Morning approached. Leia had found sleep for a short time, but as it
became more and more evident that the almost ghostly stirring she had felt
earlier was resolving itself into a presence, she could do nothing but look
at the ceiling and worry.
How could she be so stupid? How could she let this happen again? It was like a bad dream, the kind she'd had in the years after Han left. She'd always dwelled on the morning she'd sent him away, and it frustrated her to think that maybe there was a different answer, that maybe she could have said something else or...
She kicked the bed clothes away and went to the lounge to sit and think. Though, as she meditated, reached, and thought, the frustration melted away. It was replaced by many feelings-guilt, hurt, wonder, shock, and happiness, too. Mostly, just awe.
At dawn, Han came into the room with his hair a mess and his shirt off, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Leia smiled a little, absently-he was cute when he first woke up. The pit of her stomach ached a little in anticipation. He smiled, squinting in the bright lights. "What're you doin' up already, sweetheart?"
She drew her knees to her chest and shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."
He frowned. "What's the matter? Are Luke and Hanna-"
"They're fine. It's...something else."
He crossed his arms over his chest. "Wanna talk about it?"
She nodded. It would only get harder if she put it off.
"Kay. Let me just make some coffee-"
"No. Now."
"It's that important?"
You bet it is. "Han, please..."
"Okay, okay. What is it?"
The words caught in her throat. She couldn't say them. "Sit down."
He gave her one of his irresistible smiles. "Oh, that bad, is it?"
"Han, don't joke with me. Not now."
He sat, taken aback by her emotion. He took one of her hands tightly in a reassuring way. "What is it, baby?"
"I..." She looked away. He gave her had a steady squeeze. "The other night, on the ridge."
"Oh. Is that all? I thought we were past that-"
"Han, it's not that."
He swallowed, took his time speaking. "Then what is it?"
"It...it feels the same as it did with Hanna."
Han paled. "As...what did?"
"Last night, when I went to sleep, I felt something. It's still there now, but it's grown. Its growing fast..."
He was shocked as he slowly understood her meaning. "Leia?"
She nodded. "I don't know what else it could be. I'm...I know I am...."
She met his eyes deeply, and neither spoke. Finally, Han took her in his arms. At least she would always have his strength. "Don't send me away," he whispered.
She didn't answer.
"Are you sure that's what it is?" he asked.
She nodded. She had a terrible sense of deja vu.
"What are you going to do?"
"I've done it before and I can do it again, Han. I'll be fine."
"Yeah. I bet you will."
He wasn't teasing, taunting. He really had faith in her, in her abilities, in her capabilities as a mother. Leia could hear it in his voice.
"Besides," she added, "I never thought I would have any children besides Hanna. I'm glad I will."
"Yeah. Well, maybe I did something right, then."
She smiled, cuddling into his chest.
He held Leia tightly, wondering where he would be in nine months, what Hanna and Luke and everyone else would think when they found out, and how the hell he would be able to get kicked out of another child's life and cope with it.
"Don't send me away," he pleaded again.
Leia looked up into his eyes, and knew he deserved no more pain. "I won't."
*********************
"Han, I'm pregnant, not ill," Leia protested as Han herded her to the bunks. After he had insisted that she eat a good breakfast, denied her coffee, and refused to let her help clean up-all on the pretext that anything else would have been bad for the baby-he had gotten to work on the Falcon. However, when Leia had tried to help, he'd insisted that she rest instead. "And I'm only about seventeen hours pregnant, at that."
"Seventeen hours? Shouldn't it be more like forty?"
She sat begrudgingly on her bunk, the one with the Luke- and Han-smelling pillow. "It didn't happen right away. Sometimes it can take a while. It happened last night. I must have been ovulating last night."
He sat beside her. "Fine. You're less than a day pregnant. All the more reason for you to take care of yourself. Most miscarriages happen in the first week."
Leia blinked. "How did you know that?"
He smiled. "I'm smart." He kissed her temple quickly as if to end the discussion and rose. Leia's skin tingled at his touch.
"We'll get out of here sooner if you let me help."
Han shook his head and pointed at her lower stomach with the tool he'd been working with. "We're not even to the baby part yet. That kid's still a ball of cells. And you're gonna lay still until we're sure that we're gonna get to the baby part."
Leia sighed and lay back. "I know he's fine, Han."
"Yeah? Well I don't. I'll be outside if you need anything."
He started to walk away, but Leia called him back. "Han."
He turned.
"Are you really worried about me?"
He shrugged. "Not you. Not yet. But you just wait. When you start seeming more pregnant...but right now, it's mostly just him."
Leia smiled and pulled the blankets over herself. Him. Their son. Han was taking care of their son.
She fell asleep quickly, helped by the fact that she hadn't slept much last night. Besides, she wasn't worried about anything anymore. She was fine, Han was fine...Han was happy. She could tell he was.
