Han Solo woke up that morning to a confused and slightly angry Jedi standing over him. Luke's arms were crossed, his head tilted to one side. He looked a little like Leia did when she was upset but trying to be passive.
"What the hell are you doing, Luke?" Han growled as he sat up. "What time is it?"
"Early. What are you still doing here?"
"Oh, I see. So now I'm not allowed to be here. You were doing all you could on the way here not to beg me to marry Leia and stay with her and Hanna. Why trying to get rid of me all of a sudden?"
Luke didn't say anything at first. Damn Han and his attitude. "Han, you have to leave. You don't know what you're doing to Leia just being on planet."
"What? Can't restrain herself? So let her come down here and throw herself at me. I'd be happy to--"
"Han, just shut up!"
"What's the matter with you?" Han frowned. This wasn't like Luke at all.
Luke ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "You know I can't stand it when Leia's upset, or when something's threatening or hurting her. It's the only thing that throws me over the edge like this." He sighed again and closed his eyes, calming himself. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."
He nodded. "That's okay. Guess I had not right to joke about it, right?"
Luke half-smiled. That was basically the closest Han ever came to apologizing. "Han, what are you still doing here?"
Han hated to admit the real reason. He'd like to think he was staying because he chose to, because he could do what he wanted when he wanted. He came and went as he pleased. Except when... "Damn hyperdrive..."
Luke stared at him in disbelief for a minute. Then he laughed out loud. "What?"
Han smiled and shook his head. "You'd think I'd have it figured out by now, right?"
Luke nodded.
"Hey, but when you keep pushing an engine to go faster and faster when she should have been scrapped along ago, it's bound to happen."
"You still make your own 'special modifications?'"
"All the time. That's the real problem."
Luke sat beside Han on the bunk. "Thanks. I needed to laugh."
Han noticed that Luke looked like he had just rolled out of bed--he probably had. But he looked tired, too, as if he hadn't slept all night. "Luke, what am I doing to Leia, just being on planet?"
Luke met his eyes before telling him, judging his motivations. "She cried all night, Han. You need to leave."
Han snorted. "The old Luke would have wanted us to work it out."
"There is no old Luke and new Luke. I'm the same person you knew during the Rebellion. I've just learned a thing or two about love since then. I want you to work it out...but it was so long ago, Han. There's no reason to upset Leia like this with something so old."
"Luke?"
"Hmm?"
"You weren't kidding when you said you'd been hurt before. Someone hurt you bad."
Luke didn't answer.
"Who was she, kid?"
"It doesn't matter."
"What'd she do to you?"
Luke paused, willing the memories back down into the dark corners of his mind. But they wouldn't stay there. "She died," he whispered.
Suddenly Han understood Luke's chosen solitude. To have that happen...Han had lost lovers a lot of ways, nearly every way he could think of. But not that way. That would be...unbearable.
"How?"
Luke took a deep breath. "Uh...well, I'll start from the beginning. It happened about ten years ago. She was a friend of Wedge's. He set us up. We didn't know each other long before it happened, but...I was so in love with her. I've had five lovers since you left, Han, and I never loved anyone like I loved her."
Han knew that Luke would never be with a woman he didn't love; in the past they had had numerous arguments on the subject. While Han took most relationships casually, Luke never could. Han had told him that he did believe in true love, and if it happened, great. But if it didn't, there was no way he was going to live like a priest in the meantime.
"She was Corillian." He smiled. "Maybe my family is just attracted to them for some reason. She had this beautiful low voice...she'd sing songs with Hanna...and..."
"How long were you with her?"
"Three months. I wanted to marry her. But...she was killed when her ship crashed when she was going home to visit her family." He passed a hand over his eyes and laughed at himself. "I'm sorry. It's hard to talk about. It was so long ago, and it was only for a little while, but it was so unexpected. It was hard to recover form."
Han sat stunned. He felt bad for saying that in the cantina, about how Luke had never been hurt like Leia had hurt him. Maybe no one had ever hurt him like that, but he had been hurt so deeply that Han would no longer consider himself unlucky. What if Leia had been killed nineteen years ago? He would never have been able to forgive himself, even if there was nothing he could have done.
"I'm sorry. I...I didn't know..." was all Han could bring himself to say in comfort.
Luke shrugged. "It's all right. I'm starting to get used to it. I've been with other women since her, but it's never been the same. Still, I've moved on."
