As usual, Miroku is seated ever so comfortably in the lounge chairs on the Masterpiece theatre set as the trumpet music plays.  The feeling of clichéd pleasantness the set usually creates is hampered, however, by the broken vases and knocked over book cases strewn about the set.  Sango enters with a dust pan and a garbage bag.

Sango: I can't believe Rambler is making me clean this up. (begins to collect vase fragments off the floor)

Miroku: Well your swinging that huge boomerang of yours at me did cause the mess.

Sango: (muttering to herself) But you deserved it for proposing to Kagome-chan during her wedding. Not to mention it wouldn't have caused the mess if you had just stayed still…

Miroku: (Smiling in a sweet, innocent smile at Sango) What was that, dearest Sango?

Sango: (Returning the smile in an almost insane fashion) Nothing, houshi-sama!

Miroku: (Once again solemn) But seriously, you did offer to clean up the mess.

Sango: Only after Rambler laid one of her famous Irish Catholic guilt trips on me. 

Miroku: (Devious grin) Who said it was Irish Catholic?

Sango: (Dryly) Let me guess, YOU taught her, didn't you?

Miroku: (A holy light streams from the heavens) I always try to follow Buddha's example and share my gifts with others!

Sango: (Rolls her eyes) Anyway readers, welcome the second part of Kagome and Inu-Yasha's wedding.  Before we begin, ( moves to pick up more vase fragments) let's have another disclaimer from Earl the Lawyer.

Earl: (Walks to the center of the room) I want all of you to think really hard.  If Rambler owned Inu-Yasha, why would this be published here? Why would she torture me, instead of the taking the millions she would have made in sales and vacationing in Tahiti? She may be insane but surely not that- (Thunder rumbles in the background, warning Earl that he is going to far. Earl jumps in the air in terror and then starts to run off the set) I'm sorry your greatness! Please! I can be good!!!!!

Miroku: (Shakes his head) At least Rambler warned him this time instead of just frying the guy.

Sango: (nods thoughtfully as she continues to clean) She must be getting more caffeine lately.  Oh, by the way, Rambler leaves notes to reviewers who ask questions in the Review section.  She thought it would wreck the disclaimers if she answered them in this section.

Miroku: In other words, she was too lazy to write to you all in here.  Oh well, enjoy the fic!  

Chapter 4 Part 2

D-Day

            "Hojo?" Kagome asked incredulously as she peered at the figure standing in the doorway of the shrine. 

            "Yes, Kagome," Hojo said valiantly. His chest puffed outward and his fists were firmly planted on either hip as proof of his heroic motives.  Smiling at the floor confidently, he turned to face what he thought was his beloved damsel in distress, flames dancing behind him.  "I have come to save you from this… this..." He really had a personal distaste for fowl language "Man!"

            "What?!" Kagome's jaw dropped to the floor.  She had thought Hojo always had a crush on her, but never severe enough to do something so bold, and so stupid.  Hojo was always quiet, and reserved; the essence of the word gentleman, if a little on the thick side.  Normally, Kagome would have outright laughed in the face of any idiot who suggested Hojo to be this daring.  And yet here he was, looking completely unrepentant for interrupting her wedding, with a cape billowing behind him in the non-existent wind.

            Inu-Yasha could do nothing but stare at the intruder.  This was just perfect.  Just when he managed to get everything back on track, or at least heading in the direction of the track, 'Mr. I'm Borrowing My Lines from a Second Rate Romance Novel' shows up.  It wasn't that he thought of this as his real wedding, or that he had any illusions the day would go smoothly, but this was just screwed up.  The event was being sliced and diced by clichés.  Moreover his mother was developing the nervous twitch she usually got before a nervous breakdown.  This Hobo guy is just asking for it… 

            Miroku scratched his head; this certainly wasn't something he had anticipated.  Sesshomaru burning down the shrine, Inu-Yasha attempting to murder Sesshomaru in the middle of the wedding, Kikyo suddenly returning and raising hell, these were all things he had expected.  He had even prepared for the eventuality of the hanyou's mother suddenly having a psychotic episode, or his demon relatives attacking Kagome's relatives.  Yet strangely, of all of the possible catastrophes which seemed likely to happen, he had never thought someone Kagome knew would be the cause.  "Um… if you wouldn't mind me asking Sir, who exactly are you?" He asked, trying his best to smile at the man.  If he didn't step in and solve this problem with diplomacy, Inu-Yasha was going to solve it with some good old fashion ass kicking in a matter of minutes.  He could already see the hanyou begin to shake with rage.

