Brief AN: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I apologize for taking so long to get this chapter up, but I started a new job and continued with the old one, so I don't have a lot of time to devote to writing at the moment. It will probably be another month before I get the next chapter up. *ducks rotten fruit flying at head.* I've never been to London, so please forgive any mistakes made on my part of locations of places.
Chapter 6
Sirius backed up against the wall, willing a hole in the ground to just open up underneath him. Merlin, but what had he just done? What had Harry just done?
Harry stared back up at him, lips cherry red and cheeks flushed pink. There was a wild look in his green eyes, and his hair was an even bigger mess from Sirius' fingers running through it.
It had felt so soft, though, as if he were petting the finest mink coat in the world. And his lips had tasted like cinnamon and apples, like coming home to Hogwarts in the fall when they would serve fresh apple pie, which was Sirius' favorite.
He was doomed.
"Siri?" Harry's voice was shaky yet jubilant.
Sirius turned away from the sight of Harry and forced a couple of breaths through his nose. He heard the bed creak, and hoped that Harry was still on it.
His wish wasn't granted when a warm hand landed on his shoulder and Harry rested his chin on Sirius' shoulder. "I'm sorry that I kissed you like that, but I'm not sorry that it happened."
Sirius turned shocked eyes at the younger man.
"I feel comfortable with you," Harry said in a low voice, his green eyes shining in the lamplight. "I like being with you, and I want to always be with you."
He closed his eyes, feeling Harry's warmth seep through him. He didn't want this, and yet.... Yet, he craved this more than anything, needed it more than anything.
And it was all wrong. He needed to tell Harry that they couldn't do this. He had been appointed by James and Lily to protect their son, not to shag him. Even if he really wanted to at the moment. No, it was immoral.
Sirius opened his eyes to find Harry watching him, an intense look in those green eyes. How could he tell him what he wanted to say? He knew that Harry had grown up with practically no affection towards him at all. He had wanted to roar at the Dursleys for treating Harry like a freak, like he wasn't even human. And then Sirius wanted to yell at Arabella Figg for hardly paying attention to the little boy she used to babysit.
But the young man in front of him was being as open as Sirius could ever remember. Harry was being honest about his feelings. So why couldn't Sirius be the same way?
A sigh escaped him as he opened his mouth.
"Harry." It came out dry, as if his throat didn't want to work in tandem with his brain. "I feel comfortable with you, too. I just... I just want you to think over this." He hurried when Harry opened his mouth to retort. "I mean, last Christmas you were going on about Cho and your first kiss, and all of a sudden you're kissing me."
Sirius stopped, not sure of what else to say. He looked at Harry, whose eyes had darkened.
"I just want you to think over this."
Harry bent his head. "You don't want me like this? 'Cause you did kiss me back." He raised his head to look straight into Sirius' eyes. Those green eyes glimmered in the dim light, as if Harry was trying not to let anything out, like he was holding everything back because he would get hurt.
No. There was no way he was going to say anything to Harry, just because of the look in those eyes. Lily and James might sent him to hell when he ever did meet them, but he was not going to ever hurt Harry. Never.
"Harry," Sirius began in a soft voice. "Let's go to sleep and we can talk in the morning. I know you're tired... I'm tired." He reached up a hand and squeezed Harry's shoulder lightly. "Besides, I know that Remus will be in here, first thing in the morning, to make sure we get something to eat."
Harry gave a lopsided smile at Sirius' half-whine about the parenting instincts of certain werewolves that would go unnamed. Sirius congratulated himself at that. At least Harry wasn't being broody and irritable.
******
Harry snuggled further into the warmth at his side. He could smell the fresh grass smell he had come to associate with Sirius right under his nose as he buried it in the man's side.
Taking this silent moment to just lay there, he wondered at his audacity last night. Harry would probably have never really said those things if he had taken the time to think about it. The Dursleys certainly wouldn't have let him speak like that. On top of that, Harry rarely ever got the chance to be just himself unless it was with Hermione and Ron. And then, when he was with his two friends, he often felt stifled by them. Harry loved the two dearly, but he would never have said so. Hermione's intelligence frankly scared him most of the time, not that he would ever admit that. And Ron was insecure in his own right about having to make a name for himself that wasn't associated with any of his brothers or with Harry himself.
But he was comfortable with Sirius. He always had been, even when he found out just how much of a jerk Sirius had been when he was in school. Harry felt good in a way that he never had.
