It hurt to breathe. It hurt to move. It hurt to cough. Everything hurt. There were so many voices crowded around me.

"Her pulse is unsteady. We need to get her to the hospital," someone shouted over me. I blinked and tried to move my head but couldn't, moaning when pain shot up my neck. I tried to swallow but could barely do that, all I could taste was blood in my mouth.

"Don't move, darlin'. You're banged up," the man said as I was lifted off the ground and put onto something. I grunted and moaned again, rasping as I breathed. What the hell happened!?

"Dimitri?!" I croaked, my breathing starting to increase as I started to panic. Everything was coming together too quickly. The headlights, the horn.

"Dimitri is fine, he's right behind me," the man said, a paramedic I came to realize.

"Dimitri!"

"I'm right here, Roza!" I could hear him say. There was a jolt as the gurney was lifted into the ambulance. I rocked a little bit and could see the carnage. But it wasn't the scene itself that made my stomach drop, it was the car. I knew that car. Only one person I knew drove a yellow Jaguar in town.

"Is Eric okay?!" I asked.

"Eric?"

"The other driver! I know him. Is he okay?" I asked in a panic. The paramedic climbed in beside me and Dimitri followed, sitting beside him. Dimitri's brows were furrowed as he gripped my hand.

"Tell me!"

"They're dead," Dimitri said quietly. The paramedic threw him a look that asked if he was crazy, but I just blinked.

No.

"They?" I croaked, squeezing his hand.

"Eric, Rhea, and Andre are dead. I don't know about Lissa yet," Dimitri said.

"The nightmare again?"

I woke with a jolt and swallowed thickly, rubbing my hand over my face.

"It's fine."

"Do you want me to sit with you?"

I rolled over and squinted at the light that came through the open door. "No, it's okay. Go back to sleep."

"Rose," Ellison chuckled, "It's seven-thirty. I was coming to walk you up because you're going to be late."

I looked at the clock on my nightstand and jolted out of bed, scrambling to get ready. Ellison closed the door behind him as I got dressed. I didn't care if my hair was a mess, I just threw it up with a clip. I had hoped that cutting it short would help maintain it, but now it was just more in the way.

I guess it did go with the hippie artist vibe I had going. All I need was to put some dreadlocks in my hair and I'd be all set. I already had the nose ring, the haircut, the major, and the joint addiction to go with it.

I bolted out of my room with my bag on my shoulder, scrambling around the kitchen.

My other roommate, Sydney, watched with amused curiosity.

"I got you a mug," Sydney said quietly, holding out the travel mug with coffee and a ziplock bag with a muffin. I sighed and smiled, kissing her cheek.

"You're the best babes! See you in a few hours!" I called out as I slipped out the door.

I made it to the train and grabbed a seat, using the twenty minute ride to wake up and drink my coffee. I scrolled my phone as I ate, stopping on one that I wasn't expecting to find.

Good luck on your midterms.

I stared at the message before moving onto the message from Mia, chewing on my lip and clicking the call icon. I closed my eyes as I waited for her to pick up and rubbed my forehead.

"Hey," Mia answered tiredly.

"Hi," I said, "Still no change?"

Mia sighed over the phone and I felt my heart break in my chest.

"No. Lissa's memory is still messed up. She keeps asking when her parents will visit her," Mia said quietly, "She asks about you too."

"I know," I said quietly, "I'm hoping to visit her on the weekend."

Mia was quiet on her side of the phone. "Have you talked to Dimitri?"

I sighed. "No. Not since I moved out here."

"What could Dimitri really have done, Rose? He seems so devastated. Even people in my program have said that he has been quieter than usual and depressed."

I sighed and stretched out on my seat, rubbing the heel of my palm against my chest. Thinking about Dimitri made my chest ache. I could understand what he meant by what happened if you went separate ways after making the bond, it could be unbearable.

Hence the joint addiction. It numbed out a lot of the pain and made ignoring the bond easier.

"Mia," I sighed.

"No. You need to listen to me. Whatever happened, you lived through something super traumatic. You need your support system and running away is not the answer!" Mia exclaimed through the voice, her volume making me cringe and pulled the phone from my ear.

"I know that," I said quietly, rubbing my foot against a scuff on the floor.

"Then do something about it," Mia said quietly, "Well I have to go, I have to go and sit in 'Dreary Belikov's' class."

