Disclaimer: I don't own any of this story except maybe the pranks.
Hey Everybody! Sorry for the long wait. I've been a bit busy. Enjoy!
Chapter 3: Birthday Chickens
"Hurry up Morons! "Sirius yelled as the marauders sprinted toward the Great Hall.
"Ok, Ok chill" James panted coming up next to his best friend.
They would have been early if Peter wouldn't have had to take an emergency potty brake. (Just to give you the details Peter actually went in his pants on the way so naturally they had to go all the way up to the tower to change making them late.)
They ran around the corner and down the staircase. Sirius slipped and rolled down a few steps. He picked himself back up moaning and was off again. "Alright Padfoot?" James yelled over his shoulder. He reached the bottom of the stairs not watching where he was going.
"Yeah. James! Watch out for that...
James turned but too late. He tried to stop but failed and skidded right into the ...
BAM!!
Everyone in the Great Hall turned to the door as the crash echoed off the walls.
"Door." Sirius finished lamely, "You alright mate?"
James lay sprawled on the floor. "Ouch" He moaned. Sirius started laughing at the look on his friends face.
"It wasn't funny" James said angrily as Sirius and Remus helped him to his feet
"Actually it was extremely funny!" Sirius replied.
"Whatever" James said swaying on the spot. Sirius and Remus helped James walk into the Great Hall and sit at the table. James sat and immediately put his head in his hands moaning. What else would he do, that hurt! Everyone in the hall, realizing what must have happened, Started laughing. When they were through they immediately turned their attention back to the walls which were a whole lot more interesting. Sirius grinned.
"Mission accomplished" He whispered.
"AHHHHHH!!" came a very loud yell from the Slytherin table as Snape stood staring wide eyed in horror at they wall. The marauders laughed loudly.
There along the wall hung ten pair of underwear. On the elastic part could be seen the words Severus Snape. You'd be surprised by the ...... Interesting designs. One read I'm a little piggy with cute little pink pigs, another read monkey butt , while still another read hottie in red. The weird thing was that James and Sirius didn't mess with designs .They came like that.
The funniest thing about these unusual underwear was what they were saying or singing. They Sang:
Happy Birthday to you
You need some shampoo
Happy Birthday to Snape
We adore you!
Corutesy of your beloved underpants.
By the way,
Don't mess with the marauders!
Snape stood so still everyone thought he might have fainted. Slowly red started to spread across his face in anger and embarrassment.
"Uh-oh. I think he's going to blow!" Sirius said smiling.
James started counting lazily,"3, 2, 1..."
"AHHHHH!!!"" Snape yelled as he ran to the nearest underpants pulling them furiously. The hall looked on in disgust.
"Ow, Ow! Stop! That hurts! Help! AH!" The underpants screamed shrilly. They wouldn't budge. James and Sirius high fived. Snape whipped around toward them.
"YOU!" He yelled.
"Cheers Snape!" Sirius yelled.
They all raised their goblets ( Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter.)
""To another Marauder masterpiece!" Sirius said.
"To the art of pranking!" James added.
"To dear old grease head, our target" Remus said.
"To us!" Peter yelled as they toasted. They gulped down the drink in one swallow.
"Now who wants to race me in drinking a whole pitcher of pumpkin juice?" Sirius asked excitedly reaching for a pitcher.
"I will!" James said also grabbing one, "Your going down padf...."
"Potter, Black , Lupin, Pettigrew! Up here now!" Yelled McGonagel from in front of the staff table.
"And so our fun is ruined." Sirius said.
"Time for the marauder charm." James said standing up. James and Sirius in the lead walked to the front lazily like this was an everyday occurrence (Which it was). Remus just walked behind them head down with Peter to his side twitching nervously. All eyes were on them.
They formed the familiar line in front of McGonagel hands behind their backs.
"Explain yourselves" McGonagel said seriously.
"Explain what?" James asked innocently.
"These underwear of course!" She said waving a hand at the wall.
"Oh why I didn't even notice" Sirius said calmly.
McGonagel's face turned read. "Don't you mess with me! You and I both know perfectly well it was you four. And if you just happen to claim innocence why may I ask.."
"You may" James said politely. McGonagel gave him the Glare of death.
"As I was saying" She practically yelled, "Why do these... under garments say don't mess with the Marauders, namely you?"
