Miroku and Sango have happily returned to the Masterpiece Theatre set, with the nice roaring fire warming the two as they sit in their comfortable leather chairs. The trumpet music dies down, signaling the start of the show.
Miroku:(smiles) Long time no see and no feel, dear readers!
Sango: (gives him 'the look') What do you mean by feel houshi-sama?
Miroku: (blinks innocently) It's just an expression Sango.
Sango: (rolls eyes) Whatever. (Turning to the audience) Lecherous monks aside, Rambler is sorry that it took so LONG to get this chapter out. She was under siege with homework, AP exams and building a giant portfolio for her art class. No matter how much she wanted to, she was forced to pretty much lock herself in her room and work. She didn't even get six hours of sleep a night. Hopefully this will have been the longest wait for a chapter for the rest of this story.
Miroku: And yes, that was a blatant appeal for sympathy, and for you to not send any cannibals after her. On the bright side, to make up for the long wait, she is finally putting me in the story!
Sango: (Looks confused) I thought that the bright side was she had made the chapter longer…
Miroku: Technically this is only the first half of chapter 4, but it was just so freaking big she had to cut it in two, but yes this is longer than previous chapters. None of that is as important as the fact that I have entered the story, however.
Sango: Isn't he modest (voice drips with sarcasm)? Anyhoo, before we begin, a word from our favorite and fully recovered attorney, Earl the Lawyer!
Earl the Lawyer: The wonderful, majestic, beauteous, Rambling Coffee Addict, does not own Inu-Yasha, or any of its characters. She also knows almost nothing about Japanese weddings during the feudal era, although she did try to incorporate whatever information she came upon. That, however, does not keep her from being as glorious as she is! (Looks up at the sky in fear) Was that good enough? (Harp music plays and flowers fall from the sky in response).
Sango: Take that as a 'yes'. On with the fic!
Chapter 4
D-Day
Music filled the spring air, and nature seemed to dance and bloom in response. The cherry blossoms were at their zenith, covering everything in a blushing pink as they floated from the trees. Crystal clear skies were brightened by a warm, glowing sun, yet it was not too hot to be uncomfortable when basking in its warmth. It was essentially a perfect spring day in Inu-yasha's opinion. How he hated it.
It should have been raining as he stood out on his balcony, surveying cheerful servants and family busily decorating the garden behind the castle. Rain should've been pouring with no end; thunder should have been roaring throughout the heavens. No birds should be chirping and twittering. They should have been struck by lightning and made into a charred birdie fricassees. It was D-day for him; or rather M-Day. That little girl would become his ball and chain, for six months anyway. There should have been a tsunami about now, not this pansy, "love is in the air", idyllic scene before him.
"There you are, Inu-Yasha!" Someone huffed from behind him, "STOP RUNNING OFF!" A small bundle of red fluff dressed in white scampered up to the dour hanyou. The diminutive demon hopped up onto the balcony railing in front of his master, so he wouldn't have to look up at him. "How am I supposed to do my job if you keep disappearing, you jerk?" The child kitsune griped, crossing his arms as he pouted.
Inu-Yasha just rolled his eyes, bopping the child over his head. "I can dress myself, runt." He growled, looming over his disgruntled servant. "And Shippo, how many times do I have to beat you over the head to get you to stop addressing me so informally?" He pouted, and unconsciously crossed his arms in a very similar way to the kitsune.
The child rubbed the newest welt amongst his fiery puff of hair gingerly. "Gomen." He mumbled through gritted teeth, his fists curled into tight balls. Unable to hold in his youthful anger, Shippo thrust large, liquid eyes of sky blue into Inu-Yasha's face. "Why do you always pick on me?!" The boy whined. "I'm just a little kid, you baka!"
Before Shippo could earn himself yet another bump on the noggin, a deep voice from inside answered him. "Inu-Yasha is just a kid himself, albeit a bigger one." A figure swathed in purple and navy blue robes stepped from the shadows of the hanyou's bedroom to fix the arguing pair with an amused expression. "And your timing was not the best Shippo, since it seems our husband-to-be here was glowering at the injustice of it all before you came."
