A/N: Gasp, can it be… an update! After almost five months. Yes I'm so very aware how long I've been neglecting this story. I have no explanation for it… or at least not one that people would buy. I just hope I didn't lose any readers because of how long I took. ENJOY!

Distribution: Go ahead and spread it around if you think it's good. Just tell me where my baby's going first.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

Spoilers: None

Summary: Okay I realize how long it's been and someone once told me it would be a good idea to summarize events that have taken place on the last update because of how long it's been. This story is about Spike and Buffy switching places with a Spike and Buffy switching bodies/essences with another Buffy and Spike who are in another dimension where Spike's the Slayer and Buffy's the Vampire.

Okay well when we last checked in with Spike and Buffy, Riley had blown into town looking for the slayer to help him kill the Suvolte demon. Vampire Buffy in Slayer Buffy's body was forced to go and Slayer Spike in Vampire Spike's body was forced to go as well. They tracked the demon down and there were two of them. Spike killed one because Buffy was otherwise incapacitated with the feelings she was getting over Riley being married. Riley yelled at Spike and Spike let the Suvolte demon attack Riley. After Spike was shocked out of his emotions from the Vampire Spike he fled and Vampire Buffy in Slayer Buffy's body had to help Sam take Riley to the hospital.

This takes place in the same dimension as Chapter Eight.

Chapter 9:

Buffy sat in a hospital. Elizabeth the Bloody was sitting in a hospital waiting room without tearing something to shreds. This day couldn't get any weirder. It couldn't get any weirder if a bunch of bunnies came running through like a chorus line and merrily did the can-can right before Buffy's eyes. Of course bunnies would freak the hell out of Anya, but Buffy wouldn't put it passed the Fates for it to happen. It was all just flying by in some surreal way like Buffy was watching it on a television show.

Part of Buffy, the part that wasn't controlled by the feelings of the Slayer Buffy, was telling her to go out and search for Spike. To make sure that Spike was okay because damnit if she was going to let anything happen to him. The feelings of heartache she had felt at the news that the Riley guy was married had left and now she could care less about what happened to him. He was in the way and it didn't really matter because he'd be leaving soon. So, no, she couldn't muster up too many comforting words to the sobbing Sam. Her mind wasn't really into 'saving' Riley either.

Buffy hadn't lied when she said she had no idea how to take care of humans or anything like that. She'd been a wreck and just listened to what Sam's suggestions were. Buffy had rarely gone to the hospital with the Scooby Gang seeing as they liked to keep things under wraps and usually batched themselves up after fights. Buffy could do that. She could slap on a bandage and stitch wounds, but she had no clue as to what to do when you were in a hospital or how to act. She came off as standoffish in general and when you threw in the death of some human she had never met before, you could bet that she was even colder.

Sam had snapped at her for calling the nurse a 'stupid chit' and that was the lasting thing Buffy had said to her or the hospital staff. Buffy had called the Scoobies thinking that they'd want to know and possibly to ask for help in killing the Suvolte demon eggs. Buffy knew they needed to die. She wasn't stupid. Suvolte could be trained to bend to someone's will in an instant. They were stupid only in it to kill and hunt and feed and basically better themselves in brutish ways. They were like Fyral demons in that aspect. Big, brutish, ugly, and easily manipulated. If someone we're to get their hands on the eggs then that would be a whole new realm of bad.

Buffy was also aware that just by thinking this she was taking a huge step into the side of good. Before Spike had come back from the dead, she had been trying her hardest to… 'atone' for lack of a better word. She felt that she had failed Spike by letting him die and had to right that. But with him back and in her bosom, literally on frequent occasions, she didn't have to do the white hat thing. She could and had been before this alternate reality thing, try to turn Spike into the liking the dark side. She just knew that the Suvolte would cause her and the people she… cared about unwanted problems. So it was better to hack and slash until every last egg had been taken down.

But instead of being out and on the hunt she was sitting in the Sunnydale hospital waiting room watching as the Scoobies comforted themselves and Sam. Never before had she felt so out of place. Even when they were at the Scooby meetings and people were shooting down her ideas.