And that kiss last night.…
Damn, but Sirius was a good kisser. Even if Harry didn't have much experience at all with kissing, he knew that was a true fact. His first kiss was better relegated to a dustbin in the recesses of his mind, seeing as how Cho hadn't been the best person he could have started his dating career with.
Harry moved slightly more into Sirius' side, who responded with a little grumble of protest. Harry hid a grin at that, knowing Sirius wasn't exactly a morning person from their time spent at the Dursley household the past week. He didn't like that about Ron, but it was more than fine for Sirius.
He took a deep breath and tried to relax as Sirius' arm fell into his lap. He carefully moved it off, knowing he couldn't handle something like that. Harry wanted to see just what Dumbledore had in mind before they... well, Harry wanted to do something like.
His face flushed as his thoughts wandered down paths they shouldn't. But sometimes his hormones got the best of him. Or worst. Damn, but it sucked to be sixteen sometimes.
"Harry?" Sirius sleepily asked, his breath brushing Harry's ear, making his shiver just the tiniest bit. "You awake?"
Harry hummed an agreement. Bugger his hormones anyway.
Sirius sat up and looked back at Harry. "You didn't have to stay here. I probably would have slept through you getting up."
Harry felt his face flush ever further. He mumbled under his breath.
"What?" Sirius asked, his confusion plain on his face.
"Was comfortable," Harry repeated in a louder voice.
Sirius' face flushed as well. "Oh."
An awkward silence grew between them. Harry shifted slightly before sitting up; he was just behind Sirius when he came to a stop.
"Sirius?"
"Yeah?"
"What do we do now?"
Sirius shrugged and looked down into his lap. "Do you still want...?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah. Just not sure what to do is all."
"Neither do I," Sirius said. Harry looked at him. The older man shrugged. "Well, I was in Azkaban for twelve years. Anything remotely having to do with dating got sucked out by the Dementors. Then there's the fact that I went to school with your parents - hell, was your father's best friend - and appointed your godfather."
Harry thought about it for a minute. "Sirius, I don't have a problem about any of that." He shrugged slightly, tilting his head to the side. "I mean, if anyone would have a problem, it'd be us, right? Besides, you didn't actually raise me, so that isn't a big deal."
"I wanted to, though," Sirius countered in a sad voice.
"Do you now, though?" Harry had to ask.
Sirius shook his head. "No. I do want to take care of you, though."
Harry grinned and leaned forward just enough to rest his chin on Sirius' shoulder. "I'll take you up on that."
******
Sirius tiredly put the last book away for the night. He and Remus had been looking through the last of the books in the study, trying to find useful spells. There weren't a lot, but they'd also determined which books they could use as bait. He was pretty sure his cousins would vie for a couple of them, if they found out about them.
He had plans for Bellatrix especially, but Narcissa was high on Sirius' list for revenge as well. His bitch for a cousin, though, was responsible for his 'death,' and Sirius wanted to use that to his advantage. He would start his plan as soon as they got to Hogwarts in two days. He needed to look up the spell at the library. Azkaban had shot his memory of all things, not just dating, and Remus had never even heard of the spell.
Sirius was grateful that they were leaving for Hogwarts soon, even if he had to deal with Snape. It was wearing Sirius down, having to stay as Monster most of the time during the day when he wasn't locked into the study with Remus. He was lucky that Harry had discovered a way to lock his bedroom door, or Ron and Hermione would have found out his secret long ago.
He was also glad to get out of this house. He'd been stuck in it all last year, after he had hunted down various members of the Order. With Kreacher.
He hated this house, even if it kept him safe, with a passion.
"Are you ready, Sirius?" Remus asked.
"I guess," Sirius answered. With a small popping of displaced air, Monster appeared in his place.
"It's only two more days, Sirius," Remus said as he picked Monster up. "Hopefully, Dumbledore will have thought of something by now."
Half an hour later, Sirius was finally able to put his feet up, a full tray of food before him. Across from him, Harry was sitting on his bed, legs crossed and Quidditch Through the Ages abandoned on his lap.
"Hungry, Siri?"
He nodded, methodically chewing his chicken before saying, "I don't get enough as Monster from Ginny or Hermione like I need. Though Hermione was saying that I should be eating dog food and not kitchen scraps."
Harry laughed. "That sounds like Hermione, alright."
Sirius finally finished his food and set the tray aside for Tonks to grab when she 'tucked' Harry in for the night.
"What did you do today, Harry?" he asked, stretching his legs out.
Harry grinned. "Hermione had to admit she was wrong about something. It's the first time I can remember!" They both laughed. "She thought all metamorphmagi were female, but Tonks said that wasn't true."
