Chapter Sixty-Seven
The sun peeped in the sky through one of the windows alerting Lorna it was closer to six thirty rather than six. She shifted her eyes away from the window and brought them back onto her brother. Her brother who sat in front of her highly worried and bothered. Clearly unsure and uneasy as to how to further approach the topic or any other topic for what he'd missed out on since he'd been away. She sighed at the sight and wished there was more she could do to lessen the shear shock of everything. But she certainly wasn't the one to go to for that sort of thing; half the time she was trying to convince herself none of the events which took place were even real to begin with.
A sigh pushed its way through and she leaned further away into the pillow behind her. "He didn't say he was going to kill us but he wasn't real happy bout' it either." She tilted her head down and let her eyes take in the threaded pattern of the white blanket that covered over her body. Thumb traced around the miniscule threads as she became slightly more entranced with it the longer she stared. "Dad doesn't seem to like that I'm a lesbian and has been real mean to Nicky because a that. I can let him say things to me but when he calls her names I wanna cut his tongue out, Mikey."
Curving an eyebrow ponderously, Mikey placed a hand on his sister's knee which remained hidden underneath the blanket and gave it a comforting pat. "Is Nicky your girlfriend?" He questioned, eyes peering straight ahead at Lorna.
She nodded though her head remained in its same position so that her eyes were not looking back at him. He nodded as well, patting her knee a second time. "Well, don't worry, I wanna cut his tongue out too and worse for what cruel stunt he pulled on you. I just—I can't believe he'd do that shit. I didn't realize how much of a homophobe dad was. I'm so sorry, Lorn."
He watched Lorna closely and felt his heart sink to see her head still hung in a shameful manner. There had to be more to the story, he thought as he sat on the edge of the bed with his hand still gently held onto the young teen's knee. She didn't look right and it wasn't just because she had her face aimed away. He inhaled sharply, trying to figure out what else could be wrong but Franny really hadn't mentioned much other than it being urgent he came home for a while. She gave no hints or clues as to what might be hidden behind the urgency. And while he gazed the youngest of them over, he knew Lorna wasn't going to give much either—not without a hefty amount of prodding on his part.
Air expelled loudly from his mouth and he then cleared his throat to shake himself from his thoughts. "Where've ya been stayin' since dad's been in the hospital? With Franny yeah?"
"No, Mikey, I wish I was. But, uh, um, after—after the gun thing, Nicky called the police erm when we got back to her house," Lorna paused, slicking back her hair and sucking in a long breath.
She swallowed uneasily as her mind pondered back on that night. That night that changed everything—that more than likely was the reason for her current circumstances. No, she thought, it wasn't just more than likely that night was the entire reason she was here right now. If she'd have been more careful with Nicky—no, rather, if she would have remembered to complete whatever tasks Mr. Morello had expected of her that morning he would have never even gone upstairs to have the chance to see them being—as he deemed—lesbian together. It all boiled down to her. Everything that happened in her life was the fault of her own actions. A chain of actions with a domino like effect. She couldn't escape her own tornado of a world, she realized, no matter how hard she tried.
Mikey's hand slightly nudging her knee brought her into reality once more. Her head finally lifted up and she twisted it around so that her eyes stared across into his. "A CPS lady came to dad's house the next day and she, she dragged me away. Even though Franny told her she was going to have me move in with her but—but the damn lady wouldn't agree to it. Said somethin' bout some stupid guardianship Franny has to have or else she can't let me live with her. How dumb is that? I'm so mad. I just want life to be normal again, Mikey. Is that so bad a me to want?"
The desperation and distress in the young girl's voice did not go unnoticed by Mikey's ears. He shifted uneasily and released his grasp from her knee and instead moved his hand to carefully grab a hold of one of hers. His heart felt stiff to hear what was currently going on in her life. Making his guilt worsen by the second. Had him wondering if his decision to enlist in the military was one of the worst he ever made. He stroked his thumb soothingly over her knuckles and felt his head instinctively shake. "Child protective services got involved? Lorna, is there more going on besides the gun incident? There has to be because what I walked into in here looked to me like dad was cornering you against the wall. What's happening? I just don't understand—ya gotta tell me everything, please."
Lorna swallowed a decent amount of air and felt her foot shaking underneath the blanket against her other one. A nervous habit that had been picked up on in her earlier years. She momentarily averted her eyes away as she gathered the words to say. Or tried to at least but that proved to be quite the chore. "Can we—I'm kinda exhausted right now, Mikey. Can we talk about this later, please? I just wanna go back to sleep," she truthfully told him, casually leaning her head back to fully rest on the pillow behind it.