"Um… guys, I… uh… I think that maybe I should go out. Search for the eggs and what not. I'm not really needed here." Buffy said.

"Don't you want to know how Riley is? I mean I know he left you, but… I thought you'd care a little." Sam said and Buffy couldn't find any easy way to say that she didn't give a shit what happened to Riley.

"I… um…"

"Buffy really takes this stuff seriously. We should let her go and kill these things. Besides you don't want Riley's sacrifice to be for nothing." Willow said to try and placate Sam

"Riley wouldn't even be in this mess if it hadn't been for that… vampire."

"Hey you're gonna back off just a bit there. Who knows what would have happened if we hadn't brought Spike. We were out numbered and there was no way we could have taken those demons without help. We could be in the morgue right now instead of just the hospital." Buffy said angrily.

"No we would have been able to put the tracker on the momma demon and we'd be out hacking at the eggs." Sam said.

"God you Initiative people are all the same. Demon fighting can't be solved with science. It's all about blood and violence and the fight. Not trackers and new gadgets. Jeez I don't even know why I bother. I'm going to go to The Alibi Room a bit. See if he knows anything maybe get into a game and find something out that way. I'll see you all later." Buffy said walking out of the hospital.

"Can I get a whiskey?" Buffy said to the bartender.

Willy hadn't been around for awhile. After the Initiative came in and was fighting demons he had decided to back up and start fresh in New York. The new bartender was less keen on giving up demons and harder to break.

"What are you doing here Slayer? You know you aren't exactly welcome here." The bartender said.

"Yeah, yeah I know and whatever with that. I'm looking for some information, but after the day I had I'd settle for a nice cup of whiskey." Buffy said.

"This isn't Willy's place anymore. I don't rat out demons. Those fuckers are getting scary." The bartender said while he poured a glass of whiskey.

"Spike come in here?" Buffy asked.

"As a matter of fact he did. Drank a few glasses and then demanded to know if anyone had information on the new Suvoltes that's came to town. Beat the shit out of a few demons before he got his answers and then left." The bartender said.

"Shit, how long ago was this?"

"About twenty minutes ago. Guy looked pretty wrecked." "I don't suppose you know where the Suvolte nest is."

"If I did I wouldn't tell you." Buffy let out a frustrated sigh and jumped up from her seat. She grabbed the shirt collar of the bartender and pulled him over the counter.

"Okay now Spikey may have a chip in his head, but I don't. I'm the slayer in this town and if I have to kill ever last thing in this room to find out where that fucking nest is I'll do it because I'm having a REALLY BAD DAY!." Buffy said slamming the bartenders face into the counter.

"Now I'm going to ask again. Do you know where the Suvolte nest is?"

The bartender sputtered and spit out his blood. He tentatively felt his teeth and realized Buffy had knocked one of them out completely.

"Jesus Fucking Christ! You didn't have to knock out one of my teeth." The bartender yelled.

"Well I was clearly not getting my point across. Now I'm not going to ask again. Tell me now or something more permanent and important gets lost." Buffy said in a menacing growl. Part of her, undoubtedly the part that was having the Slayer Buffy's feelings was upset by this behavior, but Vampire Buffy was loving it. It had been so long since Elizabeth the bloody had been able to wreak some havoc.

"Alright, Alright. They're in a cave somewhere. I'm not sure which one. I don't exactly speak Suvolte. Anyway some demons spotted the Suvoltes coming out of some caves."

"The ones the Initiative used?"

"No, I don't think so anyway. Suvolte, well the breed like bunnies. They're also prone to going out in public. They don't really give a damn about people." The bartender said.

"And I'm guessing they don't like to share game strategies. So point me in the direction of the demons that saw the Suvoltes." Buffy said.

"Oh I would but your boy Spike already took care of them. Took them with him."

"Fuck. You got anything else."

"Nope I'm all out of information. Just know they were somewhere in the caves."

"All right." Buffy said letting go of the bartender's collar. That was all she was going to get out of him and if she wanted any chance of making it to whatever caves the Suvoltes had been held up in before Spike got himself into major trouble she would have to stop with the not so nice pleasantries.