They stood there for a moment. Sirius looked to James in a sort of follow along glance and fell to his knees. He clasped his hands together and looked up to McGonagel.
"We were framed!" He yelled over dramatically. McGonagel starred down at him for a moment then quite unexpectantly her lips started to twitch in the tiniest of smiles.
"Get up" she said sternly but amusedly.
"Ha! A smile!" James yelled.
"It's amazing! We have done what no other student has ever come close to!" Sirius yelled. He and James high-fived. The students all laughed.
"One week of detention." McGonagel said not so sternly and walked off.
"Aye, Aye captain!" Yelled James as they turned to walk off. Everyone gathered their things seeing as the show was over.
"You were bloody lucky." Someone said venomously from behind them as Lily Evans shoved into James and stalked off.
"Well your bloody mental!" He yelled after her.
The marauders were walking towards history of magic talking about Quidditch when.....
"Black!"
Sirius turned annoyed, "You rang?"
Severus Snape walked down the hall glaring angrily with six other Slytherins behind. He stopped inches from Sirius's face. "We finish this now!" Snape said venomously.
"Touching" Sirius replied slightly amused. He looked behind Snape at the six slytherins cracking their knuckles. He continued, "Hmm... 7 to 4...This'll be fun"
Snape sneered and walked back to his group. The marauders stood arms crossed waiting. The students in the hall slowly stopped and circled the group. Soon there was a large crowd around the 11 sixth years. Snape turned and sneered at his opponents.
"On..." Snape began.
"My count." Sirius finished smugly.
"Fine"
"3...2.."
"Rictobrentado!" Snape yelled. Sirius blocked it easily.
"Cute." He said , " But you'll have to do better than that." The 6th years rained spells on each other.
Sirius stood yawning, easily blocking Snape's feeble attempts to disable him. He would eventually send a few simple spells just to make it look good. James stood fighting Rosier and Benejim single handily. He used his quick reflexes to block spells coming from both sides. Crabbe and Goyle had Remus in a corner where he leaned against the wall blocking the few spells that actually came his way. Peter was barely holding up against Fanx and Melings. He feebly blocked their curses while not managing any of his own.
Meanwhile Sirius was simply having fun.
"Hey Snivelluos. Did you just recently form that second butt on your face or were you born that way?"
"Better watch it Black!" Snape sneered.
"Oh really? Watch what?"
"Arrrgh!" yelled Snape.
"You have to much anger built up inside you. Not to mention the serious mental problems. I suggest a highly experienced shrink from S.T. Mungo's. Possibly 20 for your severe case." Sirius grinned.
"Oh you're going to pay for that one Black!"
"Me? Well, sorry to break it to ya but I'm completely broke." Sirius said laughing.
"Just shut up and fight!" Snape yelled.
"Oh I don't have to but you might want to start sooner or later."
Snape sneered and sent more curses Sirius's way.
James was literally enjoying himself also. He was advancing on his opponents quickly.
"Oh come on Rosier my great grandma is faster than you and the funny thing is she's dead." He said, "I mean seriously, you'd probably aim at the ground and miss!" What James failed to notice was that Benejim had snuck up behind him. While James was laughing he heard the curse and whipped around but too late. A feeling like a blunt knife hit him across the cheek. There was a long gash bleeding freely. Anger rose up inside him. At first he was just having fun but he did not plan on getting hit.
He quickly said a few spells that sounded extremely difficult mind you.
"AHHH!" One of the Slytherins yelled as he rose into the air spinning like a top. The other came up beside him. They slowly arched into the air then simply dropped to the floor. The impact instantly knocked them out. Remus seeing James lose it quickly finished off his two with a simple stunning spell. James and he quickly made their way to Peter stopping briefly as the laughing Sirius walked past blocking every spell that was thrown at him.
"Will you two hurry up already! I'm getting really bored over here!" He shouted over his shoulder.
They walked behind Snape and saw peter ... tap dancing across the floor. The two Slytherins were rolling on the ground laughing pounding their fist on the stone.
"Peter! What in the world are you doing?" James asked.
"I... Can't stop!" Peter shouted panting, "Help, this gets quite tiring after awhile."
"Sure thing Pete." James replied making a face trying not to laugh, "Extremely exhausting that dancing, let me tell ya." Peter scowled. They took care of the last two and turned toward Sirius who was still laughing. Sirius stopped, grinned, and said a simple spell that sent Snape to the floor with a thud. He didn't try to get up because... well he kind of couldn't you see.