I smirked and picked up my bag as I got to my stop. "I got to go, I have a midterm to get to," I said, "I'll message you once I'm done?"

"Sure," Mia said quietly, "Good luck!"

I put my phone in my pocket and pushed through the crowds, clutching my coffee tightly. I tried to clear my mind from all the thoughts that were running through my head when a wave of serenity washed over me.

I stopped short on the sidewalk, people bumping into me as they rushed by. Some made snide remarks, but I was frozen in my spot. It was close to Thanksgiving now and I hadn't seen Dimitri since I left for college, but the intensity of the emotions was so strong that it was like he was standing right beside me.

I took a deep breath and cleared my head again, pushing the door open to the building to take my midterm.

I groaned and threw my pillow in the direction of the sound.

"Why do you always have to be so loud?" I grumbled.

"Why do you always have to be high?" Ellison returned, looking up at me from the counter. I huffed and sat up, rubbing my hand over my face.

"I'm not, I'm just tired."

"So tired that you didn't notice the paint on your hands?" Ellison asked, a smirk crossing his face. I looked down at my hands and groaned, looking over my forearms to find that there was paint there too. I walked to the sink and grumbled to myself as I scrubbed.

I met Ellison and Sydney two weeks before classes started. Sydney was here for an architect program while Ellison was taking courses on web development. Ellison was quiet and reserved, with blonde hair and baby-blue eyes. He was tall, but not as tall as Dimitri. He was lanky but had a cute boy-next-door vibe to him.

Sydney was skittish for the first week. She grew up in a strict religious household and it all but broke her relationship with her family when she went away for school. Her parents wanted her to continue with the family business alongside the church, but Sydney wanted to paint the world with her vision.

Me on the other hand, I was floating through. I wasn't doing terribly in classes, in fact, I was excelling in them. But a part of me didn't feel any real enjoyment for it all. It was like the void inside my body that longed for my mate was sucking all the light from me. But I couldn't let it hold me back.

He made choices about my life without my consent.

"Your mom called, by the way," Ellison said.

"Did she?" I whined as I looked at the voicemail machine on the counter.

Ellison spun on the stool to look at me, abandoning his laptop on the table.

"You act like your mom is the big, bad wolf."

"She is," I scoffed, "What did she want?"

"She wanted to know if you were coming home for Thanksgiving," Ellison said quietly.

I stopped scrubbing and shrugged, drying my hands and arms off with a paper towel. "I don't know. What are you guys doing?"

"Syd said that she had to go home. I'm staying here."

I frowned and poured the rest of the cold coffee into a mug, putting it into the microwave. I hated the taste, but I loved the boost coffee gave.

"You aren't going to go home?"

Ellison's face pinched up and he shrugged. "I don't have one," he said quietly.

"Don't have one as in I pretend I don't or," I asked leadingly but he shook his head.

"I grew up in the system. My casework usually will let me come visit her on holidays, but she's going to visit her sister in Alaska," Ellison explained, "But if you want to go home, don't let me stop you! It'd be nice to have a hot shower for a week."

I threw my paper towel at him and pulled my mug from the microwave, putting the milk and sugar into the mug.

"Why don't you come home with me?"

"Oh, no. I can't intrude on your family dinner," Ellison replied immediately but I waved him off.

"It's okay. After the summer I had, it would be nice to have more than two other people at the dinner table," I said behind my mug, another pain floating through my chest.

Ellison tapped his fingers against the table. "Your friend's parents used to go, didn't they?"

I looked down at the coffee in my hands. "Yeah. And now I have to remind my best friend every time I go to see her at the hospital that her parents and brother are dead. And that they caused the car accident that almost killed me too," I said quietly, "The worst part is, I feel so much guilt, and Lissa never understands why. I have to watch her suffer over and over again."

Ellison gave me a sympathetic look and stood up, coming over to wrap his arms around my shoulders. I leaned into him, looking for a margin of comfort. It wasn't the same, but I took what I could get.

"Is that what you were dreaming about this morning? You were vocal."

I nodded. "Yeah. It was just a little different this time," I said, pulling out of his arms after a moment.

Ellison gave me a sympathetic look. It was times like this when I wished there was a certain pair of arms there to hold me on days when the nightmares were too much, but I screwed that up royally.

I would never feel love that way again. And it was completely my fault.