Luke stared at the floor for a long moment, silent.
"Well, anyway," he began again, "that doesn't solve Leia's problem."
"Look, kid, I don't owe Leia anything. For nineteen years I've steered clear of Coruscant just to stay out of her way and I'm tired of it. If I want to stay in Imperial City to fix my ship, that's my business. But as soon as the hyperdrive is fixed, I'm going back to Corillia, getting really drunk, and finding a nice girl to spend the night with. After that, I'm finding a job. When that's done I'll do it all over again. Maybe I'll spend Life Day with Chewie's family. But that's the closest I'm gonna come to settling down."
"Han, I didn't say anything--"
"Yeah, but since I ran into you you've been laying guilt trips on me about Hanna and Leia. So I hurt Leia? Leia hurt me too. And as for Hanna...she's a great kid, and I like her a lot. But she'll never be mine, Luke. You've been raising her to be a Jedi since the day she was born. She's not mine."
Luke sighed. He was right. Well, for the most part. "Fine. Need help with your ship?"
It was almost a reproach the way he said it. Han shook his head. "Never have, never will."
"Okay. Well," he rose to go, "if you change your mind..."
Han watched him go, and somehow felt that he would never see him again after the talk they'd had. Not unless he called him back right now.
"Wait. Luke!"
He stepped back into the room; his eyes gave away the fact that he was expecting Han to say something to make up for all he just had.
"You find out who's trying to kill Hanna?"
Luke shook his head. "Not yet. I've got techs and hackers of all kind working on her ship's computer, though. They should know at some point today. As soon as they do..."
"You're out of here, tracking down whoever it is. Saving my daughter's life."
Luke nodded.
"Keep me posted on that, okay?"
Luke smiled. "Sure thing. Han, if it turns out to be something serious, and I need some back-up..."
"Don't count on it." Han warned harshly. But then he softened. "But maybe. We'll see. But I ain't gonna commit to anything."
"Han, you're talking like a mercenary."
"What do you think I am?"
Luke pursed his lips. "Not what we used to think you were. You ruined that reputation little by little during the Rebellion. I'm not going to believe that that's the way you really think even for a second."
And he left.
Han went back to sleep. He'd take his time getting off of Coruscant. Luke didn't like it, her Highness didn't like it, tough.
"What the hell are you doing, Luke?" Han growled as he sat up. "What time is it?"
"Early. What are you still doing here?"
"Oh, I see. So now I'm not allowed to be here. You were doing all you could on the way here not to beg me to marry Leia and stay with her and Hanna. Why trying to get rid of me all of a sudden?"
Luke didn't say anything at first. Damn Han and his attitude. "Han, you have to leave. You don't know what you're doing to Leia just being on planet."
"What? Can't restrain herself? So let her come down here and throw herself at me. I'd be happy to--"
"Han, just shut up!"
"What's the matter with you?" Han frowned. This wasn't like Luke at all.
Luke ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "You know I can't stand it when Leia's upset, or when something's threatening or hurting her. It's the only thing that throws me over the edge like this." He sighed again and closed his eyes, calming himself. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."
He nodded. "That's okay. Guess I had not right to joke about it, right?"
Luke half-smiled. That was basically the closest Han ever came to apologizing. "Han, what are you still doing here?"
Han hated to admit the real reason. He'd like to think he was staying because he chose to, because he could do what he wanted when he wanted. He came and went as he pleased. Except when... "Damn hyperdrive..."
Luke stared at him in disbelief for a minute. Then he laughed out loud. "What?"
Han smiled and shook his head. "You'd think I'd have it figured out by now, right?"
Luke nodded.
"Hey, but when you keep pushing an engine to go faster and faster when she should have been scrapped along ago, it's bound to happen."
"You still make your own 'special modifications?'"
"All the time. That's the real problem."
Luke sat beside Han on the bunk. "Thanks. I needed to laugh."
Han noticed that Luke looked like he had just rolled out of bed--he probably had. But he looked tired, too, as if he hadn't slept all night. "Luke, what am I doing to Leia, just being on planet?"
Luke met his eyes before telling him, judging his motivations. "She cried all night, Han. You need to leave."
Han snorted. "The old Luke would have wanted us to work it out."
"There is no old Luke and new Luke. I'm the same person you knew during the Rebellion. I've just learned a thing or two about love since then. I want you to work it out...but it was so long ago, Han. There's no reason to upset Leia like this with something so old."