            Hojo began to stride down the aisle, his cape gliding with the thrusts of his step. "I am Kagome-chan's rightful fiancée!" He informed Miroku audaciously, "I am here to claim her, and punish this… this…" Again he found himself having difficulty coming up with names to call the hanyou that were degrading and yet not vulgar "Creature."

            Miroku nodded thoughtfully, and turned to Kagome "Is that true, Kagome-sama?"

            Kagome sputtered a few times before answering, blue eyes wide in dismay "No!  Hojo is merely a childhood friend!"

            Miroku raised an eyebrow, "Then why didn't you invite him to the wedding?"

            "I did!" The frustrated bride cried defensively, throwing back the hood that covered her ornate headdress. "He told me he had to help someone that day!"

            "That someone is you Kagome!" Hojo exclaimed passionately, reaching out to Kagome, who flinched in response.  "I heard what you said four days ago. You told me you didn't want to marry the jerk, that a marriage 'shouldn't be a bargain'!" 

            Forgotten in the background, a certain hanyou flinched at his choice of words.  This had to end.  He knew the sky was going to fall today, but he was not about to let a volcano erupt as well.  His mother looked like she was about to have a heart attack, only succeeding in breathing because of his father's arm on her shoulder and murmurings in her ear. Besides, the little girl was visibly trembling from the chaos of the past twenty minutes.  He couldn't have her back out on him now. 

            Kagome's left eye twitched, feeling the pounding of a massive migraine coming on.  "I never said I didn't plan on marrying him Hojo, only that I wasn't sure if this is how I wanted my marriage to go!"

            "Besides," The exasperated boy reasoned, "How can you say we were only child friends?  Surely you knew I had every intention of marrying you once my apprenticeship was over?!" It abruptly occurred to Hojo that his plan for whisking Kagome away was going absolutely nothing like it was supposed to.  Why did the hero always meet such interference?

            "Enough."    

            "We have a future together!" Hojo declared, ignorant to the dangerously low voice which just spoke.  He was going to save the day if it killed him.  Hojo had worked long and hard preparing this little marriage interruption, practicing the lines he chose over and over again to make sure of their conviction and passion.  It couldn't blow up in his face so quickly.

            "I said, enough!" The growling voice insisted.

            Hojo was too far gone in his rant of love to hear anything besides himself at the moment. "I love you, Kagome! You just can't ignore destiny! You can't ignore love! It will always be there-"

            "ENOUGH!" Inu-Yasha howled, finally succeeding in silencing Hojo, who gaped at the fanged half-demon in fear.  

Realizing the villain often gets a bit miffed when his devious plot is foiled, Hojo had been prepared to deal with an angry groom.  But he had been prepared to deal with an angry human groom.  The creature before him with molten gold eyes of fire was much different than he had expected.  As the groom glared at him through his narrow eyes, Hojo found him to look quite feral, even carnivorous… Hojo gulped audibly as he realized his best karate moves would probably to nothing more than tickle this demon.  Petrified with dread, he tried to reconcile himself with his upcoming death in the name of love. When you think of it that way, it doesn't sound too bad… It's almost heroic…

            Inu-Yasha stormed over to the boy, and picked up his dumb-struck figure in two ease moves. "Look Hobo, or whatever your fucking name is:" Inu-Yasha barked out as he carried the man slung over his shoulder to the door of the shrine like a sack of vegetables, "If you ever step foot on this property again, I swear I will kick your ass all the way back to your home village, you got that? I don't want to see your shitty face ever, EVER again!" He dropped the boy outside the shrine, letting him fall to the ground in a crumpled heap. "Consider your life a wedding present to my bride".   

Slamming the doors shut, Inu-Yasha turned, only to hear a comment from one of Kagome's relatives.    "Dear, you really shouldn't have put back your hood! The headdress is not supposed to be revealed during the ceremony! Now look what you have done! The gods will be angry and your marriage will have bad luck!" Kagome's upper lip began to tremble slightly as the relative, apparently an aunt, continued to chastise her on breaking tradition.

