Three

As Elliot parked the rental car along the curb across the street from Maureen's house, Kathy felt excitement course through every vein in her body. The car had barely parked when Kathy got out and hurried across the street. Elliot, just as eager as she was, followed close behind her.

Before they could reach the front door, it was opened. Out rushed two little boys with all the exuberance of their nearly-four years on Earth spilling out of them.

"Gramma! Grampa!"

Kathy practically dropped to her knees and held out her arms, nearly falling back at the force of which both her grandsons collided with her. "Kieran! Seamus! Look how big you are!"

She squeezed them to her for a moment before letting them go to Elliot.

"Big? Are you kidding me?" Elliot laughed as he effortlessly picked up both and settled one on each shoulder like Superman. He spun around in circles while the boys shrieked in delighted laughter.

The sound of more laughter caused Kathy to turn her head back towards the house, and her eyes filled with tears at the sight of her four older children. Richard helped her up and hugged her first, then her girls took their turns. Kathy took her time hugging each of them, letting her tears fall.

The last time Kathy had been with her older children in person was Christmas 2019. She, Elliot and Eli had to leave before the new year, but everyone parted confident that they would be together again come Eli's spring break. And then, COVID-19 hit the globe. Every day, Kathy thanked God for the fact that they lived in the 21st century. Not a day went by when she didn't video chat with at least one of her children in America. Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2020 had been over Zoom, and everyone had done their best to make it as joyful as possible. But now, hugging her babies again, Kathy was reminded that not even the best technology could compare with physically being together with those that she loved.

Kathy kissed both of her grandsons' heads before turning out their bedside lamp, leaving the nightlight the only light on in their room. She tiptoed out the door to find Maureen waiting for her with a soft smile and her coat. "Dad went out to start the car. I'll walk you out."

Kathy smiled as Maureen helped her put her coat on. It amazed her how much her firstborn had grown, now a wife and mother in her own right. It gutted Kathy that she hadn't been close by while Maureen had become both of those things. She tried to make up for it by being available for Maureen 24/7 remotely. No matter the time difference, no matter the late hour on either side of the pond, Kathy always picked up when Maureen had called her with anything from pregnancy questions, advice on managing two babies, and a virtual shoulder to cry on whenever Maureen needed to spill out her exhaustion and frustrations to her mother.

They linked arms after coming down the stairs and walked together towards the front door. The other three kids had left already and Karl, Maureen's husband, had just left to start his shift at the hospital.

"So…are you two ready for tonight?"

Kathy let out a shuddering breath as the front door opened to the cold air. "I'm surprised none of you brought it up at brunch."

"Kathleen wanted to."

Of course she did, thought Kathy, her gut twisting. Kathleen had always loved Olivia the most out of her children, especially because of all Olivia had done to help her get help.

Maureen continued. "But I persuaded her and the others not to say anything until after tonight. That you both were probably nervous enough. I mean, it's been a really long time. Does Olivia know you're coming?"

Kathy nodded. "Fin, her sergeant, let her know."

"Well, I'm glad you two are going. And please tell us how she is. Kathleen is ordering a big flower arrangement of congratulations to be sent to her tomorrow, and we're all pitching in."

Maureen hugged her mother when they arrived at the car. "Remember our call anytime or anywhere arrangement works both ways, Mom."

Kathy nodded, squeezed her daughter tight before letting her go, and got into the car.

When they returned to their hotel, Kathy said she wanted to lie down for a while, and they agreed to a quick dinner in their room before getting ready for the ceremony. Elliot said he was going for a walk so she could rest in peace, but really he needed to get some air alone.

Even after a decade of living abroad, the streets of Manhattan were still as familiar as the back of his hand. This was just as well, since Elliot walked nearly blind with his phone in his hand. His mind was waging an internal war. Call her. I can't. Call her right now. She's probably busy anyway. She has to know. I know. At least text her. That's too cold, even for me. Do SOMETHING!

His body was clearly working on its own, because when Elliot finally stopped to catch his breath from his fast walking, he looked up and almost crapped himself. He was standing right in front of Olivia's apartment building.

The first time they had come back to New York for a visit, Elliot had gone out of his way to remain with Kathy or at least one of his kids, never going off alone for an extended period. They never spoke her name, but he could feel Kathy watching him both leading up to the trip and while they were there, waiting for him to reach out to his old partner. But he didn't, and Kathy had relaxed each time they'd come back to the city. Even when he'd gone off on his own, for work or otherwise, Kathy no longer feared or suspected who he could be seeing.

This trip, of course, was different.

Elliot looked up to where he knew her window was. The curtains were open but he saw no lights, no movement. Maybe she wasn't home. Or maybe she was doing what Kathy was doing, trying to rest before her big night. No, not Olivia. She hates rest and relaxation. She always wants to keep busy. The thought made a soft smile touch his lips. Most likely, she was still at the office, running her squad. Her squad. His smile grew.

But would Fin let her work longer than she had to today? He doubted it. She was probably up there, doing anything she could to keep busy until leaving for the ceremony.

Again, his body moved of its own accord, and his feet carried him to the front doors of the building. Part of his mind started to panic, telling himself that this would be even more unfair than a phone call or text, to just spring himself on her without a word of warning. But the bigger half of his mind told him that this had to be done in person.

He entered the building and the déjà vu rushed back like a sucker punch. How often had he strolled straight through this little room of little mail boxes and a long line of buzzers? Just to check on her, to make sure she was alright. Because he knew that no one else would. Did she have someone who did that for her now? Maybe more?

