For the less intelligent members of the audience, I'm lying. Evrything belongs to Jhonen. (SOB!)
I am as happy as I could ever be. It is Saturday. It is three AM. And I am in bed. Safely in bed with the knowledge that I don't have to get up for at LEAST five more hours.
Bliss.
"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Figgers.
I threw the blanket off, and ran out into the living room. Johnny was already there. He rushed for the front door, I was right behind him.
"Squeee…"
The next door neighbor's light was on. That's not normal. That kid's only like eight years old. He shouldn't be up.
The kid started screaming again. Johnny somehow managed to jump through the kitchen window. I climbed through after him. I wondered if he came here often.
"Stay here."
"But-"
"SHHH! It might be aliens again!"
Um… Okay…
He went into the room the kid's voice was coming from. I heard him gasp once. A few seconds later, he came back out, this time carrying the little kid.
"What? What is it?"
"Squee..."
"One second, OK? C'mon, Squeegee, you can spend the night at my house."
"SQUEE!"
"Oh, yeah." Johnny put 'Squeegee' down, and ducked into another room. He emerged with a torn, stitched teddy bear.
"Forgot Shmee."
The kid grabbed the bear, hugging it to his chest. Johnny picked him up again, and, giving me a look, we walked out the door, and back to Johnny's.
I waited outside the room while Johnny put the kid in bed. I can't believe how many rooms he has in his house. After what seemed like an eternity, he came out, shutting the door soflty behind him.
"What happened? What's wrong with him?"
"Before I tell you this, I have to explain about Squee's family. You don't know them, but basicly, his dad hates him, and his mom's usually too high to remember he exists."
"My god…"
"Yeah. A lot of awful stuff happens to this kid. I remember once he told me the son of the devil was in his class. I think he got abducted by aliens once… His parents definatly did. And he sleeps on the roof with a crowbar on a regular basis."
"Thank you, social services."
"He's gonna need them now. His parents are both dead."
"What the hell? Are you sure?"
"Yeah. You didn't see the bodies. I'm thinking a homicide/suicide."
"And he SAW this?"
"Yeah."
"Dear god..."
"Yeah."
"He's gonna need some serious therapy."
"Too late."
"What do we do?"
"Tomarro I'll call the police…from a pay phone… report it or something."
"What'll happen to Squee?"
"Aw, crap. That won't work. They'll put him in a home… knowing him, they'll probably send him to a pedophile or something…"
"We could bury the bodies… probably no one will notice… They never do."
"That might work. But what to do with Squee…"
"We could keep him."
"We're not exactly the best role models…"
"So? It's not our fault… evil forces remember? Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'devil made me do it."
"I resent that."
"Oh, hi, Satan." I turned to him like having religious beings pop up in the living room was normal.
"Hello. I have a message for you from The Other Place."
"Who're they?"
"They run the whole 'reality not imploding' department."
"Okay."
"Why didn't they come and tell us?"
"They're VERY BUSY."
"Oh…kay…"
"Actually, they arn't very good at communication."
"Right…"
"Anyway, they said tell you that Todd's your responsibility now."
"What?"
"Yeah. Apperantly, he's an important person in the future sometime."
"Okay."
"So, um… Yeah. Take care of him… S'ok if he sees you kill somebody… apparently he'll forget it in exactly five minutes. He phobic enough. Speaking of Phobics, don't take that bear away from him. It's crucial that he always have it, until he grows out of it himself. Something about a trauma-sponge. Without it, he'll go more insane than originally intended. That's bad."
"Ok, got it. Killing OK. Don't take away bear."
"I HATE that bear." Nny muttered.
"And DO NOT, under any circumstances, buy him a stuffed monkey. Bad things will result from your doing so."
Johnny and I exchanged a look.
"No monkey, got it."
"That's pretty much it. Oh, and living in this house'll probably make him immune to harm, like you guys."
"So THAT'S why I never get caught."
"Of course! I think the wall might get neglected if you get put in prison for all eternity on… what is it now… 1,223,001 counts of murdur."
"986, 234."
"Ah."
I stared at Johnny.
"You keep TRACK?"
"Well, y'know, that's a lot of bodies to bury."
"You keep TRACK?"
"Yes, we've established that, Marissa."
"Be QUIET, Satan."
"I don't like your tone."
"What're you gonna do, kill me? You know where I'll end up, don't you?"
