Title: Unfaithful 3/3
Author: Archangel
Pairing: RuFuji, RuSen
Genre: Romance, Slight Angst, Happy RuSen ending
Archive: Meltwater
Rating: PG
Type: Multi-chapter fiction

A/N: Finally, after one year I managed to get the spirit of writing and at last finishing this fic. I dedicate this fic to the AkiKaenians most especially to my co-alliance members: Chache Koneko, Simply Kim, Mitsui no Miko and Aki Midori. Thanks big time for everything!

Warnings: Heavy drama. And this is basically 17 pages of Tahoma font 7 so it's kinda long. I don't have the heart to cut it short.

Unfaithful 3/3
by Archangel

Fujima's POV

They said the truth hurts.

They said that the truth is hard to admit… that the truth has always been hard to accept.

I said I can take the truth…

I said I can accept the truth… no matter how it hurts.

And I say, I know the truth… and I felt how much it hurts.

They said the best love is to be able to set them free.

They said that the best love is to learn to let them go.

They said that the best love is to give them the freedom that they want…

No matter how it hurts…

And give it until it no longer hurts.

I said, I love Kaede.

But I don't think I can set him free.

"Hello? Hello?"

I will be selfish if I need to.

"He hanged up on me."

I'll keep you to myself if I have to.

"I wonder who it was."

I'll do that until you tell me to stop.

"Are you okay, honey?"

But you don't talk much nowadays.

"You don't like the food?"

How can I know?

"I… I'm okay, I just felt full."

And you don't seem to be enjoying things one bit.

"I'm going upstairs."

And you leave me all alone.

"Oh, okay. Then I'll fix the table now, I guess."

You make things hard for me.

"Kaede?"

You make me feel that you really don't love me… anymore.

"I'm… no, it's okay. I'll go upstairs now."

I even think you don't need me now.

"You're not okay."

And it really hurts.

"I'm okay. Don't worry. I just wanna be alone."

Because knowing the truth hurts.

"Is this about Sendoh?"

And the truth is that you don't love me…

"It's Sendoh, right?"

And I said I will always love you…

"Kenji…"

I said I can take the truth…

I said I can accept the truth… no matter how it hurts.

And they said I should give…

Until it no longer hurts.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Rukawa's POV

"It's Sendoh, right?"

I can't speak.

I can't even move.

And he knows it.

"Kenji…" I said… and that's all I have to say, really.

"You don't have to lie," he said, "I'm not stupid."

And I know that, I thought. Because I'm the one who's stupid.

I looked at him…

He was cautiously gathering my dirty dishes.

"I know you inside out, Kaede." He continued. "It's been two years." He said as he looked at me, a smile plastered in his face.

And his smile was so warm…

But it also held so much pain.

Yes, it's been two years.

And he loved me.

"It's not that easy." I said… because it really isn't.

Because I never imagined in my life that this would happen.

And neither did he.

Neither did Akira.

"How can it be easy?" Kenji said as he dropped the dishes in his hand.

His actions surprised me, but I know he cannot be blamed.

I stayed silent. Not knowing what to say.

Then Kenji looked up to me once again, with all honesty… I saw tears but then he was smiling painfully.

Then it struck me, I felt how much it hurts.

"I didn't mean to make you fall out of love for me, I just loved my work, that's all."

I felt so much pain in hurting Kenji.

"I tried my best to get you back but then, I guess I was too late."

I felt the guilt as I looked into my lover's eyes.

The guilt of falling out of love.

"Well, am I?" He asked.

Again, I stayed silent.

I have no words to say.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Fujima's POV

"Was I too late?" I asked him. But then, I know the answer to that already.

Still, I was hoping.

But he said nothing.

I heard nothing.

I know the answer to that already.

And they said the truth hurts.

And I must say, I felt it.

"I… I don't know what to say, Kenji." He said. But I know there isn't really much to say, is there?

A long moment of silence enveloped us both.

I carried on with washing the dishes, he remained standing in his place… looking at the floor, silent.

My tears mixed with the water as I tried so hard to stop all the pain.

Every single plate, every single spoon… I tried so hard to stop the pain.

Until such time I finished…

And I barely even knew.

I walked past the kitchen, I walked passed him.