"Yeah, of course. Sorry I forgot how early it was—go ahead and rest, I'll go stop at Franny's place and come back with her later," he stated with a subsequent nod of his head. After giving a final squeeze to her hand, Mikey released it and pushed himself up from the bed. He was halfway to the door when he heard a slightly louder than normal sniffle come from behind where he paused his steps.
"Um, could ya—uh, could ya tell a nurse on your way out to make sure dad don't come back in here please?"
The query had both of his brows furrowing atop two vastly concerned eyes. Despite that, however, he nodded his head in a fervent manner. "I can stay while ya rest and make real sure he doesn't come back, Lorn."
Holding up a persistent hand, the brunette girl shook her head and gestured the hand towards the door. She didn't need to be watched she just needed to have piece of mind that if her dad tried to come by again he would be stopped by the medical personnel. "That's okay, just please let a nurse know if they see him to keep him from coming in here? I'll be fine on my own. But thanks, Mikey."
Half past eight in the morning was what the clock across the wall read when Lorna awoke next to the sound of her room's door being gently opened. By the gentleness of its opening, she mentally presumed it likely wasn't her father coming back to kill her. And once it fully opened, seconds later, her presumption was correct. It wasn't Mr. Morello who'd come to taunt her, rather, it was an intensely concerned Nicky who entered through the door and fastened her pace until she ended up standing by the side of her bed.
The sensation of a warm and tender hand grabbing onto her own had Lorna's head turning in direction of it. An innate smile melded onto her face to see her precious girlfriend hovering right beside her. She squeezed the hand that held onto hers with a fierceness she didn't know she was capable of until then. "Hi, hon. Are ya skipping school or just going late?" The question came easily out of her as she realized the time displayed on the clock meant that it was also halfway into the first period class.
Nicky carefully situated herself on the bed beside the smaller girl and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. How could she possibly go to school and concentrate when the love of her life was stuck in the hospital only a few hallways away from her abusive father? The thought alone made her shudder. She tightened her arm around Lorna and let a small smirk take up form on her face. "Course' I'm skippin'. Ya think I'd rather be in school than here with you?"
Her response quickly gained a light-hearted chuckle from the younger girl. She naturally rested her head onto Nicky's shoulder, allowing her body to relax in her warm, protective, embrace. The one place where she always felt the safest—the most loved, the most overwhelming amount of affection and care. "Aw, hon, ya don't wanna sit in class learning for seven hours?" Eyebrows waggled playfully above her eyes as she tilted her head slightly so that they were peering up into the older girl's.
"If I was sittin' in class I couldn't do this," she turned her head so that it was facing directly in front of Lorna's face and inched closer until their lips naturally pressed together in a soft, tender, kiss. After a few long seconds, Nicky released their lips and brought a hand up to cradle around her girlfriend's cheek. "Now could I?" She smiled when the other shook her head with a very faint squeal escaping her. The palm of her hand massaged soothingly around the flesh beneath where it was resting.
"Did ya sleep well, kid?" Her expression grew more serious and her eyes searched Lorna's face thoroughly. Disheartened when she noticed the familiar dark circles still resting under Lorna's eyes. She brought her hand up to caress against the area surrounding it. "It doesn't look like ya did, ya still got those black bags under your eyes. Poor baby. Did the nurses disturb ya a lot during the night or was it the beeping monitor that kept ya up?"
A lump was swallowed down her gullet. Lorna looked away for a moment, contemplating on whether or not to mention the whole incident with her father's early morning appearance. She knew telling Nicky about it would only anger her and that was the last thing she needed to experience. A sigh came out of her as she reached up to frame a hand around Nicky's which had still been resting on her cheek. Nicky spent way too much time getting angry and upset over her, she reminded herself. Nicky didn't need any more anger in her life. It would only cause her more stress in the long run and Lorna wasn't about to do that to the girl she loved more than anything.
"I slept okay, it's a lot noisier here than home—well, not home but the Chapmans. God, that doesn't feel right to say. I don't have a home anymore," was the natural response that came through Lorna's teeth. It felt wrong to even inadvertently refer to the Chapman's house as her home because it wasn't her home. Not now, not ever. She had no home. The Morello home was no longer a place she was welcomed and because of the current situation with the foster system being involved, she couldn't consider Franny's place her home anymore either.
"Baby don't say that. You have a home. You may not be comfortable calling the Chapman's home yours and that's fine but you always have a home at mine and Red's place. Always, Lorna. We love you and you're always welcome there. Please don't ever think otherwise, yeah?" Nicky lovingly reassured the girl, pressing a warm kiss to the top of her head before gently laying it back where it previously had been on her shoulder. She ran her hand lovingly through thick strands or brown hair and rested cheek against the side of Lorna's face.
