This part of the story will explain the creation of Adam and probably lead somewhere into the exile. Wherever I get to.

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Chapter Two = You are a Chicken

So God created a man called Adam. God happened to be a little uncreative at the moment of Adam's design and had also ran out of Creation-ClayÔ so he scooped up some dirt and dust and dumped it on the firmament.

God glared at the dust-heap; it didn't look a thing like him. God shrugged and took a deep breath, content -not happy, but content- with his work. The dust that was dislodged flew right up his holy nostrils and he sneezed a blessed sneeze right on Adam's would-be face.

And Adam said, "What the hell was that for!?"

And God replied, "I haven't madeth hell yet."

And Adam glared and said, "Well why not?"

God grinned and said, "I didn't haveth anyone to put in it. Now I doeth."

So God had created a man but the whiny little bugger didn't have anywhere to live so God slapped down a garden in the east and called it Eden, after the name of his holy pet snail, Gerry.

God tossed Adam in the garden and said, "Out of all of the trees in this garden you may eateth."

And Adam said, "What about this one?"

"Yes."

Adam nodded slightly. "And this one?"

"Yes, yes." God said, growing impatient.

"Hmm… and this one?"

"YES."

"Really? Then how ab-"

"YES!!!" God boomed

Adam moved to another tree, in the centre. "What abou-"

"NO!" God roared. "Now shuteth up!" God was beginning to regret making Adam by this time.

And God regained his poise and said unto Adam, "Adam! I have created all of these animals but I am far to lazy to nameth them myself. So… you do it."

And Adam looked upon the animals and began to name them, "You are a chicken."

"You are a cow."

"You are a moose."

"You are a stoat."

And the naming went on like that for several days until finally…

"And…" Adam was very tired, "you are… a louse."

God smiled and said, "Good worketh Adam! Though you may want to reassess the Fluffy Happy Bunny…"

"Why's that?" Adam asked.

"Well…" God pointed at the animal which Adam had called the Fluffy Happy Bunny, "it doesn't really seem to fit with the sharp teeth and the claws."

So Adam renamed the Fluffy Happy Bunny as the Tiger instead.

And although God had created many creatures, not a single one could shut up Adam's incessant whining. Adam had complained about each animal he had named. Comments like, "What were you thinking God?" and "I have to spend the rest of my life looking at this?" were spewed from Adam's mouth at all times. God was once again regretting his decision to make Adam… perhaps that Joe guy would have been better.

So God knocked out Adam and was about to leave him like that for a while when he got an idea.

And God said, "I shall create… WOMAN!"

And God decided not to use dust this time because it made a shitty creation and instead used one of Adam's ribs. When God was finished he said unto the woman, "You shall be called Eve."

And God placed Eve beside Adam, who was still asleep, and Eve said unto Adam, "Adam! Get off you're lazy ass!"

Adam jumped up and said, "Huh?"

"This place is a mess! Look at all of the stoats you've left lying around!"

And God looked upon Eve and saw that all was good, though louder than it was before.

And Eve looked upon God and said, "And what are YOU doing? Just look at heaven! It's a mess up there!"

And God scurried away to watch his soap opera.

Thus Adam and Eve were created. And Adam and Eve lived a happy life in Eden.

But one morning when Eve was gathering strawberries and bananas, with which she would create Strawberry Banana Splits, she heard a faint 'hisssssss'

And Eve looked around, but there wasn't a creature in sight. So Eve went back to work. Eve heard another 'hisssssss' and she looked around again, stepping into a clearing with a single tree in it.

As she walked forward she heard, "Hisssss-ck"

She had stepped on the snake.

And the snake said unto Eve, "Get the hell offff me!"

And Eve said, "Sorry about that."

And the snake replied, "It'ssss okay…"

And Eve said, "So, what do you want?"

The snake responded, "Hath God said, 'Ye shall not eat of every tree in the garden?'"

And Eve thought a moment, "No… I don't recall tha- Oh! Yes… God hath said, 'Ye shall eat of any tree in the garden but the one in the centre.'"

"Why'sss that?"

"We shall surely die."

And the snake laughed, "Ye shall not die! Ye shall know good and evil and be as God!"

And Eve thought a moment and noticed that the fruit on the tree would make a good Banana Split, so Eve picked the fruit and took a bite.

Adam came in and said, "Oooo! Food!" And Adam grabbed the fruit and stuffed his face with it.

And God peeked over a cloud for a moment to check on Adam and Eve and he noticed that they were eating the fruit. And God said, "AHG!"

God leapt up and tripped on his remote. God fell three feet and hit the firmament with his holy face once again. "Thou hast eaten from the tree I sayeth thou must not eateth frometh!!!???"

And Adam pointed to Eve and said, "She did it."

And God glared at Eve and said, "THOU hast eaten from the tree I sayeth not to eateth frometh!!!???"

And Eve nodded, saying, "Yes. But the snake told me to."

The snake said, "Ah, shit."

And God said, "Thou hast ALL done a bad thing! No I sha-"

The snake spoke up, "How could we have known it was a bad thing if thou hadest not giveneth us knowledge of good and evil?"

And God said, "Shuteth up."

And God rose up and roared loudly, "Thou art banished from thy home in Eden! Thou must leave!"

So Adam and Eve left the garden and Eve said unto Adam, "Nice going Adam."

And God placed a Cherubim at the front of the gate of Eden and a flaming sword that turned every which way. And Adam said unto the Cherumbim, "Wow… nice sword."

And the Cherubim said, "Thanks."

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Well, that's it for now. Hope you all liked it so far! Review and tell me what you think I can work on! Or any ideas you have!