staying.

"Yes Sir. We'll have better luck next year." I said dutifully and resigned myself to my fate.

I told myself it didn't matter. College would still be there and so would the Air Force. It was only for one year and I wasn't eighteen yet.

But I couldn't fool my mother. She followed me into my room later in the evening and rested an apologetic hand on my shoulder.

"Jeff." she said. "I'm sorry Daddy had to ask you to do this sweetie. I know how hard you've studied so you could leave the farm and make something of yourself."

You see even at seventeen I knew I didn't want to be a Farmer and even though I had never said a word to either of my parents, Mother knew it too.

And for the next two years she watched me work in silent frustration under my Father's direction. You see as it turned out it wasn't only for one year. When the second year came around, things were still bad and Dad told me I had to stay on again.

I told myself again it didn't matter. College would still be there and so would the Air Force. It was only for another year and I wasn't nineteen yet.

But mother knew I tended the crop only because Dad said I had to. She knew I drove the tractor from morning until night only because Dad said it was my job to do it. She watched me rise at dawn and work until dusk seven days a week because I was Grant Tracy's son.

She knew how much I hated it and whilst I didn't realise it showed she saw the unhappiness in my eyes day after day.

She watched from a distance as I sat alone on the porch looking at the sky and wishing I was someplace else.

She knew I wasn't working for my Father because I wanted to.

She knew I was doing it because Dad expected me to.

But she loved Dad and didn't know what the heck to do about the situation.

Her apologetic hand touched my shoulder again.

"Jeff." she said. "I wish I could find the words to make your Daddy understand. But I can't."

Being expected to take over the family farm.

That was the second and biggest of my differences of opinion with my Father.

My third difference of opinion came with Dad's expectation I would find myself a girl and settle down.

"I started dating your momma when she was eighteen." he said. "I married her when she was twenty two. You need to be lookin' around for a nice young lady soon and thinkin' about doin' the same."

I listened to him in silence. At nineteen I wanted to point out that just because he did something that suited him didn't mean I should be expected to do it too.

But I was a Tracy son and Tracy sons did what their Fathers told them to do.

So I said nothing.

I dated a couple of girls to keep him off my back but none of them had what I was looking for in a wife. That was one thing I did find the courage to tell my Father. He frowned and asked me what the heck I WAS looking for. I took the only safe way I knew to get myself out of that one.

"I want to marry someone like Momma." I replied knowing full well that would settle him down.

His face softened as he turned to look at her.

"You'll never find anyone like your momma." he smiled in adoration. "They don't make women like her any more."

Mother blushed and kissed him on the cheek and luckily for my sake the whole situation was diffused.

But my differences of opinion with my Father bubbled underneath my silent obedience.

Until one night he overheard me discussing my unhappiness with Mother and everything came to a head.

I pride myself on being considered somewhat of a brave human being but the night I faced my Father and admitted I wanted a career in the Air Force was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. My Father had worked his whole life on the farm and had made tremendous sacrifices over the years to keep it afloat. He simply didn't understand why I didn't want to do the same thing. I still remember how I felt when his dark blue eyes turned black and his chin lifted in anger. My mouth went dry and I began to shake at what he would say and do to me for daring to dream of having a different life. I cringed and waited to be told I would do as I was told to do and I think I would have been except for the timely intervention of my Mother.

Mother had a way with Dad and his complete and utter love for her stood her (and me) in good stead that night. She suggested a compromise. She'd help him around the farm if need be and I could do four years in the service before returning. Dad wasn't keen but he begrudgingly agreed under her "gentle" persuasion. I was ecstatic. He'd only agreed to four years but the way I figured it four years was better than nothing.

And so I left my family home to begin my career in the Air Force.

Dad's last words to me were. "Boy, you're a Tracy son. Keep your nose clean and stay out of trouble."

Mother's last words were. "Follow your dreams my darling ... and fly."

Stage Two - The Career Man

From the very first day I took control of a jet fighter I knew I had found my niche in the world. Nothing I had ever dreamed of came close to the feeling I experienced as I soared into the air and saw the world for the first time as I wanted to see it. Not sitting on a tractor with dust on my face and the sun at my back but from up in the sky above the clouds where I knew I belonged.

My basic training at the Academy in Colorado had been hard and I watched as a lot of young men fell by the wayside but I gritted my teeth and stuck it out. To me, even the misery of basic training was better than working morning until dusk on the farm. I was trained in my chosen field as a Pilot and after my first test flight my Commander was very keen for me to commence an Engineering degree. I didn't know why and nobody told me, but the truth of the matter I believe was that I was recognised as having a lot of talent. I was keen to embrace everything I could in the four years my Father had agreed to let go of me so I gladly took the opportunity to study too.

Naturally improving my flying skills during the day and studying hard in the evenings didn't leave me a lot of time to socialise so I was never really what you would call "one of the fellas". In some ways I think I was lucky. The guys went out on Saturday nights and got themselves drunk, got themselves a woman and quite a few of them "got themselves an unexpected family." I could imagine Dad if that would have happened to me.

Don't get me wrong I certainly dated women when I was in the Air Force but I guess Dad raised me to respect them a little bit more than some of my buddies. I was certainly no innocent when it came to physical love believe me but I didn't make a habit of trying to find it every time I left the base.

I obtained my Engineering degree in three years and continued to spread my wings in the Force.

Flight was my passion and I had become mighty good at it in a very short time. I pushed myself to the limit and had such a faith in my own ability I held no fear of anything. I was the first to volunteer for special missions and the last fighter back on the ground. I loved it and thrived on the rush it gave me.

As you can imagine with all the flying I was doing I got my certifications out of the way fast and was given more and more freedom in the air. I don't know how it happened but all of a sudden wherever I went I seemed to have one hell of a reputation as a pilot.

I was promoted to Lieutenant and not long after unexpectedly offered a place in Red Flag. If you have ever experienced the feeling of obtaining the ultimate in your life you'll know how I felt when my Commander called me into his Office, stood me to attention and then gave me the news. I swear my feet walked on nothing but air for the next twenty four hours I was so thrilled I was considered to be good enough.

Red Flag.

The dream of every pilot in the Air Force.

To dog fight with the best.

Naturally my elevation to the squadron after only just over three years in the Force put quite a few people in the ranks off side. It never ceases to amaze me how human beings seem to resent others especially when I lived my Father's parting advice to "keep my nose clean" each and every day. I had honestly never done anything to anyone but somehow in doing "nothing" I managed to put one man off side completely.

Captain Randy Davis.

He resented me with a passion.

Davis was the star of Red Flag and to give him his due he was simply the most awesome Pilot I had ever seen. I had a great deal of respect for him and when I was invited into the squadron I made it very clear to him that I did. It was a pity he didn't afford me the same courtesy. He was very unhappy I had been promoted to Red Flag and made his feelings pretty well known right from day one.

He pushed me around and made sarcastic comments about my background every opportunity he got. I've got a pretty even temper on me and it takes a lot to get me riled up about anything but after a while even I started to see red. The other guys said to ignore him. They said he did it to everyone who entered the squadron and it was kind of like an initiation he put everyone through. So I took their advice and copped it on the nose. I was used to saying nothing about how I felt when I was on the farm so it wasn't too difficult.

However my quiet courtesy towards him only seemed to upset him further and the very first exercise I took part in he made a point of cornering me in front of his buddies when I was suiting up to fly.

"You really think you're somethin' special don't you Tracy?" he sneered into my face.

"No Sir." I replied respectfully.

"Yeah you do Kansas boy."

"No I don't Sir." I responded. "I don't think I'm anyone."

He grabbed me by the collar much to the complete delight of his audience.

"Ten years it took me to get to the top in this outfit Tracy." he said in a threatening voice. "And I ain't about to be grounded today by some half smart assed little Farmer boy who calls himself a pilot. You got that?"

"Yes Sir I got it." I said in an even tone.

He pushed me away from him and went to swagger off.

"I warnin' you Lieutenant, you ain't got a chance in hell up there against me." he mocked.

I continued to put on my helmet and before my face disappeared I simply gave him a cocky smile.

"Maybe you're right about that Sir but let's wait and see how it turns out in the air."

With that Captain Randy Davis strode out of the hangar in absolute fury, boarded his signature black aircraft and jetted from the tarmac with only one thing on his mind. Not to lead the Aggressor squadron in an attack against the defence. The bastard only wanted to ground me.

And it was a damn sweet moment when I emerged at the end as the lead pilot in the Defence squadron ... and grounded him.

It was one hell of a dog fight and I nearly had to ditch my jet twice in the middle of it but in the end Davis got what was coming to him and I licked that ignorant bastard's ass for all it was worth.

All I'd wanted from him was mutual respect. What I eventually got in the months that followed was his Squadron leader's position in Red Flag.

However unbeknown to me, not only did I earn the respect of the whole squadron in how I had conducted myself around Davis but two Colonels from NASA had watched our dog fights with avid interest. NASA was considering Randy Davis for a place in the next space programme. They left considering me.

Time marched on and two months after my dust up with Davis I realised the four years my Father had agreed to give me to get flying out of my system was over and he would be expecting me to go home.

And I couldn't. An interview with my Commander soon cleared that up. I owed the Air Force for my education, he said, and I was expected to stay at least another four years.

Besides that, I really didn't want to go home.

I telephoned my Mother to ask for advice.

"Momma I'm expected to re-enlist for another four years and to be quite honest I want to sign up for longer." I admitted. "Flying is all I want to do in my life and that's all there is to it."

Mother of course said with her usual directness.

"Well of course it's all you want to do with yourself Jeff. I know that too."

There was silence on the telephone.

"But your Father won't buy it."

When I didn't reply she added.

"And I'm sure as hell not tellin' him either if that's what you think I'm going to do."

Mother always did everything she could for me but she drew the line there. Our conversation continued and she made it very clear that if I had to re-enlist in the Air Force for another four years I would have to be the one to break the news. And she wouldn't entertain me telling him over the telephone.

"You have the courage to look him in the face and tell him yourself." she insisted. "You at least owe him the courtesy of that."

"OK Momma." I acknowledged. "I guess you're right."

