The fellowship made their way through a serene forest. At a stream, they broke for lunch and Legolson played his guitar for them and sang a song about Nimrodel. Ilmig, however, was somewhat mistrustful of the wood, due to an unfortunate incident in her childhood involving a tree, a younger brother, and lots of rope.

"Stay close to me, hobbits," she whispered. "Some sort of elf-witch lives here. I wouldn't wander too near any of those trees if I were you. But don't worry. I'll protect you against any—eep!" She was brought up short by an arrow two inches from her nose. They had been surrounded by Lothlorien elves while she was yapping, and now they took the eight to the hugest tree Rosie had ever seen.

They climbed endless steps through an eerie silver twilight. Up and up they went until Rosie couldn't see the ground anymore. By the time they reached the top, half of them were panting with exhaustion.

Gasping, Rosie looked up, only to be blinded by a white light. As she squinted and shaded her eyes, two figures approached from the glow, eventually coming to where they could be seen.

There was a male elf with long, straight blond hair, and at his side was a regal looking female elf. Her grey eyes were gentle, yet piercing, and her golden tresses flowed in ringlets like ramen noodle soup. She wore glistening white robes, and a pearly white cloak draped gracefully from her shoulders like wings.

After a moment of stunned silence, she spoke.

"Welcome to Iowa."

The male elf quickly said, "Actually, G-bird, it's Lothlorien."

G-bird turned to him.

"Shatap, Celeborn. I'm lady of the wood; I can call it Iowa if I want to. Now, where were we? Oh, that's right. Role call, Celeborn."

"Right." The elf drew a parchment out of his robes and began treading off names. "Aragorn, son of Arathorn?"

The ranger grunted.

"Bobomir of Gondor?"

"Hey."

"Meriadoc Wagnabuck?"

"Here!"

"Huntagrin Took?"

"Here."

"Ilmig Otrec?"

"Hereherehere!" she cried, waving her arm.

"Mmm… hmm… Legolson prince of Mirkwood?"

"Yeah."

"Wilibald Gamgee?"

"I'm here."

"Rosie Bag'ems?"

"Present in the body, absent in the mind."

Celeborn glared at her.

"Not funny. Andyalf?"

He looked up.

"Andyalf?"

The fellowship stirred uncomfortably.

"Ok, what did you do with Andyalf?"

"He fell into the shadow," G-bird remarked. "The quest now is in danger. But don't worry about that. Go and sleep well." As she spoke this last word, her voice echoed in the vaults of Rosie's mind.

Welcome, Rosie of the Shire, one who has seen the Nose!

Suddenly, G-bird let out a little shriek. Her glowing face paled, and she pointed a shaky finger at the hobbits' feet.

"They—they're not wearing shoes! Leave! Now!" She disappeared back into the light, and an elf ushered the eight down the steps.

"What's her problem?" Merry asked.

"She has a little phobia of feet," the elf replied. "You can still stay here, but try to keep any bare feet away from her."

…

The fellowship lounged on the downy grass beneath a canopy at the roots of the trees. Strange music involving an acoustic guitar and a warbly, drawling vocalist floated on the breeze.

Leaning against a tree, Legolson thrummed his own guitar, but didn't sing.

"A lament for Andyalf," He explained to his compatriots.

"What're they saying?" Merry asked.

"I have not the heart to tell you," he responded. "For me, the grief is still too near."

"Tell me about it," muttered Rosie, her hands over her ears. "I can't stand country music."

"Me either," Wil agreed vehemently, making a face.

Aragorn wandered over to where Bobomir was sitting.

"Rest," he grunted.

"Man, I can't." Bobomir sighed. "I heard her voice in my head. It was creepy."

Aragorn nodded in agreement.

"Gondor is doomed," the short blond continued. "She said there's still hope, but how the heck am I s'posed to see it?" he sighed. "One day, we'll go back there, man, and it will be so cool…"

…

Rosie woke as G-bird stepped past softly. A little amazed that she, such a sound sleeper, had woken so easily, the hobbit decided to follow. Past the others, down steps, and into a courtyard they she followed the elf. There, in the middle of the grass stood a low stone pedestal with a silver birdbath in the center. G-bird dipped a pitcher into a fountain and began to fill her birdbath when she saw Rosie.

"Oh!" she cried. "What are you doing here? I mean, um… will you look into my mirror?"

"That's a bird bath," Rosie remarked.

"Shatap," the elf snapped. "You. Look. Now."

Cautiously, Rosie stepped up to the birdbath and peered into it. Her reflection in the water wavered, and she seemed to see Kermit the frog and Fozzy bear.

"What… The Muppets?" Rosie said incredulously.

"Oops. Sorry," G-bird apologized. "I must have left it on the wrong channel." She muttered in elvish, and then the Muppets vanished.

Rosie then saw her companions staring at her accusingly. They faded and were replaced by a vision of the Shire, suddenly bursting to flames. Dorcs roved about, burning houses, chaining and whipping hobbits. At long last, this spectre also disappeared and in its place came the Nose, the great Nose of Perron, burning in eternal fire. It inhaled and smelled, searching, ever seeking the hoodie. The drawstrings came loose and stretched towards the surface of the water, growing heavier and heavier, dragging Rosie downwards.

"Don't touch the water!" G-bird cried.

The vision disappeared and Rosie stumbled back.

"You know he'll try to take the hoodie."

"Who—" Rosie began.

"You know who," G-bird said.

"No, I don't."

"Shatap. The fellowship is breaking."

"Well, this isn't as easy as it looks," Rosie said crossly. "What, do you want the hoodie?"

"You offer it to me freely!" the elf said with delight.

"Hey, wait a minute…"

"In place of a dark lord, you will set up a Queen!" she continued. "And I shall not be dark, but beautiful, and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and despair!"

As she spoke, she flickered into a film negative, and her voice took on a deep, ringing, dual tone.

When she finished, she was returned to normal.

"Ooo-kay." Rosie slowly backed away, keeping her eyes on G-bird. "I think I'm going back to bed now."

…

No, I don't own the Muppets either, in case you were wondering. Yeah, I know, you probably weren't, but I had to say it anyway, just in case. Hey, you never know.