Spike wiped the goo of his forehead. There were at least two dozen eggs and they were all hard and damn near impenetrable. Spike had learned that the hard way when he had gone to smash one with his foot and had almost broken his ankle. He was glad that he had thought to bring some sort of weapon although he hadn't had one when he had left the forest earlier that night. The night was just going really terrible and if he admitted it to himself the whole day had been pretty sucky.

Spike took his axe and swung it down with all his might on another egg. He still had four more to go. Spike hadn't intended on anyone getting hurt tonight. It was supposed to be a simple kill job, but then that Riley guy tells them that they have to put a tracker on the demon to find the eggs. Didn't hide his disgust for Spike either and Spike was feeling a little ill at ease around the man. It didn't mean he wanted him to get viciously mauled by a dangerous demon.

To be honest Spike wasn't sure what had happened. One minute he was holding the Suvolte demon and the next Buffy was yelling at him to snap out of it. He knew he had gone into game face and had been growling. It was so hard for him to remember the exact events that had taken place after he had heard that voice whispering in his head. He wasn't even sure it was a voice. More like a… feeling.

"Fucking piece of shit! And she wonders why I can never love her!" Spike yelled as he hacked the egg that he had just smashed.

The feelings had obviously registered from the Vampire Spike who had probably hated Riley with a vengeance if Buffy's attitude towards Rene was anything to judge by. The Suvolte demon was just convenient. It was all starting to register to Spike now. The feelings of hate and violence he had be feeling earlier before Buffy had arrived with the Riley guy. The Vampire Spike must have felt his presence already.

God everything was just so screwy! Spike thought as he smashed another egg to bits.

Spike had felt so devastated after realizing what he had done. He couldn't stay there and face Riley and his wife Sam. He had already seen the contempt in Sam's eyes and he couldn't deal with getting all emotional. He had to get away from them so he ran. He ran into the woods and just started screaming at the top of his lungs. It had been different to hear his voice which was usually less deep and raspy.

It was easy for him to slip into that weird cockney drawl that was so unfamiliar to him. He screamed and raged and stomped and kicked a tree before he composed himself and walked over to The Alibi Room to gather information. He wasn't exactly a popular person among the demon types, but he managed to find someone with answers. He made the two demons show him where they had seen the Suvolte demons and in fear they lead him to the right lair.

He had planned to kill them. A demon was a demon was a demon… or well usually. Spike knew some demons weren't bad. He had met Clem at his party and he knew there were others out there like Clem. These demons were big though. Big and scaly and green and although they quivered in fear because of Spike's close proximity, Spike couldn't be sure that they weren't entirely evil.

They were holding each other though when Spike had turned to glance at them. They really looked very scared and Spike didn't have the heart to kill them. He asked them what kind of demons they were considering they obviously understood English. They said they were non-violent obviously knowing what Spike had been getting at. He had nodded at them and told them to run off before he changed his mind and they had scurried off like bugs.

Now Spike was alone thrashing the Suvolte eggs and feeling really awful and some how not seeing away to fix things.

"Stupid fucking… why can't I just go home? I want to go home. I want to go home RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!." Spike screamed as he smashed another egg.

"Whoa, I don't ever think I've heard words like that uttered from your mouth before. Spike whirled around to see Buffy standing there just a little ways behind him. She was still wearing her Doublemeat Palace uniform and had a black jacket over that.

"Oh just fuck off. Can't you see I'm having a moment here?" Spike said.

"Um… yeah those eggs are looking a little trashed. Why don't you just break all of them already? You've got like two left." Buffy said.

"Well I was thinking all right. It's been a rough night if you didn't notice. I got someone mauled." Spike said bringing his axe down on one of the remaining eggs.

"You didn't get someone mauled. You had no choice in the matter." Buffy said.

"Yes, yes I did! I could have stopped myself, but I wanted it. I wanted him dead." Spike said as he continued to smash up what was left of the egg he had been working on.

"You didn't want him dead. The other Spike wanted him dead… for good reason of course. Shit if I could get my hands on one of them Initiative wankers I would have done the same thing."

