The Masterpiece Theater set looks more like a cemetery than the library it was supposed to be in the beginning. It seems barren except for a few tombs and the comfy leather chairs, which have changed from their rusty color to a deep black. Lightning strikes in the background, thunder crashes, and REM's "It's the End of the World as We Know it" blares in the background. The fire place is still crackling pleasantly though, even if it is out of place in this horror scene.
Sango: (Crash helmet firmly in place atop her head, sucking her thumb) Here we go again… Why does she let Miroku write the citrus? (turns her eyes upward) HOW COULD THE GODS ALLOW SOMETHING SO TERRIBLY WRONG!?
Miroku: (Calmly sits in front of a white computer, looking incredibly peaceful at the moment) Because Sango, I am the SHIT. (Cackles evilly to himself and goes back to typing).
Sango: (Shakes her head in disapproval) Well, maybe it won't be that bad… I mean, what trouble can the houshi get into in one little chapter?
Miroku: (Rubs his chin thoughtfully) Hmm…The Real Rose Gamgee said something about belts… (Grins lecherously)
Sango: (Huge sweat drop) We're DOOMED!!!
Earl the Lawyer: (Leaps onto the stage smiling gallantly, wearing a blue cape. He has a huge lemon crossed out on his chest) Never fear! Earl the Anti-Hentai Man is here!
Sango: (Blinks) Wha…?
Earl the Lawyer: You didn't think that she would just let Miroku run amuck did you? Okay, so she wanted to, putting a leash on him takes time and all, but she had to keep this at a strong R, so she made me Anti-Hentai Man to keep him in line.
Miroku: (Glares at Earl the Lawyer) You are no match for the power of my lechery. I can take you down with a single grope.
Earl the Lawyer: (Smirks) Ah, but I am armed with a gigantic stack of Ramblers rules! (Produces a huge stack of paper written in very small print and places it on top of the computer)
Miroku: (Screams in agony) NOOOOO!!!!!!!! Anything but those rules again!
Earl the Lawyer: (Nods righteously) Yes, evil hentai. And there are MORE this time. (Miroku sobs pitifully as he takes a look at rules 1 through 99) In any case, now on to comments from the all-powerful Rambler. No, apparently supreme greatness and grace aren't enough reasons to give Rambling Coffee Addict rights to Inu-Yasha, they insist she have money as well. But she will triumph someday… She would also like to thank you for not flaying her magnificent ass, and say she would have had this out sooner if her computer was not evil incarnate. She would also like to congratulate squeakinuears on getting the Longest Review Thus Far award, trust me, she doesn't mind ranting, that is what she does on a daily basis. As for myself, thank you all who appealed to Rambler to get rid of the damn mongoose outfit.
Miroku: (Sobs as he reads rules 100 throu 199) I will have my revenge!
Earl the Lawyer: (Rolls eyes and strikes justice pose) Whatever. Now, on with the story!
Chapter 9
Uphill Battles
Kusou kusou, kusou. KUSOU. They hadn't mated. Taisho fought down the moan of frustration that was erupting in his throat as his eyes bore into the newly wed couple's skulls. Once again they were sulking stone sculptures of misery he wanted to crush with his bare hands. Both sat rigidly, eyes down on the bowl of soup in front of them, one hand clutching the spoon dipping into the bowl for dear life, but never moving the spoon toward their mouths. Why gods? Why? What the hells was wrong with these two? They should have been going at it like bunnies last night damn it! He had ordered them to.
The worst part was they had to go and get his hopes up. He was startled out of sleep in the middle of the night by high pitched screaming, and leaped in the pure ecstasy of triumph from his bed. In a flash he was down to their room to confirm what his ears had so joyfully been informed of. Hope was a cruel bitch, the girl had just had a nightmare. Of all the rotten luck.
Did his darling son make the most of the situation, comforting his woman like any proper mate should? No, he apparently spit on her, yelled at her, and then they had some type of conversation before he insulted her again and went to sleep. Taisho had to grind his teeth into his tongue to keep himself from cursing and alerting his son to his presence. By the time they had finally fallen asleep his tongue was nearly completely severed; it still had yet to heal fully as he struggled to eat dinner without causing himself too much pain.
Some Lord of the Western Lands; he nearly bit his own tongue off in an attempt to keep from being discovered spying on his own son. Worse yet, because of his temporary injury, he couldn't speak without sounding like a dying walrus ("Taeeeoooo ear, ou ou e me aw?"), virtually incomprehensible until his tongue healed enough. Taisho was far too proud to speak to his wife, son, and his son's wife and friend sounding like some struggling toddler however. He found it much more dignified to hold up signs, and write out messages on scrolls instead. Yes, holding up a sign saying please "Pass the salt" was much less ridiculous indeed.
Unfortunately there was one slight problem with his plan to get his much needed salt: holding up a sign required that the person had to be aware and looking around enough to notice said sign. As luck would have it, the salt was in front of Inu-Yasha, and Inu-Yasha was sulking and staring at the damnable soup. The only thing Inu-Yasha noticed when he sulked was that 'life sucks and I don't deserve this shit'.
Taisho vainly waved his sign flamboyantly in the air, trying to get his son's attention, but his son's dull gold eyes remained fixed on the soup. What the hell was so interesting about it? With a small whine in the back of his throat, he turned to his wife with pleading eyes. Her mind was also off somewhere, but it came back as the whine became louder and more shrill. At least somebody cared.
Takiko looked at his sign with a confused expression, before turning her head toward their son. Her eyes quickly shifted to understanding as a small frown tugged her lips. Sighing deeply, Takiko reached shakily across the large table to get the salt. Taisho sighed as he lowered his sign and watched his wife's efforts. His food was going to get cold by the time he got the salt.
