Chapter Fourteen

Seto sat down on his bed, pushing himself into the far corner so that he was jammed between two walls. This was the way he liked to sit, he had discovered, with hard surfaces on either side of him, as if protecting him while he thought.

He had been thinking a lot over the past few days. Most of his time was spent in silent contemplation; in fact, practically the only time he spoke was when Isis came to talk with him before she left for work and after she returned home each day.

Half of the time his thoughts were of her. A large part of Seto was still trying to figure out why he had fallen in love with her. Not that it bothered him any more; he just didn't understand how it could have happened, and it always frustrated him when he didn't understand something.

He had come up with all sorts of possible reasons—she was kind, she was interested in what he said, she was beautiful, she was like him—but none of them, individually, seemed to by why Seto loved her. Nor did they seem to add together to love. They would, at best, produce liking or respect. But love… love was more than those things.

And Seto didn't understand it…

This didn't frustrate him as much as it normally would, though. For the most part, he preferred not to question the feeling "love"… lest he over-think it and take away some of the emotion. That was something he knew he didn't want to do.

The only other thing on his mind was Kisara. Ironically, part of Seto's mind wondered where his unnatural love for her had come from. He knew it was because of Set; but now, with the full strength of the priest's emotions gone and the memories under control, Seto wondered how he could have let such a feeling take him over.

Like he'd told Isis, though, he didn't regret it. It had been important for those emotions to push him to research. It had been important for him to learn of the sacrifice Kisara had made—it had been important to know that she had given her life.

Seto had dreamed of Kisara only once since he'd found out about her death. At the time, he'd been almost completely mastered by Set's emotions, enough that the first thing he did was ask Kisara for forgiveness. He'd felt that "he" had brought about her death. She readily pardoned him for it. Then, as Set's overwhelming guilt began to fade, Seto offered his own apology: for treating the Blue-Eyes White Dragon as nothing more than an object. Once again, Kisara forgave him easily, saying it was her duty and her joy to serve him, no matter how he treated her.

Then, Seto had asked what exactly had happened when Akunadin had killed her. Kisara had told him, her voice calm and factual—not at all like it should, talking about her own murder.

Seto sighed as he remembered that dream conversation. He had been furious at Akunadin, naturally, but Kisara had died for Set so willingly, and that frustrated him. Pulling a Blue-Eyes out of his pocket, Seto stared at it as if it could answer all his questions. How could you so freely give your life? Was it that important for you to serve me? Seto felt tears in his eyes and tried to stop them. This had happened a few times; he had gotten so worked up about Kisara that he actually started crying. But it didn't matter, as long as he could get his tears under control before…

"Good afternoon, Seto."

…before Isis came home.

Seto didn't look up. He continued staring at the Blue-Eyes as he willed his tears to stop. Then, slowly, he said, "Good afternoon, Isis." He moved forward on the bed, pulling himself out of his protective corner, so that Isis could sit next to him.

She did so, and didn't say anything about Seto's tears. This almost caused Seto to smile, because it was so like Isis. So understanding.

As usual, Isis put her hand down between them, but this time, instead of placing his hand right next to it as he normally did, Seto put one hand on top of hers and lifted the other to her cheek. He traced her cheekbone with his thumb as her eyes rose to meet his.

All at once, he was struck by how blue Isis's eyes were. They almost reminded him of Kisara's, but they were a different shade. And Seto preferred it that way. Isis was different from Kisara.

Seto ran his fingers through Isis's hair as she stared back at him, enfolding his other hand in hers. They were caught in a moment, trapped in a single feeling.

Finally, Seto said softly, "There are only two days left."

Isis closed her eyes then, her face displaying sorrow. "Yes," she agreed, just as quietly. "I don't want you to—"

"I know." Seto's hand found the back of Isis's neck. It seems silly, he thought vaguely, that we've only kissed twice. He had no idea what would have caused such a thought, but before he could figure it out, he was leaning towards Isis, pulling her forward slightly as well, so that their lips met.

Isis's arm came around Seto's neck so that the two pulled even closer together. This kiss was longer, deeper than the others had been. It was as though the two shared emotion through their touching lips, pleasure and longing and love… And it felt so natural. Seto wished it would never end.

But as it did end, Seto felt a strange uncertainty. So "natural"…? Does that mean…?

They sat together silently for a moment, Seto trying to put his thoughts into a coherent question. He was… confused, now. His love for Isis had suddenly felt familiar, and it bothered him. It was like he had felt that way before…

"Isis…" he started tentatively. "Did… in the past, were… were our past selves in love?"

Isis hesitated. "I'm not sure," she said. "I… I don't remember anything about my past life. I don't know if we were in love. We may have been…"

Seto stared at the ground, thinking hard.

"Why do you ask?" Isis said, sounding a little worried. Her hand was shaking around his.

"I…" Seto didn't know what to say. He didn't want to give up on his love for Isis, no matter what, but…

"You don't want to let yourself be controlled again, do you?" Isis asked in a whisper. Her voice shook slightly as she glanced at the floor. "By Set's emotions."

"Isis, I…" Had he hurt her feelings? "Th-that doesn't really matter," he lied.

"No, it's fine," Isis said, meeting Seto's eyes again and giving a weak imitation of her normal smile. "I understand. I really do. That's… that's the way you are. I don't mind it."

Seto looked at the ground again, completely unsure of himself. After a minute, he said, "I… I don't know. I'm sorry, Isis…"

They were still holding hands. It didn't even occur to Seto to let go.

"But…" Isis said after a minute, "…what about his love for… for Kisara?"

Unconsciously, Seto tensed.

"I-I'm sorry!" exclaimed Isis, noticing. "I shouldn't have—"

"No, it's fine," Seto interrupted, trying to convince himself that it was. "But… Kisara… she died. She was killed."

Isis started but didn't say anything, just sat next to Seto silently, as if waiting.

Slowly, haltingly, Seto began to explain. "After I read it in the journal, I talked with Kisara in a dream. She said that before she could leave the palace, Akunadin spoke to her and told her that my past self… wanted her to do something. He led her down to the dungeons, saying that Set desired the power of Kisara's soul monster—which was a lie—and to give it to him, Kisara would have to be dead. She… said she was fully willing to do anything, and Akunadin… just took her soul from her body, and she died. Then she awoke inside of the Blue-Eyes, still completely loyal to Set, determined to serve and protect him forever. Which includes serving and protecting me."

Seto sighed deeply as he finished, willing his hollow-feeling grief to go away. He raised his eyes to look at Isis.

She was gazing at him sympathetically. "How sad," she said in a quiet voice.

Seto shrugged and looked away, struggling for something else to think about, to distance himself from the deep sorrow that filled him whenever he thought of Kisara's death. His mind settled, as usual, on trying to understand the love he felt for Isis, the love that only a few minutes ago, had felt "natural." The feelings were so abnormal for Seto. Seeing others fall in love, he had never imagined it could happen to him—but it had. So was this because Set was still influencing him, or…?

After what felt like forever, he spoke. "My… my love for you… I don't think… I don't think it's his. Even if he loved your past self, he… I don't think he'd make me love you. And even if these emotions are his, it……" He took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter. Because I'm glad I love you. I don't want to lose that."