Readers--
I don't know if you guys read the review page for this story, but recently I got a review pointing out some reasons my story is not cannon. I'm not upset about it, and I don't mean to make it seem like I am. I just wanted to point out the fact that if I'm not following cannon for after the movies, why should I be following the cannon of before the movies? I have read most of the Star Wars books, and the ones I have not read I have made it my business to familiarize myself with the characters and situations to a certain extent. I know vaguely what Han's past was "really" like, but for my purposes, his past was different. Everything I include in my stories has a reason, every time I don't follow cannon it is either for the sake of the plot, to make the story feel more realistic, or to make a point that needs to be made. I apologize for not explaining this before. But let's all face the facts: "cannon" Star Wars novels are just really long, published fanfiction. Just because they're published doesn't mean they're "right."
--The Author
Chapter 9
Later that same day, Han got lonely. His ship was silent. He worked on her with a tender touch, but she didn't provide the comfort that she once had. It was amazing how quiet Coruscant could be at times. Inside the private docking bay that Luke had managed to get security to give him when they landed, the bustle of the capitol city could not be heard.
That made it all the more lonely. It was so quiet.
Things had been better when Chewie'd been around. When Han left Coruscant that last time nineteen years ago, he'd left without telling anyone where he'd be going--not even Chewbacca. He was too angry, too wounded. He hadn't wanted anyone to see him like he was, or to deal with anyone. He had wanted to get as far away as possible, as fast as he could. Before he modified her so she could be flown by him alone, the Falcon was nearly impossible to fly without his long-time copilot. But he'd made it. A couple years later he had ventured to Kasyyacc to tell Chewie he was sorry for running off without him. He'd lived with Chewie's family for a few months, and when he went off again, Chewie had wanted to join him to fulfill his lifedebt. Han had smiled and told Chewie that the lifedebt was paid. He had saved Han's life before, and they were too good of friends to deal with a formality such as that. When Chewie still insisted, saying their friendship was what made him want to pay the lifedebt more than any formalities, Han had taken him aside and explained something to him.
"You got a family, pal," Han had said, lowly. He didn't want Mala or anyone to hear him pour his hear out. Well, as close to it as he ever came, anyway. "You've been with them the past few months, but before that, when was the last time you spent more than a week with Mala and your son?"
Chewie shrugged.
"You have an obligation to them too. More than you do to me. And I ain't gonna take that away from you."
It had taken a lot of persuading, but finally Han had gotten Chewie to stay with his family. He wanted for him to be happy...and he wanted to give to him what had been taken away from Han himself.
A few months later, Han came to visit again. Mala told him that Luke called last month and told her that Leia had given birth to a girl. Han hadn't wanted to talk about it.
Han threw down his tools. He was tired of working alone. Maybe that same girl would want to help him fix the old hyperdrive. She was good with tools, and her youthful liveliness was refreshing to Han. He loved when he saw some of himself in her cocky humor, or when her eyes reminded him of Luke's the way they had been when he was a kid. As long as she didn't get all smart on him and start acting like a princess, it was all right being around her. I was better than all right. The girl was starting to grow on him.
He took his comlink form his pocket and was about to call up to Hanna's room, but he changed his mind. What if Leia answered? He wouldn't know what to say. Damnit--he wished he had those powers like the rest of them had, sometimes. If only to tell when someone wasn't home.
Instead he decided to call Luke's personal comm to ask if he knew where Hanna was. They spoke briefly; Luke seemed a little frustrated at hearing from him, but after Han inquired after Hanna he lightened up. He said she was in the apartment, and gave him directions. He assured Han that Leia wouldn't be there. She was busy all day, every day. "Good," Han murmured when he clicked off. He was on his way immediately.
**********
Luke's directions were a little misleading; Han remembered a little too late that Luke was one of those people with no idea of where exactly anything was, only of how they were used to getting there. But Han found the apartment eventually. He wiped his greasy hands on his pants, then knocked on the door.
He'd expected Hanna to answer. Of course he had--Leia was working somewhere in the lower levels of the palace and Luke was with those techs and Hanna's X-wing. He felt his heart stop and his face go pale when Hanna wasn't the one who answered.
And of course, Leia was just as surprised when she saw him.
They stood stunned for a long time. Both were too surprised to do anything else, but Leia recovered first.
Han was just thinking how beautiful she was, how unchanged. She was thinner, and she looked tired form loss of sleep the night before, but she was...beautiful...like she'd always been....
It wasn't until Leia began to glare at him that he got hold of his thoughts. What was he doing just standing there? Say something, he commanded himself. Anything.
But Leia, with a dangerous edge in her voice, spoke before he could. "What are you doing here?"
Han folded his arms, gaining control of himself, putting on that same roguish air that, even he knew, was getting old. "I took your daughter home, princess. There was an attempt on her life. I came to her rescue."