Sirius chuckled. "Anything else?"
Harry gave a rueful frown. "I almost beat Ron in chess this afternoon."
Sirius looked at him. "Shouldn't you be happy about that?"
The younger man shrugged his shoulders. "Normally I would, but I've never gotten anywhere near beating Ron. Ever. At least not until this summer."
Sirius nodded, understanding why Harry wasn't happy about his almost-win at chess. Ever since his birthday, Harry's magic had been growing at exponential rates. Movement on Harry's wrist caught his attention, and he had to smile. The little snake Sirius had rescued from Dudley had played a large part in getting Kreacher to at least cooperate with the Order.
"What are you smiling about?" Harry asked.
Sirius realized he had a goofy grin on his face. "Oh, I was remembering Kreacher's reaction to Derek there." He laughed and Harry joined him.
It had been quite funny. Sirius and Harry had snuck down to the kitchen their second day in the house. Monster had been banned from the table at dinner for barking at Snape - who'd stopped by to speak with Dumbledore and made it perfectly clear he was only staying for the shortest time possible - and Harry wouldn't have eaten without him. Then Hermione arrived, so Harry and Sirius had been unable to get down here until after everyone had gone to bed. Harry had had to rescue their snack because Sirius did something - he really had no clue what he'd done - and it had begun to smoke. Well, James had always said that Sirius would burn water if it wasn't for a potion, and Sirius had always been up to the challenge of proving him right.
They had been eating, Harry feeding his as-of-yet unnamed snake little bits of apple. Sirius had forgotten about the little snake until, after The Kiss, Harry had been getting dressed - which wasn't good for Sirius' hormones - and saw that the snake was coiled around Harry's neck like a necklace. Harry had told him the snake had been there since they left Little Whinging. Sirius had been uncomfortable about that at first, but Harry had assured him that the snake like him.
The two had been talking about names for the snake when Kreacher had popped up into the kitchen, muttering about how much his mistress didn't like having such filth in the house. Harry had then offered a hand to his snake, telling him to climb on, as Harry had told Sirius later.
Sirius, on the other hand, had kept an eye on his mother's house-elf, and saw the thing freeze at the sound of parseltongue.
"What's that the filthy mudblood said?" Kreacher had asked.
Sirius then sneered at the house-elf. "It was parseltongue - nothing my illustrious *Mother* could ever do."
Kreacher had then done something Sirius had seen him never do for anyone: the house-elf had bowed. Since then, Kreacher had done everything Harry had said, but paid attention to no one else. Well, he followed what Sirius would say, but only because Harry had pointed out that Sirius was: one, of the Black bloodline and must be followed if Kreacher considered himself one of the family's house-elves; and two, that Sirius had technically 'died' when he feel behind the veil and was thence that much more powerful for it because of the 'magic' involved. Of course, Harry didn't mention that it wasn't Sirius who had done the magic involved.
"Siri?"
He looked up at Harry. "What is it?"
"Do you think Dumbledore would let up go into Muggle London? I really would like to get some new clothes, as well as get Hermione a birthday present."
Sirius thought about it. "I don't see why that would be a big problem about going shopping, though it might be better if it wasn't London."
Harry had brightened, then scowled, before finally settling on a grim set of his mouth. "I guess we could do something like that. But London..." Harry paused, his face brightening once more. "I could give both of us disguises! And Tonks could come with us to make Dumbledore happy!"
Sirius stared at him for a moment before grinning. Well, that was one thing Harry had inherited from his father other than his looks. They boy could come up with a plan with a quill and a paper clipt or whatever it was Arthur had been showing him at the last meeting.
"That could work," he said, "But we'd have to clear it with Dumbledore first."
******
"Who knew that Dumbledore would actually say yes to this crazy scheme?" Mrs. Weasley was complaining as Harry and Sirius got ready for their shopping trip.
Harry grinned, thinking of all that he and Sirius he'd had to do to convince the headmaster to let them go.
"Whoa!" Ron said as he came down the stairs, Hermione beside him and Ginny two steps behind. "That's wicked!" He paused. "So why did you bring in Hestia's nephew anyway? I could have gone."
"You know why, Ron," Hermione sighed at that.
Harry agreed with her. Ever since they'd gotten approval, Harry had told his friends about his upcoming trip, and Ron had fussed about not getting to go. But there was no way Ron could go and *not* attract attention with his naivety about the Muggle world. Tonks' father was Muggle, and Sirius had ventured out a few times with Harry's mother, so wasn't as awkward about being in the Muggle world as most wizards. They had made up the story of bringing in Hestia Jones' non-existant nephew as a cover for Sirius, since it was the middle of the afternoon, and Ron was bound to come and watch his best friend jaunt off to Muggle London.