"Luke?"
"Hmm?"
"You weren't kidding when you said you'd been hurt before. Someone hurt you bad."
Luke didn't answer.
"Who was she, kid?"
"It doesn't matter."
"What'd she do to you?"
Luke paused, willing the memories back down into the dark corners of his mind. But they wouldn't stay there. "She died," he whispered.
Suddenly Han understood Luke's chosen solitude. To have that happen...Han had lost lovers a lot of ways, nearly every way he could think of. But not that way. That would be...unbearable.
"How?"
Luke took a deep breath. "Uh...well, I'll start from the beginning. It happened about ten years ago. She was a friend of Wedge's. He set us up. We didn't know each other long before it happened, but...I was so in love with her. I've had five lovers since you left, Han, and I never loved anyone like I loved her."
Han knew that Luke would never be with a woman he didn't love; in the past they had had numerous arguments on the subject. While Han took most relationships casually, Luke never could. Han had told him that he did believe in true love, and if it happened, great. But if it didn't, there was no way he was going to live like a priest in the meantime.
"She was Corillian." He smiled. "Maybe my family is just attracted to them for some reason. She had this beautiful low voice...she'd sing songs with Hanna...and..."
"How long were you with her?"
"Three months. I wanted to marry her. But...she was killed when her ship crashed when she was going home to visit her family." He passed a hand over his eyes and laughed at himself. "I'm sorry. It's hard to talk about. It was so long ago, and it was only for a little while, but it was so unexpected. It was hard to recover form."
Han sat stunned. He felt bad for saying that in the cantina, about how Luke had never been hurt like Leia had hurt him. Maybe no one had ever hurt him like that, but he had been hurt so deeply that Han would no longer consider himself unlucky. What if Leia had been killed nineteen years ago? He would never have been able to forgive himself, even if there was nothing he could have done.
"I'm sorry. I...I didn't know..." was all Han could bring himself to say in comfort.
Luke shrugged. "It's all right. I'm starting to get used to it. I've been with other women since her, but it's never been the same. Still, I've moved on."
Luke stared at the floor for a long moment, silent.
"Well, anyway," he began again, "that doesn't solve Leia's problem."
"Look, kid, I don't owe Leia anything. For nineteen years I've steered clear of Coruscant just to stay out of her way and I'm tired of it. If I want to stay in Imperial City to fix my ship, that's my business. But as soon as the hyperdrive is fixed, I'm going back to Corillia, getting really drunk, and finding a nice girl to spend the night with. After that, I'm finding a job. When that's done I'll do it all over again. Maybe I'll spend Life Day with Chewie's family. But that's the closest I'm gonna come to settling down."
"Han, I didn't say anything--"
"Yeah, but since I ran into you you've been laying guilt trips on me about Hanna and Leia. So I hurt Leia? Leia hurt me too. And as for Hanna...she's a great kid, and I like her a lot. But she'll never be mine, Luke. You've been raising her to be a Jedi since the day she was born. She's not mine."
Luke sighed. He was right. Well, for the most part. "Fine. Need help with your ship?"
It was almost a reproach the way he said it. Han shook his head. "Never have, never will."
"Okay. Well," he rose to go, "if you change your mind..."
Han watched him go, and somehow felt that he would never see him again after the talk they'd had. Not unless he called him back right now.
"Wait. Luke!"
He stepped back into the room; his eyes gave away the fact that he was expecting Han to say something to make up for all he just had.
"You find out who's trying to kill Hanna?"
Luke shook his head. "Not yet. I've got techs and hackers of all kind working on her ship's computer, though. They should know at some point today. As soon as they do..."
"You're out of here, tracking down whoever it is. Saving my daughter's life."
Luke nodded.
"Keep me posted on that, okay?"
Luke smiled. "Sure thing. Han, if it turns out to be something serious, and I need some back-up..."
"Don't count on it." Han warned harshly. But then he softened. "But maybe. We'll see. But I ain't gonna commit to anything."
"Han, you're talking like a mercenary."
"What do you think I am?"
Luke pursed his lips. "Not what we used to think you were. You ruined that reputation little by little during the Rebellion. I'm not going to believe that that's the way you really think even for a second."
And he left.
Han went back to sleep. He'd take his time getting off of Coruscant. Luke didn't like it, her Highness didn't like it, tough.