Inu-Yasha graced him with a sour look as he picked up his young servant and threw him off the railing and into the room, so he himself could lean against it. "Keh. Decided to actually show up on time, Miroku?"
The monk in question leaned into his staff tiredly, sighing with melodramatic flare. "I'll have you know that I traveled many miles to reach you on this important occasion."
"You were in the neighboring town?" Inu-Yasha prodded cynically.
"Yes, but I still had to walk a ways, and it felt like miles." Miroku explained defensively, frowning a bit. "Jeez, I took time out of my busy schedule of helping people-"
"You mean robbing them." The hanyou corrected sarcastically.
Undaunted, the monk continued. "Would it be too much to ask for a little gratitude-"
"Otherwise known as cash." Amended Shippo
"And women." Inu-Yasha added dryly.
"-For performing the marriage ceremony between you and your intended?"
Inu-Yasha snorted, turning his head away from the less than holy monk. "That's what you do, you damn bouzo. You're a monk."
"Technically speaking, Inu-Yasha, I am a Buddhist monk, and I therefore do not perform marriages. But because you are such a dear friend, I am willing to perform the Shinto ceremony for you."
Inu-Yasha raised an eyebrow, "Ran out of money that quickly, eh?"
Miroku managed to appear hurt, shocked, appalled, and unbelievably innocent in a single look directed at the dog demon. He really was a very talented man. "After all that we've been through together-" He was about to go into an award winning, guilt inducing dramatic monologue when Inu-Yasha stopped him.
"Yeah, yeah, I've heard it before." Waving his hands in what for him was a placating, but not surrendering gesture, he continued on before Miroku could restart his tangent. "Any way, Miroku, it is a good thing you got here early, I need you to do me a favor."
Miroku arched a sleek, dark eyebrow at him. "What exactly would that be?"
Laughter filled the third floor of the castle as Inu-Yasha finished telling Miroku his unusual request.
Kagome stood stiffly, draped in layers of fabric, as maids put yet more clothing on. The "facts of life". That is what her mother had referred to the horrifying information she had just dumped on Kagome. It seemed like such an innocuous name for something so disgusting. Sure, Kagome had known something "special" happened between a man and a woman when they spent the night together, but she didn't know all of the gruesome details. Wasn't it enough she was marrying the bastard? She was being the dutiful daughter, following most of the rules, actually being polite to the guy for the most part. Did she have to let him touch her? Did she have to let him… enter her? That was SO not in our original agreement.
And why did her mother wait for the morning of her wedding to tell her this? Wasn't this day bad enough in itself? She should have been told years ago. She should have been told when she found Buyo humping a picture her Grandfather had drawn of a cat. It would have answered so many questions she had had about the creature.
Even though she was marrying Inu-Yasha, she didn't think of him as her husband. It was only a temporary situation. So why should she be forced to do that with the fowl mouthed jerk if it was just a six month arrangement? She should be able to wait for her real husband.
Part of her wished that he wouldn't bring it up that night. Hopefully he too would want to wait for whoever the heck he decided to marry. And yet a small, rebelling part of her wished he would ask. Not so she could say yes, but so she would know he wanted to. She just wanted him to find her attractive, to know he wasn't completely repulsed by being in the presence of the "little girl" he was being forced to marry. Kagome found him to be very handsome, so maybe there was a glimmer of hope he felt the same way. But that was probably just wishful thinking; he was just marrying her to get his family off his back.
Kagome took a deep breath as the maids finished putting on the last layer of her wedding garb, the shiromuku. Let's just make it through the wedding… She told herself, smiling with fake cheer as the maids led her toward the shrine where the wedding would take place.
Miroku's dark blue eyes danced in amusement as he eyed the ornery hanyou, whose cheeks were stained a light red. "As you wish, my friend."
Inu-Yasha raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You're not going to tease me about it?"
"On the contrary, I would say your request was almost thoughtful." The monk mused, hand rubbing his sharp chin in consideration. Miroku smiled widely as the hanyou blushed harder.
