A black fortress loomed up, dark and ominous. A moat of boiling lava surrounded it. Torches blazed in the perpetual night, as dorcs roved about involved in their own ugly business. From inside the fortress, piercing cries could be heard. In the midst of the agonizing clamor, two words became distinct.
"Shire!! Bag'ems!!!"
The gates burst open and nine riders pounded through, black cloaks swirling, and their mounts braying wildly.
…
Andyalf, riding over rocky hills, turned to gaze anxiously at the fiery light emanating from the distant Mount Loom. He sped on, and soon reached a monastery where records were kept. He was shown to a dim room filled with books and volumes. The wizard worked long and hard, sorting through parchments and records, until he found the pages he sought. He read to himself," The year 3434 of the Second Age. Here follows the account of Isildur, High King of Gondor, and the finding of the Hoodie of Power.
"It has come to me, the one hoodie. It shall be an heirloom of my kingdom. All those who follow in my bloodline shall be bound to its fate, for I will risk no hurt to the hoodie. It is precious to me, though I buy it with a great pain.
" The markings upon the back begin to fade. The writing, which at first was as clear as silver frost, has all but disappeared, a secret now that only an iron can tell.
…
A hobbit stood chopping wood. His dog wandered through the open door of the hobbit hole. Suddenly, he began to bark as hoof beats pounded up the path. They stopped.
"No!" a gravely voice hissed. "You're not supposed to stop here! You're supposed to stop over there!" A black sleeve was flung in the direction of the hobbit and his dog, still a good eight yards down the road.
The black donkey turned his head to look unflinchingly at his weightless rider.
"How am I going to ask about the Shire and Bag'ems if you can't stop in the right place? You want me to shout it to all of Middle Earth?"
Slowly and defiantly, the donkey sat down.
The black-cloaked figure threw his sleeves in the air.
"Fine! Be that way! I'll just walk over there myself!" He dismounted and marched down the path on iron shoes. He stopped to tower above the hobbit as the dog backed into the hole.
"Shiiiiiiirrrrrre…….." he hissed. "Baaaaag'emmmmmssss……."
"Th-there's no Bag'ems's around here," the hobbit stammered. "They're all up in Hobbiton. That way!" he pointed as he retreated through the door.
The black rider turned back to his stubborn mount. After mush tugging and pushing, he finally got the beast to its feet. As it sauntered down the road, the rider muttered to himself. The mist closed in as he screeched, "No! Stupid animal! Now is not the time for a snack!"