Written by ElvenPirate41 on request from her dear friend. Who isn't Mike at all. Nope. Not one bit.
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One day Mike and the Rohirrim were at Helm's Deep, preparing for certain death. Mike was bummed because everyone was too busy getting read for battle and crap for a shag. Just as they were really thinking, "Holy shit, we're gonna get our asses kicked good here," and Mike was thinking, "Goddamnit, now I'm gonna die a friggin' virgin," a horn-call was heard outside the wall. In came Haldir and a bunch of elves, dressed tastefully in maroon. They totally blew past Théoden and Aragorn, and Haldir said to Mike, "Our journey has been long. We have suffered much. We're probably all going to die. D'you know where we can get a decent shag around here?" Mike took off his armor and revealed the lingerie he was wearing underneath. "Right here. Ain't nothing like a pre-hopeless-battle-orgy." "True that," said the entire elven army. Then they all shagged.