NOTE: This chapter has been updated/improved. Hopefully it's better/longer than before.

kamikazepanda- I'm glad you enjoyed the Monty Python stuff!

Skywalker05- Eep! I'm sorry! I didn't know they were your lines! The chicken thing was because I like chickens (a tribute to my friend ) and the sword thing just came to me one day… maybe I remembered it from your fic… I think I've read it, but I don't remember.

So, I can take out the sword thing because that may have been from memory, but the chicken was from my/my friends' love of chickens so I'll leave it. Is that okay?

sweet tooth- Glad you like it so far!

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Chapter Five = Moses and the Flaming Shrubbery

And it came to pass that in Egypt, the Pharaoh, who was king, did walk out into the city and did see that his people were slaving over heavy jewels and piles of gold and the Pharaoh decided to enslave some race and make them do the work so his people could get the gold to him faster.

And so the Pharaoh took out his map and did close his eyes and wave his finger above the map until it landed upon a place; Israel. And so Pharaoh sent a bunch of people to drag the Israelites to Egypt.

And it was done and the Israelites were enslaved. And they said among them selves, "Damn, this does sucketh…"

And one day Pharaoh decided to kill a bunch of people, for the Pharaoh was extremely impulsive. And he decreed across the land of Egypt that all male children born to the Hebrews would be killed.

And the mother of one such child did fling her son into a river.

And the boy was found my the wife of the Pharaoh, who said unto her maid, "Ewww! There's something in the water!" And she did seize a chicken leg to bat at the child with.

And one of the maids, Snarfulopuese, fished out the child and said, "Wait! 'tis a boy-child!"

And the Pharaoh's Wife said, "What a strange place to find a baby. I will raise him as my own! I will name him Moses because that's what it says on this nametag around his neck."

And she raised Moses as her own and he followed in the footsteps of his father.

And one day Moses was eating a carrot and another Egyptian came and said, "Hey that's my carro- "

But the other did not get to finish his sentence for Moses had smacked him across the face. For you see, Moses was a little impulsive as well.

And one day he decided, "I shall kill that Joe guy I don't like."

And he did. And he got in trouble for some reason and had to retreat to the mountains to hide. And while he hid, he found a cave and within the cave there was a shrubbery and on the shrubbery there was an apple.

And just as Moses was beginning to ponder why an apple had grown on a shrubbery, God dropped a match from heaven and it fell three feet and landed on the branch of the shrubbery, which burst into flames. And God looked down and said, "Shi- I mean BOO. I am God!"

And Moses said, "Who?"

And God said, "I AM!"

And Moses said, "Oh… I see… cool."

God continued, "I AM THAT I AM."

And Moses backed away slightly, "Ok… I get it…."

And the Lord said unto Moses, "I wouldest liketh a large pizza with- oh wait… thiseth isn't Pizza Shack… who art thou?"

"I am Moses."

"Who the hell… OH! Howeth are you doing?"

"Um… I just killed a guy."

And the Lord did furrow his brow at Moses and did say, "Thou has giveneth me this headache then?"

And 'hat Joe guy' did peer out from the flame and did scream shrilly, "Thou art an idiot! I'll kick your ass wheneth you die! And I Curseth you with I plague of chickens!"

And Moses said, "Sorry about that…"

And Joe said, "It's okay I guess…" and disappeared

And God spoke up again, saying, "Anyways… I am displeased with the Pharaoh of Egypt. He didn't giveth me a feathered hat wheneth I asked him to! I only asked for a nice hat, not too expensive… but nooo! He didn't eveneth so much as-"

And Moses did watch as the Lord complained for three days and three nights until finally Moses screamed, "I CAN'T TAKE IT!"

And Moses did grab a pail of water and did attempt to extinguish the flame of God, if only to shuteth him up.

And the Lord said, "I am melting! I am MELTING!!"

And there was finally quiet. Until the Lord did chuck another match at the shrubbery and did roar from the flame, "THOU hast displeased me! The Lord curses you to a life of-"

And Moses did drop to his knees and did weep like a little girl and did plead with the Lord to forgive him. And God said, "Well… alright… if you do ONE thing for me."

And Moses said, "Anything Lord! Anything!"

And the Lord said, "I would like a feathered hat."

And Moses replied, "Of course!"

The lord continued, "And I would like to you to go to the Pharaoh and tell him to let your people go."

And Moses did stand and say, "What? Why?"

And the Lord said, "He has enslaved your people! Also, I don't liketh him very much…"

But Moses said, "Who am I, that I should go unto the Pharaoh? Why don't you do it, all powerful God?"

And the Lord laughed, "My show doest starteth then!"

And Moses did furrow his brow. "They will not believe me! The Pharaoh will not let them go just because some Hebrew claims to have seen you!"

And the Lord said unto Moses, "Then if he doesn't believeth, I will smite him with my smiting powers. I'll smiteth him good, I will."

And Moses said, "… … …But I don't wanna!"

And the Lord said, "GO! Oh, and take this stick with you."

Moses said, "Why?"

And the Lord said, "I have blessed it as holy. It is a holy stick that will bringeth the world many great deeds… it is a stick of power in which I placeth all of my trust… oh Moses, please protecteth this thy holy stick so that you may use it to poketh out the eyes of thy enemies…"

And Moses said, "Don't you haveth anything better than a pointed stick?"

"No."

And Moses grumbled, but left for Egypt.

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Meh. That sucked. It'll be better next time, don't worry!