"MY daughter?" Leia nearly yelled. "MINE? She's your daughter, too, Captain. But you seem to have forgotten that."
"Oh, yeah? Can you blame me? You told me I'd be a lousy father. What the hell was I supposed to do but cut outta here as fast as I could?"
"I told you that you weren't READY. I didn't tell you to get out of her life for ever!"
"Oh, so you were going to wait around until I WAS ready, and then when I'd stopped being a bad influence for our daughter that you were raising to be little miss perfect, THEN I could be in the picture? It don't work that way, your Worship. And you know what? Keeping me away didn't work either. I spent three whole days with Hanna and she's a Solo through and through. You can't suppress genes, sweetheart."
Leia clenched her teeth. "I don't know what I ever saw in you. I let my guard down for two years and look what it got me. I was alone and pregnant, and you were nowhere to be found. I thought I loved you." She shook her head. "What was I thinking? I thought I'd found something inside of you, some semblance of humanity, of decency...I wish I'd known that you were really like this all along."
She slammed the door on his face before Han could speak up again. She'd struck a nerve with that last one. "I thought I loved you," Han murmured under his breath bitterly. "I hate women. I hate that woman." He knocked on the door again, but his only response was, "Go away!" from within.
"C'mon, Leia. I didn't come here to see you. Hanna there?"
There was a pause and silence, but Leia opened the door again. She seemed somewhat softened by his interest. "No. She's not here."
"Do you know where she is?"
Leia shook her head. "She'd old enough to take care of herself. Why?"
"I needed help with the Falcon. Wondered if she had some free time."
Leia shook her head again. "Sorry. I don't know where she is."
Han nodded. He caught Leia's eye for a second, trying to see what she was feeling without giving away what he was. But her dark, dark eyes gave away nothing. Years of politics had made that possible. "You...want to talk this over?"
Leia shrugged. "There's no point, Han."
Another pause. They looked away from each other, suddenly uncomfortable letting their eyes draw them together like that.
"You want to come in for a minute?" Leia asked at last.
Han shrugged. "Nah...I don't wanna bother you."
Leia smiled bitterly. "You had me fooled."
Han smiled back, but with honesty. She smiled too, meeting his eyes again.
Those eyes of hers. Those eyes had haunted Han's memory for nineteen years, and now that he was seeing them again, they were so much more beautiful than he remembered. "Maybe for just a minute," he agreed. "I think...for Hanna's sake, we need to try to get along. Better late than never, right?"
Han sat on Leia's velvet couch for half the afternoon and drank half a bottle of red wine with her. They talked about trivial things, or about Hanna. Sometimes they related stories of what had happened to each of them since they split up. But it was all just in trying to avoid more heated topics. In the middle of Han's third glass, he began to lose his inhibitions. He was nowhere near drunk--he was no lightweight when it came to alcohol, that was for sure--but he was just tipsy enough to have a looser tongue. He knew Leia was too.
"Do you remember the night we conceived Hanna?" he asked without caution.
Leia nodded remenisingly. She was trying not to be angry with Han anymore. For Hanna's sake. "It was the middle of summer. It was a warm night...you'd just come home from the front line and you brought me a bottle of Alderaanean champagne."
"We drank the whole bottle."
She laughed. "We did. No wonder we weren't careful that night..."
"Do you regret it?"
She shook her head. "No. I love Hanna very much. But it was hard."
"I--I wish I'd been there."
Leia looked up in surprise. She'd never expected Han to express any regret for leaving. She expected the anger and bitterness towards her that he had voiced earlier, but not this. "Do you?"
"Yeah."
They were close together, getting closer, talking softly. Han remembered their first kiss like it was yesterday. The way, even as they were drawing together, they had been arguing. That was the way their relationship had been.
Han remembered. And he kissed her again.
Leia drew in her breath in shock, but she kissed him back. Han had been waiting for this for nineteen years, longing for it even when he wouldn't admit it to himself. She was all he had ever wanted, but she had sent him away, and now...
Leia pushed him away decidedly. "Stop!" she protested angrily. "What do you think you're doing?"
Han put his wine glass on the table and stood to leave. "You kissed me back, doll, if you didn't notice!"
Leia put her glass down too and stood. "You think that you can just waltz into my life, get me half-drunk, start sweet talking about the old days, and make love to me on my couch as if nothing happened?"
"Damnit, Leia! Is it always my fault? It was your wine. I didn't get you half-drunk."
Leia growled in frustration. "Everything is your fault! Get out of here!"
"I was about to!" Han stopped at the door and turned to face her. "I suppose it's my fault that I left you too, huh? Even though you sent me away, it's my fault. Everything's my fault!"
He slammed the door behind him and went back to his ship. He wanted her blasting out of here by nightfall.