But he stopped me, he held me tight.

"Tell me something, please." He begged.

And I know I love him, and so I said, "Just… just don't think that I didn't do everything I can to take you back."

I said, "I… I guess they're right when they said that in loving someone, you must always be willing to give them up when the right time comes… I guess…"

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked.

"If that's what you call it… but I guess it's more apt to say that I'm setting you free."

And they said that the best love is to give them the freedom that they want…

No matter how it hurts…

And give it until it no longer hurts.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Rukawa's POV

"If that's what you call it… but I guess it's more apt to say that I'm setting you free."

I stared at him…

He smiled back.

Now I know how much he loved me, and I really didn't have to go this far just to know that.

I stared at him… questioning.

"Don't think that I didn't love you." Kenji said.

But ironically, I don't know what to ask.

"Don't think that two years is all easy to let go."

He loved me.

"And don't think that I'm okay… not in a few days at least."

That's all I know.

He smiled and embraced me… he embraced me so hard, I can hardly breathe.

Then he cried.

"Just let me stay here for a while." He said.

And I allowed him to.

And unknowingly to him, I let my own tears fall.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Fujima's POV

I cried… without inhibitions.

I cried… all the kept tears.

I cried… all the pain.

I cried because he's not mine… not anymore.

I embraced him… with all the love.

This could be, if not, the last time.

I embraced him because he's not mine… not anymore.

"I'm setting you free, so what would you do?" I asked, still holding onto him up to the last moment.

And up to that last moment, I buried my face in his neck.

I cried.

"I… I don't know." He replied.

Then there was silence.

And I held him still.

Up to the last few moments.

Then I gathered up my courage and said, "The door's open, you know. I never locked it."

I hugged him tighter, for the last time.

Then, I stopped. I set him free.

No matter how much it hurts.

Then maybe tomorrow it won't hurt anymore.

But he stayed quiet. He stared at me again.

I smiled… and I smiled painfully. I can't help it.

"What?" I asked, smiling painfully "Just go, Kaede." I said.

"Just go."

- . - . - . - . - . -

Rukawa's POV

"Just go." He said.

And I stood still. I did not know what to do.

Well, what am I supposed to do? It's not that easy.

Then suddenly, Kenji punched me lightly… so lightly it just felt like a tap on my face. "I'm a big boy now, I'll be okay." He said.

And I felt it. The punch would have to be the hardest I got in my lifetime.

Physically, it was a caress… but emotionally, it tore me apart.

It hurts to see him in so much pain…

But what am I to do…

Kenji turned away, "Just… go" he said.

It's over.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Fujima's POV

I heard the door close. He's gone… forever.

That I'm sure of.

I walked silently back to our room… now mine and mine alone.

I laid down in our bed… again, mine and mine alone.

They said the truth hurts.

It did. And it did so much.

They said that the truth is hard to admit…

And I knew it was so hard for him to do so.

They said that the truth has always been hard to accept.

And it was.

But I said I can take the truth…

And I did.

I said I can accept the truth… no matter how it hurts.

And I'm still in the process of finally doing so.

Yes, I know the truth… and I felt how much it hurts.

They said the best love is to be able to set them free.

And I did, because I love him.

And that the best love is to learn to let them go.

And I did that for the same reason.

They said that the best love is to give them the freedom that they want…

And I did just that for he showed me he wanted it.

No matter how it hurts…

And it did.

And give it until it no longer hurts.

But it still does.

I said, I love Kaede.

And I once said I can't set him free.

But I know I love him…

For that, I learned to let him go…

- . - . - . - . - . -

Rukawa's POV

It's over. I'm free.

Kenji set me free.

I stayed outside the door… stayed here for the past few hours.

And it's cold here. Cold outside, yet colder inside me.

I watched the snow as it falls, I watched as it slowly melted in my fingers.

It was cold, and I should feel numb.

But I am very much in pain.

On the other side of the door, I felt loneliness.

I felt guilt.

I felt the pain of hurting Kenji… and I feel such an asshole.

Slowly, I got up.

I walked… wherever.

I thought of… whatever.

But then, I found myself in Akira's doorstep.

What he felt, that at least I needed to know.

There seems to be no one there. Still, I knocked… I pounded the door… hard.