"Okay mates, what do ya say?" Sirius asked.
"Project poopie pants?" Peter asked hopefully.
"Naw, not good enough."
"Piggly wiggly" Remus said.
"Done that one" James said deep in thought, "How about the Prancing Pony?"
"Sounds good to me!" Sirius said.
"We have got to come up with a new code book." James muttered as he remembered when they made up their marauder codes of honor in first year.
Sirius flipped his wand with a smirk. There was a loud pop followed by a very bright light. Everyone waited anxiously for the dust to settle. You never know what crazy thing the marauders were going to do next. The hall erupted with laughter as a short and extremely fat donkey walked out of the cloud of dust. If donkey's could sneer and look extremely embarrassed this one sure did.(Or should we say , cough...Snape)
"You know, I think our ickle little birthday boy deserves a little outfit!" James said as he to flicked his wand transfiguring a little rock just confiently lying there into a little golden banner that read:
Birthday Boy
He walked over and draped it across the donkey/Snape's back. Sirius followed smiling down at the somewhat angry donkey.
"Ohh, he looks sad. Poor thing. Probably devastated that no one showed up at his little birthday party. So sad. Well we'll have to fix that." Sirius said nodding at his friends. He set off to the closest Slytherin. A flick of his wand and the poor slytherin(Not!) Was turned into a chubby pink pig. The others did the same to the rest of the unconscious Slytherins.
"There, Piggly Wiggly or should I say hogoly wogoly," Sirius said delightfully. The marauders turned on their heels and lazily walked through the crowd, which had parted for them instantly, as though nothing had happened.
It is impossible to tell you how boring History of magic is because it would just be to boring.
"I'm bored!" Sirius whispered as he let out an exasperated sigh.
Snore! (how do you spell a snore?)
Everyone turned toward James and laughed quietly. He lay face down on his desk snoring unbelievably loud. Binns looked up for a second but didn't falter in his incredibly long and boring lecture on fairy wars.
"No! Not the evil pancake man! I'll be good mommy! No... More... Pancakes...." James shouted. The class laughed louder.
"James?" Sirius whispered.
Snore!
"James."
Snore!
"James!"
Snore! Snore!
"JAMES!" Sirius yelled.
SNNNOOORRREE!!!
Sirius conjured up a glass of water smiling evilly. He casually stretched turning the glass on James head.
"AAAHHH!!! Not the gingerbread man!" James yelled as he shot straight up in his seat. Everyone was downright laughing now. James looked to Sirius who was banging his head on the table he was laughing so hard. What a birthday this was turning out to be!
"It's not that funny." James mumbled.
"Oh but it is my friend!" Sirius replied smiling.
"Well you'll never know the true horrors of pancakes."
Sirius just laughed some more.
After the class had quieted down Sirius got rather...Can you guess it?...
"I'm bored!" He whispered.
"Alert the media" James mumbled yawning.
"Hey! I know! What about we have a quill fight!" Sirius said excitedly.
"Would you two shut up?" Lily Evans hissed.
"Yes mum." James sneered. He glared at Lily Evans for a few seconds. Then he turned his head slowly smiling.
"On guard!"
"Aye you scalawag!"
And thus started a very quick quill fight resulting in many shouts of "Ha!". Binns looked up more frequently now. This went on for quite some time until...
"Ahh! My eye!" Sirius yelled.
"Muahahaha!" James laughed evilly.
Sirius kept his hand over his eye very convicibly cradling his wound.
Then he straightened up and stabbed James right in the stomach. "Ha!"
"I've been hit!" James yelled dramatically falling over his chair. He sprawled on the floor not moving faking dead.
"HA! I'm the ultimate ruler of the fair land of Hogwarts! All hail the lord of the quill!" Sirius yelled.
Some people just laughed while others stood up and yelled, "All hail the lord of the Quill!" Glad to have something to do.
Lily Evans stood also but for quite another reason. She walked over to where James lay with his eyes closed. She lifted her leg and kicked him hard in the stomach. Hey, she couldn't resist!
"Owww! What was that for Evans?" James moaned looking up at her.
"Oh, I just couldn't resist." She said.
"Are you quite done yet?" Professor Binns asked angrily.
A/N: Amazing how many things can happen in one day!
No name lol: I was tired when I wrote that. Anyway... gotta love that cha cha slide!
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