Their discussion was interrupted as the door to Inu-Yasha's rooms was thrust open with a resounding thud. "Who is this mortal, Inu-Yasha?" The trio looked up to see Sesshomaru standing in the doorway, holding a rather dirty man by the foot with an outstretched hand. The man dangled close the floor, utterly asleep. Sesshomaru glanced down at the drooling man with distaste; he was going to ruin his favorite kimono. Grimacing slightly, he fixed with his brother with an icy glare. "I found the cretin sleeping in the bird bath. When I tried to kill him he muttered something about you inviting him here and went back to sleep."
A cocky, fanged smile lit Inu-Yasha's face. "Yea, he's with me alright," I can't wait to see his face… "I found him on the way back home from the bitch's house last night. He's going to be the best man at my wedding."
Sesshomaru stared blankly at him, before lift the man up a little bit more to get a look at his face. He quickly brought him back down upon discovering his stench of vomit and cheap liquor. "But Father said I was to be your best man."
"Yeah, well I don't want you to be my best man; I want sake-boy to be it."
Imperceptibly frowning, Sesshomaru considered this new development. He could only draw one conclusion when examining how this would affect his plans; it would totally ruin his chance at causing his brother the maximum amount of misery. "No, I will be your best man." He stated firmly, straightening into his usual look of calm regality, unconscious man still hanging.
"Now, now, Sesshomaru," Miroku stepped in between the two brothers after perceiving Inu-Yasha's guttural growls. "It is your brother's wedding."
"Your point?"
"Well," The monk said cautiously, "You haven't gotten your brother a wedding present yet, have you?"
Sesshomaru just continued to stare at him as if he were a raving lunatic, so Shippo answered for him "No, I didn't see one from him down stairs." The dog-demon glared at the kitsune in response.
Miroku smirked, "Then why not give him the drunkard as a wedding present? Let him be the best man, and not only are you out of having to make a last minute run to the market, but you don't have to worry about getting our little bridegroom all ruffled up and upsetting Yamura-sama."
This little human thought he could tell him what to do? Seething beneath the porcelain façade, Sesshomaru was suddenly nose to nose with the monk, the drunkard swung to the side so he was not between them. "And why would I do anything you say?" He hissed, amber eyes glittering dangerously.
Smiling innocently, Miroku retreated behind one his other talents, flattery. "Oh, I would never presume to tell you what to do, Sesshomaru. Being higher in rank and lineage than myself, you are indubitably much wiser than I." He was laying it on real nice and thick. Inu-Yasha snorted in disgust behind him, earning him an elbow in the ribs. "I was merely offering my humble suggestion since," His face grew solemn; "I am a monk." An unearthly light seemed to suddenly surround the man, "I try to follow Buddha's path and keep peace wherever possible, especially on such an occasion." His aura was practically screaming holy at this point. One might have even heard harp music playing if two demons hadn't kept coughing something that sounded like "lech" or "liar".
The display was simply sickening. Sesshomaru always had a personal distaste for insincere sycophancy. Yes, everyone should realize his near omnipotence, but the monk had no idea how to express such an obvious fact in the right manner. Eager to get away from this cesspool of stupidity, Sesshomaru threw the drunken man gracefully, somehow making him fly over Miroku and directly onto Inu-Yasha's head. Satisfied he had at least done some damage, Sesshomaru strode out of the room. His lone consolation was the drunk would probably empty the remaining contents of his stomach during the ceremony.
"FUCKING BASTARD!" Inu-Yasha roared as he tried to disentangle himself from the inebriated man, who had made himself comfortable on his stomach. "I'M GOING TO RIP HIS HEAD OFF!" He finally succeeded in throwing of the man and made his way to the door, only to have a staff come crashing down on his head. "Why the hells did you do that, monk?!" Inu-Yasha rubbed his head scowling, his ears pressed firmly to his skull.
Heaving a long suffering sigh, Miroku looked pointedly at the hanyou. "This is not the time, nor the place to get blood on your nice black kimono. Especially your blood, what would your intended say?"
"Like I give a rat's ass about what she would say. Besides, you don't think I could take him?"
"Of course I think you could fight your brother Inu-Yasha," Miroku spat impatiently. "But not without getting either injured or mortally wounded. And while I might sit back and watch you get yourself skewered any other day of the week, I will not let you upset your mother. Not to mention that your bride would probably run for the hills if she found out you were a barbaric ruffian before the ceremony." He smiled brightly as the hanyou snarled in indignation, "So let's just keep her in the dark until after the wedding night, shall we?"