Kikyo. That damned miko was to blame. She was to blame for all cold soups and all cold glares his son had given him. She had ruined his son were her mysteriousness, quiet, longing gazes and willowy looks. She had somehow managed to convince his rather gullible son she was the only wench on the planet. Then, just as he became almost religiously devoted to the insidious doctrine, she had to go and get herself killed, leaving his son still clutching to his faith. He couldn't help but feel jealous of the miko in some respect. That woman had gotten the best of his son, and all he had gotten was his shattered heart after the woman's death. She had gotten the side of his son Taisho always prayed to see, and she took it to the grave with her. Taisho would never forgive her for that.
Being completely truthful with himself, Taisho couldn't blame his son's reluctance to engage in any kind of contact with any kind of female of any kind of species (with the lone exception of his mother) on the miko. No, it wasn't Kikyo's fault, because Sesshomaru was the exact same way. As much as the two would loath Taisho to mention that they had anything in common, the two practically ignored women. Taisho had never even spotted Sesshomaru with any female but a maid, and that was to bite her head off about her washing skills. He originally had attributed the problem to his eldest son liking other men, but he had quite recently made it excruciatingly clear that was not the case. Although Taisho was not completely convinced (Why else would he keep Jaken around for gods sake? Although that thought chilled him to the core.), it was entirely possible that his son did in fact desire women and just want nothing to do with them.
What could possibly have made his sons so adverse to the opposite sex? Did they simply not know many girls growing up? They had plenty of girl cousins on his side, most of them had been free loading on his manor for decades. No stable mother figure? Sesshomaru's mother had been quite stable, and he had been over one hundred years before she had passed away.
Was Takiko a stable mother figure for Inu-Yasha? Taisho frowned a little as he watched her clumsily grab the salt. She had tried to commit suicide awhile back, he reminded himself somberly, I love her, but I would hardly call that stable. She hadn't always been so easily shaken though. When he had first met her she was a firebrand young beauty, bubbling over with laughter. She was so different from his quiet, solemn wife so much like his eldest son, and his even quieter years of isolated loneliness after her death. And yet that fire and passion he had said 'till death do us part' to was all but snuffed out now. Still, he saw glimpses of her lost passion, now rarely seen wit and stubborn nature in Inu-Yasha. Now even that opportunity seemed to be more and more fleeting, as his son withdrew further and further away from him, wrapping himself in a tight cocoon out of Taisho's reach.
His wife frowned as she plopped the salt down in front of him, her eyes once again focusing on her son and his bride. She looked to Taisho as if to ask him if he was going to do something about it. The Lord of the Western Lands sighed, shrugging his shoulders slightly as a sign that he would try, but he made no promises. Straightening slightly, Taisho set his jaw in preparation of meeting with any resistance from his youngest son.
A spoon was hurled through the air, landing against Inu-Yasha's head with a pang. Looking around in annoyance, his eyes fell upon his father. Taisho grunted in response, admitting his guilt with a look which didn't quite say he was sorry. Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes and went back to pretending to eat, not really in the mood to play any of his father's games at communicating. While he was usually desperate enough to get any contact with his father to take the gamble, he just didn't have any energy left to bid, especially when he knew he would only lose.
Not five minutes later a chopstick was hurled at his head. His father's face was still completely unapologetic. Muttering curses under his breath, he turned to his father wearily, "What do you want?"
Taisho raised a single clawed finger as a sign to wait a minute, before furiously writing on one of the blank scrolls he had. Inu-Yasha waited impatiently with a scowl, one elbow planted on the table as his other hand tapped the table. Once he was finished laboring over his message, he held it up: How was your day, boy?
Inu-Yasha raised a thick eyebrow, he hadn't been expecting that question. "Um…" He said uncertainly, still not able to get over the fact that his father wanted to communicate with him so much that he was willing to use signs. There's an ulterior motive, it's just a matter of time before I find out. "Fine, I guess."
Raising his finger again to signal his son that he wasn't finished, he bent down again and began to scribble quickly. He quickly held up his next sign: What did you do?
Both of the hanyou's eyebrows furrowed in suspicion, ears flat against his skull. Something was most definitely up. "I…. Uh…" Did he really want to tell him anything? It's not like he was really interested anyway, might as well skip to the highlight of the day. "I beat up a wolf demon." Inu-Yasha brightened considerably at the memory. Next to him, Kagome seemed to be choking on her own air.
It was Taisho's turn to raise an eyebrow. With a slight smile, he began to write quickly before once again thrusting the scroll into the air: For…?
Inu-Yasha snorted. "He claimed Kagome was his woman, and charged me. He was practically begging me to kick his ass." An arrogant smirk came on his face. Kagome stiffened more, her lips forming a tight line.
Taisho gave his son a full out fanged grin, HA! Progress! Maybe these two weren't so far gone after all. It would just take a lot of pushing on his part, and he would definitely have to call in the cavalry, but over all the war was not doomed to failure . He held up another sign: Who was the wolf-shit? It was only after he held up the sign that he saw Kagome wince in response. Maybe he wasn't helping the situation….
"Kouga," He growled a little at the memory of the way he had grabbed Kagome's hand, before rolling his eyes and adding "But I could care less if he had a name or not."
Kagome slammed the spoon down into the table. "That is because you don't care, period!"
Inu-Yasha looked at her with stunned, wounded eyes. "What the fuck does that mean bitch?"
Oh, shit. Taisho almost bit down on his tongue again, stopping himself just before the canines pierced sensitive flesh. Takiko braced her hands against the table, shrinking into herself as the echoes once again began to drown her thoughts. Miroku just continued to eat his soup.