I applied for leave of absence quietly confident Dad would understand. I had kept him informed of my achievements and whilst he'd never openly enthused about them I knew he was pleased I was doing so well. I decided I'd tell him about the dog-fights with Davis knowing he'd get a kick out of hearing about them. Once I did that I'd tell him I had to re-enlist for four years and intended to sign up for eight. I was sure he'd let me if I could convince him I had a future.

My resolve to do as I pleased grew as the open wheat fields of Kansas returned to my sight. Memories of my mundane, unhappy life reared up in my memory. I did not want to return here. I did not want to leave the Air Force and take over the farm. At twenty three I knew what I wanted in my life and sitting on that bus looking at the never-ending miles of flat farming land I decided even if Dad didn't agree with me, I wasn't going to back down.

I guess Mother's already told you about what happened between Dad and me but she probably only knows Dad's side of the story. I left before I told her too much about mine.

Sadly it all started harmlessly enough when I arrived home. After Mother stopped fussing over me and crying at the sight of me in my uniform I looked apprehensively towards the fields.

"If you're looking for your Daddy, he'll be up to have his lunch soon." she said. "Now you watch what you say and when you say it young man. I've got to live with him. You don't.'"

I made a point of taking her advice and when Dad came into the house he smiled from ear to ear and shook my hand firmly.

"You're lookin' wonderful son." were his amiable words as he looked me up and down. "Gotten taller too I swear."

I smiled at him and told him I had gotten broader in the shoulders since the last time I'd seen him but I certainly wasn't growing anymore.

He pondered on that and reached into the refrigerator to find us both a beer.

"Hmmph a man must be shrinkin' then if that's the case."

The three of us had a very pleasant lunch together and Dad listened with great interest when I told him about my dust up with Randy Davis.

"Every man should make a point of respectin' another." he nodded gravely. "The fact that men don't Jeff is one of the problems we got in this stupid world."

That was the moment I should have told him. When he uttered those words I should have said I needed him to respect me as a man too and allow me to stay in the Air Force.

But I didn't.

I foolishly waited until he was back in his beloved wheat field before I broke the news. That was singularly the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life.

After lunch I offered to do the dishes and once that was done I changed out of my uniform and into my normal clothes. After a nervous glance at Mother who was sitting on the back porch sewing, I headed towards the Barn to get Dad's tractor and take it down to the back field.

The back field; the place where everything momentous in our lives seemed to take place.

Dad had proposed to Mother there.

Dad had told me the facts of life there.

It was now about to be the place I broke Dad's heart and told him I wasn't prepared to give up my Air Force career to take over the farm.

The word momentous pales into insignificance when I think about what happened between Dad and me in the hour it took to stand in that field and break the news to him.

At first he thought I was kidding.

I was a Tracy son.

His son.

He had mapped my life out for me from the day I was born.

I was almost twenty four now he said and I needed to settle down.

He said I needed to find myself a wife, update my farming skills and move in the direction he'd laid out for me.

He re-iterated I needed to come home now and take over the farm.

"I want to slow down a bit Jeff." he said firmly, still believing I didn't mean what I was saying. "I'm forty-nine and startin' to feel every minute of it."

His dark blue eyes burrowed into mine.

"And you know as well as I do that for me to slow down you have to take on the responsibility around here."

"I know Dad." I replied, carefully feeling my way. "But ..."

I paused. I loved my Father from the bottom of my heart and I didn't want to hurt him for all the money in the world. But I knew there was no easy way to say what I wanted to say.

So I held his gaze, something I had never done before, swallowed my nerves and continued.

"I don't want to Sir."

I never realised what a deadly quiet place our back wheat field was until that deathly moment.

I looked at Dad. He looked at me.

And there was silence.

Finally the words left his mouth.

"What the hell do you mean you don't want to?"

There was a dangerous bite to every word. The familiar dread I felt whenever I angered my Father returned to the pit of my stomach. You didn't cross Dad. You did what he said when he said it and that was that.

But not this time.

"Daddy ..." I began and immediately cursed myself for being weak. I always called him that when he got the better of me.

I stopped myself.

I was twenty-three.

I was a man.

I was entitled to do what I wanted with my life.

"Dad." I began again. "It's like this. I'm a different person to the one who left here four years ago."

His eyes still had not left mine and in them I saw a quiet rage smouldering. Dad couldn't hide his temper when it got the better of him and it was clearly starting to get the better of him now.

"I ... I am Dad." I stammered.

He continued to survey me in silence.

"All right explain what the heck's different about you then?" he growled. "You've already said you ain't any taller. Lost your faith in God boy is that it?"

I was immediately on the back foot when he bought God into it.

"No Sir." I quavered.

"Well have you lost your values?" he fired back.

"No Sir." I quavered again.

"Have you lost your love of your momma and me?"

"No Sir." I quavered a third time.

He moved forward menacingly and grasped me by the arm.

"Well you ain't no different to the way you were before you left here so don't feed me any of your rubbish boy."

All of a sudden the words erupted from deep within me.

"Dad I've lost the desire to follow in your footsteps that's what I've lost." I blurted loudly. "And hell Sir if you want the honest truth I never had the desire to follow in them in the first place."

I lowered my eyes in sheer panic. I couldn't believe I'd finally said what I'd been thinking my whole entire life. I don't think Dad could believe I said it either. He stood in a stunned silence.

"I'm sorry to be so disrespectful to you Daddy but it's simply the way I feel." I finished in a low voice.

"Look at me boy." he commanded in a tone he had never used before. I nervously complied.

Dad's eyes were jet black and one look at him told me he was about to explode.

"I'm gonna forget I heard you say that to me Jefferson because I know you know you the way things are around here." he rumbled, the words whistling through his clenched teeth. "I've worked these goddamn fields from morning until dusk, seven days a week for more years than I care to remember so I could provide for you and give you a decent education."

"Daddy ...I... I know ..." I began to stammer but there was no way he was going to give me the right of reply.

"I might remind you there were things your Momma should have had that she didn't get because I had to pay for somethin' to do with you. Six winters ago she needed a coat and not because she wanted one either but because her old one was fallin' apart in front of my eyes."

"Daddy ..." I tried to interrupt.

"A God-damned lousy coat Jefferson. "he shouted. "And you must remember when I told her she had to go without it so I could buy you books."

"Daddy I know what sacrifices you and Momma have made for me over the years and I truly appreciate them." I said sincerely. "But Sir ..."

"Well why don't you start showin' your appreciation for once and do what you were brought into this world to do." he barked.

"Brought into this world to do?" I gasped. "Daddy this is my life I'm talkin' about."

"And that's exactly what I'm talkin' about too." he snapped, his eyes still fixed on mine. "I fathered you to replace me on this farm Jefferson and let me tell you right now boy that's exactly what you're gonna do."

Those words angered me beyond reason.

The argument really started then and Dad and I yelled at each other at the tops of our lungs for nearly an hour. In the end I had to walk away from it. He wasn't going to listen to me no matter what I said. He didn't want to hear I wanted to fly. He didn't want to hear I had ambitions to lead and command.

He didn't want to hear anything if it didn't mean I was coming home to take over the farm.

As I turned my back on him to leave he roared at me.

"You owe this family Jefferson. You owe me and your Momma."

I turned back and looked into the face of the man who had given me life. The man who had raised me. The man who had taught me to live within my means and to be grateful for everything I had. The man who had taught me to respect my elders and love my family.

The man who now wanted me to be like him...and I simply didn't want to be.

The tone of my voice lowered.

"I'm sorry to say this to you Daddy but I didn't ask you to bring me into this world." I heard myself say. "And you were supposed to do the things you did for me out of responsibility."

The two of us eyeballed each other before I had the last word for the first time in my life.

"Yes I do owe you Sir but I only owe you my love and respect." I said bluntly. "That's all Daddy ... and I know you don't like what you're hearing right now but I'm afraid that's the way it's going to be."

With that I left my devastated Father standing in the wheat fields and returned to the farmhouse to get my things. Given what had happened between us I knew it would be better if I left before something else was said to make things worse.

Mother allowed me to go but not without pointing out that I should not be walking away from my Father in anger. Fathers and sons needed each other she said and I needed to think about that very carefully before estranging myself from Dad over something as trivial as this.

"That man out there is one of the finest and most decent men God ever breathed life into son." she said gravely. "And he loves you very, very much."

"But Momma ... if he loved me he'd listen to me." I frowned.

"No Jeff, Daddy's not going to listen because he doesn't understand. "she sighed. "But nothing will ever change the love he feels for you in his heart sweetheart, believe me."

Yeah well I had my doubts about that as I sat on the bus thinking about the things he'd said to me. I knew he'd only said them in anger and disappointment but he'd said them all the same.

My ambitions were nothing more than stupid dreams. Flying would never achieve anything for anyone. I owed it to him to take over the farm.

I lifted my chin in defiance.

I desperately wanted my Father to be proud of me but if he couldn't be I guessed I had to learn to live with it. In turn he would have to learn to live with the fact that I intended to follow my dreams and re-enlist in the Air Force.

Standing up to Dad that day was hard but as it turned out it was definitely the right thing to do.

You see two weeks after we argued over my decision to re-enlist in the Air Force I was offered the chance of a lifetime.

Space.

The unknown.

Blackness and mystery where few men ever had the opportunity to venture.

And there I was, now twenty four years of age standing to attention in front of General Casey from NASA and General Blake from the Air Force, listening to something I had never dared to dream about.

They wanted me to be one of them.

NASA was offering me a place as an Astronaut in the next Space Programme. They told me I had been very carefully scrutinised by both NASA and the Air Force over the past twelve months. They added they'd liked what they'd seen. They noted I possessed an Engineering Degree and was working on my Masters. They noted I had been taught to fly by the academy.

"But it takes more than the Air Force Academy to teach a man to fly like you can Lieutenant." General Casey said briskly. "I've never seen anyone handle themselves in the air like you do and I've seen quite a few talented pilots in my time."

I coloured.

"I'm only one of many in Red Flag Sir." I said modestly.