I pressed his doorbell, pounded his door.

No answer.

I stopped.

I leaned against his door and sat dejectedly, my hands on my head, my eyes downcast.

It felt cold. He's ignoring me again.

I felt so much pain.

Then, I looked up. I followed the trail of the snowflakes as they slowly descend from above.

Then there he was, staring at me with equally surprised eyes.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Sendoh's POV

"Can we talk?" Kaede asked.

The last thing that I wanted to see right now is this man in front of me, Rukawa Kaede.

And why not him? One may ask.

Because I'm in a mess, in a huddle of mixed emotions without anything to start off.

Because I'm in a mess, dealing with a man who confessed that he loves me but finding it out, he's in a special relationship with someone else.

Because I'm in a mess whenever I see him…

Because when I see him and just when I thought it's fairly okay to move on now, it just doesn't seem so.

And I don't know what happened.

And I don't even know what's happening.

It's just that he's here now. And I really don't want to see him.

"It's kinda late." I said, "Don't you think Fujima-san would be worried you're out at this hour?"

But something is different.

And I don't think it's something I like.

"I guess not." He replied.

Yes, something was different.

"I don't want to be in the middle of the mess, Rukawa-kun." I said.

And it's because I really don't want to.

"I think, it's best that you go home since it's late and it's freezing cold."

And because I don't want to be the reason as to why you are looking so miserable right now.

"We can always talk some other time, you know."

And maybe we won't because I don't really want to.

"It doesn't have to be now."

And maybe because all I wanted was to stay away and make you guys happy.

"Okay?"

Is that so hard to ask?

But what? You fight back… "You don't even answer my calls, so how's that?"

I was taken aback.

So he felt it… he knew.

"I've been busy." I said, looking deep into his eyes. "Things have been very hard these days."

"Well, I still need to talk to you." He said.

And I opened the door.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Rukawa's POV

"So what do you want?" Akira asked as soon as we entered his apartment. "Coffee or hot chocolate?"

Well I didn't come here to drink.

I came here to talk.

But he doesn't seem to be interested about it.

He's busying himself with cups and platters.

"Let's talk." I said.

Slowly, he made his way to me, "Okay." He said "Let's talk about what?"

For some reason, he was playing innocent when it's too damn obvious.

I don't even get the reason as to why he's choosing to ignore it.

"About us." I said. This time, straight to the point.

His features changed.

Somehow, he managed to smile wider.

He even managed to laugh.

"What's us? I don't think I know that." He said.

Then he changed the topic.

"You sure Fujima-san would—"

I beg to interrupt, "It's over, Akira." I said. "Kenji and I are… it's over."

And indeed it is.

Because Kenji knew that I love you.

"So don't involve Kenji here because it's something between us."

And he sacrificed his love in order to make me happier.

And that's with you.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Sendoh's POV

"It's over. So don't involve Kenji here because it's something between us."

So it's over, huh?

Wasn't that fast?

"I don't get it." I said, playing innocently.

Honestly, it was distressing.

"Since when did us existed?" I asked. Still, it was as if I didn't get a thing.

"Just make things easy." He said as he held my wrist, stopping my motions. "You know when it happened. You'll just have to admit it."

And this time, I knew he was serious.

He tightened his hold in my wrist… it felt so painful, in fact.

And in his eyes… his eyes were burning.

But somehow, I knew that this was not right.

"What is there to admit?" I smiled as I said.

What's right about this when in fact it's not the right time?

I smiled.

Yet it hurts.

"I believe it's you who has something to admit." I said.

Did he think being free for several hours, days or minutes for that matter, is enough to have another?

Did he seriously think I'd be happy with him knowing we've just hurt other people?

"Yeah," He replied. "But I believe you have one too."

And as much as I wanted to admit it…

It's not the right time.

We've hurt a lot of people…

No matter how much he tells me we haven't.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Rukawa's POV

"I don't know what you're talking about." Akira said, continuing his act of innocence that's too clear to read.

"Coffee or hot chocolate?" He asked me for the second time.

And again, I didn't come here to sip coffee or hot chocolate.

"I wanna talk. I don't want anything else." I said as I tightened my grip on his wrist, stressing my point that I needed a sensible and honest talk.