            She was going to cry, at her own damn wedding no less. Well screw all of them, Inu-Yasha thought darkly. "THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD IT WITH ALL OF YOU FUCKERS!" Inu-Yasha shouted, still standing at the door.  He unsheathed his sword, and lifted a clawed hand at all of his and his bride's relatives. "EVERYONE BUT THE BRIDE AND THE MONK GET OUT! GET OUT NOW OR I WILL RIP ALL OF YOU TO SHREDS SO HELP ME GODS!" Many of Kagome's family quite willingly left the shrine upon noticing the hanyou's  violent temper and momentarily homicidal tendencies.  They flew out the door, trampling over poor Hojo in their wake.  But some just didn't quite get the hint, looking at the raging groom with wide eyed shock.  He was forced to begin dragging the members of Kagome's family outside by their wrists, three or four at a time. Luckily Souta and Kagome's grandfather went willingly, and pulled her mother out with them.  

            As Inu-Yasha heaved the humans off the premises, Miroku decided to help him with those demons who felt the need to hesitate out of spite.  Smirking darkly at them, he held up his right hand. "Would you all like a demonstration of how my kazaana works?" He asked amiably. Sadly, the threat only worked on a few, leaving about five sadistic souls left.  Miroku racked his brain for something to bribe them into leaving.  Aha! I'm sure Inu-Yasha will find this amusing, although Kagome-sama won't… "You know, I know Yamura-sama forbids you all from indulging in torturing humans, but I am sure he wouldn't mind you all hurting the boy who ruined his son's wedding…" He suggested conspiratorially.  Sure enough, the rest of Inu-Yasha's family found the opportunity to play with a human without consequences too promising to pass up.  Feeling a small pang of guilt, he quickly said a protection spell for Hojo, hoping it would last long enough for him to make a get away.   The boy may have been clueless, but stupidity was no reason for him to die.

            Satisfied he had done his part, he turned to see Inu-Yasha throw the last human out of the shrine and seal the doors with a heavy wooden plank. "There," he huffed, "Maybe we can actually have a wedding ceremony now." Feeling much better after his workout of dragging people back and forth, Inu-Yasha returned to the altar of the shrine, only to see the loathed canker sore of his life. No matter how he tried, he just couldn't get the guy to go away permanently. "And I just locked the door." He groaned, glaring sourly at his brother, "Why the fuck are you still here, Sesshomaru?"

            Sesshomaru nearly smiled at the irony of the situation. "Someone has to be the witness for your marriage. The elders of the girl's village won't validate it without one."

            "I didn't carry out the drunk," Inu-Yasha pointed out snidely, ears still plastered to his skull, "He can be our fucking witness."

            "Ah, but he is out cold." Sure enough, Inu-Yasha's best man was unconscious in a puddle of his own slobber, convulsing slightly on the right side of the altar.

            "Look you bastard, I don't care about any shitty traditions-"

            "Inu-Yasha?" Kagome asked tiredly, looking at him with firm but worn eyes. "Let's just get this over with, before the building caves in." She smiled faintly at him, suddenly amused by the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. While Inu-Yasha had been chasing and hauling out all of their guests, she had felt like curling up into a ball and dying.  But she was beyond that now.  The stress of the situation caused her to look at the whole thing from a sort of aerial view, seeing the events from afar. First the priest asks her to have his child, and then Hojo tries to stop the wedding and declares his undying devotion.  And to top it all off, she had apparently jinxed her already doomed marriage by taking off the sacred hood.  It was all rather funny, in a macabre, twisted way.

She found herself bent over, giggling hysterically.  Tears rolled down the crinkles in her eyes, cheeks and mouth, caused by both humor and exhaustion.  Inu-Yasha was looking at her strangely, almost as if he were afraid for her mental health. She suddenly felt like asking him another question about fruit, but resisted the temptation.  "Are you alright?" He asked cautiously, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"No," She choked through the chuckles racking her form, "But I will be once this thing is over." Meeting his eyes, she clasped his hand in hers and forced both of them back into a kneeling position before the altar.  "Let your brother be the witness, someone should get some kind of joy out of the ceremony."  She mused.

Inu-Yasha pouted but decided not to add to her seemingly fragile state.   He suddenly felt very guilty for dragging her through this.  It was almost like he was condemning her to his mother's fate.  Okay, so nominate me for Bastard of the Year! He thought, trying to snap himself out of the grip of these uncomfortable emotions, I am doing the best I damn well can, screw her if she doesn't appreciate it!  Yet even as he shrugged off any concern for her in his thoughts, he squeezed her hand as Miroku attempted to perform the marriage ceremony for a third time.

"Okay, this time, who cares if anyone objects." Miroku rubbed his hands together before reciting numerous blessings over the couple.  It was best to get this done quickly, he still wasn't convinced the guests wouldn't try to break in.  

