And as always, a huge thank you to all my readers:
Hakudoshi-chan: Thank you so much for the thousand and one review you left! XD It boosted my review total and the confidence in my story. Aya/Ran has made his appearance in this chapter.
mangababy: I'm so glad you're still reading! The Ghost of Future will be making his appearance next chapter. . It will be X-mas evening today! XD I love X-mas!
mistymixwolf: Yay! cheers too x.O;;; Noooo! Dun die!!! revives you with another chapter
Omakase Shimasu: You are special, Omakase-chan! It was your review that got me off my lazy butt and finish the chapter. I luv monster reviews!! heartheart Vrolijke kerstdagen en gelukkig nieuwjaar! Did you eat tons of 'oliebollen'?? XD
natasha: XD The muses have been kind to me, so I will keep them coming!
Vampire Louis: patpat gives you a hanky The chapters are short, because eh...I can't seem to make them longer. ;; I have contemplated putting two chapters in one, but then I decided against it, because it would simply take twice as long to put out a chapter. ;; I'm sorry for the confusion. Just to warn you, this chapter will be Youji's POV, Aya's POV and then back to Youji's POV.
hannya-doll: watches how muses scurry to shove both Youji and Aya under the mistletoe . XDDDD I do hope the muses will succeed.
shadoewhunter: Thanks! XD The fic is almost done! We're almost at the finish line!
A Christmas Wish
-Chapter 11: Something to hold onto-
If spiritual forms could be in a state of shock, I was in one. Minutes or maybe hours have passed and I still felt nothing about the death of the mansion owner. No, that's a lie. I am starting to feel something. I....I think it's satisfaction. I was satisfied that the man could no longer do evil things. I mentally filed this piece of information away for later examination. For the time being, all of my thoughts were focused on Aya. I could hear nothing, see nothing and sense nothing beside him. The way he walked, the way he breathed, the way his face didn't seem to show any emotions even when he took off the mask. We had followed Aya out of the mansion and hitched a ride in his blue Mazda and had now ended up in what appeared to be his apartment. I was so preoccupied with my observations of the being Aya that I had completely forgotten the existence of my guide. Ken reminded me painfully of his existence. He tripped me when I was about to follow Aya into the shower.
"What the hell did you do that for?!" I yelled indignantly.
The brown haired ghost grinned at me sheepishly.
"Sorry, I was following the ball."
That was one lousy excuse. "What ball?!" I growled, having not observed even a glimpse of said ball myself.
He pointed at a soccer ball just a few feet away. "That ball."
"Where did that come from?"
Ken shrugged apologetically and retrieved his ball. He then proceeded to do all sort of ball- training-twirl-things that I had no name for.
"It's not really my fault, ya know? The guy who's form I'm modeling after, is crazy about soccer! When the ball appeared, I felt the irresistible urge to... do exercises with it."
I mumbled irritably and was about to resume my previous course of action, when Aya stepped out of the shower. Shit, missed my chance. It would have been very very nice to see a naked Aya. But I guess I should be satisfied with the sight of the real Aya.
The only light in the room was the glow of outdoor lights filtering through the windows, but I could see enough. He had changed into some jeans and an unbuttoned dress-shirt. The water had washed away the junk he had used on his skin and he had taken off the lenses, revealing familiar violet orbs. I was pleased to note that the years had not added any wrinkles to his perfect formed face or done anything other major. He still looked almost the exact same way as I remembered from my past.
Then it seemed that time itself read my mind and wanted to proof me wrong. For the briefest of moments, the clouds parted and the moon shone in its full brilliance. When the light beams illuminated his eyes, I realized that the years had been registered in those lovely eyes. The shining amethyst had lost some of its own glow, as if all the sadness and pain had drawn a veil over the windows of Aya's soul. I felt a sudden ache in my heart. Seeing those emotions in Aya's eyes caused such an intense pain in my own soul that I could find no words to describe. So much hurt, so much pain....so lost....so lost.
The room appeared to be equipped with the bare minimum. It would be highly overrated to call this an apartment. It was more of a hotel room. The only real furniture seemed to be the bed and a large desk. A suitcase was leaning on the wall beside the bed. Aya had opened it to reveal very neatly folded clothes. I was relieved to see that it was just a temporary place for him to crash. Let's face it, even monks would need more furniture if one was to live more permanently in this room.
From one of the more deeper hidden sections of the suitcase, Aya had retrieved a small box. He had sat down on the only chair in the room, right by the window. When I saw the content of the box, for just a second or so, I thought I was going to cry from joy. Inside was the letter and the gift I had given him so many years ago.
