Chapter Twenty-Two: All
There's not much left to be left behind
All's left to me and you
"And that's why you didn't go with me yesterday, isn't it?"
"Was it only yesterday?"
"Yes. It's three in the morning."
"Oh." She gave a fond chuckle. "Trust you to have a watch, Carl."
They were huddled together in the dim light, huddled for warmth and for comfort. Tamerlaine unwrapped one of her arms from around Carl's chest and moved his hand to a slightly less uncomfortable position.
"Yes, that's why I stayed. I'd suspected for a while that something was up— of course I had no way of knowing what it was— but I had to try and find out. They're the only family I've got, Carl."
Carl was thinking some very un-friar-like thoughts but he didn't put any of them into words. Instead he said, "What is it, do you think, that your uncle wants?"
"After hearing the list of the dead— I'd say power. Money used to be his ultimate goal— well, he's achieved that. I don't know who he wants to rule over— local government— London— England— Perhaps he wants to marry the Queen. Perhaps he only wants people to be afraid of him." She yawned. "Perhaps he's a squirrel with a red tail, Carl, I don't know." She paused for a moment and thought. "I can't believe he set up my supposed death as you say he did."
Carl shuddered. "Believe it," he told her. "I was there."
"That poor girl, who died because she could pass for me— I wonder who she was. We probably looked nothing alike, really."
Carl shivered and clutched Tamerlaine tighter. "You looked enough alike," he said, "and I'd like that to end this conversation."
"I keep forgetting," murmured Tamerlaine, "how upsetting it must be to believe that one's beloved has murdered several people and then committed suicide."
"It is upsetting.," said Carl. "And don't try any more sneaky baiting, you've been my beloved since I was five years old and you know it."
Tamerlaine smiled at him.
"Hint, hint," prompted Carl.
Tamerlaine yawned.
"And anyway you never answered my question," said Carl, somewhat disgruntled.
"What question?"
"Specifically, 'Will you tell me about Simon?'"
"Oh— Simon." Tamerlaine shifted till she was facing him. "Well— you remember how I told you that all my memories were mixed up and—"
"Jumbled," supplied Carl. "Yes, I remember."
"Until I was in the asylum and nearly seventeen? Well, that was when I met Simon." She sighed. "Isn't it funny that he's been playing my younger brother? He's forty-three— much, much older than I."
"Very funny," said Carl obediently. "Tell me."
"Well— he was working at the asylum. A young, handsome doctor, very well-liked by everyone, but— he had an independent streak. He thought about things. He was a crook, later on, but while he was young, a more earnest, honest person never lived."
"Sound sickening," Carl commented.
She looked at him. "He was the only one who believed me," she said, "when I told him I honestly hadn't threatened to kill my sister, and at the time had no memory of killing my parents."
"I would have believed you."
"Yes, Carl, but you weren't there. Simon was."
"He's not your brother, is he," said Carl flatly.
"Carl, I have been Simon's wife for eighteen years."
Carl sighed and let go of her. He stood and walked to the other side of the room, lay down and faced the wall.
"Carl—"
"I don't wish to discuss it, if you don't mind, Miss Gentle. Or— what is your name now? Mrs. Something." The friar's voice was wavery, with pain or anger Tamerlaine couldn't determine, but it worried her.
"Carl, surely you can't blame me—"
"For being married? For falling in love with someone—" The rest of the words, other than me, he couldn't manage to force from his mouth. "Of course I can't blame you. You had a life to live, you went out and lived it. Under the circumstances, I should Bravo! Well done, Tamerlaine Gentle. Only it isn't Tamerlaine Gentle, is it? What is your name these days?"
Tamerlaine got up silently and crossed over to him. "It is Tamerlaine Gentle," she said. "Your Tamerlaine Gentle, the same as it has always been."
She lay down beside him, front to back, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head against his back. Her hand found his and gripped it tightly— after a moment he returned the pressure.
She leaned forward and whispered in his ear—
"I've never loved anyone but you. That has to be enough."