"What do you think it means?!" She retorted angrily, "Can't you see he was hurt!? The guy just got his heart broken and you stepped on his head! REPEATEDLY!"
"Are you stupid wench? HE FUCKING ATTACKED ME!" Inu-Yasha roared. So much for the first decent conversation he had with his father; the bitch had just ruined it. If she wanted to play nasty so would he. "And if you were so concerned about his heart, maybe you shouldn't have led him on!"
The words had hit their target, the verbal assault Kagome had been preparing to counter assault went died in her throat. Her head lowered, her eyes becoming deep pools of guilt. "I didn't know…"
The battle was rapidly being lost before Taisho's very eyes. He couldn't wait to consult the cavalry later, he would have to drag their asses out here now. Once again scribbling frantically, he whistled and waved the sign in the air, hoping that the newly weds would be too preoccupied trying to dice up each others egos to notice him.
Miroku noticed the sign out of the corner of his eye and read it. Would you do something about them monk? Miroku nodded slightly, before mouthing 'when the time is right'. Then he went back to complacently eating his soup.
Taisho liked war better than matchmaking. At least in war, the cavalry came in whenever the trumpet sounded, not whenever they capriciously thought the time was 'right'. There was also someone cheering you on usually in a war, someone, somewhere, actually wanted you to win. In matchmaking, Taisho found himself to be pretty much despised by all parties in general. And he wasn't even sure that it was because of his matchmaking, since he didn't know if they knew the lengths to which he was going. Why did he even bother?
Snorting derisively, Inu-Yasha spat "He obviously thought you did. Don't give me that shit, you had to have known something."
"But I told you! He never stuck around… He would just take off! I thought he thought it was all a game or something! I didn't know he was serious! I didn't mean to hurt him…" Suddenly Inu-Yasha could smell the salty scent of her tears as her voice got very meek and quiet. "I have been hurting people a lot without meaning too lately…"
He hadn't meant to make her cry. Gods, he hated it when women cried. They looked so fragile, and reminded him so much of his mother. Stopping the verbal assault, Inu-Yasha reached out tentatively toward the crying figure of his wife, not knowing exactly what to do. Unable to come up with anything, his hand began to recede back to his side, when he heard Miroku speak.
"Ah, yes, now I remember where I heard the name Kouga." The monk said almost idly, in a quiet voice. "He is the prince of the wolf tribe up in the mountains. He probably wouldn't have a lot of time to spend with Kagome, since he is responsible for the care of the whole clan. Not to mention that they have been in many territorial disputes as of late."
"He never said anything about that." Kagome muttered as she wiped her tears.
Miroku gave her a small sympathetic smile, "Of coarse not, Kagome-sama. It is perfectly understandable that you never took his suit seriously given the fact he was never around." He fixed his eyes on Inu-Yasha with a dead serious 'follow my lead' expression. "Isn't that right Inu-Yasha?"
Kagome's eyes moved up to meet his, awaiting his answer. His eyes met hers briefly, wanting to tell her he was sorry. But yet he couldn't do it, paralyzed by hurt pride, and the fact that he was already beating himself up about it. All he could muster for her was a soft "Keh." with a turn of his head away from her.
Rolling his eyes, Miroku decided it was time to change the subject. Inu-Yasha never could follow a lead when it was in his best interests to. He would just have to pummel the bastard later. Perking up a bit on his cushion, Miroku turned toward Taisho, "Soooooo, Yamura-sama, how exactly did you injure your tongue?"
Taisho made a surprised gurgling noise in the back of his throat in response. His dark amber eyes met the monks navy blue ones, spewing betrayal and accusation better than any words he was capable of forming. The cavalry was not supposed to set the rest of the army up. Miroku just blinked innocently at him in response. The Lord of the Western Lands spent the rest of dinner defending his ability to eat without grievously injuring himself. Yes, a talk with the cavalry was in order.
After dinner ended, or rather Taisho ordered everyone out of the room with scrolls and signs full of vehement cursing, the dog demon grabbed the monk by his robes and forced him to take a walk in the garden with him.
Trading his iron grip on the monks robes for bracing the monk's neck with his arm, he dragged both of them down the stone path. Takiko followed a little ways behind, unable to bring herself to leave the protection her husband's presence provided. Taisho took a deep breath, and decided to try out his somewhat healed tongue. "Ou are oing ou help me." His voice radiated authority and regality in despite of the fact of his pronunciation.
"Well," Miroku said cautious from his hunched position locked in Taisho's arm. "I would love to consider your request Yamura-sama, but it is really hard to consider anything from my current position."
Taisho groaned and released him, waiting expectantly as the monk gathered his dignity. Shaking himself a bit, Miroku once again addressed the dog demon, "Now, what is it you want me to help you with?"
"I wan ou to help Inu-Asha an Ka-ome."
Miroku raised an eyebrow as he glanced up at the tall stature of the demon lord. It was so odd having Taisho come to him for help. "Help them do what?"
"Ou know wha."
Scoffing, Miroku turned his sharp features and his dignity up in the air. "Please Yamura-sama, I am hardly the type to pry. I am a monk, hardly interested in the worldly affairs of others."
Eyes narrowing in the moonlight, Taisho fought off the urge to list several examples to the contrary. "Aren ou suppose oo help people in nee, mon?" Since the monk insisted on pretending like he did everything in his job description…
"If helping Inu-Yasha and Kagome's marriage was to their mutual spiritual benefit, helped them reach nirvana and have better relations with others, than yes. I honestly believe, however, it is too early to tell whether Kagome will positively impact Inu-Yasha's relations with others, or cause him to be more bitter and ornery. Until I know for sure Kagome would be in Inu-Yasha's best interests, I refuse to push them together and consequently lead Inu-Yasha to eternal damnation."
