WHERE OR WHEN
By Starflower Sakura
DISCLAIMER: Yu Yu Hakusho doesn't belong to me. All I own is this computer that I'm typing this fanfic on, okay? Also the song that the lyrics come from is "Where or When," hence the name of this fic, by Harry Connick, Jr.
To readers/reviewers: This little fanfic was a challenge from a friend of mine. Hopefully she finishes my challenge in time as well. I thought the lines she gave me fit Hiei and Kurama… I also thought it fit Bakura/Ryou and some other shounen-ai couplings, but I'll do Hiei/Kurama. It's one of my favorites after Bakura/Ryou, after all and I decided that I wanted to take a small break for Bakura/Ryou… not for a long time, but just for a week or two.
Where Or When
The wind. It was calming, and at the same time caused a shiver to run down my spine every time it blew past. The sun. It was unseen except for the slivers that slipped through the dense trees above. The grass. It rippled underneath our feet as we stared at each other from across a small secluded opening in the woody part of the park. The silence. It was unnerving. I couldn't take it any longer.
The word that had been on the tip of my tongue all this time spilled out.
"Hiei."
He doesn't answer. Then again… I never expected him to. Crimson eyes stared into my own and I can't bring myself to look away. It seemed that should I look away, the magical spell placed upon us would break and he would, once again, disappear. And so we just gazed.
I didn't expect to meet him here. I didn't expect to see him at all again, actually. Not after he left that fateful day so many years ago. Left without a reason. Left without a warning. Left without a backward glance. Left without a… goodbye. I recall the bitterness, the anger, the hurt, and the bewilderment all at the same time. It's to be expected, really. The emotions, I mean.
He still doesn't say a word. He still doesn't move. All he does is hold my eyes captive with his own. I feel my resolve breaking, crumbling. If I continued to look into his eyes, I will do something stupid and foolish. I have no idea what it might be, but it won't do me any good.
I don't want to look away, for more reasons than one. There is, as I aforementioned, the spell that I fear will break. There's also the fact that if I'm the first to look away, it will prove to him that I'm weak and I will not have that. No… I don't need to show him what he already knows. What he has already proven when he left.
Before, in some long lost distant memory, we had no need to speak with words. The silence provided us with all that we needed to express ourselves. The silence spoke for us and answered for us. This silence, though, was different. It was suffocating me, choking me with the tension, and still I refuse to look away.
I was shocked out of my reverie when he spoke. Just one word.
"Kurama."
Giving in, I closed my eyes and relished in the feelings that he caused in me. I could feel his cold claret eyes watching my every move, every emotion that darted across my face. He has always been able to read me like an open book even when I had on my best passive face.It's just an ability that a lover… let me rephrase that… ex-lover should possess.
"How have you been?
He seems to be full of surprises today. Coming back to the Ningenkai for one. How a soothing walk through the park could turn into such a discomforting meeting is beyond me. For him to actually make pleasantries is, without a doubt, another surprise.
Deciding to humor him, I replied in my soft voice, "I've been fine. I'd assume that you've been well, also."
My words seemed to have gotten snatch by the wind, but still he heard them. I know he did. He nodded curtly at me in affirmation so that I was correct in my assumption. I felt myself let a smile appear on my face and I saw the corners of his mouth twitch upward ever so slightly. Barely noticeable; but then again, it was just another one of those things that a lover… ex-lover should notice.
I truly believed him at a loss for words when he asked, "So… how's the sweet snow I left you?" He never was one with words.
A larger smile graced my face and soon I could no longer contain my laughter at the absurdity of the situation. I was on the grass, laughing like mad. Of all the things to ask about, he asks about ice cream! Ice cream that I was forced to throw away three long years ago! It really is funny if you thought about it, and if it isn't… well… in my position it is. He's been gone for who-knows-how-long and the second thing he inquires about after my health is ice cream.
I must've looked like an idiot to him, but I didn't care. The tension was lifted by my laughter and that small smile that had remained on his face. A hand appeared in front of me as I laid on the grass. I took hold of it and let myself be pulled up from the ground. I leaned against the trunk of the tree closet to me, as did he.
"A lot has changed since you were gone," I whispered.
"Hn. You only think that because you're living in your human body. A couple years for us in demon form is nothing."
The silence returned, but this time, it was the one we were used to. The kind of silence that we're still able to communicate in when no words are needed. When I caught his eye, there was always something glimmering in it, but I couldn't tell what it was. Too far away to see correctly, maybe? It seems we stood and talked like this before. We looked at each other in the same way then, but I can't remember where, or when. Of course, sometimes things are better when said aloud then when sent through a messenger.
"Why'd you leave?"
"I had duties back in the Makai that couldn't have been put off."
"Then why are you back?"
He shot me a glare that he knew wouldn't have the effect on me as it has on other people. Habit, most likely. He glares at everybody and everything every chance he gets, after all.
"You should know that already, kitsune."
I bowed my head. Sure, I knew, but still, I wanted to hear him say it. Of course, that's possibly going to be even harder than getting hell to freeze over.
"You left without a goodbye… You didn't even take the time to tell me."
"I was ordered to go back immediately, and you disappeared somewhere."
I remained staring down at the grass beneath my feet; how it swayed from side to side when the wind blew. Void of direction and so pliable. Sometimes life can be like that as well. We suddenly lose track of what or where we're heading for, and when in that stage we're so easily transformed by others. One of the only times you'll lose track, though, is when you feel that most despicable feeling—love.
"How long are you staying?"
My voice was kept low, but I didn't know why. The atmosphere around us was so calming that, I suppose, if any of us spoke just a bit too loud it'd shatter. I looked up at him when he didn't answer. I watched as he turned away from me to look at something in the distance.
When he did speak, though, I somewhat wished he had not, or maybe altogether not have come back at all.
"Not very long. I'll have to leave within this hour."
"Oh."
What an intelligent response. I let the silence take over again, and I knew that he wasn't going to strike up a conversation any time soon. I slid down onto the ground and leaned my head back against the tree trunk. I noticed that he remained standing; his attention was occupied with that something in the distance again. I tried to see what it was, but my view was blocked.
We stayed there like that for about fifteen minutes to a half an hour or so. He turned to face me with a look that told me he had to leave. A part of me wanted to stop him from leaving any way I can (we were surrounded by plants. It shouldn't have been so difficult to do it), but then what good would it do me? He'll just leave again when I set him free, and I will have to… I nodded while keeping our eyes locked for as long as possible.
He flitted off and I watched him as he went. As I got up and turned to leave myself, the wind played messenger for him and I turned to look behind my shoulder with a slightly wistful smile on my lips and a hopeful look in my eyes. I turned to walk again and I almost missed the wind's repeat of its message. Almost…
"I'll be back."
OWARI
The challenge is done, and I feel happy! Hmm… this was quite easy, but I feel that it's sort of rushed… maybe because I was too lazy to write more. Hehehe. Ah well! As long as it's done, I suppose and it contains the lyrics in it! The first part was to my liking, but then it started to disintegrate. –sighs- And yet again, I'm just glad that it's done!
- Starflower Sakura