"I don't think so Lieutenant." he said firmly. "As far as I'm concerned you are outstanding and NASA needs talent like yours in the space programme."

I remember being so overcome I could hardly bring myself to speak.

I was being elevated to NASA.

It just refused to sink into my head.

NASA.

It was too good to be true.

NASA.

The word and the prestige associated with it echoed over and over in my head.

The questions began.

Did I understand the long and difficult road ahead of me? Was I aware it would be six years before the mission would come to fruition? Did I understand the expectations of being a part of the NASA Space Programme? Did I acknowledge the need for diplomacy at all times in representing the United States of America?

And lastly... was I prepared to accept the place on the understanding my skills as a pilot would be tested like they had never been tested before and the eyes of the world would be upon me.

"Yes I am Sir." I said without hesitation.

"Good Lieutenant." drawled General Casey trying hard to conceal his elation. "In that case you will be given your orders regarding Houston. These will include you leaving the Air Force by the end of year."

He extended his hand.

"Welcome aboard Lieutenant."

I shook his hand firmly but still completely dazed.

General Blake looked on with satisfaction and extended his hand too.

"I for one will miss your entertaining style Lieutenant." he said benevolently. "Red Flag's been a damned fine outfit with you in its midst."

I reddened again and shook it.

"Thank you Sir." was all I could think of to say.

I was then dismissed.

I strode down the draughty corridor with my head in the clouds. I could hardly wait to telephone Mother and Dad to tell them what had happened. This was the most exciting thing to ever happen to our family. An Astronaut who hailed from a simple wheat farm in Kansas... I smiled from ear to ear. Dad would have to be proud of me now.

But do you know what? When I told Dad the news he hardly said a thing. Mother was absolutely beside herself with pride but Dad ... well ...space travel meant nothing to him. It was just another of my stupid dreams and by the sound of it a very dangerous one into the bargain.

I hung up the telephone bitterly disappointed at his reaction or should I say lack of it. What more did I have to do?

My disappointment only served to strengthen my resolve further.

As far as I was concerned nothing Dad or anyone said was going to stop me now.

I was on my way to Houston to make my mark in the world.

Stage 3 - The Man in Love

I left the Air Force on the latest possible date that I could and as per my orders I reported to NASA in Texas to begin my training. The base in Houston was completely amazing and my experiences in the Air Force paled into insignificance when I saw what lay ahead of me there.

I was introduced to the other three Astronauts who had been accepted into the programme. We all seemed to hit it off immediately which was good because we would be spending an awful lot of time together over the next six years.

However I was mindful of my background and felt very threatened when I learned all three of them had Doctorates in Engineering. It was painfully apparent that not only was I the youngest but the least qualified.

But I reassured myself I wasn't there for my Engineering background. I was there because I was able to fly.

My role was clear. It would be my responsibility to control the mighty yellow rocket ship already under construction. The ship would take us to the moon in just under six year's time to pioneer colonisation. In the meantime I would be piloting the three preliminary shuttle expeditions planned for eighteen months, thirty six months and forty eight months. The concept of the whole thing was daunting ... fascinating ...terrifying and humbling.

But irrespective of all of that, I still felt inadequate about my education and decided to step up the study for my Master's degree. So, like the old days I went back to spending most of my nights alone in my modest one bedroom apartment with my nose stuck in an Engineering book. I didn't go out much, not only because I was determined to improve myself but also because there was suddenly a lot of media attention on me with the announcement of the moon mission.

I simply hated being the centre of attention; I still do if you want the honest truth, so I preferred to stay home as much as I could.

The media attention spiralled out of control and soon entered the International arena. Colonisation was a global issue and it came as no surprise to NASA Officials that other countries wanted all the information they could about what was going on. The President decided it would be advantageous to send the four of us to strategic locations around the world to expose the concept internationally. He took the decision six months into my training in Houston. It was a political decision we were told and subsequently warned to be extremely careful in what we said to anyone. Our own opinions were not to be offered at any time. We could only read the statements given to us by NASA.

When I told Mother I was embarking on a two week tour of seven countries she instantly started to worry. I think the fact I was leaving the United States was bad enough but the reality that I didn't have a steady girl to be faithful to while I was gone really had her with her worry beads out.

"There are all sorts of diseases you can catch in some of those countries. "she warned me without batting an eyelid. "I'm sure your Father's spoken to you about how you go about getting them Jeff so make sure you pay attention to his words."

Gosh it was hard not to laugh at that one. I hadn't had time to catch anything but my breath since I'd been in Houston and I was sure it would be no different when I was overseas. Our itinerary was already mapped out. We were to visit seven nominated bases, read our pre-written statements and then attend receptions as Ambassadors for NASA. I don't know at what point Mother thought I might find the time to catch the diseases she was referring to but it was obvious she needed assurance I didn't intend to try.

I told her not to worry. Dad had spoken to me about the need to be careful at great length before I joined the Air Force.

"Mmmm." she frowned totally unconvinced.

And thus our tour began with me at the helm of our transportation. The familiar rush came back as we left the tarmac in Houston and headed into the sky. It was great to be back in the air again after six months of psychological tests and training in simulators.

But as I set course for London, little did I know my life was about to change completely.

There was someone in London I was destined to meet.

Someone who stole my heart and made it her own from the very first second I laid eyes on her.

Someone who was the most precious and beautiful possession I ever had in my life.

Lucy...

Ummm ...

Yeah...

I'm sorry. I'll be over this in a minute. I've swallowed this lump in my throat more times than I care to remember. I just wish Virgil didn't look so much like her. It's really hard to get my head together when her face is looking right at me.

Lucille Amanda Evans or Lucy as she preferred to be called was the daughter of one of the Chiefs of Civilian Staff at the Air Force base in London. Fate caused us to cross paths at the first reception in England. Her Mother had been unable to attend the reception owing to illness and from what I can gather Lucy drew the short straw and had to accompany her Father instead.

As with the receptions I'd attended in the States there were so many strange faces in the one place I failed to notice her at first. I was too busy shaking hands with dignitaries and answering the same questions over and over again to pay particular attention to anyone.

A little later in the evening I took refuge in a darkened corner of the room with the sole objective of having a quiet drink on my own and trying to get my head together. This sort of stuff was full on and I was really out of my comfort zone with some of the questions I was being asked.

I don't know what made me look at her, she always joked it was her magnetic personality but all of a sudden my eyes were inexplicably drawn in the direction of John Bradley Evans. He was talking to a group of his colleagues at the time and beside him, looking very uncomfortable, was Lucy.

I sympathised with her immediately. Like me, she really looked like she wished she was someplace else.

Our eyes met.

She smiled at me.

I didn't smile back.

Believe me I would have, but all the air in my lungs had left me and I was having trouble breathing let alone smiling. She was so breathtakingly beautiful I couldn't believe I was actually seeing her for a few minutes. My eyes took in every minute detail of her and I almost had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

In front of me was a girl with long curly chestnut hair which fell over her shoulders and framed her pretty elfin-like face; a girl with big brown eyes which seemed to have some sort of magic sparkle to them; a girl with slim, curvaceous body accentuated in all the right places by the fabulous reddish brown dress that she wore; a girl with soft, full lips and a smile made in heaven.

God I still see her in my mind and even now my body begins to stir when I think about how fabulous she looked that night.

I don't know how long I stood there like a love-struck fool but I finally snapped out of it long enough to go over there and introduce myself. By that time her Father had excused himself and she was standing completely alone.

"Hello." I said in my best mannered voice. "I couldn't help but notice you were on your own over here and looked like you needed rescuing."

I received a grateful smile from her in return.

"Yes I do thank you." she replied in her beautiful soft English voice. "I'm way out of my depth here at the moment I'm afraid."

I smiled back. She was even more beautiful up close than she was from a distance and had a lovely, friendly manner about her.

"I know what you mean about being out of your depth." I said sincerely. "I feel exactly the same way too."

We smiled shyly at each other again.

"It's nice to meet you anyway." she began. "My name's Lucy. Lucy Evans."

I nodded my head at her.

"Hello Lucy. I'm Jeff Tracy."

"I already know who YOU are!" she exclaimed. "You're on the front page of every newspaper in the world at the moment in case you haven't noticed."

"Oh I've noticed all right." I sighed. "Boy have I noticed."

She tilted her head to one side as if assessing me carefully.

"You don't sound like you're too crazy about all the publicity."

"I'm just not used to it I guess." I found myself confiding in her. "I'm ... I don't know ... I guess I'm a private person."

"Yes I can tell that about you already." she observed seriously.

Despite the fact I was blinded by her physical beauty I immediately recognised she had other beautiful qualities which attracted me. She was gracious, honest and open.

"Would you like to have a drink and talk with me for a while?" I offered, motioning the drinks waiter in our direction.

"As long as you take me back to where you were hiding before." she grinned.

As I took two glasses of champagne from the tray and handed one to her, I pretended to be surprised.

Her face lit up with amusement.

"Oh come on Jeff ... I saw you looking at me from the shadows before you came over here." she admonished me.

I went beetroot red at her forthrightness.

"Well I guess you've caught me out Lucy." I confessed guiding her in the direction of the darkened corner. "But it's a really good spot not to be noticed I think you'll find."

And so our conversation that night continued. We stood together for over three hours talking about everything. She didn't seem to care too much about the mission and I immediately appreciated that after all the questions I faced earlier. Lucy only wanted to know about me. And let me say I certainly wanted to know a heck of a lot more about her.

But unfortunately as with everything good, it soon came to an abrupt end.

"I see you've met my daughter Major. "John Bradley Evans suddenly boomed in a disapproving voice behind me. "You won't mind of course if I take her home now."

"Excuse me please Dad ..." Lucy frowned. "Jeff and I were in the middle of a conversation."

My eyes opened in surprise. It was plain from Lucy's tone that she had a mind of her own and didn't appreciate the interruption.

"Yes I've noticed the two of you have been conversing all evening." her Father replied with ice in his tone. "... and I'm sure by now the Major is grateful to be given the opportunity to excuse himself and speak to someone else."

He walked between the two of us and shoved her coat into her hand.

"Come on then Lucille." he said. "I'm sure what the Major has had to say to you was most interesting but it's time we were getting home."