Kagome breathed in and out, calming herself as she stared at Miroku's praying form.  This was it, she was actually marrying the half-demon next to her.  It had all seemed sort of surreal until this moment, her hand firmly clasped in his.  Yet as the reality of the situation washed over her, she felt strangely at ease, as if she could trust Inu-Yasha.  Sure the boy was violent, arrogant, moody, insulting, insensitive, and tactless, but that wasn't all.  He had saved her cat, and now he had salvaged what was left of their wedding.  He had even refrained from killing Hojo for her sake.  Perhaps the next six months wouldn't be that bad after all.

  Inu-Yasha looked over at his bride, and found himself seeing Kikyo in her place.  It should have been Kikyo kneeling beside him.  But it wasn't as painful as he thought it would be that she was not the one next to him.  There was still the perpetual dull ache in his heart, but it wasn't the all consuming throb of heartbreak and self pity he had expected at being married to someone who could have easily passed for Kikyo's double.

Maybe this was because he didn't see her as simply Kikyo's doppelganger anymore.  After actually spending sometime with the girl, he realized how different they were.  She was nothing like his former fiancée in spirit.   The girl was dramatic and emotional, freely showing how she felt with no reserve.  Kikyo was diffident and tranquil, more the type to quietly reflect on her emotions rather than express them.  The girl was a bit strange, but proud of her odd wit and eccentricities, while Kikyo wanted with all of her heart and soul to be as normal as possible.  Kikyo's eyes were that of mist on a lake, the girl's eyes were that of the ocean in twilight.  Even their smells were different.  Kikyo's scent always reminded him jasmine, and never failed to give him the heady sensation he was floating.  The girl just smelled fresh and light, like spring grass and rainwater, with the slightest hint of sakura petals. He didn't quite know what he felt  whenever he inhaled her gentle scent, other than a sort of peace, like falling back onto a pillow.

            Maybe it was the fact that she was no longer just some girl to him.  Over the past few days, she had turned into something else in his mind, she had been transformed into Kagome.   And seeing her as Kagome, a person with problems, doubts, fears, joys and loves made the whole 'ball and chain' thing much more endurable.  He found that Kagome was someone he could actually like, not that all of him wanted to. 

            "And now it is time for the vows." Miroku announced soberly, fully engrossed in his "monk mode".  Both Kagome and Inu-Yasha were shook from their thoughts by Miroku's announcement.  Kagome's throat felt parched as Miroku's eyes met hers.  The vows, she had almost forgotten about the vows.  Do I have to say forever? I really don't want to lie, especially before the gods in a shrine.   Miroku smiled as he spoke, "Do you, Kagome, take Inuyasha to be your husband" I'm going to go to hell for lying in the house of the gods, aren't I? "In sickness and in health," All of the demons will probably make fun of me too. A miko trapped in hell, how ironic. "For richer or for poorer," Well, here goes my shot at heaven… "As long as you both stay married?"

            Kagome sputtered, looking at Miroku curiously.  Wait a minute… aren't the words till death do you part, or for as long as you both shall live? What the…? It became clear as Miroku smiled gently in response to her questioning gaze, giving her a wink almost completely free of lechery.  Did Inu-Yasha…?   The boy in question fixed his gaze directly in front of him, looking oblivious to what Miroku had said.  Yet his tanned cheeks took on a slightly pink hue. 

            Sesshomaru snorted, crossing his arms over his chest, "Looks like your bride is hesitating, mongrel." Inu-Yasha did not reply, still staring fiercely at the wall behind Miroku's head, mouth tightly pierced.

            Kagome opened her mouth, to answer, but stopped herself.  Turning to Inu-Yasha, she smiled slightly, eyes warming as she saw he was blushing even more.  Obviously he had talked the monk into changing the words, but she couldn't figure out why. "I do." She answered Miroku, letting her eyes linger on Inu-Yasha's face as she spoke.

            Miroku's smile widened, it had worked like a charm.  The girl was infinitely less tense at the slight change in words, just as Inu-Yasha suspected she would be.  His gaze turned to the blushing hanyou, who also knew Kagome had been affected by the choice of words. Schooling his features, Miroku returned to "monk mode". "Do you, Inu-Yasha, take Kagome to be your wife, in sickness and in health, for richer of for poorer, as long as you both stay married?"

            "I do." Inu-Yasha muttered, still having problems keeping the red from heating his cheeks.   He didn't know why he was behaving this way, it wasn't a big deal.  So he did something nice and asked Miroku to change some of the wording of the vows to make her more comfortable.  That was no reason for him to be blushing like some goofy teenage boy, like that 'Harpo' kid.  And yet his mutinous body just wouldn't obey his commands.

