Laid Low

She's ill and can't come to the phone,' said the housekeeper in repressive terms.'

She was at the wedding,' Monica said, 'So she can't have been that ill.'

'Her nose was kind of red,' Joey interjected in the background.

That's as may be,' the housekeeper said, But she's not available.' Monica heard a voice in the background demanding,

Who's that? Who wants Stephanie?' There was a murmuring and the voice came on the line. I'm warning you right now that we can't afford to pay for anything Stephanie's done, so you're wasting your time.'

Er hello, Mrs Waltham?' Monica guessed, Hi, I'm Ross's sister, Monica. I just wanted to speak to Stephanie, I'm not accusing her of doing anything.'

Oh you're Ross's big sister,' Mrs Waltham said. Monica ground her teeth. How on earth did you meet Stephanie? She was only supposed to attend the wedding itself. She certainly wasn't supposed to be mingling and infecting people with her germs.'

I saw her just before the wedding,' Monica said, feeling that the lie made the story simpler. It would sound a lot better for a woman to be asking to speak to a young girl rather than a man who was known to have given one of the bridesmaids a really good time. I was just wondering if she saw a friend of ours. We expected a friend to turn up at the wedding but no-one's seen her.'

'Oh,' Mrs Waltham said. 'Well I don't see how Stephanie can help you, and I'm afraid you can't see her.'

By the time they were due at the airport to farewell Ross and Emily on their honeymoon, they had heard nothing more. They had called the police and they'd kept Phoebe informed.

'We really should tell Ross now,' Monica said, 'We can't let him go away without letting him know. And Rachel may not be a friend of Emily's but she should know too. It's getting really serious.'

So they ended up telling Ross and Emily at the airport.

'I didn't know she was coming,' Emily said. 'Did she know about the change of venue?'

'Yes,' Monica said.

'Our phone number was on the invitation,' Emily said, 'So she could have rung the house if she'd been lost.' The others had already thought of this.

'What did the police say?' Ross asked.

'They haven't found a sign of her yet,' Chandler said, 'All they know is that she arrived in England.' Ross and Emily looked at each other. Emily said,

'Do you want us to stay? We could go to Greece another time.' Ross squeezed her hand.

'Well we don't want to ruin your honeymoon,' Chandler said.

'It's ruined already. We can't relax knowing that Rachel's missing and that - ' Monica thought that she had been going to finish with 'anything could have happened,' and was grateful that she hadn't.

'Thanks, Emily,' Ross said, 'You're right, I'm just going to worry.'

'We'll book into a London hotel instead, perhaps we could all be at the same hotel,' Emily said. They went over it all again.

Suddenly a girl dressed black in head to foot and looking like death came charging up.

'Hey!' Joey said, 'it's you.'

'Of course it's me, you berk,' Stephanie said. To Emily she said, 'You have no idea how hard it was for me to give them all the slip. My parents had the sodding police around for some reason - perhaps someone nicked a bottle of wine.' The others looked at eachother at the mention of the word, "police." Stephanie continued, 'I won't hug you because I don't want to give you my germs, but I do want to see you off on your honeymoon.'

'I knew you'd find a way,' Emily smiled. 'You can come and visit me in New York when you're better.'

'If I ever get over this cold.' The others were looking expectant.

'Steph, we've got to ask you something,' Emily said, 'have you seen this woman?' Monica produced a photograph of Rachel.

'Her?' Stephanie's eyes widened. 'Oh balls, I'd forgotten all about her!'

'What!' the others asked in unison.

'She's still there,' Stephanie said, unhelpfully.

'Where?' Monica demanded.

'What have you done?' Emily asked.

'She's in the attic.'

'She's been in the attic since the wedding?' Monica exclaimed.

'How did she get in there? Did you shut her in?' Emily asked, astonished.

'I did leave her a bottle of wine,' Stephanie said.

'Oh my God, Steph, ring home and get them to let her out at once! She's been there for more than twenty four hours - have you gone mad? Are there any other wedding guests you've locked up there?' Emily demanded.

'Don't blame me,' Stephanie said.

'What, the devil made you do it?' Emily took off in the direction of the public telephone, and Stephanie was about to follow her when Monica grabbed her arm.

'I need to talk to you privately.' She led Stephanie in the other direction. 'Don't tell Emily why you locked Rachel in the attic. It's not going to help.'

'I'm not keeping secrets from my sister. That Rachel is a right bitch and Emily needs to know that.'

'But Emily and Ross got married,' Monica said, trying not to resent Stephanie's insult to Rachel. 'And if you tell Emily what Rachel was here for, then you're going to cause problems. Rachel's not going to do anything now that they're married.' Monica would make sure of it. This time, Ross's marriage would last and Rachel would just have to get used to it. 'If you tell Emily, she's not going to enjoy her honeymoon and neither will Ross. You might even poison their marriage.'

'If I hear one word from Emily that things aren't OK, I'm telling her,' Stephanie said.

'Don't threaten me!'

'S'not a threat, it's a promise,' Stephanie said.

Rachel was released in five minutes. She had been warm enough in the attic - there were old clothes and furs there. She had drunk the whole bottle of wine but she was feeling very very hung over and she was now coughing, infected with the same virus Stephanie had.

The Walthams offered to look after Rachel, but she had had enough of the Waltham house and went to a hotel to be cared for by Monica. Ross and Emily only just made their flight.

Stephanie was grounded but this time Mr Waltham made sure that her bedroom window was nailed shut. She was not allowed to go the Rabid Rats concert, one she'd been hoping that her illness would not prevent her seeing. No-one stayed in earshot long enough to hear the complaining monologue composed of 'Not fair', 'She had a bottle of wine didn't she?' and 'It wasn't that long.' The fact that she was lucky no-one pressed charges against her seemed to make no impression.

Emily had phoned her from Greece, the only call her parents would allow her to take. No promise was broken, but Emily ended the call with 'You're the best sister I could ever have.' Looking back on her work, Stephanie decided that it was good.