Phoebe dials London in an attempt to warn Emily that Rachel's coming to ruin the wedding but instead of getting the housekeeper she gets someone else.

Germ warfare

The Call

Phoebe dialled frantically and listened impatiently for the connect, then the rings.

'Hello,' said a congested voice of indeterminate sex.

'Hello,' Phoebe said, 'May I speak to Miss Emily Waltham please?'

'I'm sorry but she's not here at the moment,' said the voice, now identifiably female but suffering from a viral infection of some sort. 'She's at the wedding rehearsal. They won't let me go so I'm stuck here.' The voice became sulky. 'They reckon I'll make them all ill. I won't make them ill, that's a lie. I'm not even allowed to go to the wedding, except for the ceremony bit. It's not fair.' And then to someone on the congested female's side of the line, she said irritably, 'Yes I've got the phone - I can deal with it - Everyone knows you can't catch germs from talking on the phone - oh all right I can wipe it down afterwards, it's not bubonic plague or anything. No-one's going to die.'

'Oh, er, Miss' Phoebe said.

'Yes? Sorry, that was our housekeeper, always interfering.'

'Um, who are you please?' She knew it wasn't quite right to demand of the person you were calling their identity but she really had no choice.

'Oh, sorry. Mum says I do everything wrong. I'm Stephanie.'

'Stephanie?'

'Emily's stepsister. Her dad married my mum, God knows why. We've been asking each other that question for five years and we still can't work it out. Who are you?'

'Me? Oh I'm Phoebe, a friend of Ross's from New York.'

'Oh wow, you're the one having your brother's babies!' If Stephanie had said that a little louder, Phoebe might have heard her without the phone.

'Well it's not quite like that,' Phoebe said, wondering what Emily had said about her. It was something so easily misunderstood.

'That's a real conversation stopper that is, "I've got a new Rolex" "I've got a new Porche" "I'm having my brother's babies." Total silence. Rad!'

'It was with IVF,' Phoebe said.

'Oh yeah I know that,' Stephanie said, 'But you don't have to tell everyone and spoil a good story. Are you really having three?'

'Yes,' Phoebe said, feeling she'd lost control.

'Wow, d'you get to keep one?' Phoebe sighed.

'I'd like to.' If only, but she didn't think that she could. It seemed wrong that she was going through all the inconvenience of pregnancy with a baby - although her brother Frank was going to be so happy - if he was happy, she was happy.

'Pick of the - er.' Phoebe just knew Stephanie was going to say "litter." 'I think you're great. I'd do it for Emily, no worries.' Stephanie sniffed. 'That would definitely have to be with IVF.'

'Yes,' Phoebe said, seeing the chance to regain the initiative. After all, there'd be no question of babies for Ross and Emily if Rachel ruined the wedding. 'Look about the wedding and things, I just wanted to say that there was a friend of ours - a friend of Ross's called Rachel - who's coming.'

'Yeah, the ex-girlfriend. Emily said,' Stephanie said, 'I'd have thought she'd have the taste not to come.' Phoebe was a little irritated, after all, Rachel was invited, she had every right to go - except to ruin the wedding.

'Well she's coming, and she's going to tell Ross she loves him, and she needs to be stopped because she'll ruined the wedding.'

'She wants to stop the wedding? The poxy bitch!'

'Hey!' Phoebe said, 'She's just a woman in love that's all. You'll find out one day when you've grown up.'

'Excuse me,' Stephanie said, 'I am sixteen you know. I'm not a kid.'

'Well sometimes when you break up you don't stop loving the person,' Phoebe said. 'It takes two to make a relationship but only one to break it.'

'Well Emily never pinched her from Ross, she doesn't do that kind of thing.'

'No, she didn't, they'd already broken up before Emily turned up.' And Rachel had been seeing Ross, and Ross had just broken up with the girl from somewhere called P, a long way away. A long way away. Well one way to get them to stay near was to marry them, Phoebe supposed.

'Yes but why wait till now? Just when he's about to marry Emily?' Stephanie asked, 'That's really stupid. It sounds like she's just jealous of Emily. Lots of people are you know.'

'Are they?'

'Oh yes,' Stephanie said. Phoebe didn't need to go into any of that now.

'Just warn Emily will you?'

'Don't worry, I'll take care of it,' Stephanie said, before ringing off.

Phoebe put down the phone. Well at least she'd done her best.

A minute later, she worried. What did "I'll take care of it" mean?