Journal Entry 365 December 31st
By Anendee
A one shot on New Years Eve.
Ok, I'm warning you now. This is in no way shape or form happy. I am having a hard time shaking this feeling I have, this kind depression.
I wrote a Journal Entry for each of Weiß for New Years. Just read it and let me know what you think.
Warnings: dark somewhat demented thoughts ahead, some more so then others. Mentions of Shounen Ai, though no names so you get to guess the pairings based on hints.
Rating: to be safe lets say R
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Journal Entry 365 December 31st
It's New Years Eve. Again. It's a pointless time of year for me. I mean really, it just signifies the end of the year and the start of a new. It's not like everything else honestly starts over again. If that was true, then I wouldn't be in a flower shop, alone.
I wouldn't have a mission in 2 days to murder, because that is really all it is, a man whom has caused the suffering of many in the last several years. I wouldn't, what if, I should have…all of this, it doesn't mean shit. Neither does New Years.
My dreams are destroyed, I am dead to the world, and I bring death to it. I am waiting for the day that my job turns on me. For the day that I am the hunted. I know that to others, I am the evil beast whose tomorrows need to be denied. I know this and wait for that day, no, night. I will die one of two ways, in battle, or by my own hand, both will be in agony untold. Licked by the fires of Hell.
I don't deserve the peace, the release, which would come with any other kind of death. I am too stained, too dirty, and too impure for that. Every death, every death sends me that much closer to my own end. Madness has begun to consume me, and I don't know how to stop it. Or if I even want to. Maybe everything would be easier if I was madder then the Mad Hatter and him. I loved him and hated him more then I could anyone else, and now he's gone and his insanity transferred itself to me. No that is wrong. I was always more insane then he was, he was just ruthless and cunning.
He is wrong, God doesn't exist. He does everything against the God. I supposedly kill for that God. But how can I if that God doesn't exist? I am just a murderer. I live that way and I shall die that way. Now the question is when? When ill Hell open its gates to receive me and make me Satan's left hand man while He is Satan's right? I don't know. Until then I will smile and surround myself with naivety when ever possible.
Forever shrouded in Evil, surrounded by innocence,
Hidaka Ken
Journal Entry 365 December 31st
New Years Eve.
I remember when…That was how we would start stories about the year. Every year my family would get together and share the events, anecdotes, jokes and stories that had transpired during the year. We would stay awake until midnight, counting down till the New Year.
My sister loved to bake during the day with our mother and Father and I would set up some decorations. I never did get around to asking why we celebrated the American Holiday, but it was a time for our family regardless.
Well, this year, I remember when…
I was finally able to Kill Takatori Reiji, for all the good I realize now it did for any of us. Surrounded by the burning flames of revenge and anger, he died and a piece of me did too, as Aya didn't wake up then as I subconsciously had hoped.
I remember when…Aya had been kidnapped and I joined back up with Weiß. I had missed the guys but that wasn't how I had planned on seeing them again, if I ever did.
I got her back, but she woke up with out me there. She is living her life with out me and to protect her it has to be that way. But at least she is living her life, she is happy.
I remember when…The building came down on him. And I was alone again…I felt my life shatter in a different way, just as his glasses would have under the stone.
Just another new year's eve. Alone.
Fujimiya Ran
Journal Entry 356 December 31st
Hey look, a night I can't get into trouble for the wine women and song I often partake in. They never did understand the release that came with all of that. I spend the night trying to forget. Dancing, drinking waiting for midnight to strike and wash away the previous year's dirt and my desolation.
New Years is nothing but a ploy, inspiration of the masses to believe in new beginnings. Its all bullshit and I celebrate the hardest. What ifs plague all of us, but mine haunt me in the form of those I have killed and those I have yet to avenge.
It's just another day to Kill and right the wrongs by committing more wrongs to right previous ones. Now I'm babbling and I'm not even drunk, wonderful, well it's not like any one is going to read this. I'm lost and alone with out him, and that isn't going to change because life isn't made new again.
We are all doomed, Ken most noticeably. Mental self torment is just one form of punishment, I should know. I practice physical self torment.
Kudo Yohji
Journal Entry 365 December 31st
It's just another day in the life of an assassin. To many this is the beginning of something new. They are right. It is. It is the time for new missions, new enemies and new despair and new hope. I am not foolish enough to believe that we will ever really be finished with the death we deal in daily, but I like to think we actually help those who are too weak to fight back. Even if they don't realize we are doing it.
This last year has been hard on us all. I lost Ouka, my father, brothers and uncle. The only ones worth mourning were my Uncle and Ouka. I found and lost the love of my life, yet I hold out hope for him. He is strong and can take care of himself. He had to be to survive childhood and his own career. I have faith that we will be hearing from all of them soon, though I'm not sure that is a good thing for the rest of my teammates.
I still laugh as I remember the mind games and sarcasm he would wrap himself in to ease the world around him.
The New Year is a time for hope, reflection, and letting go. I just hope I can remember that as the year progresses.
Tsukiyono Omi
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Ok, now that I have managed to ruin you holiday, what do you think? Email me at to let me know