And Leia was happy, too.
How could she be so stupid? How could she let this happen again? It was like a bad dream, the kind she'd had in the years after Han left. She'd always dwelled on the morning she'd sent him away, and it frustrated her to think that maybe there was a different answer, that maybe she could have said something else or...
She kicked the bed clothes away and went to the lounge to sit and think. Though, as she meditated, reached, and thought, the frustration melted away. It was replaced by many feelings-guilt, hurt, wonder, shock, and happiness, too. Mostly, just awe.
At dawn, Han came into the room with his hair a mess and his shirt off, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Leia smiled a little, absently-he was cute when he first woke up. The pit of her stomach ached a little in anticipation. He smiled, squinting in the bright lights. "What're you doin' up already, sweetheart?"
She drew her knees to her chest and shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."
He frowned. "What's the matter? Are Luke and Hanna-"
"They're fine. It's...something else."
He crossed his arms over his chest. "Wanna talk about it?"
She nodded. It would only get harder if she put it off.
"Kay. Let me just make some coffee-"
"No. Now."
"It's that important?"
You bet it is. "Han, please..."
"Okay, okay. What is it?"
The words caught in her throat. She couldn't say them. "Sit down."
He gave her one of his irresistible smiles. "Oh, that bad, is it?"
"Han, don't joke with me. Not now."
He sat, taken aback by her emotion. He took one of her hands tightly in a reassuring way. "What is it, baby?"
"I..." She looked away. He gave her had a steady squeeze. "The other night, on the ridge."
"Oh. Is that all? I thought we were past that-"
"Han, it's not that."
He swallowed, took his time speaking. "Then what is it?"
"It...it feels the same as it did with Hanna."
Han paled. "As...what did?"
"Last night, when I went to sleep, I felt something. It's still there now, but it's grown. Its growing fast..."
He was shocked as he slowly understood her meaning. "Leia?"
She nodded. "I don't know what else it could be. I'm...I know I am...."
She met his eyes deeply, and neither spoke. Finally, Han took her in his arms. At least she would always have his strength. "Don't send me away," he whispered.
She didn't answer.
"Are you sure that's what it is?" he asked.
She nodded. She had a terrible sense of deja vu.
"What are you going to do?"
"I've done it before and I can do it again, Han. I'll be fine."
"Yeah. I bet you will."
He wasn't teasing, taunting. He really had faith in her, in her abilities, in her capabilities as a mother. Leia could hear it in his voice.
"Besides," she added, "I never thought I would have any children besides Hanna. I'm glad I will."
"Yeah. Well, maybe I did something right, then."
She smiled, cuddling into his chest.
He held Leia tightly, wondering where he would be in nine months, what Hanna and Luke and everyone else would think when they found out, and how the hell he would be able to get kicked out of another child's life and cope with it.
"Don't send me away," he pleaded again.
Leia looked up into his eyes, and knew he deserved no more pain. "I won't."
*********************
"Han, I'm pregnant, not ill," Leia protested as Han herded her to the bunks. After he had insisted that she eat a good breakfast, denied her coffee, and refused to let her help clean up-all on the pretext that anything else would have been bad for the baby-he had gotten to work on the Falcon. However, when Leia had tried to help, he'd insisted that she rest instead. "And I'm only about seventeen hours pregnant, at that."
"Seventeen hours? Shouldn't it be more like forty?"
She sat begrudgingly on her bunk, the one with the Luke- and Han-smelling pillow. "It didn't happen right away. Sometimes it can take a while. It happened last night. I must have been ovulating last night."
He sat beside her. "Fine. You're less than a day pregnant. All the more reason for you to take care of yourself. Most miscarriages happen in the first week."
Leia blinked. "How did you know that?"
He smiled. "I'm smart." He kissed her temple quickly as if to end the discussion and rose. Leia's skin tingled at his touch.
"We'll get out of here sooner if you let me help."
Han shook his head and pointed at her lower stomach with the tool he'd been working with. "We're not even to the baby part yet. That kid's still a ball of cells. And you're gonna lay still until we're sure that we're gonna get to the baby part."
Leia sighed and lay back. "I know he's fine, Han."
"Yeah? Well I don't. I'll be outside if you need anything."
He started to walk away, but Leia called him back. "Han."
He turned.
"Are you really worried about me?"
He shrugged. "Not you. Not yet. But you just wait. When you start seeming more pregnant...but right now, it's mostly just him."
Leia smiled and pulled the blankets over herself. Him. Their son. Han was taking care of their son.
She fell asleep quickly, helped by the fact that she hadn't slept much last night. Besides, she wasn't worried about anything anymore. She was fine, Han was fine...Han was happy. She could tell he was.
And Leia was happy, too.