She looked at him and sighed in resignation.

"All right Dad but can you please give me a few minutes to at least say a proper goodbye to Jeff?"

He looked at me dubiously but in the end he nodded his head and left us alone.

"He'd wrap me up in cotton wool if he could." she sulked. "I'm twenty two you know Jeff. I'm a grown woman if he'd care to open his eyes for a change and notice it."

I didn't tell her I'd certainly noticed she was a woman in more ways than one. I shrugged my shoulders.

"My Father's exactly the same." I complained. "I'd still be sitting on a tractor in Kansas if he'd had his way."

I looked nervously towards John Evans who stood near the door with his arms folded, glaring in our direction and looking at his watch.

"He certainly seems anxious for you to go." I commented.

For the first time in three hours an awkward silence now fell between us.

"Well ... I guess this is goodbye then." I reluctantly began. "I ... I really ended up enjoying this evening Lucy. To be honest I wasn't enjoying it at all until we met."

She fixed those beautiful brown eyes on mine.

"I enjoyed it too Jeff." she smiled. "Thank you for rescuing me when you did."

"You're welcome." I smiled back.

I swallowed hard. I really wanted to see her again and was trying to think of a way I'd be able to do it. But I knew I was clutching at straws. I was headed for Paris in the morning and that was that.

"I have the evening off tomorrow night." I suddenly said hopefully. "How hard would it be for you to join me in Paris for dinner?"

She looked at me with complete surprise before biting her lip and frowning.

"I don't know if I'd be able to do that Jeff."

"Oh." I breathed in disappointment. "That's a shame."

"I didn't say I wouldn't though." she winked.

My heart lifted.

"But it's awfully long way to go just to get some dinner." she mused.

My heart sank.

"Oh well." I shrugged accepting the fact I was destined never to see her again. "It seemed like a good idea in theory."

And with that I saw John Evans look at his watch for the tenth time in two minutes and roll his eyes in aggravation.

"I think you'd better go now Lucy." I urged her. "By the looks of things your Father's had enough of the waiting."

I held out my hand and shook hers.

"It's been really nice meeting you ma'am." I said sincerely. "Maybe I'll see you again some day."

She looked into my eyes and said mischievously.

"Well you will if you're buying me Dinner in Paris won't you?"

My eyes widened.

"You mean it Lucy?" I breathed in elation.

She nodded her head.

"Of course I do. I don't know what Mum and Dad are going to say about me seeing you again but to be quite honest with you Jeff I don't really care what they think."

I looked in the direction of John Evans once more and worriedly contemplated the consequences.

"Gee Lucy I sure don't want to get off side with your Father."

She ran her hand through her curls and said defiantly. "I'm twenty two Jeff. My Father has nothing to do with this."

With that we exchanged telephone numbers and parted. I don't know how the heck Lucy felt after our first meeting but it certainly affected me. I went back to my hotel in a complete daze and lay on my back in the darkness with my head spinning. My stomach and chest hurt like crazy. My heart wouldn't slow down. I had never felt this way before. I closed my eyes and began to wonder. Could it be possible that after only three hours in the company of Lucy Evans I had fallen in love with her?

Mother answered that question for me almost before the words left my mouth.

"No it is NOT possible young man." she snapped in a terse and very disgruntled voice. "It's down right ridiculous for a start. I knew this trip overseas was going to get you into trouble."

After a few minutes her hackles seemed to go down.

"Anyway you're leaving London tomorrow aren't you?"

You can imagine her reaction when I said yes I was leaving London but Lucy was coming to Paris to have dinner with me.

"You make sure your wallet is well and truly hidden under the mattress do you hear me?" she demanded. "Better still hand it in at the front desk. I don't trust girls like her. "

"Momma you don't even know her." I laughed.

"I don't have to." she snapped suspiciously. "Girls like that are all the same. Out for everything they can get."

"No momma. Trust me. Lucy's not anything like that."

"How the hell would you know? You've only known her three hours longer than I have."

"I know enough." I re-iterated. "I'm telling you mom, Lucy's the one. She's just perfect."

"Oh Jeff for goodness sake settle yourself down." were her parting words before she hung up.

Well I think if you asked mother about Lucy now she'd admit to you that for once in her life she was wrong. Lucy Evans turned out to be the one all right. By the time another four months had passed, even though I had only met her in person three times, I was completely, totally and utterly in love with her and nobody could convince me otherwise.

I tried really hard not to fall in love with her believe me.

After our evening together in Paris and my feelings for her intensified I forced myself to take a step back and look at things as they really were. I was in the Space Programme and had a job to do for my country. It wasn't practical for me to be in love with someone on the other side of the world. Besides, I told myself firmly, what I was feeling for Lucy Evans wasn't love. I hadn't even plucked up the courage to hold her hand.

But I wrote to her and called her once a week from Houston. And I thought about her all the time.

Four months after we first met I had a few days off and instead of going home to the farm like I usually did, I said nothing to Mother and returned to London. Lucy happily agreed to see me again. When I saw her the feelings I denied existed crashed in on me with a vengeance. She was prettier than I'd ever remembered her to be and before I'd even said hello my stomach started hurting again and my heart began to race. I shook my head at the obvious. I was in love with this girl and it was pointless pretending I wasn't.

Once I'd admitted it to myself the rest came more easily. I took her hand with confidence as we left the airport together and she squeezed mine too.

We laughed and talked all the way to my hotel. We laughed and talked over Lunch and Dinner. We didn't stop laughing and talking the whole time I was over there. We just had so much to say to each other about everything and such a short time to say it in. The days went by so fast when I was with her and before I knew it, it was time for me to go again.

The last afternoon I was there the two of us walked together one last time before I left to go to the airport. It was a beautiful spring afternoon and we'd stopped under a tree in the nearby park. I'd given her a small gift to remember me by. We had our arms around each other. She was looking up at me and smiling.

My blue eyes looked deeply into her brown ones searching for the answer to a question I didn't have the courage to ask her. Did she love me the same way I loved her? The answer was there without either of us saying a word.

Our first real kiss just seemed to happen then and as all the emotion I felt finally found an outlet, it grew and grew and grew into something I'll never forget until the day I die. I buried my face in her lavender scented curls and kissed her neck, quietly murmuring the words I'd wanted to say to her for nearly four months.

"I love you."

Her pretty face lit up with happiness. I knew right then and there my instincts were right. Those beautiful brown eyes held a love for me too and it had nothing to do with who I was or what I was ear-marked to achieve. This made leaving her harder than ever.

"I don't want to go back." I sighed.

"You have to go back Jeff, you know that." she pointed out in her practical voice. "You've got an important job to do and you can't do it if you start wishing you were someplace else."

I held her tighter. I knew she was right but I also knew I was about to enter a critical phase of my training for the first shuttle expedition. NASA wouldn't give me any more leave until that was done. The training period was eight months. I swallowed hard. There was no way I could wait eight whole months to be with her again.

"Lucy... I want you to come to the States and be with me." I blurted suddenly and without thinking. "I know we hardly know each other but ..."

I pulled away from her. What the hell was I saying? I seemed to have lost all sense of reason since I'd met her. I couldn't ask a girl I'd only met three times to pack up her life and come halfway across the world to be with me. I was simply making a complete fool of myself.

"Forget it." I said feeling like an idiot. "It's a stupid idea and I don't even know why I suggested it."

I was silent with embarrassment before I took hold of her hand and began to walk with a purpose towards my hotel.

"Come on. We'd better be getting back before I say something else I'll regret."

She pulled me to a standstill and looked back into my eyes with that special gift she possessed to quiet me.

"Don't say that Jeff. I'd like to think about it if you don't mind." she said solemnly. "OK?"

My head was in the clouds when she said that and all the way home I hoped against the odds she would think it was worthwhile for us to try and make a go of our fledgling relationship.

Well when Lucy Evans said she had a mind of her own she wasn't kidding. Three months later much to the complete disapproval of her parents and mine and much to my extreme elation, Lucy left her family and friends to come and live with me in Houston.

When Lucy arrived I was happy, nervous, apprehensive and ecstatic all at once. Having her live with me would be like having a wife except of course for the bedroom arrangements. Contrary to what everyone was thinking I had every intention of being the perfect gentleman with that side of things until we decided if we were meant to be together. Then and only then would it become appropriate.

Thus Lucy moved into my bedroom and I took up permanent residence on the couch. Naturally Mother didn't believe the innocence of the arrangements and I indignantly informed her she was wrong.

"It's not like that with Lucy and me." I told her. "All I've ever done is kiss her Momma and that's the honest truth."

Mother of course still didn't believe a word of it.

"Anyway when do I get to meet this Lucy?" she demanded. "I know your Father certainly wants to get a good look at her."

"Why?" I said in an annoyed voice. "Does he think she has two heads or something?"

"That's enough of your sarcasm Jeff Tracy." she snapped back. "For once in my life I'm in complete agreement with your Father. I think we have the right to see what the mother of our Grandchild looks like."

My eyes opened wide in horror.

"GRANDCHILD????" I exclaimed loudly. "There's no Grandchild! I think if anyone needs to settle down at the moment it's YOU Momma!"

And so before my Mother could come up with any more harebrained ideas as to why I had been so desperate to bring Lucy to the States, I decided I'd better take her with me to Kansas to meet them. Lucy was very nervous about it especially when I filled her in on what my Father could be like but she held her own without too much trouble.

Once Mother saw her and satisfied herself Lucy's super flat stomach bore no signs of pregnancy, she was immediately accepted. Dad on the other hand was very stand offish not only with Lucy but with me as well. Mother said he was unhappy the two of us were living together and thought it was a disgrace. I should have had the decency to marry her first he'd said... and bring her home with me to live on the farm.

I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

"Not that again!!! When is Dad going to get it through his head I am not coming home to live on the farm!" I snapped. "And as for the rest of it, I'm telling you for the last time momma I am not sleeping with Lucy! I haven't touched her and I have no intention of touching her!"

If only things had stayed that way that's all I can say.

