Of Ogres & Wolverines Chapter 3: Whose Bright Idea Was This? PART TWO, a x-men: evolution fanfic

Whoa, sorry it took me soooo long to update. It's been a little crazy for me lately, but here I am! I want to give a HUGE thanks to all my reviewers, including aria28, baneofJean, The Uncanny R-Man, ldypebsaby, The White Dwarf, todd fan, Ruby Fan and Sotsumi.

THANKS! - My special notes for ya are in the review section. Let me know if you like this better, pwease? I don't want it to be hard for anybody, so feel free to let me know.

Now, to da fic!!!

Oh yeah.

Disclaimer: Does this ever feel like a broken record? You try to get beyond it, but it just happens again and again and again and again and again and again and. . . any of ya asleep? No? Good. This ain't mine, it belongs to those I do not know. . . oh yeah, and they work at Marvel & Dreamworks. :(

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Chapter 3 – Whose Bright Idea Was This? Part TWO

The blue boy looked up with fearful eyes at the thug- ahem- guy he bumped into. The man turned around, his dark brown gaze pinned on the intruder. The boy was frozen for a moment, not quite knowing what to do.

Boy, zhey aren't kidding vhen zhey say, "Be careful vhat you vish for!"

But when he heard the agents and guards catching up to him, he was able to make a decision:

Risk it with the shady dude and possibly be throttled later than risk the agents you know are bad news and get locked up for torture now for sure. Good judgment, huh?

The boy quickly jumped behind the stranger. And just in the nick of time.

Trask and his men didn't notice the Wolverine until they were just a few feet away. And it was only after he looked at the hairy mutant in disgust that he saw the blue mutant hiding behind him.

Oh great.

After giving a nervous glance towards his agents, he called out, "You there! Wolverine!"

"Yeah?" The Wolverine answered in his crude tone marked with slight insolence.

Trask held up a scroll with a giant 'M' on the back. He held it up to read as well as some kind of shield as the mutant approached. Although this mutant's kind wasn't tall, it was still very fearful. Behind him the agents were also looking extremely nervous.

"By the order of Lord Magneto," read Trask, "I am authorized to place you two arrest and. . ." He paused slightly as the mutant drew closer. ". .relocate you to a. . .resettlement. . ." Now the mutant was practically in his face. ". .facility," he finished in a high voice.

"Oh really?" asked the Wolverine in a gruff tone. Then he gave a sly smile. "You and what army?"

Trask looked behind him, only to see that his group was now gone, having abandoned all of their equipment and weapons.

The other mutant, who had followed the Wolverine when he sought to intimidate the agents and their leader (but still keeping behind him), looked up at his protector with a smile of admiration.

Trask, on the other hand, looked back at the mutants, screamed like a girl, and took off in the direction the other wuss—um, I mean agents, fled.

As they watched the last of the human bullies flee the scene, Logan shook his head in disgust. Pff. These punks are all the same. See somethin' they can't handle and run fer their lives. It's really sickening.

He turned to walk away while the elf boy still watched where the agents had disappeared, still chuckling to himself. When he notice the other mutant walking away, though, he immediately decided to catch up.

"Hey, can I say somezhing to ya?" said the boy as he bounded up beside Logan. At first Logan thought it would be best to ignore him. But, of course, he would be proven wrong. Many times.

"Listen, you vere really really somezhing back zhere! Increadible!!" His voice and tone were filled with enthusiasm, and his constantly moving from on side of Logan to the other while Logan kept attempting to keep track with his eyes further proved it. With a groan, Logan turned and said, "Are you talkin' to-"

But all he saw was a puff of cloud and some acrid smoke lingering in the air. "- me?" he finished, then slowly turned to face forwards. Hope he's really gone. Again, WRONG.

Logan nearly jumped two feet when he saw the blue boy pop up in front of him. "Yes I vas talkin' to you. Let me just say you vere great back zhere I mean zhose guards! They zhought zhey vas all that. Then you showed up and BAM! Zhey vere trippin' over zhemselves like babes in zhe voods! Haha, zhat really made me feel good to see zhat!"

Logan did his best to keep up with the boy's chatter. He never seemed to run out of breath. Oh man, why didn't I just leave him for the human scum? "Oh that's great!" he answered, his enthusiasm outlined with sarcasm. "Really."

"Man it's good to be free!" the boy cried, his German accent ever rich with excitement. Logan was pretty sure he had had enough of it. He turned to the elf and said, "Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?" He stressed on the 'hmm' part to get the point across.

The boy stopped as the Wolverine began to walk away. He usually wasn't very good at taking hints. So he merely replied, "But uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out zhere by myself." Then a pause. "Hey vait a minute I got a great idea! I'll stick vith you!"

He bounded up to the Wolverine again, excitedly yapping off again. "You're a lean, mean, fighting machine. Together ve can scare zhe spit out of anyvone who crosses us!"

All right, having this little blue nuscance follow him everywhere he went was one thing, but to Logan, having this kid acting like he needed help scaring off people was just ridiculous. So he decided to give him an example of how he didn't need the kid's help.

He turned, took a deep breath, and roared into the boy's face as loud and as fiercely as he could. The boy looked at him wide-eyed.

After Logan was done, he watched to see the boy's reaction, hoping it was enough to scare him away. The boy stared at him and said, "Vow! Zhat vas really scary!"

What?! Logan really couldn't believe it. How could he have not been afraid of that. Now his pride was injured, so he began to walk away in a huff. But the boy didn't stop talking. "And if zhat von't do it your breath vill surely get the job done cuz, you definitely need some tictac or somezhing cuz your breath STINKS!"

Logan became deeply moody now and tried to get away from the fuzzy blue pest. Suddenly, the said pest teleported in front of him on a log hanging horizontally in front him, hanging upside down. "You know, I zhink I've had von of zhose just like zhe time-"

Logan quickly covered his mouth. It muffled the words but it didn't stop him from talking. Logan could not believe it. Then he let go of his mouth, still talking. Now Logan really could not believe it. "- and zhen I ate some rotten berries. Man zhere vas some strong gases eeking out of my butt zhat day!"

"WHY. . . are you following me!?" cried Logan at last, then started walking away again. The boy propped himself up so he looked down at the Wolverine. "Vell I'll tell you vhy." He then jumped down and began to sing.

"Cuz I'm all alone,

zhere nobody here besides me-"

He was now standing in front of the Wolverine, who was groaning and staring at him, his left eye beginning to twitch.

"My troubles have all gone,

zhere novon to derive me-e!"

"Butcha gotta have frie-e-ends-"

"STOP SINGING!" Logan picked up the elf boy, one hand by his hair, the other hand by his tail, turned a bit, and plopped him down not too gently. "Well it's no wonder you don't have any friends!!!"

The boy stood up again. "Vow, only a true friend would be zhat truly honest!" He really couldn't take a hint.

"Listen, elf boy, take a look at me! What am I?!"

The boy looked the wolf man up and down a moment. "Really buff?"

"NO. I'm a WOLVERINE. You know, "grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you?" The mutant was clearly tired from all of this hinting and explaining.

With a wide smile, the boy answered, "Nope."

The other mutant looked at him in surprise. He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Really really!"

"Oh."

"Man, I like you. Vhat's your name?"

The man hesitated at first. "Uh. . . Logan."

The boy gave him a weird look. "Logan? Vell, my name's Kurt! You know vhat I like about you Logan? You've got that 'I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-about-me kinda thing. I like zhat, I respect zhat. You're all right."

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Together, