i am so sorry i posted this in july on ao3 and forgot to cross post it LMAO

anyways enjoy!

They lie there for hours. On, and on, and on, until the day begins to slip away, the sun drifting behind the clouds. Hunter doesn't want to leave. (He never wants to leave.)

They don't really talk. Not about anything that matters, not really. Edric compares a cloud to a frog; Hunter calls him an idiot, but in the fondest tone imagable. They share snacks, cursing the ants that tip-toe languidly across the picnic blanket.

The time slowly winds away, and at a certain point, Hunter begins to wonder if they should head back. He guesses he should, he'll get in trouble with Belos if he's back late. (He'll get in trouble if he's discovered no matter what. He's not supposed to sneak out. He's supposed to be at his uncle's command at all times, pliant, head bowed like there's a weight on the back of his neck.)

He clears his throat, and voices that softly to Edric.

"Should we head back soon?" he asks, and Edric turns, lazily blinking at him.

"Do we have toooooo?" Edric whines. His eyes are round - far rounder than usual. The rims of his eyes gleam with pale blue magic - it's some kind of illusion. Hunter tries to not find it enduring. Puppy dog eyes, he thinks, and smiles softly to himself.

He shrugs. "I think we can stay here for a little bit longer," he says, "But we'll need to get back, like. Before sunset," he adds, "I've got to help host this banquet. Stand by the table and look pretty."

Edric bats his eyelashes at him, green hair fanning around his face, stirred by the languid breeze. "Awww, Goldie," he says, "You do that already."

"Shut up, you," Hunter retorts, face flushed beneath his new scarf. He's well-aware "Stop trying to charm me into staying."

"You like it."

Hunter chooses, sensibly, to ignore that comment. "Anyways. I can't hang around. Gotta get back, get changed, and- y'know. Stand next to a table holding a staff for two hours."

"That sounds an awful lot like one of my mom's parties," Edric says, with a slight wry smile, "Except I have to hold a plate of food. Usually - what are they called?"

Hunter chuckles at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he says, in a tone that is almost cheerful, "But that sounds like a blast. Can you invite me to the next one?"

"I'd love to, Goldie," Edric says, and with a poof, he procures a sparkling blue invitation card, "Here. One invite to the next Blight Big Bash."

"Is that the official name?" Hunter asks, amused, "But thank you."

"Nah, I made it up," Edric says with a smirk, "And you're welcome to bring along a plus-one."

Hunter looks at him, looks down at the card, and looks back up again. "Think I'll just bring Flapjack." He comments, and doesn't miss the look of mock-offence that blossoms on Edric's face.

"Dang, that hurts, " Edric says, "After I gave you an invite and everything. And I baked you stuff. You think I make these cupcakes for any pretty boy that wanders into my path?"

"If I can recall," Hunter starts, slowly picking at one of the spare cupcakes, tearing off chunks of cake to sneak under his mask, " You wandered into my path. Because you stole my cloak." He pauses to swallow a stolen bite of cupcake. "And it's your party. I figured you'd already have an invite."

"Didn't steal it, I borrowed it," Edric says, leaning forward with an easy grin. (That's what Hunter likes so much about him, he's decided. That everything is just so easy. Simple. He can smile without having to fake it.) "And that's not the point. Maybe I wanted to come as your plus-one."

"Fine, you can. Hang off my arm if you want to." Hunter says, and regrets it. Edric positively beams at him, leaning across the picnic blanket to touch gently at his arm.

"Thanks for the invite, cutie!" He says, and slips quickly backwards, a look passing over his face like a sour shadow. Hunter doesn't like that look.

He doesn't do anything to soothe it, though. Mainly because he doesn't quite know how. He's never been a healer. He's always hurted others. He breaks; he doesn't mend.

He wants to -

He doesn't want to do that anymore.

He's fed up with leaving bruises.

"Hey," he starts, slowly, "I know we're just. Y'know. Teasing. But if there was a real party, not some dumb hypothetical, I'd love to come with you." He speaks hurriedly, chewing the inside of his cheeks as he speaks. Honesty scares him more than anything else. "And of course I'd ask you as a plus-one. I'd have nobody else to go with, anyways."

"You really have no friends in that big old castle of yours?" Edric asks, looking up.

Hunter shakes his head. He has - well. Allies. He quite likes the Guard named Steve, he supposes, and whilst Darius often serves to antagonise him with sly jabs that may or may not be jokes, he has no real dislike or distrust for the man. He also finds himself getting along well with Raine, though he's never really properly spoken to them.