I know I have to confess to this because Mother's holding it over my head like a ransom note at the moment and I hate the fact that she is. Every time I want to admonish Alan for his behaviour with Tin-Tin she reminds me of it. I absolutely can't stand it and it's even worse because I know I can't say a damn thing in my defence.

You see the very next night after my outburst about the innocence of our relationship, Lucy and me...

I still don't know how it happened ... honestly I don't. I only went in to say good night to her ... next thing I knew ... Oh God I may as well just come clean and admit it ... the two of us let our guard down and we had sex together ... not once but twice.

And yes both of us were unprotected at the time.

And yes I should have had more sense.

And yes my parents heard the whole darned thing from their bedroom next door

There I've admitted it mother OK? I'm not proud of it and it wasn't anything like the passionate experiences we shared later on when we made our sons together but it was full-blown sex in its rawest form which ever way you look at it and I'd wanted to have it with her from the very first moment we met.

Now I'm not mentioning it anymore does everyone understand? Not to you, not to Mother and certainly not to my sons.

The two of us returned to Houston after that night and once we had the proper protection in place we pretty well began living together as a couple. I fell deeper and deeper in love with her with each day that passed. I didn't think I could love her anymore than I did in the beginning but I was wrong.

We started to share the little things that make life special and memorable ... nights together watching TV on the couch, altercations over blankets before simply snuggling up together in each other's arms; twilight walks holding each other's hands...where we talked about life and what our future together might hold.

"I'm going to be a billionaire one day you know Luce." I joked squeezing her to me and kissing the top of her head. "And I'll be able to afford to buy you anything you want."

"Sure you will Mr. Big-shot!" she mocked me wrapping her arms around my waist. "I hope I live long enough to see that!"

Yeah well ... we all know she didn't.

Mmmm...

But I was just so grateful I had her with me back then. I needed her quiet reassurance more than she ever realised as the first shuttle mission approached and once again the eyes of world were upon me.

The mission was set for January and a few days before Christmas after thinking long and hard about the implications, I made the biggest decision of my life. I didn't have a clue how to go about what I needed to do and who I could trust to help me get it right but somehow I managed to bumble my way through the entire process without too much trouble.

Amongst the hustle and bustle of the Christmas crowds and feeling very conspicuous with all the stares I was receiving courtesy of the mission, I walked home alone quietly contemplating my actions.

I'd just blown every cent I had on an engagement ring for Lucy.

I knew it was time to commit myself to her properly, not only because it was the right thing to do but because I loved her from the bottom of my heart and I wanted her to be with me forever.

Ummm... Scott's got his Mother's ring now. I gave it to him a while back for when he ...ummm ...

Yeah ...

You know, I don't know why the thought of Lucy's engagement ring upsets me. When I proposed to her on Christmas morning and she accepted it was the happiest day of my life.

I guess it's the thought that if she was still with me she'd be wearing something much more expensive... but then again maybe not. Luce was never a material person. She loved people, not things. She was thrilled with the ring but more thrilled because I'd asked her to marry me. As for me, I was delighted at the thought she was going to be my wife.

However her parents were less than pleased about it as you can imagine. They had continued to hope our relationship would turn sour and she would return home. Now it was obvious she wasn't going to be going anywhere and whilst they congratulated us on our engagement, I could tell by their tone they were not impressed at all.

I understood their concerns. My job was dangerous and it didn't pay all that well either. I wasn't brave enough to tell them I had no money at all now after buying Lucy the ring.

Mother was ecstatic and Dad seemed pleased enough too. He liked Lucy but he didn't like the fact she sided with me in everything to do with my career. Dad and I had had one too many altercations over my career choice as well as my living arrangements in Houston over the past few months. At least the fact I was getting married made him feel a little bit happier. The impending shuttle mission certainly didn't.

Dad was very concerned as the mission approached.

The day the Shuttle blasted off he drove Mother down to Houston to see me. I had already said my private goodbyes to Lucy earlier in the day and she stood back and watched as Mom and Dad said their goodbyes too. Mother was a mess...bursting with pride, bursting with emotion, and finally as I kissed her and told her I loved her, bursting into tears. Lucy came forward to comfort her.

"Don't worry Mrs Tracy. He'll be all right." she soothed looking at me over the top of Mother's head and giving me a brave and beautiful smile. "Jeff's the best in the business remember?"

"Of course I know you're right dear." Mother said reaching for her handkerchief. "It's just that he's my only son. "

She started crying again. That was the end of Dad then. He'd remained silent until now. He pulled me into his arms not caring who was watching and hugged me to him for everything he was worth.

"I'm proud of you son." he said beginning to cry. "You take good care of yourself up there you hear me now?"

I couldn't believe it. He'd finally said he was proud of me...after all these years.

"I will Daddy." I said holding in my own emotions and hugging him tightly in return. "I'll be back before you know it Sir."

"You just make sure that you are." he swallowed. "You've got a young lady in your life you have to consider now."

I looked over at Lucy and then back at my Father.

"Yes Sir I know."

And thus began the space career of Major Jefferson Grant Tracy, United States Astronaut. I had just celebrated my twenty-sixth birthday.

I am at a loss for words when I think about the euphoria I experienced on that first mission into space. I can't describe it. Honestly it would take too long and I wouldn't even know where to begin. But let me say this; what mankind had achieved in allowing me the privilege of taking the helm of that shuttle is nothing other than brilliant.

The mission went without a hitch and NASA was extremely pleased with the performance of all the Astronauts. Plans were immediately begun for Mission Number Two without allowing us to take an inward breath. The count down to the moon mission had fallen under the four year mark and the massive yellow rocket ship was on course in its construction.

The training intensified. The expectations became higher. The pressure on me escalated.

In more ways than one...

Five weeks after the first mission I came home from work in a bad mood after a particularly difficult and stressful day. I didn't often get in moods but today nothing had gone right. The equipment I was testing failed, I'd overstepped the mark when I was ordered to test it again and to top it all off the car got a flat tyre on the way home. All I wanted was some sympathy and a little understanding but Lucy didn't even smile at me when I walked through the door.

I shook my head at her and threw my briefcase on the floor. She'd been acting like the world was going to end for the past two weeks and I was starting to get a bit sick of it. I knew if I said so we'd end up in an argument so I flopped myself down on the couch, toyed with my Engineering book for a while and then turned on the television. The hours passed and I started to get hungry. That made my mood ten times worse.

"Lucy!" I snapped flicking from one channel to the other. "What the heck do I have to do to get some dinner around here?"

With that she came and stood in front of the couch winding her fingers together nervously. I was too busy thinking of myself to notice she had been crying.

"Jeff ..." she began.

"What?" I frowned without looking up.

"Jeff ... I'm late."

I still didn't look up.

"Damn right it's late Lucy! It's nearly eight thirty and we still haven't eaten."

She burst into tears.

"Jeff ... you're not listening to me... "

Lucy had never cried before and at the sight of her tears my mood immediately disappeared. I motioned her to come and sit down beside me and once she did I quietly placed my arm around her shoulders.

"Hey princess I'm sorry. I'm listening to you now OK?" I said softly. "Tell me what the matter is."

She looked into my eyes with tears gushing out of hers.

"Like I said I'm late... three whole weeks."

I looked at her not comprehending what she was on about. I guessed I was tired and preoccupied and really didn't want do too much thinking at nine o'clock on the evening.

"What do you mean?" I asked in a blank and tired voice.

"Oh Jeff how can you be so brilliant at everything and not know what a girl being late means?" she sniffled in exasperation. "I think I'm pregnant ... that's what it means."

I did nothing but stare at her in complete shock.

"Oh my God." I breathed numbly. "Lucy ... you can't be."

"Jeff I'm so sorry. I only forgot once. I swear." she continued looking up at me in devastation. "I can't believe this has happened to me. Honestly I don't want a baby any more than you do at the moment."

I looked back at her in silence but contrary to what she was expecting nothing but pure happiness lit up my eyes. She might have thought she knew me well but she was completely wrong about how I felt about us having children.

I smoothed back her hair and quieted her with a kiss on her lips.

"Hey there baby girl." I said in a gentle voice. "You stop all this crying right now huh?"

I tilted her chin to mine and said in a calm and steady voice.

"There is nothing in this world that I want more than a baby of my own."

I leaned forward and kissed her again.

"And especially one I've made with you."

Her tearful eyes scanned mine.

"You ... you mean it Jeff?" she blubbered.

"Of course I mean it." I replied pointing to the engagement ring on her finger. "This means for life in case you've forgotten."

She wiped her eyes and began to calm down a little. "I've been so scared about having to tell you. I've been trying to think of how I could ... and what you'd say and ..."

"Lucy we have to get married straight away." I interrupted. "Before ... um ..."

I paused and quickly added.

"...before much longer."

I was going to say before our parents found out about the baby but I very wisely didn't. Lucy was miserable enough.

After a little while she ended up bringing up the subject herself.

"I didn't want to be pregnant on my wedding day." she moped. "My Father told me I would be for sure and I really wanted to prove him wrong."

"Luce no-one has to know about the baby but us." I assured her. "We just have to keep quiet for a couple of weeks after the wedding that's all."

She looked doubtful.

"Babies are born early all the time." I said. "No-one's gonna work it out."

"Your mother will."

"No she won't."

"Yes she will."

"Now how's she gonna do that?"

"She just will."

I ended up kissing her on the lips to get her to stop arguing with me.

"You are going to be the most fantastic mother Lucy Evans." I whispered in adoration running my hand through her curls and wrapping my free arm around her.

"And you'll be the most wonderful Father." she replied snuggling into my chest.

"I can hardly wait Princess." I said meaning every word of it.

A baby of our own. I was simply delighted.

The two of us got married in Paris two weeks after that, using the excuse that I didn't want to have a wedding to worry about when I had so much other pressure on me with the second mission approaching. Lucy's parents were all right with the sudden arrangements and luckily Dad'd had a good year on the farm and was able to afford to fly to Paris with Mother for the ceremony.

Lucy looked positively radiant on our wedding day and I wore my dress uniform. John Bradley Evans shook my hand and finally welcomed me into their family. Dad kissed Lucy and finally welcomed her into ours. Lucy's Mother cried. My Mother cried. Lucy cried.

