Chapter 3: Who are you again?
Loud shouts and noises were coming from the hallway and the stomps of soldiers were heard as they rushed down the hallway. The Gundam pilots and Zechs took off, Wufei helping support Zechs though he made it own his own after five minutes and Heero in a deep, deep oblivious state, Duo supporting him with Zechs' help. He winced and closed his eyes, trying to remove himself of the pain. He remembered nothing but pain.
He remembered nothing but pain: never ending pain coursing through every vein and bone in his small muscular frame. There was a bright light. Was it heaven? His mind questioned with slight amazment. 'No.' His inner self told. 'You wouldn't go to heaven. You would go to hell. Hell with all the other people that were as guilty as you for murder.'
'That's right.' Heero thought to himself. 'That can't be heaven. Heaven's too far away from my grasp now.'
'Why do you even want to go to heaven?'
'I don't.'
'But you do,' The voice argued. 'You thought it was heaven, even though you know it wasn't. I'm you and I can feel what you feel.'
'How can you know what I feel when I myself don't know what I feel.'
'Because,' Sorrow seemed to lie heavily on the air, 'you can't feel anything. Do you know why that is?'
'No, I have long forgotten. It doesn't matter.'
'But it does. They were taken from you.' Anger filled from this presence's voice though Heero didn't care. 'J tried to protect them and lost. Trying isn't enough.'
'I tried to die.'
'Yes, trying to die is something else. Dying is easier to accomplish.'
'I try to live in this world.'
'Do you want to live in this world?'
'...'
'You don't know, do you?'
'...'
Silence.
Then there was a humming of distant machines.
He wasn't dead, when you were dead then you couldn't feel things. Then he was dead, he realized If you can't feel things then you aren't alive and he certainly couldn't.
He jerked his eyes open, only to close them again as he was met with a bright light. A very bright light. He remembered this all to clearly, the bright lights, the pain, training sessions, not giving in...and then the collar.
That black circular collar that he couldn't break off. How he had despised it. Loathing it would be too sweet of a word to categorize it into.
When that man, Dekim and the others took pleasure when he fell to his knees, gasping in pain. He wouldn't cry out no matter how long or hard they set the control to, leading them to beating him. He had given up, long ago when he knew that he was alone. He was their pawn and he was alike an item, bought and purchased. He was worth only as much as they bought him for, yet on the inside he felt so...numb.
Insecurity was sometimes inevitable at times, though no matter how broken or stressed he was, no matter how many times he wanted to cry out into his pillow at night, hating the empty void that was dragging him further and further away.
"Crawling in my skin,
These wounds,
They will not heal!
Fear is how fall,
Confusing what is real!
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming,
Confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling, I can't seem to find myself again,
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence,
And I'm convinced that it's just too much pressure to take.
I felt this way before, so insecure!
Crawling in my skin,
These wounds,
They will not heal!
Fear is how fall,
Confusing what is real!
Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me,
Distracting,
Reacting,
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection,
Its haunting how I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence,
And I'm convinced that it's just too much pressure to take.
I felt this way before, so insecure!
Crawling in my skin,
These wounds,
They will not heal!
Fear is how fall,
Confusing what is real!
Crawling in my skin,
These wounds,
They will not heal!
Fear is how fall,
Confusing, confusing what is real!"
Farther away from this "humanity" that some people had been crazy enough to suggest that they had claimed he had, whether or not he chose to realize it. Then how come he couldn't cry? Such a simple thing that came to so many others, how come he couldn't even when he saw people die. He didn't cry for that little girl, did he?
He couldn't remember. Everything was so vacant inside him, there were seas of feelings, iced and frozen over in the affect of what his life had brought with him. His many sacrifices that others knew nothing about. They weren't sacrifices to him, but to others it was shocking to what he had given up. The very thing that tied him down to this world; humanity.
Why did he have to live?
He heard the door open and he controlled his senses, including his brainwaves and pulse. Closer, closer...just a little bit more and...
His eyes snapped open when he was within reach of the person, his soldier senses took over and he lashed out at the person, drawing them into an arm lock, the knife concealed in his sock and the blade pressed to the persons neck, dangerously close.
"H-Heero!" Sally stuttered, shocked by this.
"What do you want with me?" He questioned, his voice chilling to the bone with venom dipping in it. Sally was at a loss for words with this said.
"Hey Sal-"Duo's happy voice stopped abruptly when he opened the door and saw Heero holding Sally with a knife to her neck. Sally was facing Duo and Duo was facing her and Heero. "Have you gone mad?!" He argued. He saw the cold look in Heero's eyes, one that showed he had no recognition of either of them.
"What do you want with me?" His voice was like icicles, dead of emotion and empty.
"Heero, don't you remember us? Duo, Sally," duo shouted, stopping moving closer when he saw the blade draw in more to Sally's neck, his eyes warning him not to come any closer. He tried one last name, "Relena?!" He tried, hoping it would hit a point on the pilot to make him recognize them.
Heero's face held nothing, these names were nothing to him, why was he shouting them. The last one sounded...weird, just as the first one. Sally seemed to be the only normal like name. Was Duo this guy's name? Why was he named after a number...then again, why was he himself named after a peacemaker who was assassinated? Not that it mattered...a codename was a codename. If they said 'Spot' that would be his name, dumb and idiotic as it may sound.
Actually, if he were named that, he would most likely murder the name giver and run off to another company, or let himself be dragged to a higher and more...intelligent authority.
Sally used this short moment to take the needle in her hand and drag it into Heero's arm, giving him more than the normal dose to make him fall into the drug induced sleep faster...
He fell forward, the knife falling with a clatter onto the cold tiled floor, less cold than the look in his eyes. Duo rush forward to catch him, but it was too late. Sally already had him in her arms.