A sigh escaped her. She scooted herself further on the bed so that her body gently pressed along the side of Lorna's and her free hand reached for the blanket, pulling it up to wrap around the pair of them. Her arm held around Lorna's shoulder she moved it up to her head, gently maneuvering it so that it was cautiously placed down onto her chest. Eyes peered below onto the younger girl and Nicky felt a breath of air expel through her lungs. "I love you, doll. I love you so, so, much and I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much shit right now," the words murmured lovingly from her voice.
Nestling against the warmth Nicky's body provided her with, Lorna snaked her own arms soothingly around her neck and pressed her face into it while giving a gentle kiss to its flesh. She bobbed her head up and down in agreeance with what was said. Finger tips lightly touched onto the flesh of Nicky's neck, tracing along its length in slow, small, circles. "I love you so much, too, hon. I can't—there's not enough time for me to say how much I love you. But I, I just I hope you know how special ya are to me," she murmured right back, continuing to trace soft circles around Nicky's neck. Every so often she allowed her lips to press down onto it for a soothing kiss.
Resting a hand on the back of Lorna's head, Nicky used the hand to keep her head cradled securely against her chest while combing her fingers softly through thick strands of her brown hair. Naturally, her chin found its way onto the top of Lorna's head and gently tucked it underneath. Nothing felt more normal than lying there with her girlfriend cuddled so utterly lovingly in her protective arms. "I know, doll, I know. Don't even worry about that. Let's just lay here and cuddle, yeah? Maybe you can tell me where those fingerprints on your precious neck came from, huh?"
Eyes widened quite quickly upon hearing the last part of her girlfriend's comment. Lorna lifted her head slightly and stared down into the older girl's eyes with scrunched up eyebrows. "Fingerprints? What, uh, what're ya talkin' bout hon?"
"Yeah, kid, fingerprints on your neck. I see them clear as day. What happened?" Nicky gently queried, brushing a thumb softly up and down the length of her cheek.
A lump melded into the pit of Lorna's stomach to find out Nicky had been able to notice the faint marks of what her father had done to her only hours earlier. Despite her better judgment telling her to not cover it up, Lorna pushed that aside and went on to do exactly what she shouldn't have. It wasn't from a place of wanting to be difficult but rather a place of wanting to protect herself. She didn't want to face the truth. Facing the truth meant feeling emotions she wasn't fond of experiencing.
"I don't—there's no fingerprints on my neck. I think maybe ya might just be seeing shadows or something, Nicky. Nothing happened, I just been laying here tryna sleep with all the ruckus."
Nuzzling her chin onto the flesh of Lorna's forehead, Nicky shook her head sadly while gazing down at her with a strong bout of empathy in her eyes. It was hard to watch her girlfriend put in so much effort to cover up the pain she truly—and highly notably—was in. To try her damnedest to keep the reasoning of those fingerprints a secret by flat out denying their existence. On one hand she admired Lorna's strength and persistence, however, on the other hand she loathed the unrelenting stubbornness of her girlfriend—loathed how clearly little it seemed Lorna thought of herself that she would stoop to this level of hiding how hurt and broken she really was.
Cupping her hand tenderly around a pale cheek, she drew in a breath of air and let her thumb caress around the soft flesh. "Babe, I'm not seeing things. My vision is good and I can see clear as day that there are fingerprints on your neck. Nail dentations, too. Please tell me what happened," her voice gently pleaded, eyes staring longingly ahead into Lorna's. She inched gradually closer until their foreheads mashed together. "Did you, did ya do this to yourself, doll?"
Lips slowly began to tremble from the many queries and comments being thrown her away. Eyes squeezed shut so they were no longer able to see what might be seeping out of Nicky's. Because she knew the longer she kept them focused on Nicky the easier it would be for her to reveal what caused those markings in the first place. And after everything that happened yesterday, she couldn't do that to Nicky—Nicky had way too much on her plate already that she needn't have; there was no way Lorna would willingly pile on anymore. If she, herself, could barely handle it why the hell should she make anyone else have to try to handle it too?
"Oh, I forgot about those. I was just scratching my neck earlier because it was real itchy—guess I scratched it a little too hard is all. Please don't worry about it, hon. It's not from anything bad, I swear."