"Just talk." He said as he pulled his wrist out of my hand. "I'm listening."

He walked over to his kitchen.

And there was silence… save for the cups and platters.

Finding his coffee making taking too long to finish, I made my way to him and forced him to pay attention…

I broke a plate.

There you go with your cups and platters.

And of course, I was successful.

I had his attention at last.

"Kenji broke up with me because he knew I love you." I said with much conviction.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Sendoh's POV

He broke a plate.

He broke my favorite plate.

So much for the innocent act.

So much for the fact that I might hurt him if I speak up.

"What's your point, Rukawa?" I asked. And somehow, I knew I sounded so pissed off.

With an equally irritated tone, he responded, "My point is, I know you know that so don't act as if you don't know it."

Fine.

I know it.

I know it so much it made me this way.

Isn't it too much to ask to stop for a while and think it over?

- . - . - . - . - . -

Rukawa's POV

"My point is, I know you know that so don't act as if you don't know it."

Things have gone mad.

Why put up this act in the first place?

"Okay, let's put it that way." He said, thank God. "So now what?"

Shit.

I took a deep breath. "I came here because I wanted to tell you that."

"Okay, now I know. I'm flattered." He said.

And I swear, I am trying to compose myself.

"It's not only that." I added.

"I want to know how you feel about me. That's all I need to know."

- . - . - . - . - . -

Sendoh's POV

"I want to know how you feel about me. That's all I need to know."

God knows, among all the questions Rukawa can and will ask, this is the one I am trying not to answer.

Well what for?

So that we could be together?

So that finally, I can have the time of my life and be happy, is that it?

No.

I can't be happy this way.

Well, can you?

Hell, no.

"I'm sorry that Fujima-san broke up with you." I replied.

Do we really have to rush this?

"And I'm sorry that there is no us, Kaede."

Somehow, I feel that you still love Kenji for some reason.

Maybe. I don't know.

"There's nothing you need to know."

I can't blame you for that.

Silence.

He's been a great guy.

"You're lying." He said.

And I can't blame you for saying that.

Because in truth…

I have always wished there was us.

"What's there to lie?" I asked.

But it's not the right time.

"I can't tell myself to love you."

A lot of people have been hurt because of this.

"That's not a problem because you already do."

A lot of people have been hurt because of us.

"You're the one who's giving me problems."

And now you expect me to rush into this…

"You're worried about Kenji. I just said it's over, you're not listening."

You don't even know that somehow Kenji still lives in you…

Silence.

We can't go smoothly with rough roads to start with.

"Given that," I said, "you think it's proper?"

He stared at me.

He remained silent.

"You think it's right to just come here and tell me you love me, extract something from me and be together after all that's happened?" I asked.

Because it's not.

"You think I can sleep well knowing for a fact that you've hurt someone who has loved you so much just because you can't get enough of me?"

Because I can't.

"You think I will enjoy my life with you knowing that we became this happy not after forcing a break up with someone who you've spent years of your life with?

Because I won't.

"And do you think it's so happy to spend your time with me after the fact that you woke up one morning and fell out of love for Kenji?"

Because I don't.

"Now, tell me this is right." I said to him.

- . - . - . - . - . -

Rukawa's POV

"Now, tell me this is right." He said.

He said with so much pain in his eyes.

Well maybe now I understand, but his point was just part of the story.

It was him who never really understood the entire thing.

"Yes. This is right." I said "Because he already set me free."

Because that's the way Kenji showed how much he loved me.

"You think I'm gonna waste that sacrifice?"

After all the pain I've caused him… I don't think so.

"Do you sincerely think I'm stupid enough to break up with someone I spent two years of my life with without making sure you loved me back?"

After all the façade you've been doing all night… I still don't believe so.

"Do you really think I'm stupid enough to fall for your lies?"

That, I don't think so.

"Kenji showed me the greatest love he could ever give so quit being an asshole and just admit it."

And this, I think so. Because you're making things hard for all of us.

"He'd be happier that way."

Because he'd be happy to see me happy…

And I can be that with you.

"But there's nothing to admit." You said…

And it hurts so bad.

"I don't love you, really. You're just my… friend."

It hurts so bad.

Because all I ask is of you to be honest but it's obvious that you're holding back.

You'll never understand.