"But I'm the Slayer. I'm supposed to… you know protect the innocent. Not get them mauled." Spike said looking at the last egg. He really didn't want to smash it just yet. The eggs were giving him an excuse to stay away. If he smashed them then he had to go back and face all those disappointed faces.

"They won't even care will they? They'll just chalk it up to my demon ways and right it off… okay not exactly right it off but they'll be like… they won't be shocked." Spike said.

"I'm guessing not. I mean I fuck up all the time and they just say oh that's Buffy for you. Eternal fuck up. Course there's always the looks of disgust, but… you get used to them after awhile." Buffy said.

"So what lesson is this supposed to have taught me? That I'm an evil monster and shouldn't be trusted?" Spike said.

"Spike… I heard what he said. About how you screwed everything up. You didn't screw it up. Hell you saved that bastards life… you know right up until you put it in danger. You got angry because he was judging you and looking down on you. Can't believe you didn't process that. I thought you were smart." Buffy said somewhat jokingly. "Hey I am smart I just didn't… get it right away. So that's how you feel. Like everything you do isn't good enough." Spike said.

"Not everything. I mean I'm good at some things. It's not an everyday occurrence, but…" Buffy began to trail off. She wasn't exactly sure how to continue.

"But what?" Spike asked stepping closer to her wondering if it was a bad idea, but then pushing down the thought. They were supposed to learn from each other about something and pushing each other away and revealing only half truths wouldn't help.

"I guess it's just hard. You know trying to make up for everything I did and you know I don't know that I'm doing it right. Probably fucking it all up, but I am trying and no one… no one really sees that. You don't really see that." Buffy said looking up at Spike with wide eyes. He was so close and he wasn't warm like he used to be, but he's mere presence warmed her.

"I do sometimes. I mean I know you're trying. I'm just… I haven't been in a good place in my life. I mean I know you… try, but…" Spike was at a loss for words. He wasn't sure he could explain his behavior.

"Well I don't know what that's like. And I don't know what it feels like, but I guess that's why we're here isn't it. To figure out what the heck is going on with the both of us. Guess we need help answering that question." Buffy said.

"I guess. I just wish I could be sure. Sure that any of this even really means anything." Spike said.

"I'm sure it does. Whoever did this wouldn't have done it without a reason… even if it is evil." Buffy said.

"Uh… this all so frustrating. I just want to go home." Spike said.

"I know so do I." Buffy said then she thought about home. Where was her home? She was getting ready to pack up and leave Sunnydale… for good this time none of that come back after a year. Everything was packed and ready and she was going to leave, what was it yesterday night. God they'd only been in this dimension two days and already it was screwing with their minds.

"I just want to go back to where I'm the Slayer and things make sense… well the weird kind of sense my life makes. I lied. I don't like it here. It's not easy being a vampire with all this bloodlust. How do you deal with it?" Spike said.

"Well, I'm old. It's easier as you get older. Can live off one good feeding for almost three days. Certainly can live of the same body for a week if you don't drain too much right away. I guess, when you're young like technically you are, it's harder to control. That and the restraint you have to show is unnatural. Really, really unnatural." Buffy said.

"Is this what it was like? When you first got the chip. I mean you did look pretty terrible, but I wasn't really paying attention." Spike said.

"Yeah pretty much. Hit me full force and I wasn't ready for it. In time… I adjusted." Buffy said. "I don't… well I don't know… you're… the fight we had before you left. Are you still leaving?" Spike asked.

"Nothing's keeping me in Sunnyhell. I thought… well I had hoped I could make like the dark side of life, but… you're not… well you're not willing to go there and I think by doing it I'm making you… less you. less like the person I fell in love with. This… freak show as you once called it… you can never love me Spike and I think it's time I find someone who could." Buffy said.

"Yeah, you're right. I can never love you. It's not that you're a bad… person it's just…"

"If you say I don't really love you then you're wrong. Damn it I can't take this anymore. This is exactly why I'm leaving. You think I can't love, but I do and you know what if you can't except that then I better off gone." Buffy said angrily.