He has allies. Faint acquaintances. He doesn't have friends. Edric is the first friend he's had, maybe ever. He doesn't recall enough of his childhood to remember if he ever had any friends. (He doesn't recall anything of his childhood. Just vague, faint, bloody splashes.)

"No," he says eventually, and his voice is quiet, "Not really. I mean, I have, erm, my uncle. But he's like… family. So it doesn't really count." He covers up his awkwardness with a small laugh. He feels like he's made it worse.

"Sorry," Edric says, and he sounds sincere, "That sucks. I… I mean, I don't have many friends. But it's better than none."

"Well," Hunter says, and tugs at the collar of his shirt like it's stuck to his skin, "I have you. So I have one friend. And hey! I have Flapjack! That's two!"

Flapjack, in response, nips solidly at his thumb. He winces, and tries not to take it personally.

"Oh, I've reached friend status?" Edric asks. He's clearly preening. Hunter knows he really shouldn't indulge him.

"Don't push your luck," he warns, "But yes. You're on the same level as a bird, though." He reminds Edric, shyly smiling beneath his new scarf.

"Nah, that's fine," Edric says, "Anywaysss… you were saying something about leaving?"

Hunter wishes he hadn't been reminded. Because now he's just thinking about the stupid, pointless event because he's being forced to attend, even though it has no relevance to him. He's no better than an ornament, really, a decoration. A symbol of the Emperor's might.

"Yeah, we should get going," he says, tone regretful, "Not, uh, just yet, though. Is there anything else we could do?"

Maybe it's the pleading note in his voice, or maybe it's just the fact that Edric (as he's beginning to strongly suspect) is just soft on him, but the boy beside him stands up suddenly, and nods.

"My dear Goldie-"

"Not my name."

"As I was saying, there's always something else to do." Edric says, and extends out a hand to help Hunter up. Hunter accepts it, though he doesn't hang on for long. He doesn't want to take too much of a good thing. "What do you feel like?"

Hunter takes that question, and toys with it. What does he want to do? He wants to stay here, he thinks, and watch the day whittle away. He wants to pretend he isn't who he is. He wants to pretend that he doesn't feel like a piece of clay, constantly moulded to the shape of other's whims. He wants to be anything but himself.

He doesn't voice that, though. He feels like Edric wouldn't quite understand. He doesn't blame him for that, though, he doesn't know who would understand.

He wishes he could talk to one of the other Golden Guards. One of the Guards who had gone before him. Just to see how they dealt with it. The crushing, steadily mounting pressure. The feeling that you were always, always one step away from abject failure.

( Did he treat you like that, too? He wants to ask them. Wants to show the ridges of his scars to the men who came before him, and ask if they ever worked out what the point of all of it was for. Because it was for his own good, but he still hasn't quite worked out what that own good is.)

"Hunter?" Edric asks, one hand on his shoulder, the other one cradling the picnic basket. Hunter jolts at the touch, the cloying lightness of it, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he croaks out, "Just - Just thinking."

Edric nods, but in a way that makes Hunter think that he doesn't believe him. Which makes sense. He's not being entirely convincing. He's lying through the gap in his teeth.

"Well, keep on thinking," he says, and stoops quickly to meddle with his magic, using rolling blue waves of light to fold up the picnic blanket, "I have a few suggestions if you're all out of ideas."

Hunter gratefully takes that option. He nods. "Go ahead, I'm… very uncreative." he says, and ducks, scooping his discarded mask off the ground. He holds it in his hands, weighing it from one hand to the other, trying to decide what he wants to do with the thing. Because he knows he needs to put it back on eventually, but he doesn't want to cover up Edric's gift. And he doesn't entirely hate actually being able to see clearly. The sharp corners of the mask cut off things in the very corners of his vision.

He stops thinking about it, and holds it loosely in his hand, pinched between thumb and forefinger. He decides he'll worry about it later.

"Okay, so - suggestion one," Edric starts, and begins to walk. Hunter takes off after him, strolling quickly to keep to his side, "We go and annoy my sister."

"Which one?"

"Mittens."

"You mean the one that literally hates me?" Hunter asks, tilting his head to the side, "Because I think that if we do that, she'll like - I don't even know. Call the Owl Lady on me."

"Eda won't do anything," Edric says dismissively, "She'll probably just try and adopt you."

"Why would she do that?"

"I dunno," Edric replies, "S'just kinda her thing. Adopting strays."