I don't know if you guys read the review page for this story, but recently I got a review pointing out some reasons my story is not cannon. I'm not upset about it, and I don't mean to make it seem like I am. I just wanted to point out the fact that if I'm not following cannon for after the movies, why should I be following the cannon of before the movies? I have read most of the Star Wars books, and the ones I have not read I have made it my business to familiarize myself with the characters and situations to a certain extent. I know vaguely what Han's past was "really" like, but for my purposes, his past was different. Everything I include in my stories has a reason, every time I don't follow cannon it is either for the sake of the plot, to make the story feel more realistic, or to make a point that needs to be made. I apologize for not explaining this before. But let's all face the facts: "cannon" Star Wars novels are just really long, published fanfiction. Just because they're published doesn't mean they're "right."
--The Author
Chapter 9
Later that same day, Han got lonely. His ship was silent. He worked on her with a tender touch, but she didn't provide the comfort that she once had. It was amazing how quiet Coruscant could be at times. Inside the private docking bay that Luke had managed to get security to give him when they landed, the bustle of the capitol city could not be heard.
That made it all the more lonely. It was so quiet.
Things had been better when Chewie'd been around. When Han left Coruscant that last time nineteen years ago, he'd left without telling anyone where he'd be going--not even Chewbacca. He was too angry, too wounded. He hadn't wanted anyone to see him like he was, or to deal with anyone. He had wanted to get as far away as possible, as fast as he could. Before he modified her so she could be flown by him alone, the Falcon was nearly impossible to fly without his long-time copilot. But he'd made it. A couple years later he had ventured to Kasyyacc to tell Chewie he was sorry for running off without him. He'd lived with Chewie's family for a few months, and when he went off again, Chewie had wanted to join him to fulfill his lifedebt. Han had smiled and told Chewie that the lifedebt was paid. He had saved Han's life before, and they were too good of friends to deal with a formality such as that. When Chewie still insisted, saying their friendship was what made him want to pay the lifedebt more than any formalities, Han had taken him aside and explained something to him.
"You got a family, pal," Han had said, lowly. He didn't want Mala or anyone to hear him pour his hear out. Well, as close to it as he ever came, anyway. "You've been with them the past few months, but before that, when was the last time you spent more than a week with Mala and your son?"
Chewie shrugged.
"You have an obligation to them too. More than you do to me. And I ain't gonna take that away from you."
It had taken a lot of persuading, but finally Han had gotten Chewie to stay with his family. He wanted for him to be happy...and he wanted to give to him what had been taken away from Han himself.
A few months later, Han came to visit again. Mala told him that Luke called last month and told her that Leia had given birth to a girl. Han hadn't wanted to talk about it.
Han threw down his tools. He was tired of working alone. Maybe that same girl would want to help him fix the old hyperdrive. She was good with tools, and her youthful liveliness was refreshing to Han. He loved when he saw some of himself in her cocky humor, or when her eyes reminded him of Luke's the way they had been when he was a kid. As long as she didn't get all smart on him and start acting like a princess, it was all right being around her. I was better than all right. The girl was starting to grow on him.
He took his comlink form his pocket and was about to call up to Hanna's room, but he changed his mind. What if Leia answered? He wouldn't know what to say. Damnit--he wished he had those powers like the rest of them had, sometimes. If only to tell when someone wasn't home.
Instead he decided to call Luke's personal comm to ask if he knew where Hanna was. They spoke briefly; Luke seemed a little frustrated at hearing from him, but after Han inquired after Hanna he lightened up. He said she was in the apartment, and gave him directions. He assured Han that Leia wouldn't be there. She was busy all day, every day. "Good," Han murmured when he clicked off. He was on his way immediately.
**********
Luke's directions were a little misleading; Han remembered a little too late that Luke was one of those people with no idea of where exactly anything was, only of how they were used to getting there. But Han found the apartment eventually. He wiped his greasy hands on his pants, then knocked on the door.
He'd expected Hanna to answer. Of course he had--Leia was working somewhere in the lower levels of the palace and Luke was with those techs and Hanna's X-wing. He felt his heart stop and his face go pale when Hanna wasn't the one who answered.
And of course, Leia was just as surprised when she saw him.
They stood stunned for a long time. Both were too surprised to do anything else, but Leia recovered first.
Han was just thinking how beautiful she was, how unchanged. She was thinner, and she looked tired form loss of sleep the night before, but she was...beautiful...like she'd always been....
It wasn't until Leia began to glare at him that he got hold of his thoughts. What was he doing just standing there? Say something, he commanded himself. Anything.
But Leia, with a dangerous edge in her voice, spoke before he could. "What are you doing here?"
Han folded his arms, gaining control of himself, putting on that same roguish air that, even he knew, was getting old. "I took your daughter home, princess. There was an attempt on her life. I came to her rescue."