And just between you and me; so did I.

But my tears didn't fall until I held her naked in my arms on our wedding night and realised just how much responsibility I now had in my life ... a wife, a child and a duty to my country. I sobbed my god-damned heart out as I clasped that beautiful girl to my chest and watched her sleep. She was everything to me.

And .... ummm ... she still is.

Yeah ...

NASA was only able to spare me for a couple of days and after only a three day break, I was ordered to return to the States. Lucy teased me and warned she expected to be compensated for the lack of a decent honeymoon.

"I hardly got to know my new husband the whole thing was so short." she grinned mischievously.

I teased her just as mischievously reminding her that the reason we had to get married so fast in the first place was because she'd gotten to know me a little "too well" for her own good.

Not that she needed reminding about that. The poor girl was sick every minute of the day and announced on more than one occasion our plans for having three children were seriously in jeopardy.

"If this is what it's like you can have the next one." she groaned running to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. "This is horrible."

However the morning sickness was the least of our worries in the weeks following the wedding. The two of us were more concerned that Lucy's body would show outward signs that would give away our secret before we did. Luckily at twelve weeks when I "broke" the news to both sets of parents she was still fairly flat.

Just as well she was. Mother was down to Houston like a flash she was so excited.

"The end of May will be here before you know it dear." she enthused before turning to me. "I hope you're going to find a bigger place for your family to live."

I nodded my head and told her we would be moving into a three bed-roomed place as soon as it became available.

"Well don't leave it too long." she warned. "May is only seven and a half months away you know."

"She's going to find out Jeff." Lucy began again.

"She won't."

"She will."

Thank goodness for us the baby was late. Lucy had been told she would deliver around March 20 and not May 18 as we had told our parents. We crossed our fingers and prayed for the baby to stay put. March moved into April much to our relief but early on April 4 Lucy woke me in a flap.

"Jeff." she grimaced as I opened my eyes and looked at her stupidly. "I think the baby's coming."

"It can't be. "I joked rolling over on my side and pretending to go back to sleep. "It's not due until May 18."

Lucy wasn't amused and she became less and less amused as the hours passed and she experienced what could only be described from where I sat as a dreadfully painful experience. The doctor said the baby was very big and by the lack of progress in the labour it seemed he was in no hurry to present himself to the world either.

"Mrs Tracy." her Doctor said. "I really do recommend you accept at least some pain relief. You are clearly very uncomfortable and things are going to get a lot rougher for you yet."

Lucy shook her head stubbornly. She was emphatic drugs and pregnancy didn't mix and in her opinion that included the birth. I thought she was crazy when I saw how much she was suffering and desperately tried to get her to change her mind.

"You're not having this baby Jeff. I am!" she forced through her lips as another contraction took a hold of her. I watched her bite her lips until they bled. This went on for nearly twenty hours until my first son finally decided to enter the world. I watched in awe as she endured nothing less than pure agony as he was delivered.

"We have ourselves a boy." the Doctor announced as if he'd done the whole thing himself.

He hadn't been wrong when he said the baby was going to be big. He was big all right... all nine pound fourteen of him and he let out one hell of an unhappy wail to announce his arrival too. The tears rolled down my face as his cries became stronger.

A son ... my son ...

I looked at Lucy who had collapsed back on the pillows in exhaustion. I squeezed her hand and kissed her tear-stained cheek.

"Our son." I said proudly.

"No more babies Jeff." she whimpered almost delirious. "Please ...you can't ask me to go through this again."

She was out to it after that and consequently I was given the honour of holding our newborn son in my arms. Words can't describe my feelings of what was so right with the world as I looked into the eyes of baby Scott Carpenter Tracy and leaned forward to kiss his tiny head. This was what life was all about, not flying a jet at suicidal speed or blasting off into space at the helm of a space shuttle. Life was about this tiny little scrap of humanity Lucy and I had made together nine months before who had now unwittingly made us a Family.

He was so perfect... so defenceless ... so utterly special ...

I look at my first born now as he stands over there talking to his brother. Life is still all about family to me and I am fiercely proud of my eldest son and everything he has achieved in his life.

Speaking of the family, once I was sure Lucy and Scott were all right I cringed and went to find a telephone. I had to call our parents and tell them Lucy had delivered "early".

I felt like I was robbing the bank or something as I picked up the receiver and dialled the numbers. It was only a white lie and it certainly wasn't hurting anybody but the thought of lying to Lucy's parents and mine felt like I was committing perjury.

I called Lucy's first. They were a bit concerned initially but once I'd explained everything was fine they relaxed and offered their congratulations. I quickly got off the telephone before they had a chance to ask me too many questions.

I wish I'd had the same luck with my Mother. I swear that woman didn't take a breath for five minutes when she heard the news.

How could he be six weeks early? Was Lucy doing too much? Why the hell did I let her? What brought the labour on? Was Lucy all right? Was the baby all right? Who did he look like? What colour was his hair? What was his name? And finally ... I screwed up my face as the dreaded words came out... how big was he?

"Uhh... big the Doctor said for a baby born so early." I said carefully.

"Well how big's big?" Mother demanded.

"Nine pounds fourteen momma." I said in a very quiet voice.

"NINE POUNDS FOURTEEN?" she exclaimed in complete disbelief. "You're kidding me aren't you Jeff?

"No ma'am. That's how big he is." I replied meekly.

Somehow I got the impression I didn't fool Mother with the premature bit. She and Dad came down to Houston to see Scott a few days later and as Mother held him in her arms she turned and gave both Lucy and me "the look" I used to receive as a child when I didn't tell her the truth. She never said a word to either of us but somehow I think she knew she didn't have to. The comment she passed to Dad said it all.

"My goodness, nearly ten pounds huh? Those vitamins Lucy was taking must have been really good wouldn't you say Grant?"

"Yeah ... real good." Dad frowned casting a disapproving glare in my direction. It was obvious he wasn't fooled with the premature story either.

Lucy made a slow recovery from the birth and luckily for both of us Scott was a perfect baby. He slept when he was supposed to and fed like there was no tomorrow. Mother stayed on for a while to help Lucy adjust to Motherhood which was a godsend as I was working almost eighteen hours a day in preparation for the mission.

I hardly saw Lucy or Scott in those months and I really started to become unhappy about the lack of balance between my family life and my career. Scott was growing so fast and it seemed like I was always missing something important he was doing. One minute I'd missed his first smile, the next minute I'd missed him rolling himself over.

"There has to be more to life than this." I complained to Lucy after another stressful day at the base.

She stroked my hair as we sat curled up together on the couch enjoying some rare time together alone with the baby.

"Sweetheart it's your job and you know it can't be helped at the moment" she reassured me. "Scott adores you. You've only got to look at him to know that."

I looked down at my baby son lying wide awake in my arms. He smiled at me and reached out a tiny hand to touch my face. My hand closed over his and I smiled in return. He was a bright little guy and very advanced for four months. He gurgled with delight at the attention I was giving him and before I knew it the two of us were laughing out loud together.

My unhappiness faded. Lucy was right. Scott and I had an extremely close and special bond. We still do.

But the bond I was concerned about was the one I had with Lucy.

With all the extra work and the time spent with the baby I began to worry myself senseless that I was not paying enough attention to her. One of the other Astronauts had just separated from his wife as a result of the mission commitments and I was terrified the same thing might happen to me. Lucy was my world and I wanted it to stay that way.

I made a very big deal of our first wedding anniversary which followed soon after and made all sorts of arrangements to make her feel special.

I hired a baby sitter and booked us an intimate table at a nice restaurant. I ordered flowers to be brought to the table. However I hugged a final surprise close to my chest until we were well and truly seated at the restaurant and drinking our first glass of champagne.

"I got a surprise for you after dinner young Lady." I winked across the table reaching forward to take her hand in mine.

She rolled her eyes at my wicked, suggestive smile.

"Uh oh I'm not sure I like the sound of that." she frowned suspiciously.

"Oh you will." I assured her. "Trust me."

"Well you'd better tell me what you've got in mind first before you start congratulating yourself that I'll like it." she warned.

"Oh you're gonna love this one Luce." I began grinning from ear to ear.

Her eyes didn't waver from mine.

"I've hired us a hotel room for a couple of hours after dinner." I announced triumphantly. "You and I are gonna be Mr and Mrs Jones for the night!"

"JEFF!!!!" she exclaimed in horror. "Are you crazy?"

"No." I smirked completely delighted at her dismay. "except about you maybe."

"Jeff, you're the most famous person in Houston at the moment." she rebuked me. "How's it going to look if you check into some sleazy hotel using an assumed name?"

I winked at her again.

"Like I got myself one hell of a sexy lady that I want to make love to until I can't love her anymore."

She shook her head at me before beginning to laugh.

"You're nuts you know Mr. Tracy."

"I guess I am Mrs Tracy." I joked leaning forward to kiss her over the top of the candle. "Nuts about you."

She continued to laugh for a while before her smile faded and she became deadly serious.

"Well the answer's no anyway." she said much to my complete surprise.

"Why?" I whined in a voice that sounded surprisingly like Alan's now that I think about it.

"Because I haven't taken anything today Jeff." she said. "And I don't have it with me to take now."

I sat staring at her from across the table. She had to be joking didn't she? We'd be going home straight after it was over and she could certainly take something then. I was sure a few hours wouldn't make any difference to her stringent birth control regime.

Yeah well you should have seen me trying to convince Lucy.

"We don't need two accidents so close together Jeff." was the stubborn reply. "Scott's only four months old."

She was serious. No matter what I said she wasn't budging.

"It's not going to happen to me again Jeff unless I want it to." she said adamantly.

Then to top it all off my cell phone rang and I was called into an emergency meeting at the Base. Talk about bad timing!

"Well neither of us is going anywhere now." I sulked as I prepared to pay the check for the use of the table. "Some romantic night this turned out to be; one glass of champagne, an argument over birth control and no damned dinner! "

That was just the tip of the iceberg with Lucy believe me. In the months that followed she wouldn't come anywhere near me unless she was absolutely sure she was protected. It certainly put the damper on what could have been some very fine impromptu experiences in my life let me tell you and it become more than a just a little frustrating at times.