Hunter blinks at him. "I'm not a stray." He says, and a note of genuine annoyance slips into his tone. Because he's not. He has a home. It's just-

Well. He lives somewhere. And even if with every day more he spends in the castle, he goes a bit more insane, he still has a roof over his head. And Belos looks after him. Just… just in the only way he knows. Hunter doesn't blame him, actually, for doing what he does, he's seen things. Watched the effect of wild magic. He -

"Hunter," Edric says. He's using his real name more and more, Hunter's noticed. His tone is once again, softly concerned. "I'm joking."

"Sorry," Hunter says quickly, "I know you were. I'm just…"

"I know," Edric murmurs, even if he couldn't possibly know, "Just… breathe, yeah?"

"Mmm-hmmm," Hunter whispers, and it comes out faint, strained. He takes a few moments, taking shallow breaths in and out, quiet puffs of air whisking at the scarf.

There's a tense silence between them, Edric's gaze as he blinks owlishly at him earnest and sweet, mouth upturned like a daisy. Hunter swallows.

"Let's… let's not bother your sister," he says, "Maybe another day. I want to… to meet her. In better circumstances."

"Well, I'd like to be there," Edric says, "To make sure she doesn't murder you."

"Thought you said that wouldn't happen?"

"I can't guarantee anything," Edric shrugs, "Okay, so idea one is a no-go. Hmmm… what else could we do…"

Hunter hums thoughtfully. "Is the market open?" He asks, and Edric nods, eyes gleaming.

"Why, yes, it is," he says, "Why? What did you want to get?"

"Oh, nothing in particular," Hunter says, "I was just thinking we could-"

"Rob some stalls?" Edric interjects, with a wide, teasing smile. Hunter stares at him, and slowly, slowly shakes his head.

" No," he replies, "I was going to say, like, browse some stalls!"

Edric huffs. He sighs, and shakes his head. " Boringgggg. Robbing them would be so much more fun."

"I mean, maybe," Hunter says. He privately disagrees. He feels like they'd just get caught, and he'd wind up spending the night in the Conformatorium. And then Belos would have to come and rescue him in the morning, and he'd hate to see the look on his uncle's face if he was forced to do that. (Almost as much as he'd hate whatever would come after.) "But we'd get in trouble."

"So?" Edric tilts his head to the side. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"I mean," Hunter swallows, "I can't really break the law. Because I, y'know, head of the Emperor's Coven and all." He says it stiffly, awkwardly.

Edric blinks at him. "Oh. Right," he chuckles, "Sorry, I… I literally forgot."

That throws Hunter, somehow. He didn't class that as a possibility. He'd thought that no matter how their relationship was on course to develop, the shadow of his role as the Golden Guard would always stay in the background. He thinks that shadow could ruin them. Whatever they have. Whatever they could have.

But Edric - somehow - forgot.

"Huh," he whispers, voice paper-thin, "I… wish I could do that sometimes." He says, and he doesn't mean to. The confession just slips out, hushed and tepid and honest.

"Really?" Edric asks. He stops walking. Turns to face Hunter, who holds his hands out in front of him, pressing his fingers together like a lifeline. "I thought being the Golden Guard would be fun. Like, I know you're, like, always busy, you have alllll that paperwork, but… like. You get a flashy uniform. You get to go on missions."

"S'not all that great," Hunter mumbles, closing off, "The missions don't always go well. And my uniform gets damaged, and I have to fix it, and I don't know how to sew, " he says, and with a harsh swallow, it all comes spilling out, "And it's just - so, so much pressure! All the time! I shouldn't even be here, you know that?"

Edric opens his mouth to interrupt. Hunter doesn't let him.

"I shouldn't even be here," he says again, "Because it's a distraction. You, and- all of this. Just one big distraction from me doing my job. But you know what, Ed? I can't really tell where - where I begin, and where this- you know. The Golden Guard-" he pauses, splaying out his fingers, miming confetti spirals, "I don't know where the divide is. I just- I feel like I'm always playing this big, fancy role, and doing - being this- fucking soulless machine that everyone expects me to be."

"Hunter-" Edric says softly. Hunter isn't done. He's like a burst pipe - he isn't going to stop until he's said everything he needs to say.

"And I'm just - I didn't want to ever do anything other than be the Golden Guard. Because that's what my Uncle wanted, and he- he took me in, you know? I thought - it's like, my duty. It's my job to repay him. For not just - like, casting me out on the streets, or whatever." He pauses, to breathe. Somewhere in his messy spiral of words, he started to cry. That doesn't stop him. "And then I met you."

"That sounds like-" Edric says, when Hunter takes a moment to wipe at his tears with the sleeve of his shirt, "That sounds like, a- an accusation or something, what are you talking about-"

"Just let me-" Hunter reaches out for his arm, turns him around to face him. He needs him to understand, he realises. Needs him to know why he's been so - so withdraw throughout this. Why he's never been able to properly keep up with Edric's fleeting, teasing banter. "Just let me talk, okay?" He asks, and his voice is soft, pleading."