Desperation took up the majority of Lorna's tone as she finally responded to her girlfriend's frantic plead. She felt a big breath of air come up and through her windpipe. Lying to the girl she loved wasn't something she was fond of or found joy in doing, yet, she also hadn't been fond of causing her stress, either. And she knew if she was honest with her about what actually occurred that would do exactly that—cause more stress. Nicky had way too much of that in her life, Lorna deemed, and it worried her what might happen if any more was added—if it would cause her to tip over the edge. She swallowed thickly and shook her head at such a thought. Her heart felt heavy just pondering on the matter.
"Lorna, I don't believe that," Nicky firmly said, bringing a hand up to rub at one of her temples. Frustration building up inside at her girlfriend's automatic mechanism of lying and pretending. It was times like this that she had the urge to shake the truth out of her but she bit down on her mouth and resisted the desire. Forcing Lorna to talk wouldn't do any good, she tried to rationalize with herself. That would likely only cause more frustration and turmoil.
She swallowed down the aggravation as best she could and moved her fingers until they were touching over the spots displaying those cruel fingerprints and nail dents. They caressed lightly around the area almost in a feather-like fashion. Eyes softened tremendously as they focused in on Lorna's, noting the apprehension and blatant fatigue. A sigh sounded through her larynx. "I know it's hard for ya to talk about things that hurt you, kid, but I need you to please tell me what really happened to your neck. Who did this to you, babe? I don't believe that you did it to yourself."
Sucking a breath in through her nose, Lorna swallowed and focused her eyes back onto Nicky's. It strengthened the guilt inside of her rather tremendously to observe the unrelenting worry which oozed from the older girl. Innately the observation influenced her to place a hand on the flesh where the bottom of Nicky's eyelids resided and the tips of her fingers stroked soft circles around each of them. She wished the stroking her fingers did was enough to erase all of her girlfriend's worry. Worry that she didn't need to be experiencing, Lorna believed.
"Will it ease some a your worry if I tell ya what happened, hon? I just—you worry constantly for me and I can't stand it. Ya don't needa worry," her voice murmured gently, fingers still keeping the comforting motion going around the skin beneath her eyes.
The query brought a sigh out of Nicky. She returned Lorna's stare with an intense one of her own and bounced her shoulders up in a shrug. Breath hitched slightly in her chest. When it came to Lorna, it was the most natural response for her to worry—Lorna had gone through so much and still was, she couldn't just throw away the worry because Lorna finally disclosed the truth to her. It wasn't that easy, she thought. But she kept it only a thought; there was no reason to voice it aloud, she determined.
Forehead brushed over forehead yet again. "It would help me help you to know what caused those fingerprints, doll. I want to help you. I love and care about you so damn much. That's why I get so frustrated when ya refuse to be real with me about things like this," she warmly informed the younger girl, pressing her lips onto the tip of her nose. Fingers gently pushed away strands of brown hair that fell upon brown eyes.
Nodding her head attentively to what was revealed to her, Lorna nuzzled their foreheads even closer together. Nicky's comment made her realize it was only harming the both of them the longer she withheld the factual information. She didn't care too much about what harm it caused herself but she certainly had cared about what it was doing to Nicky. Nicky needn't no more pain. Especially not Lorna's pain. Lorna absolutely refused to continue to allow her pain to be projected onto the one girl who only ever showed her the utmost compassion and kindness.
"My dad," she quietly started off, aiming her eyes onto the point of Nicky's nose and mentally counting each faded freckle that lie upon it. A large breath of air exhaled through her own nose. "He came in here real early this morning. When it was still real dark out," she paused, taking that time to focus on those freckles again. Recounting them in a meticulous manner. As if it were some ritual to keep her from falling apart. And though it wasn't technically a ritual, it did keep her from breaking. "I—he—we, I guess, we kinda got in a big fight bout' the mean things he said to ya yesterday. I was yellin' at him and tellin' him I won't…I won't let him talk bad bout' you," another pause was taken.
This time Lorna had to move herself slightly out of Nicky's arms—a reluctant decision, she didn't want to let go but she also felt suffocated sitting there with the building emotions from her earlier encounter with her father coming right back to her as she explained it all over again. She closed her eyes and slowly inhaled air through the nostrils of her nose. It felt like the walls were suddenly moving closer to her—as if they were trying to form a cage around her body, to keep her out of reach of the people who loved and cared for her.
She pushed her hands against the mattress and yanked herself up from it, planting her feet onto the tiled floor where the legs of the bed were also resting atop of. Though she was no longer sitting with Nicky nor staring at her, she still decided to continue telling her the story. Nicky deserved that much, she reminded herself when the desire to shut down came over her.