I hated the idea of working the night before going home, but it filled my head and gave me something to do. There was only so much painting or sketching I could do before I went stir-crazy.

The pub was quiet and I was enjoying that quiet for once. I had already cleaned up the best I could so I rested my head on the counter, rubbing my nose absently.

"How did you do on your midterm, sweetie?" Thom asked from the kitchen, sharpening his knives. He was the owner and insisted on working the night shifts with us. He was a big Italian guy who looked a little like Sonny from A Bronx Tale, but was a sweetheart inside.

Though, if anyone tried to rough his girls around, the knife would be pointed in your direction.

"Good. I did a reconstruction of the Gatsby cover," I said.

"The blue one?"

I smiled. "Yeah. The one with the eyes," I said picking at my sweater. "I used to love literature."

"Oh yeah? Why not now?"

I chewed my thumbnail and pulled myself to sit on the counter. "My ex-boyfriend is an English Professor."

Thom laughed over the sound of the grinding metal, shaking his head. "Only you, sweetheart."

I smiled and ran my hand through my hair, pulling half of it up into a knot. It was the only way to keep my shoulder-length curls out of my face. I glanced at the clock and was happy to see that it was almost closing time, but knew not to get my hopes up about not having a late-night straggler.

Just as the thought crossed my mind someone came in, and I hopped off the counter, straightening my clothes. I approached the main counter and was ready to turn on my fake customer service charm when a chill ran down my spine.

"What are you doing here?"

I heard the knives Thom was sharpening get set down on the counter, Thom listening carefully.

"I just happened to be in New York."

"And you just happened to come across where I work?" I asked with a bit of snark.

Christian shrugged while Adrian grinned at me. I sighed and grabbed two mugs off the shelf and poured some coffee into them. I had already cleaned all the shot glasses and I wasn't about to dirty them ten minutes before closing for them.

"How was Lissa?" I asked Christian as I slid the mug to him. Christian looked a little worse for wear these days, dark circles forming under his eyes.

"As well as can be expected," he said sadly as he dumped sugar into his mug. I nodded and pushed the other mug at Adrian, narrowing my eyes at him.

"I have a question."

"Shoot," Adrian said tapping his cigarette case on the counter, "Can I smoke in here?"

I sighed and looked back at Thom who was leaning over the over-pass. He shrugged and picked up his knives again, going back to what he was doing.

I nodded and Adrian lit the cigarette, while I numbly plucked one from his case and put it between my lips. Adrian shrugged and lit mine for me. I took a deep breath and sighed, blowing the smoke out.

"How long am I going to feel like this?"

"Such as?" Christian asked. I picked up a saucer from the shelf and set it between Adrian and me, flicking the ash onto it.

"The hunger, the need to run all the time. I feel like I have too much energy and none at all. And I sleep all the time," I moaned, rubbing my forehead.

Adrian made a gesture with his hands that said 'you're out of luck' and took the cigarette from his lips.

"You could feel it for a while. Maybe a year? It'll take time for it to come out of your system," Adrian explained. I rolled my eyes and groaned.

"Stupid idiot," I grumbled but Adrian glared at me.

"He did the only thing he could think of. And you would know all of this if you listened to him," Adrian defended.

"He made a choice that I made clear I didn't want," I bit back but Adrian riled up.

"You were dead, Rose! What did you want him to do?! Let you go?"

I stared at him with a gaping mouth and looked at Christian, but he wouldn't look me in the eyes.

"What are you talking about?" I asked quietly.

Adrian sighed exasperatedly and set his cigarette on the saucer. "We all wanted to tell you, but Abe made us swear that we wouldn't."

"What the fuck does that mean?!"

"It means that Dimitri wanted to tell you that you died and your father felt that it was too much all at once to deal with. He made us all swear not to tell you," Christian explained

"Rose, you were dead. Dirt nap dead, six feet deep, no tomorrow dead. Your heart stopped. You were dead for five minutes before the paramedics arrived."

I stepped back and bumped into the other counter and stared at them both.

"I what?"

Christian sighed. "You died, Rose. Dimitri only fed you his blood to give you a fighting chance. He knew it would wear off. He was terrified," Christian explained. I swallowed and rubbed my palm over my chest again, anxiety growing in my chest.