Taisho let out a small sigh. Obviously the monk's more altruistic side was not going to give in; time to deal with the side that could always be reached. Instituting plan B: "How muw wou ii cos?"
Gasping loudly at the mere insinuation in his voice, Miroku stepped back in sheer horror. "Lord Yamura!" He cried, seemingly as shocked as a shrine maiden who had been propositioned, "What in all of the hells would make you think that I could be bought?" His aura turned as golden as his staff in the evening twilight. "Must I repeat that I am a monk! I serve for the good of others, for the gods, not for such lowly desires as money, or anything else you could throw at me!"
"I cou in-o-uce ou oo all ah irls in ah kitchen!" It was really hard to make his voice persuasive while his tongue flopped around in his mouth like a dying fish, but Taisho did his best. "An ah maids oo!"
"I met the whole of your kitchen staff last spring. I had the pleasure of making myself the acquaintance of your beautiful maids this last fall." Miroku answered in a flat voice, his lips forming the faintest of smirks in the faint light.
"Ere's a new irl in ah kitchen…"
"Yes," Miroku agreed amiably, "And I introduced myself to her last night."
Rolling his eyes, Taisho sighed. "Alrigh…. Wen-y ol pieces."
"And what exactly would you have me do for these twenty gold pieces?" The monk asked in a non-committal fashion.
"Alk oo my son, ive him avice, and convince him oo spen ime wi ah irl."
"So all you want me to do is talk to and advise Inu, and convince him to spend more time with Kagome-sama? Is that all?"
"An make sure a ey s-ar working on Aki-chan."
"Okay, so you want me to make sure they are being intimate," He cast a weary eye to Takiko to make sure his euphemism was correct, but found she was staring off into outer space several feet behind them. "Advise Inu-Yasha, and convince him to spend more time with Kagome-sama?" Taisho nodded in response. "100 gold pieces."
"Wen-y five." He wasn't about to give the monk anymore than he had to.
"Lord Yamura!" Miroku chastised, his expression once again that of pure holiness utterly aghast. "I will go down to seventy five, because you are a close personal friend, but please do not ask me to lower my price. If I did as you asked, I would be going against my very vows and long cherished morals as a personal favor! Excuse me if I ask for this small monetary sum to console myself over my loss of virtue for the betterment of others, but one must comfort oneself somehow in this cold, cruel world."
Miroku turned his eyes heavenward, ever the suffering martyr… Except in the bedroom, Taisho added mentally. Rolling his eyes, he decided he would do what ever it took to get this man to stop the melodramatic; he had dealt with enough people's crap for the day. "Six-y" Maybe that's the houshi's real spiritual power, Taisho mused, the power to overwhelm and mesmerize with the sheer amount of shit he can come up with on the spot.
"Sixty five". The martyr's face hardened into that of the shrewdest businessman in the land.
"Eal." The dog demon groaned, glad to be through with the ordeal. "Now, oh, Inu-Asha shou be coming own oo ah kitchen any momen now."
Miroku turned to go back down the path, before turning back to look at the demon lord with an unreadable expression. "And why would he be going back to the kitchen so soon after dinner in your opinion?"
"He was sulking all rew inner, he barely ouched his soup. He is s-ill s-arving".
Eyes still unreadable, the monk spoke with new understanding, "You notice a lot more about him than he realizes, don't you."
Scoffing, Taisho answered. "Of coarse."
"Maybe you should let him know that."
************************************************************************
Inu-Yasha found his way through the dark corridors of the castle with relative ease. No one ever lit the torches lining the thick stone walls at night. Almost all of the demons living there could care less about the nearly non-existent night vision of the few humans who stupidly insisted on living in their presence.
The part of him which still remembered terrors of being seven and alone in these hallways hadn't wanted to venture to the kitchen at this time of night. Even if he hadn't heard their voices in the darkness cloaking his surroundings, he still would have heard their voices in his head. The voices hung about the halls like cobwebs building up over time, because no one seemed to care they were there in the first place. He was too hungry though, having eaten very little at dinner. And even if he weren't starved, he was far too proud to ever show his family they had any impact on him whatsoever. They would never win.
Walking down the hall steadily, he ignored all of the comments, and promises of making him the next day's meal. He refused to run to the kitchen, if he ran than they would have won. They would have some kind of control over him. Besides, he had put up with worse. The kitchen was in site, he had almost made it the whole way without responding to their jabs when he heard a comment that made him stand frozen.
"Do you think he is going to mate that bitch of his tonight?" Inu-Yasha was suddenly grateful for the darkness, since it hid his humiliating crimson blush. Fists balled up, blood began to leak from his hand as his claws dug into his palms. He desperately tried to get his feet to move toward the door, as the answer came. "Probably is, fucking mutt."
Realizing the voice was immediately behind him, Inu-Yasha turned, howling angrily "IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" Only the figure was gone, and his howl rippled violently down the seemingly empty hallway. Yet just as Inu-Yasha thought that they were gone, a thousand laughs echoed back at him, causing his silvery ears to flatten against his head. Inu-Yasha quickly made it to the door, thrusting it open and closed as fast as he possibly could. He wasn't quick enough to miss one last comment:
"The little shit probably doesn't even know how to fuck her right."
Door slammed shut, Inu-Yasha let out a furious growl before attacking the door, scratching down the wood in rage and embarrassment. Stopping for fear of breaking it, Inu-Yasha slumped against the mangled door, breathing hard. His heart was pounding so relentlessly he was beginning to think it wanted out of his chest and away from all of the pain permanently.
"What happened?" A deep baritone voice called quietly from behind him. Turning around, he saw Miroku sitting at one of the kitchen tables sipping tea, a small candle barely lighting his features with an orange glow.