"I'm listening." Edric whispers, and nods at him.

Hunter swallows. Goes on. "And then I met you," he says, "And - and I met your sister, and I met Luz, like, all one after the other, and all of a sudden- boom! There's a bunch of people telling me I didn't have to be the Golden Guard. That I could just be - normal. Like, an actual teenager, not a… child soldier, or whatever. And I - at first, I didn't want to listen to them."

He looks at Edric, with red-rimmed, tired eyes. "Because it went against what my uncle wanted. What - what Emperor Belos wants. And he always, always knows what's best for me. At least-" he breaks off, and he smiles, almost manically, "That's what he says."

"But you don't want to do that anymore." Edric guesses softly.

Hunter shrugs. "I just… I don't want to be the Golden Guard all the time. I want to be… like, my own person," he tugs at the scarf. And seemingly absentmindedly, tugs it down. He hadn't been setting out to finally show Edric what he looked like, not properly, but it helps to prove his point. "I just want to be able to get away from it all." He says, finishing his ramble in a soft whisper.

Edric blinks at him. To his credit, nothing flirtatious slips out of his mouth. He doesn't punctuate anything with a poorly-timed wink. "I get it." He says, and before Hunter can disagree with that - because how could he possibly get it? - he clears his throat, and carries on. "And I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. I'm guessing you've had enough of people lying to you, anyways."

Hunter makes a quiet sound of agreement in the back of his throat. He has. He really has.

Edric seems to be weighing something up. He purses his lips, and nods, once. "Fuck it. I… I get it. Because of my mom," he says, "She's like, constantly forcing me and my sisters to be exactly who she wants us to be."

"Like with Belos." Hunter says. He starts, surprised he's said it outloud.

"Yeah. Exactly like that." Edric nods. "And I don't like to talk about it that much? Because it's just… shitty to talk about. And it's not the worst thing in the world, she's just a bit pushy."

"Hey, if you're talking about it, I'm sure there's a reason you brought it up," Hunter gives him a small, tight smile, "You don't have to talk about it anymore than that."

"Yeah, I know, I'm just… it's just hard to properly explain. Because she treats us well, she just - makes Amity do these dumb Abomination displays, and forces her to dye her hair, and she makes me and Em wear these stupid necklaces, and it's just… a bunch of little things," Edric pauses. Winces. "Sorry. Don't think half of that made any sense."

"You can explain another time," Hunter says, quiet but sensible, "I get the gist, though. She's just… obsessed with getting the perfect picture."

He doesn't think his analogy makes that much sense, either. But Edric seems to get it.

"Yeah, like that," he's silent for a few moments. Hunter realises he's still gripping at Edric's arm. He doesn't pull away, though. Mainly because he feels kinda frozen. "Sorry for… for upsetting you. Hope I didn't ruin the date."

Hunter blinks at him. Quickly shakes his head. "No, no, don't be stupid. You didn't upset me, I just… just had been meaning to tell you all of that for a while."

"I could tell," Edric says, "Hey, well. if you need to talk about it anymore, you know where I am."

Hunter nods at him, and smiles. "Yeah, I do." He pauses, briefly. "And you didn't ruin anything. Promise."

Edric beams at him, something bright and blossoming in his smile. He sways slightly closer; Hunter feels his hand brush lightly against his shoulder, like a butterfly in Spring. "Did you have a good time?" He asks, and he's growing steadily more cocky, headstrong.

"It was lovely," Hunter says, honestly, "I'd love to… to do something like that again. If you want."

Edric nods. His enthusiasm sears straight to Hunter's heart; there's something so earnestly adorable about it. "I'd love to, Hunter," he says.

"Great," Hunter says, and clears his throat, "Well. I should probably be going-" he says, and finds himself soundly cut off by a gentle press of lips against his.

The feeling lasts for barely a second. As the soft pressure tears away, so does Edric's hand on his shoulder. Edric is flushed darkly, eyes wide. Hunter finds himself in a similar state. He's blushing, ear-tips a furious red, but all he can really think is 'finally.'

"Sorry!" He yelps, "Dunno what I was thinking, I meant to say - uh! Goodbye-!" He squeaks, and Hunter chuckles, because he can't work out why he likes this complete idiot.

Still, he does. And he's not letting him leave that easily.

"Come back and do that properly, " he scolds lightly, almost coy, and Edric almost trips over himself to listen to him.