When her eyes finally reopened only moments after the fact, she turned from where she was standing so that her face was pointed in direction of her girlfriend. "My dad didn't like me yelling back at him so he pushed me to the back wall," her hand pointed towards the area right beside the bed and a breath puffed its way out. "And, and he was just kinda holding me by the throat. But, uh, I'm okay. S'all good. My, uh, my brotha—he interrupted us, thankfully and he kicked dad outta here. It's not a big deal, hon, so please don't get upset. Please."
Nicky hurriedly jumped off of the bed and made her way over to the frantically pacing Lorna. She stopped her with a gentle hand being placed onto one of her shoulders. It wasn't until Lorna twisted her head in her direction that she moved her hand up to rest on her cheek, gradually stroking up and down its length. "Doll, that's a huge deal what your dad did. He had his hands around your neck?" Teeth gritted together as she asked those questions in order to retain the anger which was bubbling up.
"He only had one hand around it. So it's okay—"
"No, Lorna," Nicky quickly interjected, eyes peering firmly down into the other's. She brought her thumb up to her forehead and softly caressed it back and forth its flesh. "Whether he had one or both hands on your neck, none of it makes it okay. What he did was not okay. He coulda suffocated you, doll. The only good thing that happened is your brother came and was able to stop him from having any chance to hurt or kill you. I just…I'm fucking pissed none a the nurses or staff saw him in the hall and stopped him. Or they saw him and just didn't give a shit?"
Throwing her arms securely around the taller girl's waist, Lorna pulled her to her and pressed a soothing kiss to her head in the hopes of calming away the anger which was clearly displayed on her face and inflected through her voice. She let her hands rub up and down the sides of Nicky's abdomen in a slow, gentle, fashion. "S'okay, hon. They probably didn't even know to say anything. Please don't be mad. I'm fine. Mikey took care of it; he told dad not to come back here again. So ya don't gotta worry anymore, my Nicky," the words were softly spoken while her arms tightened their grasp and her hands kept their rubbing motion.
Having Lorna's precious arms wrapped so warmly, so affectionately, around her own waist brought forth a strong wave of comfort and easement. Nicky swallowed thickly and tilted her head slightly while staring intently into the younger girl's eyes. One arm she wrapped around Lorna's shoulder and her other arm she held around her head, bringing it closer until it was touching her chest. "Sweetheart, I'm always gonna worry about you. I love you too much to not worry. You're the absolute most important person to me aside from Red. And the thought of ever losing you—that fucking terrifies me, Lorna. I don't want that to ever become real, ya know? You mean too much to me."
A sigh escaped her and she lifted her thumb towards Lorna's widow peak where a few loose strands of hair rested upon and used it to lovingly brush those away. "I'm not mad; not at you, doll. I'm just mad in general. Mad that your dad is such a fucking piece of shit. That he fucking thinks he has the right to hurt you and make ya feel so shitty," she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to magically suck the anger back inside. Her arm released itself from the back of Lorna's head so that she could instead cradle her hand on the crown of it.
"Ya won't lose me, Nicky," Lorna gently assured, her voice not much louder than that of a whisper.
She pressed her face delicately into the chest underneath it and lovingly secured her arms more around her waist. A sigh made its way through her throat. Her eyes momentarily shifted down to the floor. There was no way she'd ever willingly leave Nicky, she thought, but she wouldn't blame Nicky if she one day decided enough was enough and wound up leaving her. She shook her head at the thought, knowing she wasn't worth all this trouble. All this stress and worry and panic. Nicky didn't need that in her life. She didn't need Lorna regardless of what she told her.
"I don't know," the taller teen responded back. Worried lines creasing onto her forehead as she used the hand on the crown of Lorna's head to carefully lift up in order for their faces to be on merely the same level. She gazed compassionately, yet with a faint sternness mixed in, into the somewhat lost in thought brown eyes of her brunette girlfriend. "The way ya keep getting smaller and smaller, doll, there is a possibility I could lose ya. I mean you passed out yesterday and it was terrifying to see happen. I don't want anything to happen to you, Lorna, but if ya keep up this habit you could do even worse damage to your body. That's why I get so worked up about it—I'm scared you're gonna end up seriously injuring yourself or, or worse. Please, babe, ya gotta stop."
Lorna squinted her eyes, trying to make sense of what was just said to her. What the hell did Nicky think she was doing to herself? So what if she skipped meals here and there—that wouldn't do her any harm, she needed the weight to come off. "I'm fine, hon. I'm okay. Nothin's gonna happen to me, I promise," she pursed her lips into smile while holding Nicky at arm's length.
"Oh, god, Lorna, that's bogus." Nicky shook her head sadly but retained her hands around the brunette's face. Eyes soft and solemn as they stared down at her. "You're not okay, you're not. You're sick, baby, and ya need help. Let us help."