Inu-Yasha wearily made his way over to sit across from the monk before letting his head slump against the table.
"The family again, I take it?" Miroku asked sympathetically, moving a large piece of lukewarm steak into the hanyou's line of view.
"I'm just so sick of this shit." Inu-Yasha said tiredly as he nodded and began eating the steak. "Are you sure that I can't just set this place on fire?" He asked between bites.
Miroku pondered the question thoughtfully, "With me in it?"
The hanyou looked up at him with innocent eyes "I would give you ten minutes notice… You know, for old times sake."
Snorting, the monk responded "Thanks Inu-Yasha, I love you too."
Eyes widening marginally, Inu-Yasha shifted away from Miroku marginally, still chewing on the steak. "Who said anything about loving you, bouzo?"
Rolling his eyes, Miroku decided against playing with the dog demon, considering his current emotional state. "It was sarcasm, Inu-Yasha."
"Sure…" Inu-Yasha eyed him suspiciously. "Just keep your hands where I can see them."
"Have I ever patted your ass?"
Inu-Yasha smirked arrogantly. "That's cause you know I'd rip your ass a new hole if you did."
Nodding thoughtfully, the monk added "And I wouldn't want to make Kagome-sama jealous." Miroku silently congratulated himself on being able to bring the miko into the conversation so subtly.
Inu-Yasha just shifted uncomfortably in his seat, chewing silently in response. Everything about his sulking, guarded posture screamed he would rather talk about Sesshomaru's hairstyles and makeup rather than his new wife. Observing Inu-Yasha's reluctance to talk about the topic, Miroku decided to proceed with caution. "So I never got a chance to ask, how did the wedding night go?"
"Why do ask, bouzo?"
"Taisho has been asking about whether or not you have started working on Taki-chan." Miroku said gently, giving the hanyou a sympathetic look.
Inu-Yasha just stared at him for a moment, turning red from embarrassment at the thought of Miroku and his father talking about his sex life. "Why the fuck doesn't he get out of my damn business?!" He growled.
The monk shrugged helplessly. "It's his way of showing that he cares."
"Then I wish he would care a hell of a lot less."
Miroku offered him a small rueful smile, "At least he is around to care, period." What he wouldn't give to have his own father torturing him right now, instead of suffering a fate which he soon would suffer as well: being sucked into his own kazaana.
"Anyhoo," He said with false cheer, tell me about the wedding night."
"Fine. " The demon dog answered sullenly.
"What did you guys do?"
After making a few whining and gagging noises in his throat, Inu-Yasha made a gesture with his hand that basically summed up what had happened on his wedding night. His eyes remained averted after he finished, his cheeks flaming red in the orange light of the candle. Miroku was almost touched by the gesture. He had honestly never felt closer to Inu-Yasha than at that moment, they had reached a whole new level in their friendship in his opinion. The fact that Inu-Yasha was able to share something about his sex life with the monk, even non-verbally, showed the monk that he really did trust him, in spite of all the yelling to the contrary. In the monk's mind, the two had infinitely more to discuss now.
Putting the nostalgia of the moment aside, Miroku continued on. "Was she wearing anything?" Boy, Inu-Yasha's claws really gleam when he holds them up in the light like that… Laughing nervously, Miroku explained "I just wanted to get a mental picture!"
The hanyou was still bearing his fangs. The monk decided it was time to get back to the matter at hand. "And did you return the favor?"
Inu-Yasha stared back at him with a wide, dumbfounded expression. "What?"
Taking a deep breath, Miroku pronounced his words slowly and clearly. "After she pleasured you, did you give her pleasure in return?"
"Uh… no."
"Inu-Yasha!" Miroku gasped, as scandalized as a mother who's child had just given the next door neighbor the finger. "How could you?!"
Not really knowing what the hell he had done wrong, Inu-Yasha just started giving random excuses. "We were tired! She didn't fucking ask! I was thinking about killing something! How the hell was I supposed to know?! I've never did any of this shit before!"
Shaking his head, eyes closed in disgust. "That was unforgivably rude of you, Inu-Yasha. You always return the favor, otherwise you are insulting your partner and making yourself out to be a rude, ignorant, selfish bastard. And even if you are, she shouldn't have to know that."
"It's not that big of a deal…."
"Yes, Inu-Yasha, it really is. I am really surprised she hasn't called you on it and demanded that you make amends. Then again, Kagome-sama is an incredibly forgiving girl." He had to massage his temples to get over the horror of the situation. The hanyou was really lucky he had him around to relieve Kagome and him of their ignorance of the rules of sex in polite society. Not that he usually liked to share his immense knowledge, he had a reputation to protect and all, but he would have to make an exception for these poor souls. He would have to, for his country, for Buddha, and for sixty five gold piece that would buy him at least a years stay at a geisha house.
Standing over a still horribly confused Inu-Yasha, Miroku commanded "Go! Run as fast as you can to your room and pleasure that girl as quickly as you possibly can before you have insulted her beyond repair!" His eyes were burned with the flames of the candle as he pointed emphatically toward the door.
Inu-Yasha just sat in his chair, looking at his now his own empty plate. "But I don't even know what to do."
Miroku fell back into a seated position in his chair, hands rubbing his eye sockets in frustration. "Didn't you listen to anything I told you two nights ago?" He whined.
"But I don't want to use my tongue…" Inu-Yasha honestly couldn't take it. There were already moments where he found it very hard to control his urges around the girl. The thought of tasting her was enough to nearly make him lose control edge just sitting here with Miroku. He couldn't loosen the tight grip he held on his emotions and desires, and he knew he would lose himself and just take the girl if given the opportunity to taste her. He wasn't willing to risk that. It took a lot of his energy not to look at her hungrily when she stretched or caress her while she slept innocently. He wasted even more energy to convince himself that these were perfectly normal male reactions to being in the presence of an attractive female. Wait… did I just think Kagome was attractive? He pushed his mental censuring button again, banishing all thoughts of her looks.