"MY daughter?" Leia nearly yelled. "MINE? She's your daughter, too, Captain. But you seem to have forgotten that."
"Oh, yeah? Can you blame me? You told me I'd be a lousy father. What the hell was I supposed to do but cut outta here as fast as I could?"
"I told you that you weren't READY. I didn't tell you to get out of her life for ever!"
"Oh, so you were going to wait around until I WAS ready, and then when I'd stopped being a bad influence for our daughter that you were raising to be little miss perfect, THEN I could be in the picture? It don't work that way, your Worship. And you know what? Keeping me away didn't work either. I spent three whole days with Hanna and she's a Solo through and through. You can't suppress genes, sweetheart."
Leia clenched her teeth. "I don't know what I ever saw in you. I let my guard down for two years and look what it got me. I was alone and pregnant, and you were nowhere to be found. I thought I loved you." She shook her head. "What was I thinking? I thought I'd found something inside of you, some semblance of humanity, of decency...I wish I'd known that you were really like this all along."
She slammed the door on his face before Han could speak up again. She'd struck a nerve with that last one. "I thought I loved you," Han murmured under his breath bitterly. "I hate women. I hate that woman." He knocked on the door again, but his only response was, "Go away!" from within.
"C'mon, Leia. I didn't come here to see you. Hanna there?"
There was a pause and silence, but Leia opened the door again. She seemed somewhat softened by his interest. "No. She's not here."
"Do you know where she is?"
Leia shook her head. "She'd old enough to take care of herself. Why?"
"I needed help with the Falcon. Wondered if she had some free time."
Leia shook her head again. "Sorry. I don't know where she is."
Han nodded. He caught Leia's eye for a second, trying to see what she was feeling without giving away what he was. But her dark, dark eyes gave away nothing. Years of politics had made that possible. "You...want to talk this over?"
Leia shrugged. "There's no point, Han."
Another pause. They looked away from each other, suddenly uncomfortable letting their eyes draw them together like that.
"You want to come in for a minute?" Leia asked at last.
Han shrugged. "Nah...I don't wanna bother you."
Leia smiled bitterly. "You had me fooled."
Han smiled back, but with honesty. She smiled too, meeting his eyes again.
Those eyes of hers. Those eyes had haunted Han's memory for nineteen years, and now that he was seeing them again, they were so much more beautiful than he remembered. "Maybe for just a minute," he agreed. "I think...for Hanna's sake, we need to try to get along. Better late than never, right?"
Han sat on Leia's velvet couch for half the afternoon and drank half a bottle of red wine with her. They talked about trivial things, or about Hanna. Sometimes they related stories of what had happened to each of them since they split up. But it was all just in trying to avoid more heated topics. In the middle of Han's third glass, he began to lose his inhibitions. He was nowhere near drunk--he was no lightweight when it came to alcohol, that was for sure--but he was just tipsy enough to have a looser tongue. He knew Leia was too.
"Do you remember the night we conceived Hanna?" he asked without caution.
Leia nodded remenisingly. She was trying not to be angry with Han anymore. For Hanna's sake. "It was the middle of summer. It was a warm night...you'd just come home from the front line and you brought me a bottle of Alderaanean champagne."
"We drank the whole bottle."
She laughed. "We did. No wonder we weren't careful that night..."
"Do you regret it?"
She shook her head. "No. I love Hanna very much. But it was hard."
"I--I wish I'd been there."
Leia looked up in surprise. She'd never expected Han to express any regret for leaving. She expected the anger and bitterness towards her that he had voiced earlier, but not this. "Do you?"
"Yeah."
They were close together, getting closer, talking softly. Han remembered their first kiss like it was yesterday. The way, even as they were drawing together, they had been arguing. That was the way their relationship had been.
Han remembered. And he kissed her again.
Leia drew in her breath in shock, but she kissed him back. Han had been waiting for this for nineteen years, longing for it even when he wouldn't admit it to himself. She was all he had ever wanted, but she had sent him away, and now...
Leia pushed him away decidedly. "Stop!" she protested angrily. "What do you think you're doing?"
Han put his wine glass on the table and stood to leave. "You kissed me back, doll, if you didn't notice!"
Leia put her glass down too and stood. "You think that you can just waltz into my life, get me half-drunk, start sweet talking about the old days, and make love to me on my couch as if nothing happened?"
"Damnit, Leia! Is it always my fault? It was your wine. I didn't get you half-drunk."
Leia growled in frustration. "Everything is your fault! Get out of here!"
"I was about to!" Han stopped at the door and turned to face her. "I suppose it's my fault that I left you too, huh? Even though you sent me away, it's my fault. Everything's my fault!"
He slammed the door behind him and went back to his ship. He wanted her blasting out of here by nightfall.