"Besides, I don't hang out with guys the way you and Kenji does."

You never understood.

"I'm sorry."

Because you don't want to understand.

And that hurts.

"So you don't, huh?" I asked.

But inside, I know you do, Akira.

"Then I guess I'm stupid." I said.

I know you do.

I walked out of the house and into the cold.

I know I should feel numb.

But tonight, I feel so much pain.

- . - . - . - . - . -

It was morning and I opened the door to our apartment…

Kenji's not home.

It was all silent.

I pressed the answering machine.

It's my birthday today.

"Oi, Rukawa! Aya-chan here! Happy birthday!" beep

"Oi, Homo kitsune! Happy new year!" beep -1-

"Rukawa-kun! My brother and I wanted to greet you a happy birthday…"

Save for the answering machine, it was all silent.

There was no life in here.

Unlike before… when Kenji was still here.

"Happy birthday!" beep

I went upstairs… it's so quiet I find it maddening.

The door is opened and I rushed inside.

"Kenji?" I called out.

But there was no one there, except for a gift in the middle of the bed.

It's from Kenji.

"Happy birthday, Kaede. I love you – Kenji."

I nearly cried.

Because…

When I opened it…

It was his wrist watch.

It was the usual source of all our conflicts.

He always looked at it because he always needed to be in time for other things that wasn't me.

He knew I was always trying to get it.

He knew I always wanted to destroy that watch.

Because that watch took him away from me… almost all the time.

"Now you can break it. Because I won't need it anymore. You have my time at your hands now — Kenji."

But he's gone.

Kenji's gone…

His clothes are not in the closet anymore.

Nothing's left.

He's gone.

Why does it have to hurt so much?

For two years, it was only now that I felt so alone.

What the hell have I done?

Was loving two people that bad?

Was loving Sendoh Akira that much became this bad?

And for that, I found myself crying.

Crying so hard…

- . - . - . - . - . -

A year has passed since then and I did nothing but to revamp my life.

It wasn't easy, really.

Because I did not get Kenji back.

It's not that I had any intentions to, but somehow I must admit that it was lonely without him.

In this past year, I found Kenji to be in Toru Hanagata's house, his new lover.

It turned out that in all those years Toru-san has been helping Kenji and I, he'd been loving him all along.

I did not bother anymore. Because Kenji assured me he's doing okay.

And I'm happy for him.

I'm happy for them.

I didn't have a face to show to all of them so I didn't bother.

But then, wounds were healed soon after…

And now we're all friends.

And sometimes it hurts, but who's to blame?

In this past year, I thought about a lot of things and that included Sendoh Akira of course, why wouldn't he be there?

And all this time of thinking and contemplation brought me to a conclusion.

That he's wrong.

That Sendoh Akira was very wrong.

How can this be wrong when it feels so right, isn't it?

I went back to his apartment two weeks after what happened but he wasn't there.

In fact, he's gone.

Because he went overseas to do some business.

And he hasn't come back since then.

No letters.

No phone calls.

No news.

And I can't help thinking of how unfair Akira was…

Because now that he seemed to have forgotten about me, I still can't forget him.

And again, it hurt.

Because I wasn't able to make him understand.

Because I wasn't able to tell him I understand him now about the bullshit time he was talking about, though I didn't care much about it.

He could've told me to stop for a while, then maybe I did and maybe we could've talked and be better right now.

But he's gone.

And I can't find him.

And yeah, it was distressing.

Because I wasn't able to make him admit the truth.

Sometimes though, I can't help but think, what if Akira just left beforehand?

What if I really didn't met him at all?

Then maybe Kenji and I are still together and happy.

Maybe.

But that's selfish, I know.

Because I love Akira more though he had hurt me so much…

Yeah, it's been a year.

It's snowing once again, just like it did last year.

The only difference is, tonight there's no Kenji.

Tonight, there is no Akira.

There's only me.

I opened the door to my apartment… not the old one I was sharing with Kenji.

I live in a different apartment now.

And it was silent… still silent.

I pressed my answering machine and the same thing – same people called to greet me.

It's still my birthday anyway.

I walked straight into my room, and same thing, there's a gift from Kenji and now with Toru on it too.

But this time, it's not a watch.