But after I returned from the second shuttle mission and I saw my little boy had started to crawl I asked her to reconsider.

"I want another baby Lucy." I said.

"I'm not having another baby until I know you're back safely from the moon." was the reply.

"Lucy!" I huffed in absolute frustration. "That's still over three and a half years away!"

"That's exactly right!"

You have no idea how stubborn that girl could be. I adored her but boy could she try a man's patience sometimes.

But as fate should have it something inside her made her change her mind and four months after Scott turned three and just less than sixteen months before I was due to control the mission to the moon I watched in awe again as Lucy went through exactly the same agony as she had with Scott and our second son came into the world.

And I had to break the news to Mother and Dad that we had decided to call him Virgil.

Dad nearly had a fit.

"What sort of name is that for a Tracy son? "he protested outside before the two of them went in to see Lucy and the baby.

"It's not that bad Dad." I frowned. "Lucy really likes the name so I'd watch out what I said in there if I were you."

"I'm not watchin' myself. He should have a proper name and I'm gonna tell her so." Dad bravely announced.

"Bet you don't." Mother murmured under her breath.

I started to laugh.

Even Mother acknowledged Lucy and her strong will was a force to be reckoned with these days.

My chest swelled with pride and happiness as I led my parents into Lucy's room.

"You'll just love this little guy. He looks exactly like her." I told them. "He's got the same features, the same coloured hair ... everything."

I look at Virgil sitting over there tinkering on the piano. Same features, same coloured hair ...everything. He still looks exactly like Lucy even after twenty six years.

Naturally Mother was right about Dad. He never said a word to Lucy about Virgil's name. Mother on the other hand had to have her say about everything else.

"He's certainly a heck of a lot smaller than Scott isn't he?" she mused kissing the top of his tiny chestnut head. "Funny considering this one's a full term baby."

The two of us then got "the look" again and Lucy nearly died.

"I told you your Mother wasn't fooled by that premature story." she said once they'd left to go home. "She's one intelligent lady Jeff and the sooner you realise she's one step in front of you the better."

Virgil came home a few days later and Scott immediately made his displeasure known. He was terribly jealous of the baby and wouldn't tolerate me going within three feet of him. I desperately tried to keep the peace but there was no peace to be had with our self-willed three year old in the house. When Daddy wanted Scott that was OK; when Mommy wanted Scott that was OK; when Mommy wanted Virgil that was OK. But when Daddy wanted Virgil ...

"For goodness sake Jeff give him here to me!" came Lucy's exasperated words as Scott threw one of his dreaded tantrums on the floor of the kitchen. I had made the fatal mistake of offering to amuse Virgil while Lucy tried to cook us some dinner before she fed him.

She took the little chestnut bundle out of my arms and eyed our strong-minded eldest son with complete disapproval.

"Trying to do two things at once around here is much less stressful than putting up with all that racket!" she exclaimed putting Virgil to her breast and trying to keep an eye on the dinner at the same time.

Then she fixed the disapproving look on me.

"And if you think for one minute I'm having three of THEM Jeff Tracy you're very much mistaken!"

But there wasn't time for any more children right now. Life around me was escalating at an alarming pace. The media had returned in force to Houston and the eyes of the world had come back with them.

The massive yellow rocket ship at Cape Kennedy was now complete and it was rumoured its four Astronauts were about to receive their orders from the President.

The media frenzy became damned right invasive. Photographers followed us everywhere and journalists stuck microphones in our faces. NASA ordered us to say nothing. The lack of privacy really bothered me but I gritted my teeth and tolerated it ... that is until the media circus went too far and started to interfere with my family.

Lucy had only gone to the supermarket to get a few things for dinner. She returned in tears and the two boys were completely hysterical. I quickly gathered Scott into my arms to settle him down and went to find nine month old Virgil a bottle. I demanded to know what had happened. Between sobs Lucy told me three photographers had followed her not only in the market but all the way home. They'd harassed her demanding pictures of the boys. They were doing a story on the impact the mission was having on the families of the Astronauts they'd said and told her it was in her best interests to co-operate.

"I told them I wasn't allowed to say anything." Lucy heaved. "But they wouldn't take no for an answer."

Scott buried his curly little head in my shoulder and cried his eyes out. Virgil settled down a little once I handed Lucy the bottle but every now and then he stopped feeding and joined Scott in a whimper of protest. It took nearly an hour to calm the boys down and Lucy was an absolute mess.

"This is God-damned ridiculous." I seethed. "I'm not taking this. Can't those imbeciles see my sons are only babies."

I immediately picked up the telephone and demanded to speak to General Casey.

"You do something to protect my family Sir!" I demanded. "You do something right now or you can find someone else to take that blasted ship to the moon!"

General Casey knew that I meant what I was saying and suggested it would be a good idea if Lucy and the boys stayed with my parents for a couple of weeks until the rumours died. NASA arranged for their transportation to Kansas. My dissension towards the media grew as I sat alone in the evenings missing my wife and my two little boys. I began to see things in a different light. Walking on the moon wasn't worth this. Nothing was.

The pressure finally eased when the President failed to make the announcement. The speculation had lasted almost four weeks.

Once things had settled down, Dad discreetly drove Lucy and the kids back to Houston. I hadn't realised just how lonely I was until the identical faces of Lucy and Virgil came through the door and Scott literally jumped into my arms and started hugging me for all he was worth.

"I missed you Daddy." he exclaimed kissing me on the cheek. "Did you miss me?"

"Of course I did!" I replied happily. "I missed all of you."

My eyes met Lucy's and I felt my whole body tingle at the sight of her. I know two little boys who are definitely having an early night tonight , I thought to myself and then turned my attention back to my eldest son.

"Grandpa let me drive his tractor Daddy!" he enthused, his dark blue eyes flashing with life. "He said I could be a Farmer like him if I want to."

I gave my Father an amused smirk before looking at Scott. "Oh Grandpa did, did he?"

Scott nodded his head. "Uh huh. But I said I wanna be a astronaut like you Daddy. I told Grandpa Virgie can be a Farmer instead."

I looked in the direction of my second little boy who patiently waited in his Mother's arms for my attention. Like her he had the most beautiful smile on his face.

"What do you think about that Virg?" I asked reaching out to take him with my free arm. "You want to be a Farmer like Grandpa?"

"He says yes." Scott announced as Virgil babbled at me with delight.

"Well as far as I'm concerned you and Virgie can be anything you want to be." I assured him hoping Dad was taking my point in how I was raising my sons.

I looked at him as he carried in the bags. He was looking very drawn and tired after the drive and for the first time in my life it occurred to me that my Father was starting to grow older.

"You feeling OK Daddy?" I asked putting down the boys and immediately helping with the bags.

Dad frowned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he snapped. "Course I'm OK."

"You just look tired Sir that's all."

"Well I am tired Jefferson if you must know but I'm also mighty unhappy about the strain you and your family are under at the moment. This ain't no way to live your life you understand?"

"Please Daddy ..." I began. "Not now."

Dad shrugged.

"Son I ain't tellin' you what to do no more. I don't think I have to. You can see for yourself just by lookin' at your wife and your boys that things ain't right with this style of livin'. "

I swallowed and lowered my eyes. I knew Dad was right.

"Now I gotta get on back to your momma ." he said extending his hand and drawing me into a hug. "I guess lookin' after your family is up to you again

now ."

"Thanks for everything Dad." I said gratefully. "I guess the next time I see you , we'll all be at Cape Kennedy."

He nodded his head briskly.

"Guess so."

He turned and kissed Lucy and each of the boys before I walked with him to the car. Our eyes met one last time as he opened the door.

"You know son bein' famous is one thing. Bein' true to what's important in your life is another. "he said seriously. "Promise me you'll think about that when this moon landing is over."

Those words were the greatest words of wisdom he ever uttered.

I nodded my head. "I will Sir." I said. "Thanks again."

My family was not left in peace for long. Two months later the President himself flew into Houston and the media came with him. It was rumoured he had come to finally make the long-waited announcement.

I still remember the hoard of photographers outside our apartment block when I got out of the car.

I still remember the flashing of cameras and jostle of bodies as I pushed my way through them refusing to answer their questions.

I still remember my anger at the complete invasion of my family's privacy at a time when we needed it most.

But the thing I remember most was the look of fear in Lucy's eyes when I broke the news.

"Luce we have to pack." I swallowed as I walked through the door. "I've been ordered to Florida."

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Lucy tried so hard to be brave in the last few months leading up to the mission. She was clearly terrified something was going to go wrong. She never said so in as many words but I soon picked up on the signs.

She started to ask me questions she would never normally ask. How did you change a fuse? What were the rules of baseball? How old was I when my Father told me the facts of life?

"Why do you need to know something like that for?" I laughed with great amusement.

My smile faded. I saw her eyes brimming .

"In case I have to tell the boys." she blurted and hurriedly tried to leave the room. I grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her around to face me. She looked away from me. She didn't want me to see she had started to cry.

"Nothing's going to go wrong Luce." I reassured her firmly. "I promise."

She dissolved completely then. She knew as well as I did that I was making promises I was powerless to keep.

"But what if it does Jeff? "she sobbed. "What happens to me and the boys then?"

"Hey." I berated her looking her fully in the face. "What happened to the brave young lady who told momma I was the best in the business huh?"

"She grew up and had two babies that's what." she sniffled into my chest. "Jeff ... I'm just so afraid now. I'm afraid for you and even more afraid for our boys. They need you and I don't know if I'm brave enough to manage on my own."

My own eyes started to fill. Lucy had been my rock from the beginning. She had given me confidence when I had lost my own with the continued failure of vital equipment. She gave me reassurance when I needed it the most. I couldn't cope with the fact that she was falling apart on me now.

"Please don't make me doubt myself Luce." I pleaded tearfully. "I need you to say you believe in me."

When she couldn't find the strength to say anything I felt fear in my heart for the very first time in my life.

What the hell was I doing? I had two little boys who needed me and here I was about to risk my life for something which didn't matter a dime to them. The truth hit me squarely in the face.