"Yeah you are. What you think this is easy for me. I don't love you and I don't think I can, but whatever you feel for me. It's not real. It can never be real. As long as you're here though I'm going to let myself fall back on you and I can't keep doing that so you should just go." Spike said as he smashed the last egg and walked out of the cave.

"Fuck." Buffy muttered. That was not what she had expected.

She wasn't sure what she had expected. Spike was certainly the same even though they were in a whole other dimension. He was still lost in his self-righteousness and too clouded with black and white to see straight. Buffy wasn't even sure what made her love him. She had just woken up one day and realized it… literally. She would do anything for Spike, but he just couldn't see that she loved him. It would probably break everything he held dear if he did see.

Buffy knew about the bullshit the Watcher's spewed to make slaying vampires less like killing people. It was true for the most part. Minions were definitely nothing but killers, but they did retain some emotional feelings. Vampires hated that though. The feelings of love and caring for anyone at all were just wrong. Back in the old days it had been even worse although a lot of the time Sire/Childe and the occasional mate relationships were considered something sacred and were made up of those feelings.

Nowadays the vamps were pretty much cold hearted, but it didn't mean vampires didn't have feelings. A vampires first kill was more often then not their families and that was because that's were the feelings of love and devotion and attachment lie. Vampires were generally carefree in their own circles and didn't like ties to their human worlds.

It didn't mean they didn't feel. In order to reject feelings of love and devotion and attachment it generally had to be felt. So vampires could feel and Buffy could feel that she was very much in love with Spike now matter what Slayer Spike said. It wasn't a physical thing and it was a sex thing and it wasn't some weird twisted vampire way of viewing things. It was real and it was burning and Buffy hated it because it made her Spike's lost little puppy.

"Fuck the sooner we get out of this dimension the better. I'm done with fucking shit. God I need something to drink." Buffy said as she left the caves. She had no doubt Spike would be returning to the house and would make his way down to the basement and lock himself in. despite being utterly exhausted Buffy decided to stop by the Alibi Room and throw back some liquor.

"That didn't go well. In fact on a scale of one to ten, ten meaning it went absolutely fabulous and we have nothing to worry about and one meaning it was worse the World War two, I'd say it was oh… negative on million!" Maddy said and Brian had to agree with her. They had only been in their different dimensions for two days and already some innocent bystanders were mauled.

"I don't think it was that bad. They could have killed each other. Besides we need some patience. Rome wasn't built in a day." The Voice said.

"Yeah but I could be sent to the fiery depths of a hell dimension in a shorter amount of time. This was a stupid idea. The Powers said for things to let it work its course. They voted on it. Why couldn't we just have let it be?" Brian said.

"Because you didn't see what I saw. It will not be pretty if they do not see each other. It's working we just have to wait." The Voice said in a wary tone.

"Oh don't you get all wary on us. You didn't even do the work. I feel… I feel incompetent. The spell should have worked by now." Maddy said.

"It worked just fine. This is how it was supposed to be. We just have to wait a bit." The Voice said. "Someone… well two people could be dead and we're just sitting around here not doing anything.' Brian said.

"They aren't dead. Pretty badly injured, but everything happens for their own reasons. We must see why they were allowed to get mauled." The Voice said.

"Uh because you didn't do anything to stop it. Look if this thing gets any more violent we should be allowed to intervene. You know just a little." Maddy said.

"Yeah I agree with Mad." Brian said.

"Some how I knew you would say that." The Voice said.

"Well you are all knowing. So are we allowed to intervene if things go south?" Brian asked.

"Yes, but only if it's in a dire situation." The Voice said.

"Any more days like this and this whole mission will be a 'dire situation'."

A/N: Wow, okay I updated. Will I be updating soon. I don't know it really depends. Will I be leaving this story alone for five months again? I don't know depends, but most likely not. Hopeful it won't be more then a month, but who knows. I've got so many ideas swimming in my head for the other stories I'm working on. This story won't go on hiatus again like that… hopefully. I'll try not to abandon it seeing as I think people like it. 52 reviews for eight chapters. Thanks you guys rock. Okay please review!