"GOD DAMN LECHEROUS ASSHOLE!" As Miroku expected, Inu-Yasha responded to his sage advice by thrusting himself toward the monk's throat. All things considered, he took that rather well….
The monk jumped away in the knick of time, and made a bee-line for the door. "Well, if you will excuse me Inu-Yasha," He spoke nonchalantly as he sped away from the hanyou that was thrashing wildly at him. "I must prepare for the wedding ceremony."
"Come back here, monk!" Inu-Yasha roared as he chased after the fleeing figure.
Shippo tried to hang on in vain to the back of Inu-Yasha's kimono, waving wildly in the air. "Jerk!" He griped through teeth clenched in fear, "I haven't been able to finish my job yet!"
In the wake of the clamor the three had caused, was a dirty man just beginning to come around with one of the biggest hangovers of his life. He shakily stumbled to his feet, surveying the dark and elaborate bedroom surrounding him. The screams and shouts from the distant halls pounded in his head, leaving him to fall back to the floor. "Where am I?" The man slurred, before slowly crawling to the door.
"What does she look like?" Shippo whispered from his perch on Inu-Yasha's tense shoulder. Inu-Yasha just sent the little kitsune a scathing look; standing at the altar of the shrine waiting for the ceremony to begin was no place for the kid to begin to ask questions.
"Like that other mortal he had courted a year ago." Inu-Yasha turned to give the same glare to his brother. His brother returned the glare with impassive neutrality, but there was a gleam in his usually dull eyes. Inu-Yasha could tell this was Sesshomaru's version of giddy. Unfortunately, the drunk he had picked up so he wouldn't have to deal with his brother as the best man had managed to disappear. So the youkai had gotten his wish in the end, he would get a front row seat to witness his dearly hated brother's misery.
"Kikyo?" The child gasped, "The one who disappeared?" It would figure that the two would become friendly on Inu-Yasha's wedding day. This only confirmed his suspicion: the sky was going to fall any second now.
"The girl is almost identical to the miko." Sesshomaru confirmed.
Do the fucking bakas have to remind me? Yes, Inu-Yasha was perfectly well aware of the resemblance of the girl to his lost beloved. He had spied on her right after his father had told him of the arrangement, and nearly fallen out of the tree thinking it was Kikyo. It seemed unbearable to marry someone so close to Kikyo in appearance, like he was replacing her.
Kikyo, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. He was guilty of not protecting her, and now he was guilty of betraying her as well. He would never say the words out loud, but they had become a silent mantra every morning and every evening. But his mother needed him, what choice did he have? Still, he couldn't escape the feeling there was something he was missing, something he could have done, or just another solution to the mess.
Unable to deal with the route his thoughts were taking, he did the only thing he could do to keep them at bay, get irritated. "Will you two shut up?" He snarled over his shoulder, keeping his eyes on the wooden ceiling just above the elaborate entrance of the shrine.
Shippo ignored Inu-Yasha, too enraptured with the latest tidbit of gossip. "But why would he want anyone so serious?" He asked eagerly, "The garden statues make more faces!"
Inu-Yasha closed his eyes, feeling a twitch begin to form in his right eye. He clenched his fist as Sesshomaru answered him. "Only fools give away their thoughts with meaningless sentiment and words."
"You only liked her 'cause she was so much like you!"
That's it. NO ONE compares Kikyo to Sesshomaru and gets away with it! The young fox demon let out a started squeal as he found himself airborne toward the entrance. Suddenly, Inu-Yasha felt much better. Throwing things was always very cathartic for him. He felt better that is, until he heard the shriek of the miko who got hit with the child as she entered the building. Once he saw her rubbing her head he realized she would be followed by the little girl, which meant the wedding was starting. Now he didn't feel so hot.
His suspicions were confirmed as a figure swathed in white entered the shrine. She gracefully floated down the aisle like sea foam on a calm ocean. Inu-Yasha gulped inaudibly as he stared at his bride's bowed head. Oh yes, the sky was falling, the rest of them just didn't know it yet.