Harry looked down at the clothes he'd come up with. His jeans were a light blue and were comfortable faded. They were paired with a red polo shirt that contrasted to the blond hair he'd given himself. Hermione had helped with his hair, even though she protested the insane idea of Harry, Sirius, and Tonks tackling London all by themselves.
Sirius was also blond, but he had insisted on wearing all black. His clothes were quite a bit tighter than Harry's, making his stomach flip-flop at the sight.
Harry and Hermione had to force Tonks to change her clothes. The Auror had wanted to keep her Chudley Cannon orange hair, as well as the Regency-style dress in a hideous puce color. Hermione had directed Remus in making a dress - it hadn't been as bad as transfiguring some of Dudley's clothes - to make a gypsy style skirt. It was enough to please Tonks and keep her from getting them noticed.
Twenty minutes later, the three of them were set down in an alley off Piccadilly Circus, courtesy of a portkey provided on the sly by Amelia Bones of the MLE and newest member of the Order. As they made their way out of the alley, Harry was amazed at all the people. It was twenty times as busy as Diagon Alley, as it had been before Harry's third year when he had stayed at The Leaky Cauldron.
"Where should we go first?" Tonks asked.
Harry shrugged. "Hermione said there was an ice cream shop around here somewhere. Let's go there, since ice cream sounds good, and we can figure out where to go next."
He watched as Sirius' eyes flashed at ice cream and flushed. Harry suddenly remembered Sirius' dream about ice cream very well, since he'd decided, in his sleep, that Harry's neck was a tasty ice cream cone.
When their bellies were full with sugary and creamy goodness, the three trekked to Harrod's. Harry had decided that he would get just a couple of items and transfigure what clothes of Dudley's he'd kept to look similar. Sirius kept on pointed out the shirts with slogan and sayings, but Harry really didn't like that kind of thing like Sirius did.
It started a pattern. Sirius would point something out, either he or Harry tried it on or vetoed the selection, and Tonks would match it up with another than even came close to matching. But, Harry couldn't expect much more from a woman who thought orange hair made her blend in more.
Three hours later, Harry was dragging a whiny Tonks and half-asleep Sirius to the nearest station for the Tube. They were to take the tube to the closest station to Grimmauld Place, where Remus and Moody would meet them.
They managed to fit all three of them onto one bench; Harry stuck between the other two. Their bags had been shrunk as they made their purchases, and had been awkwardly stuffed in various pockets. Once the train began moving, Sirius nodded off, his head finding a resting place on Harry's left shoulder. Tonks quickly quieted herself, her head coming to rest on Harry's other shoulder.
At the next stop, an older couple entered and sat by them, even though it was fairly uncrowded this time in the evening. The woman smiled at them, her brown eyes kind as she made eye contact with Harry.
He returned her smile as she asked, "long day?"
Harry nodded, being careful not to disturb his sleeping companions. "Never knew school shopping could be so tiring. I'm just glad Mum took everything home with her."
The man chuckled as the woman said, "and she let you make your own way home?"
Harry shook his head. "Just the tube. Dora's dad's going to meet us at our station."
"Dora?"
Harry smiled. "My cousin." He tilted his head at Sirius. "My brother." Harry was very glad they'd worked out something if anyone ever asked why three teenagers were floating around London - if anyone even cared to ask.
The woman laughed. "I see. I wish I had had an arrangement when our children were younger." The man next to her stood up. "Oh," the woman said. "Is this our stop already?"
"Yes, dear." He had a put-upon tone in his voice, but he winked at Harry as they left. "Once a mother, always a mother," the man said as he escorted the woman through the sliding door.
Harry smiled to himself at the easy camaraderie between the couple. He began to wonder if he and Sirius would ever be like that in thirty years. If they decided to do more than the occasional touch.
Half an hour later, Harry carried a sleeping Monster into 12 Grimmauld Place. Sirius had barely woken up long enough to transfigure himself into his animagus form. Beside him, Tonks was staggering and walking into Moody every ten steps or so.
"Aren't you tired, Harry?" Remus asked as they began to climb the stairs.
"Just a little," Harry said, trying to fight off a yawn and losing the battle. "Not as much as these two."