Gulping, Elliot turned to look at the long vertical rows of buzzer buttons, each identical with the apartment number listed by it. He found hers immediately: 4D.

For the third time, his body moved as his mind raged and debated what to do. His hand rose, his finger pointed, and he was pressing the buzzer for 4D.

For three seconds, nothing, and Elliot held his breath, his mind telling him to run but his feet planted to the ground as if they were made of lead.

And then, a voice came through the speaker box, scratchy from age but clear enough for Elliot.

"Hello? Is that you, Jewel? We've started the first round of bridge without you."

The voice was elderly, cheerful, had a slight Brooklyn accent, and was most definitely not Olivia.

Elliot pressed the right button on the box and hurriedly responded, "Sorry, ma'am, I pressed the wrong buzzer. Have a good day."

He hurried out of the building and didn't hear the woman's cheerful response. He walked just as quickly back to his hotel, berating himself the entire time.

Of course she would have moved by now, you asshole. She hasn't stayed put in time back here, just waiting for you to come back and make things right. She's a Captain now, for God's sake! Why the hell would she stay put in that building or in the squad without you there to hold her back? So when you see her tonight, you give her the letter and don't make this about you. This is HER night.

Kathy finished her make-up in the bathroom mirror as slowly as she could, even while knowing it wouldn't prolong the inevitable. Taking a step back, she looked at herself in the mirror. She wore a simple but elegant dress of dark green, with a modest V-neck, elbow-length sleeves and a hem that dropped just above the knees. Her straight blond hair was in a simple chignon, and her jewelry was a simple pearl necklace and diamond studs. Not bad for a fifty-six year old mother of five.

She let out a frustrated breath. This was beneath her, worrying about how good she looked when the night belonged to Olivia. She hadn't even seen the woman yet and Kathy felt herself slipping into old mindsets of insecurity. Stop this, Kathy, she scolded herself. You are not that woman anymore. The past is the past. After tonight, we can all put it to rest for good.

With that, Kathy turned off the light and exited the bathroom. The hotel that she and Elliot were staying in was a pretty nice one; she'd have to remember it for their next trip. She found Elliot in the bedroom, standing at the large window and fumbling with a cufflink. Wordlessly, Kathy stepped up to him and took over.

Noticing the way Elliot was tightly holding his jaw, blinking hard, and purposely controlling his breathing, Kathy decided to break the great silence. The two of them hadn't spoken much since they'd left Rome. Their topics of conversation had been focused on the kids and absolutely didn't touch the ceremony tonight. But that couldn't last forever.

"It'll be ok, Elliot," said Kathy as soothingly as she could. "She knows you're coming, so she'll have had time to prepare, just like you. We'll talk to her, congratulate her, answer any questions she has – I'm sure she'll ask about the kids – and that will be that."

"She doesn't know."

His words made Kathy's fingers freeze, and she took a step back from him. "I don't understand. You told me that Fin would warn her."

"I tried to ask him that, but he shut me down. Gave me her current phone number and said it should be me."

"And you didn't."

Elliot rubbed his hand over his face and head. "I tried, a million times I tried. But I just…it's been so long, Kath. Too long. I didn't want to freak her out right before her ceremony. She hates being the center of attention, she'll be dreading this enough as it is."

"And so you thought it would be better for her to see us after ten years at the ceremony when all eyes will already be on her?"

Kathy couldn't keep the frustration out of her voice. Elliot walked away from her and leaned his head and arm against the large window. She took as deep of a breath as she could, knowing that berating him wouldn't help at all. So, Kathy walked towards him and rubbed his back, craning her neck so she could meet his eyes.

"Look…we've both let this go on too long. That's why I want to go tonight. It's a public event, so she'll be civil, at least. Give her the letter when you have the opportunity. And you have her number now, so give her yours, so that if she wants to have a proper talk, she can reach out."

"…And if she doesn't?"

Elliot's voice was so small that it made Kathy almost want to cry. Of course what scared Elliot most was not whether Olivia would want to talk to him beyond tonight – it was if she didn't.

Kathy sighed. Of course she'd been kidding herself thinking that this could all be resolved tonight. Of course it wouldn't. There was too much history and too much silence for that. Hadn't she resolved on this trip that she would stop kidding herself, lying to herself, about where exactly she and Elliot stood? Great job she was doing so far.

"Then, you'll just have to accept her wishes."

Elliot snorted, and it was an ugly sound. "And that's just what you're hoping for, isn't it?"

Kathy bit her lip and looked down, knowing that Elliot had hit the nail on the head. But she'd resolved to be honest, so she spoke in as calm a tone as she could.

"I'd be kidding myself, and I won't deny that I have been. But we can't keep doing this anymore, Elliot. It's not fair to any of us, especially her, when she's done so much for us. We can't go on living as if Olivia doesn't exist…that she's not a part of all of us. Tonight, we have to try to make things right. At least, make a start. I can't imagine that Olivia's changed so much that she wouldn't at least hear us out; her heart is too big for that. So let's try, ok?"

Elliot took a deep, shaking breath, and pulled her to him in a tight hug. Kathy hugged him just as tightly back, blinking away her own tears, and praying that, whatever happened tonight, they would be able to come out better than they had been.

God would answer her prayer, but nothing could have prepared either of them for how He would answer it.