I grimaced and bent over, pulling the trash can out from under the counter and hurled. It was like everything I had eaten today came back up and I gagged on it. I braced myself on the counter and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

I licked my lips, looked at the two of them, and shook my head. "That's not possible."

"It is, kid," Adrian said sadly, "I hate being the one to tell you that."

I shook my head and couldn't wrap my head around the idea of it. I couldn't fathom the idea that I had died and come back. I rubbed my hands over my face roughly and reached for another mug, filling it with the first thing I could find to wash my mouth out.

"Are you okay?"

"How okay do you expect me to be?" I snapped, shaking my head the slightest bit. Christian looked at me sympathetically.

"Why does the idea of being one of us repulse you so much?"

I gritted my teeth and slammed the mug down on the counter harder than I meant to, the glass shattering as it sprayed over the granite.

"Can you guys seriously get off my dick about that!?"

"I just want to know. We all do," Adrian said with a shrug.

"Can we all take a minute to remember that I am a human? You guys have had hundreds of years to come to terms with immortality! I have literally known about the existence of all of this for seven months. Do you think that I might need time to process this? If Dimitri had told me this at the very beginning, my reaction and response would have changed!"

"And it would be what? A flat-out no for everything?"

"Maybe I wouldn't have felt like a bomb had been dropped on me! Maybe if he told me in the beginning, it would just be another piece of information to take in!" I exclaimed.

"And it still would have been a no."

I groaned loudly and ran my hand roughly through my hair. "No! It wouldn't have been! I never fucking said I didn't want it, I said I didn't want to be a Strigoi because I didn't know the difference! Give me some fucking slack! My whole life turned upside down in the span of an hour. Yeah, I ran from it all because I have no idea how to deal with all of this."

Christian cleared his throat and took another sip of his coffee. Out of everyone who had reached out to me since the accident, he seemed to be the only one not angry with me for what happened.

"And when you left his place that night? Just a tantrum?"

I glared at Adrian and I heard Christian snicker into his mug before I turned the glare onto him.

"I told him I needed to leave because I needed space so I didn't blow up at him! I have a short temper and I wanted some alone time to process so I didn't say anything I didn't mean. For fuck sake, leave it alone. If you're just here to be a prick, get out! If you're here because you care, then shut up and drink your coffee because I'm done with being treated like a villain for being a freaked-out eighteen-year-old!"

Adrian raised his brows at me. "The only reason you left his place is that you wanted to be alone to process everything? Not because you were running away. You just wanted to think?"

"For the last time, yes!"

Adrian lifted his cigarette to his lips and took a drag, looking pointedly at the one I abandoned on the saucer I set down. I picked up my almost burnt-out smoke and took a few quick puffs before dabbing it out.

"So is your self-destructive pity party over?" Adrian asked, "Cause if I have to watch my cousin throw his own pity party any longer, I'm going to kill myself. And that isn't easy to do."

I rolled my eyes and started to clean up the glass on the counter, hissing quietly when I nicked my finger.

"Yeah, I know all about Dimitri's pity party. I can feel it, remember?" I said tiredly.

I watched the burning paper as I contemplated my next actions. I was so angry over what happened and what Dimitri did, but at the same time, I never gave him a chance to say his side because I felt violated.

My anger clouded my judgement, and I stupidly let my anger consume me.

I flicked the bud out and leaned back on the plastic chair, my breath coming out in small puffs in the air. I looked at the contact photo for a second before bringing my phone to my ear and licking my lips.

It only rang three times. "Roza?"

Hearing his voice for the first time in months and all I could do was close my eyes and sigh. I could hear sounds in the background on Dimitri's end, but I could also hear his breathing. Funny how I could never pick up on it before.

"I died," I whispered.

Dimitri sighed quietly. "Yes."

"I was dead."

"Yes," he whispered, "You were dead in my arms."

I pulled my feet up so they rested on the edge of the chair and I rested my elbow on it, holding my head.

"I think I'm ready to listen," I said quietly, "But I'm still upset."

"I'm sorry, Roza. For everything," Dimitri said and I could tell that it was sincere. I could feel that it was sincere. If I was going to open myself up to the conversation, I was going to open myself up completely.

Go big or go home.

I know I royally pissed some of you off with the ending of Love Eternal, but I promise, all in good time! This bad body is going to be a trilogy and I know exactly how everything is going to come to an end.

But right now, I'm waving the proverbial white flag lol.

Let me know what you think!:)