Lilting music echoed through the spacious hall of the shrine as Kagome entered out of the blinding sun. As she slowly walked down the aisle, it became immediately clear to her which side of the family was Inu-Yasha's, and which was hers. One side was quietly chatting happily, dressed in festive reds, gold, and white, all the while sending slightly curious glances at the other side of the room. Shadowy, stark figures lined the other side, most seeming to want to leave as fast as possible. In the midst of the dark, grumbling crowd of her fiancée's family stood two figures at odds with the rest. A woman, dressed in a brilliant red kimono, stood smiling manically, all the while anxiously looking from Inu-Yasha to the smug girl standing behind him. Wait… is that a girl? She's wearing a man's kimono… this guy's family sure is odd… Clutching the anxious woman to his side was a tall, middle aged man with white hair and sharp features. This man must be his father, they look almost exactly alike! That must mean the woman is his mother… She looks so frail…
Kagome took care to flash a reassuring smile at her mother and grandfather as she past them. They beamed in return, eyes brimming with joyous pride. The walls seemed to have abruptly begun to close in on her as she turned from her family. The feeling did not lessen as she met the eyes of Inu-Yasha's mother. The hope in her mahogany eyes was enough to drown in. She looked at her as if Kagome was her savior, which filled Kagome with both unease and relief. Finally, she reached the altar, bowing down before the priest to kneel next to her groom.
Although she desperately wanted to, she didn't look over at him. Her muscles tensed as their shoulders pressed together, sending a small electric thrill through her. Why was she so giddy? This was all horrible; she was being coerced into marriage! She should be wailing and rending her garments! Not blushing like some lovesick teenager, wondering what the silent boy next to her was thinking. Where had all of her resolve gone?
Desperate to stop the pink beginning to brighten her cheeks, she turned her eyes to the priest performing the ceremony. She was surprised to find him to be young, in her mind priests were never under 60, and always unattractive with their bald shiny heads. Yet he was no older than 19, and quite pleasant to look at. His dark brown hair was pulled back into a stub of ponytail, while unruly bangs framed his face in a boyish manner. He smiled gently at her as he spoke, yet she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. It was almost as if his navy blue eyes were raking her form up and down, imagining what she looked like without the encumbrance of clothing. But surely I am just paranoid because of the whole arranged marriage situation; after all, he is a priest. He seemed solemn enough to be considered priestly, reciting the words to the purification ceremony with an almost theatrical manner.
She finished chastising herself for letting her imagination run away from her when he concluded the prayer for purification. Taking a deep breath, the monk began the second part of the wedding ceremony. Eyeing his audience briefly, he turned his dark blue orbs on Kagome, piercing her with an intent look. "Before I start a marriage ceremony, it is imperative that we all know just who the groom will be."
Inu-Yasha groaned "Oh no, he wouldn't-" By the time the groom was able to get those few words out the monk had somehow squeezed his way in between Inu-Yasha and Kagome. He kneeled next to her, clutching her hand to his heart. Eyes filled with passion, he asked "Will you do me the honor of bearing my child?"
What a waste; all of that hard work to convince herself she was wrong, only to find out she was right. She blinked several times at the man, unable to form a coherent thought after his unexpected request. "Umm…" She said finally, turning her eyes to the dumbfounded family members with open jaws, "You know you were here to perform a wedding ceremony, not get married, right?"
He smiled, obviously oblivious to the outraged hanyou behind him, "Oh but you weren't marrying for love, right? So why not switch to a husband who really needs you," His voice became lower and more seductive, "Who really wants you?"
"I'm SO going to murder you after you perform this ceremony." A low, threatening voice growled from behind. Amber eyes burned as he shove the monk away from Kagome and back on the altar. "What the fuck do you think you are doing, Miroku?" Inu-Yasha snarled, fangs bared and teeth clenched.
Miroku sniffed, straightening the robes the hanyou had ruffled. "I don't see why you are so upset, I ask all the pretty girls the same question."
"He does." The girl/boy (Kagome had yet to determine which) with similar features to Inu-Yasha affirmed. His voice is really low, that makes him a guy, right? But he looks so feminine…
"But she's my bride!"
Miroku gasped, arching both slender eyebrows in both shock and dismay. "You don't really think that I would discriminate among single women, do you? Frankly, I am hurt that you would think me so callous."
