Clearance

I need you to be here, Potter, but you can't be.

I need you to hold me, Harry, but you can't hold me.

I need to feel your skin against mine, the soft beating of your heart.

But I cannot feel these things because

someone is already watching you, aching with want.

Damn that Weasley girl.

She already has her head on your chest

listening to you slumber.

She is already listening to the sounds that I will not hear.

I cannot have these things because it would not be right.

Your love I cannot have.

And I would never expect you to give it to me, Potter.

Never.

It's just too absurd.

And the more I try to forget this dilemma,

the more I dream.

I cannot hide from myself.

Why can I not hide?

I used to be able to do so without any problem.

Why is it that when I feel love,

I feel it in all the wrong situations?

Why do I have to love you of all people, Potter?

I shouldn't want this.

I can't want this.

So why won't it go away?

Someone else, please take these feelings.

I'd be glad to give them away.

I have too many extra feelings lying around.

They're strewn all over my floor.

And Father won't make me lock my emotions away this time

because he's locked away himself.

I used to think he was being cruel by reprimanding me

for demonstrating even a sliver of what I felt on the inside.

But now I realize he was saving me.

Saving me from weakness.

Saving me from torment.

From pain.

I used to want to be free to feel,

But I don't want it anymore.

I don't want this emotion.

I don't want these feelings.

Pick them up and take them, give them a new home.

I don't need them; I wouldn't want to be greedy.

Not all Malfoys are greedy, you know.

Go ahead, they're free.

Take these feelings away.

Did you know that I used to hate you

so very much Potter, because I knew that

you could feel?

Your heart echoes through the darkness.

I can hear your heart, Potter.

It's so steady, like your gaze.

Those damned expressive green eyes

that refuse to leave my mind.

But then I realize that hearing your heart

would not be possible as you are nowhere near

where I am.

Ginny is where you are

I can't want this.

It's just too absurd.

I shouldn't be feeling this.

I shouldn't love you, the Golden Boy.

I'm a Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy.

I shouldn't fucking love you, Potter.

I can't.