Miroku gave him a patient look. "Then use your hands. Don't you remember the story about Saki?"
Grimacing as the mental picture came up, Inu-Yasha grumbled irritably, "I really hate these little chats of ours, bouzo."
Perking up in his chair, Miroku gave Inu-Yasha a dazzling smile. "Really? I rather enjoy them!"
"You would, fucking hentai." Inu-Yasha got up to leave, heading toward the door.
"Wait, Inu-Yasha!" Miroku called, " There is one more thing we need to discuss!"
The hanyou stopped, not turning around. "What?"
"Lubrication." Inu-Yasha immediately began walking out of the room again. Miroku continued undeterred. "You are going to need to use something to make it more comfortable for her. I would suggest some kind of oil, or possibly a cloth." Inu-Yasha was already out the door, slamming it behind him. This was another reason why he never shared his knowledge with the world, they never seemed remotely grateful.
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Inu-Yasha entered his room to find no trace of Kagome except a few green candles keeping the room lit, and some of her clothes piled on his wooden dresser. His ears twitched in the direction of the bathroom as he caught the sound of splashy water and the squeak of bubbles popping. Sticking his head in the bathroom, he saw the shadowy outline of her form behind the red wax paper screen, some towels strewn on the stone floor in front of him. "Wench?"
"Yes, Inu-Yasha?" Kagome called back as she seeped a little deeper into the bubbly water.
"We need to talk, get the hell out of there."
"What about the water?"
"Shippo'll take care of it in the morning.
Sighing deeply, Kagome slowing began to get out of the tub. What a waste of lovely warm water and bubbles. And after Shippo had been so nice as to put it together for me… Not that he should have though, after all she had explicitly given him the day off. He would just have to be punished. She would give him tomorrow off too, that would teach him.
She padded across the floor over to Inu-Yasha, smiling slightly in amusement as she watched his impatient expression. His foot hadn't stop tapping against the floor since he had told her to get out of the tub. After making sure her bright yellow sleeping kimono was firmly tied, she looked up and asked him "What's wrong Inu-"
Within a second the hanyou's lips were covering hers, kissing her with a sort of fervent desperation. He really needs to start warning me when he is about to do that…. His kiss was a lot more careful, and felt much more gentle that their harsh first kiss however. Uncertainly responding, she tried to slow down the kiss, wanting to know what the hell was causing him to start this so suddenly. Placing her hands on his chest, she pushed away slightly to look him in the eyes.
The golden orbs were narrowed seriously, his dark brows furrowed in what seemed to be anxiety. Her eyes widened marginally; apparently this was serious, and apparently he wasn't going to talk about it. He bent down to kiss her again. She would have to wait until tomorrow to ask him why exactly they had to start this now. There was no way she could chance asking him when any of his relatives could be listening. Sighing into his mouth she returned his kiss a little more, though still thoroughly confused by the suddenness of the situation.
Continuing their kiss, Inu-Yasha slowly began to move her toward the futon. His arms wrapped around the small of her back, not trusting her to walk backwards without tripping. He tried to focus on the situation, and not the images of his father and relatives ricocheting around in his head. It had only been their second day of being married; why was the man so bloody impatient? Inu-Yasha mentally shook himself, thinking about Taisho was not going to help him do this. The thought that he was basically performing for his father on some level really did not turn him on.
Remembering the fall Kagome had taken the last time he let Kagome sit down on the futon by her self before joining her. As Inu-Yasha moved toward her on the futon, Kagome tried to swallow her nervousness and smile at him. No matter how hard she tried to hide the fear crawling up her spine and through her unspeakably dry throat, her pale skin couldn't seem to decide whether it should be incredibly red with embarrassment or ghostly white with dread. Her wide, blue gray eyes met Inu-Yasha's timidly, silently begging for this to be over as quickly as possible.
Something suddenly occurred to Inu-Yasha as he looked into the stormy blue depths of her eyes: he didn't want this to be horrible for her. The thought of her being made to go through this awkward act of getting each other off, while getting nothing out of it but humiliation, embarrassment, and the loss of some of her innocence made some part of him actually hurt.
He didn't really know why he gave a damn, she had agreed to it out of her own free will. That was the thing though, she had agreed out of her own free will to help him. He really didn't deserve her help, and he didn't know how to thank her adequately. He really hadn't a clue how to thank her at all. If he really had to be the one to drain some of the wide eyed innocence from her, however, at least he could try his best to make this less awkward.
Licking his lips, he commanded in a gruff, but quiet voice, "Just relax, and follow my lead." She gulped and nodded in response. He smirked a little in return, taking one of her hands in his, and intertwining their fingers. Hovering over her, he kissed her again gingerly.
Kagome marveled at the gentleness in his eyes as he kissed her, not quite knowing where it had come from. This was the same guy who regularly called her wench and bitch, and who managed to make her cry more times in the past few days than she had in the last year. Why were his eyes warm and sweet honey all of the sudden, seeming to be genuinely concerned about her?
One part of her already knew that this was all a big set up, she had the wrong demon. She would wake up to find Inu-Yasha standing over her and whoever this was while they were still in bed, yelling at her for not being able to tell the difference. Either that or he was possessed, in which case he would still howl at her for not knowing instantly. Yet a small voice inside of her suggested something truly unbelievable, maybe this was Inu-Yasha. Deciding not to ignore the voice she usually hit over the head and locked away in her mental closet, she couldn't help but wonder if she was seeing what laid under the layers of arrogance and violence.