It's a picture frame.

And whose picture will I put in here?

That person seemed to have forgotten about me already.

I walked past my room and shot a glance at my basketball…

"It's been a while." I thought.

And indeed it was.

I wanted to play again.

Back then, I was playing with Akira at a secluded court near my high school.

That was last year…

I wasn't able to play there now because the memories were too painful.

But it's been a year, and the pain should've been gone by now.

- . - . - . - . - . -

It's been a year now and I must say, the court we used to play in was not the court from before.

It's covered now, so I can play amidst the snowy weather.

And again, like what I was doing in high school, maybe I'll just imagine Akira as my opponent, then maybe I'd have more fun.

It's been a year…

I thought the pain was gone…

For it should've been gone by now…

But then, it still hasn't.

Because I still love Akira.

Too bad he's forgotten about me already.

And I feel the pain now as I inch in closer to the court we once enjoyed playing.

Slowly, I opened the door and someone was hanging on the ring.

There was no ball.

He just slammed his hand in.

It must've hurt, but for me it was different.

"The feeling of glory is incomplete without the ball in your hands." I said.

For me it was happiness.

"Oh yeah?" He replied.

Sendoh Akira replied.

"You've been gone way too long, haven't you?" I asked.

It's been a year…

"Well, I've been thinking." He replied.

Why now?

"Then maybe we can play a game for now." I said.

I still love you.

"Same game?"

Do you?

"Yeah, same game."

It's been a year now.

And things haven't been the same since then.

Things were different because this time, I won the game.

"I can't believe I lost." He said as we both sat down on the cold pavement trying to catch our breaths.

"You're aging, that's why." I replied.

"You're aging too." He shot back. "I know it's your birthday."

Yes, things are not the same as last year.

"Happy birthday, Kaede. It's been a while…"

Because last year, we didn't have the same conversation.

"Yeah, it's been a while."

Because this year, Sendoh Akira came back home.

"You haven't changed though."

And this time, we sat on the pavement.

"You're still the Kitsune-chan from before."

This time, I cared enough to share my towel.

"And you're still the hedgehog from last year, save for the hair."

I cared so much to share my drink.

"Kitsune…chan"

And this year, it was different.

"Hedgehog…"

Because he's sitting right beside me.

"You still live in the same house, Kitsune?"

I stared at his sitting figure. His eyes closed and his head leaning by the benches.

"No… not anymore."

He was tired.

"You came back to your old house, hedgehog?"

He was catching his breath. One by one…

"No… I live on the next door."

I stared at him.

"I'm hungry, Kitsune-chan."

It's been a year since I last saw Akira.

"We can eat cold noodles down the street."

So I stared at him, looking for changes.

"The noodle store is still there?"

He had his hair cut short, but still the same man, I believe.

"Yeah, nothing's change."

I stared at him… for it's been a while now.

"But you know what?" He asked.

"What?" I asked in return.

"Just do what you want to do and don't stare at me like that."

It's been a year…

And it's been different…

Because now I get to kiss him.

And because now I get to be with him often.

Although we've been playing the same thing.

Playing the same game.

Eating the same cold noodles.

Well I guess some things have remained the same…

Amidst the things that changed.

- . - . - . - . - . -

"Akira, let's take a picture."

Yeah, some things have remained the same…

"Oh, okay. What for?"

And some things have changed.

- click -

Because this year…

"I need to put this in my picture frame."

Akira's back home.

The End

December 26, 2004 4:14 AM

1 – Homo Kitsune was adopted from Deep Purple by Prin, of course. Sakuragi calls Rukawa Homo Kitsune darn.

A/N: Okay, so technically, this is 17 pages of mushiness and RuSen loving and I don't know if you guys still have the energy to read the entire fic all over again.

I'd like to thank all the people who reviewed and read this fic. Thank you so much for waiting an entire year for this fic and I do hope that I didn't spoil all the fun of reading being this long. Still, I appreciate your efforts in reading this fic! And yes! This is indeed the second of the multitudes of multi-chapter fics that I have that I finally get to finish.

Again, thank you.

Archangel

So, I therefore say that this fic is so finished and I feel it has been my greatest fic achievement in my entire lifetime. Thank God! Oh well… Happy Birthday, Kaede!