"SHE'S NOT SINGLE!" Inu-Yasha grasped his head in frustration.
"Technically speaking, she is single until he finishes with the ceremony." Okay, Kagome reasoned, this has to be either his brother or his sister; only a sibling would be this irritating. But which is it? Maybe he/she was born with a birth defect of some kind…
Inu-Yasha turned to his "afflicted" (no, wait, that's way too judgmental of a term ), or rather "special" sibling angrily, "SHUT UP! Will everyone just shut up?!"
"Um…" A gruff, weary voice came from the entrance of the shrine, "I really would Sir, but I don't know where I am." A filthy man in grimy clothing scratched his head as he looked sheepishly at Inu-Yasha. The two families turned from the enrapturing scene before them to see who the intruder was.
Inu-Yasha seemed to hesitate to answer him, happy to get the silence he had been waiting for, if only because everyone waited for his reply. Finally turning to look at the man, and nearly shouted for joy when he recognized him. "What the fuck took you so long?!" He bounded toward the man happily, forgetting momentarily about the previously agitating events.
The man blinked, still unable to clear his hang-over fogged brain. "Huh?"
"You were supposed to be my best man, you idiot!"
"I was?" The drunkard replied intelligently.
"Don't you remember?"
No, the man did not remember, but he would pretend to remember to avoid upsetting the dark group to his right who seemed to be growling menacingly at him. "What do I have to do?"
Inu-Yasha dragged the man up to the front of the altar, trying to push his sibling out of the way. "Just stand where my bastard brother is standing and try not to throw up." He turned to his brother, grinning maniacally, "You can go stand with the others now, Sesshomaru."
Sesshomaru scoffed, but went to stand by their father. Their father muttered some disapproving phrases, but Inu-Yasha ignored them; the wedding was making a turn for the better, and he wasn't about to jinx its momentum.
Kagome just stared in shock at Sesshomaru for a few seconds. So that really is a man? Why does he look like he's wearing eye shadow then? This is all so confusing. She turned back to face Inu-Yasha, who was glaring threateningly at Miroku.
"Start the ceremony, monk, or I swear I will make it so you can NEVER have children." Inu-Yasha smirked darkly to emphasize the sincerity of his threat.
Miroku gulped audibly, before laughing nervously "Some people have no sense of humor." Breathing out, he put on his most solemn expression, "Well, if there are no further objections-"
"I object!" A voice echoed through the shrine as a figure dressed in black entered the shrine, the blinding sunlight behind him obscuring his features. His cape billowed in an aero-dynamically impossible fashion, since there was no wind.
Kagome squinted to see the latest interruption to her wedding. She was sure it was someone trivial until she recognized the shadowed face. "Hojo?"
Back at the Masterpiece Theatre set, the comfy leather chairs are mysteriously absent. The reason becomes apparent as Sango is seen chasing Miroku up and down the room swinging her boomerang.
Sango: You proposed to Kagome at her wedding (swings wildly)?! What kind of playboy are you?!
Miroku: (Stops suddenly, surprising the demon exterminator; takes her hand in his) Sango, you know that no one could replace you in my heart! (Lifts her hand to his cheek, rubbing it tenderly) I will always love you the most!
Sango: (Blushes furiously and sweatdrops) Houshi-sama… (shakes her head) What am I THINKING?! You just asked a woman to bear your child while performing a marriage!
Miroku: Oh come on Sango, it wasn't THAT bad. Besides, I am only planning on using what Rambler promised me on you!
Sango: (suddenly very suspicious) And what would that be?
Miroku: (satanic smile) You'll see around chapter 10. (Looks innocently at audience) So the second half of chapter 4 should be coming out on either Saturday or Sunday, depending on how much energy Rambler has.
Sango: Yes, Rambler has her AP Euro test on Friday afternoon, followed by Grad Night at Disney World until seven in the morning. And then she has to sing at an aunt's wedding at noon.
Miroku: Yes, this is also a blatant attempt for sympathy. Don't send any cannibals after her, the movie Hannibal REALLY freaked her out. Till then folks!
Sango: Don't forget to review (looks pointedly at button at the left hand bottom side of the screen)!