Satan's eye twitched.
"Yes…"
I love having power over Satan. It's actually funny that he hates me so much. Of course, that probably means I'll be one of those people you read about in horror stories who drank the Elixer of life. Now they're all rotted and crap but they CAN'T die. I can scare the crap outta little kids at night. I am a mean Marissa.
"I gotta go now. BACK TO THE NETHERWORLD!" There was a puff of smoke and the eight-foot devil disappeared.
"Okay… I don't remember him ever doing THAT before."
Pause
"I wonder how Squee'll feel about this."
I considered.
"Oh, he'll probably be terrified. He seems to be quite horrified of you, Johnny."
"Nah, he's always like that."
"I wonder if I'm too hyped up to go back to sleep."
"I know I'm not. It's Saturday. Which means I gotta get up at 7, eat lots of sugar cereal, and watch cartoons."
"I'm going back to bed."
"See ya."
Somewhere around 7:30, the same day.
"I'LL GET YOU, YOU WASCALLY WABBIT!"
What the HELL?
"YEE-HAW!!!"
I walked out into the living room, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Johnny was on the couch with Squee. They were both watching Bugs Bunny, the volume on the bunny-eared TV turned ALL THE WAY UP.
"Run Bugs, RUN!!!" Yelled Squee.
"No, no, he doesn't need to run." Explained Johnny. "See, the hunter can't get him, he's too smart."
"Oh."
"Mmyep."
"What the heck? What are you guys DOING?"
"Watching TV." Said Squee innocently. I noticed they both had huge bowls of Sugar Crappies. Mmmm, sugar crappies.
"Gimme some of those." I said, taking a swipe at the box.
"NO! OUR CEREAL!" Yelled Johnny.
"MINE!" I leapt over the back of the couch, grabbing the box out of his hand before sailing another three feet, and landing in a rather impressive roll. This effectively crushed the box into the width of a sheet of paper, but I HAD IT! They'll still taste the same.
Johnny stared, unbelieving, at his hand.
"My… cereal… AAAAAAUGGHHH!"
"MY cereal NOW! BWAHAAHAAAHAAA!"
Squee looked terrified. This kid was gonna take some getting used to.
"It's OK, Squee. We're just fooling. He's not really serious. See?"
Something big hit me from the side, and pushed me over.
"MY CEREAL!!"
Something might be WRONG with this cereal. It was making Johnny nuts… Maybe that's just the sugar.
Fortunatly for me, Johnny's a twig. He kept trying to wrestle the cereal away. Dis, you know, means War.
"MINE! You let go! GEDDOFF MEEEEEE!!"
I was pretty much pinned to the floor. He was sitting on my stomach, trying to get to the box. I held it away. He couldn't get to it without getting off my stomach. Or so I thought.
"Nooo! NO TICKLE! No FAIR! Squee! Help!"
Squee was looking on in terror. Which wasn't helping me at all.
And Johnny was getting That Look. I don't like That Look. Maybe I should just give him the stupid cereal.
That's when he pulled a knife out from somewhere.
Yeah, definatly give him the cereal.
Cautiously, I handed it over. He looked very pleased with himself. Without another word, he got up and returned to the couch. The box was leaking cereal dust on everything. There couldn't be a solid nugget left in the whole box.
I am worried.
"Johnny? Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute? NOW?"
He handed the cereal to Squee, whispering something about 'protect with your life.'
"What the heck was that?"
"What?"
"You just attacked me over a BOX of CEREAL. While I do know that you wouldn't really kill me, that's not a good thing to be doing."
"I… you took my cereal."
"That's not the point. Remember, we have Squee to think about, now. He's traumatized enough without you pulling shit like this."
"But you TOOK my CEREAL."
"WILL YOU FORGET ABOUT THE FRIGGIN CEREAL! It's a frigging two-dollar box! You can't DO that over a TWO-DOLLAR BOX of CEREAL."
Johnny grinned maliciously.
"Sure I can"
I threw up my hands.
"I'm going to bring this up again, at a time when you're NOT high on sugar." I stalked back into my room. I am not ready to be awake yet. Maybe I'll just go back to sleep…
End chappy one! This story is finished, I just have to get it up. And since I have to put all the punctuation in manually, AFTER uploading, it might take a while. Reveiw, I'll have more up soon.