            Sesshomaru sighed with disgust and began gliding down the aisle toward the exit.  Inu-Yasha turned toward him growling, "Where are you going, bastard?"

            "This display of awkward blushing is too disgusting for even my stomach.  I will cannot tolerate any more cuteness occurring." He had been so sure this wedding was going to be agonizing for Inu-Yasha.  Sesshomaru felt cheated, this sudden tenderness was such an anti-climax to the ceremony's promising prior catastrophes.

            "Now look here you son of a bitch-"

            "Forget it, Inu-Yasha," Miroku interjected quickly, "I only have one more line."

            "Well then get it over with you damn monk!"

            Miroku let out a long suffering sigh. "What ever happened to respecting the servants of Buddha?"

            "MIROKU!"

            "Fine, fine!" The monk waved his right hand in a placating manner as he held his staff over their heads, "I now pronounce you man and wife!"

            "About fucking time." Inu-Yasha grumbled as he helped Kagome to her feet, and escorted her to the door.

            Sesshomaru opened the door, revealing all of Kagome's family and Inu-Yasha's mother and father anxiously standing outside.  "There you are!" The same aunt who chastised Kagome on her headdress fopa exclaimed to her niece, "We were sure he had offered you up as some sort of virgin sacrifice to the gods!"

            Looking at her with a disdain most hold for rodents, Sesshomaru decided to correct her, "No mortal, we do not sacrifice virgins. We just rape them and then torture them to death."

            "Urusai prick!" Inu-Yasha growled at his brother, noticing Kagome go deathly pale.

            "Well, on that note," Miroku chirped, exiting the shrine to join the others "Let's eat!"

            The others grumbled, but begrudgingly trudged toward the castle's entrance.  Kagome stood for a moment, still dazed from her rather odd wedding.  Taking her hand, Inu-Yasha began to lead her toward the others. "Come on, Kagome." 

            Her blue eyes widened in shock.  "You used my name."  Not 'little girl', 'wench' or 'bitch'…  

            Of coarse no perfectly nice moment could last long when it involved Inu-Yasha. "Yeah, I figured I should be a little more informal since you now are officially my ball and chain…"

            "Your WHAT?"  Kagome's eyes narrowed as she stopped walking.

            "Well you know, I am shackled to your crazy ass for the next six months and

I-"  WHACK. Inu-Yasha found himself eating dirt, legs hoisted in the air.  Women were always so irrationally sensitive.

            Feeling much better, Kagome dragged the hanyou to his feet.  "Come on," She urged, her voice dripping with the false sweetness of sarcasm, "Lets get going, husband dearest."

            He almost laughed in spite of himself.  She got over that last comment quickly.   "Whatever you say, Battle Ax."  She chuckled as she hooked her arm in his,  merrily heading to the door of the castle.
 

            Back on the Masterpiece Theater set, Sango looks very pale as she sits in her lounge chair. She twitches slightly as she watches Miroku laugh maniacally.  Thunder crashes all around them, even though they are indoors.

Sango: (Still pale, but trying to regain her composure) Readers, I have some good news, some bad news, and some down right horrible news.  The good news is that Rambler is going to have the next chapter up by this upcoming Saturday night; the bad news is only if you give her your opinion on some things.   The next chapter is Kagome and Inu's wedding night, and she wants to know if you guys would prefer this to be a R rated fic, or keep it at the low citrus content level of PG-13. There won't be a full out lemon either way, but if she goes to R the next chapter will have a good deal of citrus.

Miroku: (Giggles insanely to himself as he rubs his hands together in anticipation)

Sango: (Twitches) And now for the absolutely ridiculously horrible news.  Rambler is so tired that she is considering letting Miroku write the next chapter for her so  she, being the lazy slob she is, won't have to do it.  She wants to know whether Miroku or she should write the chapter.

Miroku: YES! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I am going to have SO much fun with the newly weds!

Sango: (Crys) Its just so wrong! You've got to stop her from letting the hentai write this! Oh the humanity! How can one woman be so cruel!?

Miroku: (Pats Sango on the back) Don't cry, Sango, I will take EXCELLENT care of Kagome and Inu-Yasha! (Looks indignant and holy) I can't believe you do not trust a monk!

Sango: (Cries harder, falls to knees begging the readers) PLEASE STOP HER! Who knows what sort of twisted plan houshi-sama has for them!