His thumb gently began to trace small circle in the palm of her hand, his other hand coming up to brush the hair out of her face as they kissed. His lips finally left hers, covering her chin with kisses and licks before dropping to her neck. She breathed in sharply as his fangs grazed the arch of her neck, causing him to look up startled. "My hair didn't tickle you again did it?"
"No." She smiled sheepishly, cheeks slightly pink.
"Oh." He said simply, still looking somewhat paranoid.
"I just liked it." Kagome amended in a small voice.
He smirked arrogantly, an expression which clearly said 'of course you did, bitch' to her. Knotting his hair to stay at the back of his neck just to be sure, Inu-Yasha continued his assault on her neck with renewed vigor.
She idly picked up his other hand which was still resting near the side of his head. The boys in her village had always seemed to be fascinated anytime she bit her nails or sucked on one of her fingers in indecision. She experimentally licked one of his fingers, before taking part of it in her mouth. The hanyou's head shot up in response, only to find her smiling timidly at him, half his finger hanging outside her mouth. Merely lifting an eyebrow and smirking a little, he went back to kissing her collar bone. Guessing that he at least didn't mind, Kagome continued to suck at his fingers, pleased to be at least somewhat contributing to all of this.
Nudging the top part of her yellow kimono open with his nose, he continued to kiss and lick her until he reached her breasts. He lightly bit the hardened nipple, before encircling it with his tongue. There was something extraordinarily satisfying about the squeak that came out of her, muffled by his fingers in her mouth. He continued to tease her breasts, reveling in the power he had to change the steady rhythm of her heart. It became a game to see how many times he could make the steady drum speed up. His control over her reactions just made him want to laugh maniacally at the power he had over her.
The sensation of what he was doing to her made it almost impossible to focus on doing anything. Kagome let his hand fall away from her mouth, bracing her hand on his back. There was that odd sensation again, the one between her thighs. What exactly was that? And should she actually be wanting Inu-Yasha to do this her? Because she did, and it was scaring her. She really didn't want him to stop at this point, even though she knew she wasn't supposed to like the fact he had to touch her like this in the first place. What was he doing to her? Why did she like it? No, she wasn't supposed to be feeling anything for six months, and after the six months were over she would feel something with somebody else.
Really, she should have just stayed in her bath and refused to come out. Inu-Yasha in the bath… Where had that thought come from? Somehow she knew it was all Inu-Yasha's fault. She would have started forming a plan to push him away and hide in the bathroom, if his lips weren't traveling down her belly, and his fangs hadn't run over her belly button. She was flat out unable to manage any deep coherent thinking from this point on. Damn it all….
Continuing to part the girls kimono with his nose, he reached the knotted tie at her waist. He managed to undo the knot with his teeth and nose working together, his brow knotting in anticipation. Letting the kimono fall away to lie on either side of her hips, he gulped as she was completely exposed before him. He looked back up at her face before continuing. This can't be that hard.
"Tell me if anything I do hurts." He commanded in a low voice.
She nodded uncertainly, having absolutely no clue what he was going to do next.
Keeping his eyes on her, his fingers slipped between her thighs, exploring the folds lying there. Caressing her gently as he investigated, his hand ran against a delicate film keeping his hand from fully entering her. "Do you want me to break it?"
"Break what?" She was too distracted, trying to figure out exactly what he was trying to accomplish by touching her there in the first place.
He stared at her for a moment, unable to believe she didn't even know about her own hymen. "Your…" He started, before just shaking his head, "Nevermind." He really didn't want to have to explain it to her. Besides, they would have more proof Kagome was actually a virgin when they tried to get a divorce six months from now if Kagome still had her hymen intact. He would just have to work around it.
Moving his hand up a little, he began to caress her center, moving the joint of his thumb in circular motions against her. His hand kept a slow rhythm, looking for some sign on her face that he was making the right movements. She continued to look uncomfortable however, her mouth forming a thin line, as if she were thinking about something really grave, her eyebrows wrinkled in confusion.
"What's wrong?"
Her eyes looked up at his, blushing in response. "No, it's fine."
"I told you to tell me if something doesn't feel right."
"Nothing is wrong."
"Spit it out."
"Well, it's…um…"
"Damn it!"
"It's just that it feels really… uncomfortable when you touch me there, it feels kind of… rough." Kagome said shyly, averting her eyes away from his.
Inu-Yasha groaned, drawing his hand away to sit beside her hip.
She shrank back against the futon in response. "I didn't mean to upset you…" She said in a small voice.
The hanyou looked at her flatly. "Don't be stupid, I told you to tell me if anything was wrong. I am just mad because that fucking bouzo was right." Gods, he hated it when Miroku was right about anything. He is a monk, for fuck's sake! He should know even less about this than I do! He shouldn't be giving me detailed instructions!
"What did he say?" Kagome asked curiously.
"That we would need lubrication to make it comfortable for you" She just stared at him blankly, so he tried to explain again without dieing of the heated blush rising to his own cheeks. "We need something to make you… er, um ." He couldn't get out anything more than a few strangled noises.
"What?" She asked innocently.
More grumbling noises came from Inu-Yasha's throat.
She was enjoying this role reversal. "Spit it out!"
"Something to….er… makeyouwetdownthere." Why do I always end up having to say this stuff out loud?
"Oh." Kagome blinked, suddenly the picture of Inu-Yasha in the tub coming back to her. "What about the… bath?" She suggested uncertainly.
Inu-Yasha mulled it over for a second, before quickly helping her up and dragging her back into the bathroom. Kagome followed his lead, dropping her kimono on the floor by the tub before gracefully entering the lukewarm water.