Remus shut the door behind him as they entered Harry and 'Monster's' room. He was quietly laughing at the sight of Moody dragging Tonks down the hallway. Harry gently set Monster down on the bed and began to pull out all of their bags. As he resized them, Remus asked, "how many stores did you buy out, Harry?"
Harry chuckled before yawning again. "Only a few. But most of these are Tonks and Siri's. I only have these two." He pointed at two of the smaller bags. "There's also a couple pairs of shoes that I got, but they're in one of these other bags. Can't remember which." He yawned once more.
Remus smiled at him. "I'll let you go to sleep then, Harry. You don't have to get up early in the morning, either, since we're not leaving for Hogwarts until after tea."
Harry paused. "Is it a portkey?" he asked, unable to hide the shakiness of his voice due to his tiredness.
Remus nodded. "I'm afraid so. The train only runs monthly but for the months of September and June, so we missed the August train."
"We can't fly?" Harry asked, knowing he was grasping at straws.
"No, Harry," Remus said in a gently tone of voice. "It's too long of a journey, and there's too much of a risk that we could come under attack."
Harry sighed and sank onto the bed, gently stroking Monster's head before nodding in resignation.
Remus moved to the door. "It will get better, Harry, the more you use portkeys."
He shrugged his shoulders, too tired to argue.
"Good night, Harry."
"Night, Remus."
As soon as the door was shut, Harry lay down, kicking his shoes off and crawling under the covers. He tried to stop the trembling, but he couldn't. He was so exhausted by all that had happened since his birthday.
Harry fell asleep as he pet Monster's side, taking comfort in the silky fur.
******
Sirius woke up, confused. There were strange whimpering sounds, but they weren't coming from him. The smell of sweat reached his nose and he realized he was in his Monster form. He opened his eyes and found he was facing the headboard, lying on a pillow. He shifted enough to look at Harry as the whimpering sound continued, coming from his direction.
Harry's face was contorted with agony, cheeks flushed and his forehead had a sheen of sweat.
Sirius jumped off the bed to transform. As he resumed his normal body, he crawled onto the bed and held onto Harry. "Harry?" he whispered into his ear. "It's time to wake up, Harry."
It took a couple of minutes, but Harry eventually calmed down enough to open his eyes.
"Sirius?"
He had to smile at the relief in Harry's voice. "You alright now, Harry?"
Harry nodded, then buried his face in Sirius' neck. "I'm okay. It was just...."
"Just what?" Sirius asked when it was apparent that Harry wouldn't finish the sentence.
He felt a grin against his neck before Harry answered, "just a regular nightmare."
Sirius laughed at this. He was glad that Harry actually had nightmares just like every other person on the planet. Well, not like Sirius himself, but no one else could have that many nightmares and still be mostly sane due to Azkaban. The sanity was still debatable though, according to Remus.
"So what was this nightmare about?" he asked.
"Snape."
Sirius growled and Harry laughed into his neck. "And just what was Snape doing to my most precious Harry bear?"
"Harry bear?" Harry asked in an incredulous voice.
Sirius shook his head. "Don't interrupt me, Harry bear." He growled again and squeezed him tight. "Because if he ever does something to you that even looks like what happened in your nightmare, let me know." He squeezed again and let a gasping-for-air Harry go. He gave a goofy smile. "So, what did Snape do?"
Harry's face fell. "You know when I looked in Snape's pensieve?"
Sirius' smile quickly fell from his face. "Oh."
"Yeah," Harry shrugged his shoulder. "Only I was Snape, Snape was my dad, and..."
"And?" Sometimes it was like pulling teeth with Harry.
"And you just stood by and did nothing. Nobody came and stopped him." Harry's face screwed up with frustration. "I had a dream like that last night, only it was Fudge and not Snape."
Sirius wrapped his arms around Harry again. "I will never do anything like that to you. I will help you whenever you need it."
Harry nestled into Sirius' shoulder. "I know, Siri. It's just, I keep thinking about that."
He sighed. "I understand, Harry. I know now that I was not a good kid, even though I thought I was. When you called Remus and I on that, I... I kept on thinking of all the things I did in school that were like that." He sighed again. I wish I hadn't done them, that I'd known better, but I can't change the past."
Sirius pulled back and looked Harry in the eyes. "Your mother always said that you can't dwell on the bad things. You only need to learn what was wrong, and then correct the error. Still, she said that when we were planning a prank that was sure to misfire."
Harry half-sobbed, half-laughed. "Thanks, Siri."
"You're welcome, Harry," Sirius said as he tucked them back into bed. "You're very welcome."
******