------
He loved the exquisite carvings and would have worn them, if it didn't seem so 'unAyalike'. Or was there some other reason? Ah yes, there was. It would be painful to wear them. Pain that had nothing to do with bleeding wounds, but everything to do with unreturned affection and heartache.
When he first discovered the gift on the Christmas evening so long ago, he had just put it carelessly away as yet another gift from one of the numerous fangirls, who insisted on harassing him even though he had clearly refused them more than once. It wasn't until many months later that he found the accompanying letter. He had accidentally discovered it when a roll of bandages fell from his injured hand. He had immediately recognized the handwriting, simply because there were just not that many adult Japanese men who write like seven year olds. This thought brought a brief smile to his lips.
But it had all been too late, hadn't it? The content of the heartfelt letter had kept him away from any peaceful slumbering that night. He had wanted to confront Youji the next morning. He really had. Just when he was about to knock on the door, it had cracked open to reveal the very naked forms of Youji and his latest ladyfriend. He had returned to his room, scolding himself for becoming so naive from just a letter and had practiced his kata's until he passed out.
However, for just a few hours it had all seemed to make perfect sense. The faint shimmering of hope in Youji's eyes that he had seen on the rooftop and had written off so easily as hallucination by his alcohol poisoned mind, the disappointing glances Youji kept throwing Aya's way when he thought Aya wasn't looking...
But he had just been another one of Youji Kudou's infamous flings. He must give Youji some credit though for putting up such an effort, but it had all obviously been a mistake. After all, Youji had hardly acted like someone who's love had not been answered, he had not changed at all. If anything, it had only gotten worse. The heavy drinking and one night stands had been so frequent that even Manx had approached Youji to tone it down.
Those were his reasonings and it should have been considered a closed chapter in his life.
Were it not for all the numerous times he had found himself looking at the gift and letter, usually when he was feeling desperate and lonely. Just this small sign of affection gave him incredible hope and somehow reestablished his belief that the world could still be saved and all their sacrifices had not been in vain. If such love exists, the world could perhaps one day truly be rid of all evil. If such love exists, even the damned beings could still be saved.
He had no doubt that Youji had loved him, just like he loved all his flings. Youji would go to the fires of hell to win the affection, but once he had it and had locked his eyes on the next attractive object, he would toss the old one aside carelessly. That sort of love was self-destructive. But for the brief span of those moments, someone had truly loved him. Someone had loved all of him, tempers and all. And this thought was enough to keep him going on nights that seem so endless and dark. It was something for him to hold onto.
But he couldn't wear the earrings. It would have been cruel to Youji if he had worn it in the days of old. Even though he may not show it as open as Omi, but in his own way he too cared for his teammates. He cared for Youji and he didn't want to hurt him. He couldn't wear them now, because he couldn't risk being confronted by Chloe or Free, who will no doubt give him some cryptic insights into his own heart that he had no desire of knowing. He couldn't, dare not, risk that. Youji was and now would always be out of his reach. Youji had willed himself to forget everything and that included Aya.
The ringing of the phone startled him out of his trance-like ponderings. His hand hesitated for just a second and the answering machine picked it up. Omi's familiar voice sounded brightly through the micro speaker.
"Aya-kun? I know you've been busy now with the mission and all that. Tomorrow we're going to have a small Christmas party, nothing big really. If you have time…I would really appreciate it if you could make it. Ken-kun is also here. The party starts at 7 o'clock in the Villa White. It's going to last until all night, so you can also just stop by for a few hours. We…we would really like to see you. Bye. "
A mechanical voice announced the end of the message.
He would not be going. There was simply no point in going. To be stuck for hours and hours with a group of strangers would be pure torture. He had seen Omi, or rather Persia, when his plane landed and Ken would be going back to England with him. Aya-chan would not be there, because she was on a vacation trip in Australia. And the only other person in Japan that he wanted to see, would not be there. He would spend the night and the next few days rereading the letter for the umpteenth time, even though he had by now memorized every word. He would read until his eyes burned and then give in to sleep, only to wake up and resume his reading. ------
"Well, it's time to go now." Ken announced.
"Where to?" I asked halfheartedly, some part of me wishing I could stay and watch Aya.
"To your apartment, You-ji."
"But, what's going to happen to Aya? Would he go to the party?"
Ken looked at the reading redhead and shrugged. "He's probably not going to go. But that's none of your concern. "
"Like hell..." Before I could finish the sentence though, the world had gone completely black.
End note: Free and Cloe are characters from the new manga. And since Aya has sort of regained his Weiss look in the manga, I haven't described him as looking the way he did in Gluhen. ponders Hmm....Maybe I should have put this thing up at the beginning of the chapters. Oh well. XDD Please keep the reviews coming!