She sighed as she got comfortable, sinking back into the sweet smelling bath. Her eyes flew open as she heard him chuckle darkly. He was standing on the edge of the tub, naked with his arms crossed, looking incredibly beautiful and incredibly evil. Before she could even register what he was going to do he jumped in the bath, causing a tidal wave of water to pour over the rim. Half the water in the tub was gone now.
Kagome looked at him narrowly through dripping wet bangs, thoroughly not amused. "You know, Inu-"
"Shut up, wench." He said blithely before once again claiming her lips in his. Moving her carefully to the edge of the tub, his hands played with her nipples, once again loving the control he had over her responses.
He waited until she fully was relaxed against him, panting slightly at his touch before once again moving his hands lower. He watched her features once again, he tried to determine if it was slightly more comfortable for her. Her eyebrows were still drawn together uncertainly together. She still felt incredibly dry in spite of the fact that they were literally surrounded by wetness. Growling in frustration, a voice came unbidden in his head.
The little shit probably doesn't even know how to fuck her right.
He shook his head angrily, trying to get his mind away from the thought. No, this can't be that hard. I can fucking do this without messing up. They couldn't be right, they just couldn't. Abruptly, something Miroku had said while he was leaving popped into his head. Quickly leaving the tub, Inu-Yasha searched on the ground for what he would need.
Kagome lifted her head, confused by the speed with which he was no longer hovering over her. "Inu-Yasha?"
A clawed hand once appeared next to the side of the tub, triumphantly waving her yellow sleeping kimono. Kagome just stared dumbfounded as Inu-Yasha climbed back in the tub, dragging the silky fabric in with him, soaking it in the water. "Inu-Yasha, what are you planning-"
Once again, Inu-Yasha refused to let her finish her question, fastening his lips to hers. He didn't wait as long to once again to start fingering her again, this time stroking at her through the fabric. Much to his delight, a shocked look appeared on Kagome's face, her eyes closing partly at the sensation. Her hips bucking into his hand. Inu-Yasha didn't hide his urge to laugh maniacally this time, chuckling almost hysterically as he continued to pleasure her.
Kagome's eyes opened a little, wondering why the hell he was cackling like some lunatic. "Inu-" He pinch her nub at her core, causing another jolt of pleasure to run through her and completely shutting off coherent thought again. Inu-Yasha continued to smirk as Kagome's head rolled back, her eyes shutting firmly as she got lost in the sensation.
After awhile Kagome came back from her haze of pleasure, beginning to feel tired and uncomfortable and tired. "Um Inu-Yasha?"
"Yeah?"
"Um… could you…. Er…"
"Spit it out wench!"
"Could you stop? It is beginning to hurt and I am really tired." She asked tentatively.
Inu-Yasha's face fell a little. "Oh, okay." He said, pulling away from her.
"I'm sorry, that I didn't well… Well, what you did the first time." She said, lowering her eyes in shame.
"Orgasm?" Inu-Yasha asked with a small frown of confusion before looking at her seriously. "Kagome look at me." He ordered firmly. She lifted her eyes uncomfortably. "Did you enjoy it?"
"Yes…"
"Then don't apologize." He said simply, making his way out of the tub.
As she followed him uncertainly, she looked back to find her yellow kimono lying at the bottom of the water. "You ruined my kimono." She said flatly, reaching for one of the towels that hadn't been hit by the tidal wave Inu-Yasha had created jumping in the tub.
"Stop griping wench." Inu-Yasha answered breezily as he put on his red hakama pants.
"Well, if you-" Her sentence stopped as her eyes some how landed on Inu-Yasha's crotch.
The hanyou saw where her eyes had landed, reddening uncomfortably under her gaze. "It'll go back down."
"When?" Kagome asked, mesmerized at the sheer size of it through his pants.
"Eventually." He answered irritably, leaving the bathroom.
After Kagome had dressed in another sleeping kimono, she crawled onto the futon to go sleep. Turning to say goodnight to Inu-Yasha, she gasped.
"It'll go down!" The hanyou asserted petulantly. "Just don't breath, talk or move much, and it will fucking go down."
"Okay…" Kagome said uncertainly.
"Damn it! Don't talk!"
"Goodnight then, Inu-Yasha."
"Really wench, you're not helping." He nearly whined.
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Taisho smiled in the darkness as he heard the feminine giggling coming from somewhere beneath his futon
. The Masterpiece Theater set still looks like a cemetery, but birds chirp somewhere in the distance, and the thunder has subsided.
Miroku: (Types furiously) Almost done…
Sango: (Groans from her fetal position) THANK GODS,.
Miroku: (Finishes, sighs. Mutters to himself sulkily) She always manages to spoil my fun. (Suddenly looks determined) But she won't be able to next time… (cackles evilly)
Sango: (Looks confused) What do you mean, houshi-sama?
Miroku: (Brightens like a kid with a birthday coming up) Next chapter, I get my payment. (His eyes take on a slightly demented scary look) Next chapter, I get my preciiooouusss…
Sango: (Smirks back at him) But you forget houshi-sama,
Miroku: (Comes out of demonic trance) Wha…?
Sango: (Full out grins) I get my payment too.
Miroku: (Pauses thoughtfully, before grinning childishly and saying in a sing song voice) Mine will be better than yours…
Sango: (Makes face) No it won't.
Miroku: Yes it will.
Sango: Nuh ah.
Miroku: Uh huh.
Sango: No!
Miroku:Yes!
Earl the Lawyer: (Leaps in front of bickering couple, smiling gallantly. His cape billows in the wind) In any case, tune in…er you can't exactly tune into a computer, but comeback next time to find out exactly what Miroku and Sango got as payment for helping Rambler! And remember, Anti-Hentai Man wants YOU to review!