All that really mattered in life was my family.

Suddenly I saw my Father in a different light and admitted to myself everything he had said when he brought my family back to Texas was true. I began to understand why he worried about me the way he did. I felt that way now about Scott and Virgil.

All I wanted to do at that moment was hug my Father and tell him he was right.

But I never got to hug my Father again.

I never even got to say goodbye.

Three weeks after Lucy broke down I was unexpectedly summoned to the Office of General Casey as a matter of priority. I was living on base until the mission and I knew I was not permitted any contact with my family unless it was an emergency. I strode down the corridor in an absolute panic.

General Casey informed me there had been an accident.

Dad had suffered a heart attack on the tractor and had fallen underneath it.

Mother had found him several hours later.

He had died instantly.

As my bottom lip trembled and I squared my jaw to control myself, General Casey delivered the final blow.

There was only two weeks left before the mission and my final preparation was absolutely critical.

I couldn't be released to be with my Mother no matter what the circumstances.

I would only be allowed to go home for the funeral.

My dark blue eyes stared at him sightless.

So this was the value they put on family.

At that point I knew I had had enough.

The next three days were all a blur to me I was so churned up with anger and emotion. I spoke to Mother every morning and evening and she seemed to be holding up OK. Colonel Casey had arranged for the Air Force to take Lucy and the boys to Kansas to be with her. Lucy was furious. She couldn't believe I wasn't being allowed to fly to Kansas until the day of the funeral.

"Someone in a high place certainly has a lot to answer for if you want my opinion." she fumed. "I feel so sorry for your Mother Jeff. I'm doing my best to organise things but I'm certainly not you."

However despite how she felt she told me all the arrangements for the service had been made and assured me all I had to do was come.

The devastation in my heart was almost too great for me to bear when she said that's all I had to do.

I was a Tracy son.

His son.

He'd worked his heart out to give me everything he possibly could.

And I wasn't allowed to do one last decent thing for him.

On the morning of the funeral I remember deliberately electing to be the passenger in the Air Force Fighter Jet sent to convey me to Kansas. It was my old favourite - the beloved F-16. But things were different today. "JT" Tracy felt no rush in his blood as the plane left the tarmac and swung around to head towards Kansas.

For the first time since he'd taken control of a jet, "JT" felt nothing.

I sat in my dress uniform staring straight ahead of me.

I was twenty nine years old.

I was at the pinnacle of my career.

I was now supposedly the best pilot in the world.

I would be embarking on my lifetime dream in only eleven days.

And I'd give it all up right now if I could only have my Father back.

"You look tired Major." came a familiar voice beside me. Familiar but no longer arrogant.

I turned my head and looked into the eyes of Captain Randy Davis; the man NASA had originally considered for selection in the space programme before they had hand-picked me.

Six years was a long time to hold a grudge and there had been an awful lot of water under the bridge since then.

I was no longer the quietly confident brash young Lieutenant he had talked down to and threatened before our first dog-fight.

I was Major Jefferson Grant Tracy, US Astronaut, higher in rank, higher in profile, superior in speed and much more experienced.

Why didn't I feel at least some element of self-satisfaction at that moment?

"It's been a most stressful week Captain." I replied emotionlessly and turned my head away to look back out the window.

Naturally Kansas was festering with media but thankfully for Mother's sake they kept their distance from the funeral and allowed us to grieve in peace.

The service Lucy arranged was lovely. She'd written Dad's eulogy with Mother's help and all I had to do was stand up in the church and read it. She'd arranged the refreshments at the farmhouse afterwards. All I had to do was walk amongst the visitors, shake everyone's hand and place a supporting arm around my Mother.

This all seemed so surreal. I wasn't supposed to just fly in to my Father's funeral like some God, read a few lines and shake a few hands. This was my Father for God's sake. My place was here with Mother and with my family.

Mother seemed to sense my feelings of inadequacy.

"Jeff." she croaked in a teary voice. "Please stop twisting yourself up in knots over this son. You can't help what you're required to do."

I looked down at her and nodded miserably. I knew she was right ... but he was my Father and I had loved him.

It hardly seemed like I'd been there at all before the official car arrived to take me back to the plane. I looked at my Mother and then hung my head.

"Momma. I have to go." I began apologetically.

"I know you do Jefferson." she said quietly. "But not yet."

She motioned Lucy to my side and took Virgil out of her arms.

"You two have supported me all day. Now it's time you supported each other."

Then she turned to Scott and held out her free hand.

"Come with Grandma little one. We need to go and tell the men in the car Daddy will be a few more minutes."

I only got to hold Lucy very briefly. Funnily enough she insisted on taking me upstairs to the room where the two of us had first... well I said I wasn't going to mention that anymore and I think it's best that I don't.

I closed the door behind us.

We were completely alone.

I looked over at her like a lost puppy. I had so much I wanted to say to her and needed to say but the words simply wouldn't come out.

"Come here baby." she whispered in her calm, comforting voice.

Her arms were like an oasis as they wrapped around me and we embraced as close as our bodies would allow. The familiar lavender smell soothed me immediately.

"Are you sure you're going to be all right?" she asked.

I shook my head. No I wasn't all right and she was the only one I could confide in and admit it.

"I'm tired Luce." I murmured tearfully into her hair. "Tired, disillusioned and unhappy."

I felt her squeeze me tighter.

"I know you are sweetheart." she soothed. "But it's more important than ever that you finish off what you started now. Your Father will be expecting you to."

We were silent.

"Luce ..." I began again and then sniffled miserably. "I don't think I have what it takes to do this anymore."

She looked at me with her beautiful bottomless brown eyes before gently stroking the side of my face and running her fingers through my hair.

"Yes you do baby." she assured me. "You're just not yourself at the moment."

"But I've made so many mistakes in the simulators these past three days."

"Jeff stop expecting the impossible of yourself. You're grieving."

"They won't give me time to grieve baby girl." I swallowed and then burst into tears in her arms. "They keep telling me I got a job to do."

We clung to each other until I was all cried out. Only then did she continue.

"Well if they say you have a job to do, find it in yourself to go back and do it then. But don't do it for them Jeff. Do it for your Father."

I shook my head.

"Daddy never wanted me to be an Astronaut in the first place."

Her lips brushed mine.

"I know he didn't but he was still very very proud of you Jeff. "

I squeezed her fragile young body to mine once more.

"Luce do you really believe Daddy would still want me to do this?"

Lucy never lied to me and I knew if anyone was going to tell me the way things were it was her.

Those brown eyes were unflinching as she replied.

"I know he would Jeff."

She said it with such conviction I felt the tears welling up in my eyes once again.

"Oh baby girl." I swallowed hugging her to me again. "You have no idea how much I needed to hear you say that."

I kissed her then. It wasn't a kiss of passion as it normally was between us when we were alone. It was a kiss of complete and utter love for a woman who was the light of my life and the centre of my world.

"You'll be OK Jeff." she promised as we broke apart and hugged one last time.

"We all will."

My Mother is a very wise woman that's all I'll say. She always seemed to know exactly what I needed.

She never said anything as the two of us came back down the stairs together but I saw the look of satisfaction on her face. I think she somehow knew those few moments alone with Lucy would be enough to recharge my spirit and give me the strength to return to Florida for the final preparation.

"Don't do it for them Jeff...do it for your Father."

Her words echoed through my head.

And gave me the final push I needed.

Launching day

Eleven days after my Father was laid to rest.

Major Anthony Douglas Cooper

Thirty Three

Colonisation Specialist

Engineer

Unmarried

Major David Robert Ross

Thirty Five

Urban planner

Engineer

Married

No kids.

Major Jackson Thomas Roach

Thirty Six

Botanist

Engineer

Divorced

Major Jefferson Grant Tracy

Thirty in three days time

Flight specialist

Engineer

Married

Two kids

The four us sat side by side in the massive yellow rocket ship faces blank, listening to the countdown.

Now was not the time to doubt ourselves. We'd all done this three times before.

Cooper crossed himself.

Ross crossed himself.

Roach crossed himself.

I breathed deeply and stared straight ahead of me.

Ten

My stomach churned

The Academy training

Nine

My fingers twitched

The Dog Fights

Eight

My heart doubled its beat

Hours of simulated flight

Seven

The beads of sweat dotted my forehead.

The study

Six

My eyes burned

The disappointments

Five

The bile rose in my throat

The risks

Four

I ran my tongue over my lips

My Momma's unwavering support

Three

My knuckles were white

My dear little Virgil

Two

My jaw clamped

My fearless little Scott

One

My eyes closed

My precious Lucy

The mighty engines roared into life.

The sound nearly deafened me.

My steady voice

"We have blast off Houston."

We heard a loud cheer from Base control.

The reply.

"That's a copy Pioneer One."

The minutes raced on and each one of them seemed like hours. The rocket vibrated and shook with awesome power in its preparation for lift-off. It had to happen at exactly the right time. It was up to me to make sure that it did.

I closed my eyes again as my whole body shuddered under the force of the man-made power beneath me.

It was then the picture entered my mind. The picture of a handsome young man with a great big smile and an old tattered hat calling to a little three year old boy to leave his Mother's side and take a ride with him on an old red tractor.

"Don't you be frightened little Jeff." the young man smiled. "Come on. Be brave. Daddy will look after you."

My eyes opened with a start.

I had avoided thinking about Dad in case it got the better of me. But it was obvious Dad had other ideas. He was right there with me and if nothing else could inspire me to pull this mission off he could.

Suddenly and from nowhere the fire ignited in my soul and reared up in my belly with a new found brilliance.

"I swear to God I can fly this bastard better than any man ever will Daddy." I said through gritted teeth and looking upwards to the heavens. "And I'm tellin' you now if you're up there watchin' me that's what the hell I'm gonna do."

With that I lifted Pioneer One from Cape Kennedy to the applause of the world.

There was no way I would fail my Father.

We were on our way to the moon.

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Author's Note - A very brave and courageous young man!

NEXT CHAPTER - WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE BILLIONAIRE - JEFF TRACY - PART 2 - THE TOUGH YEARS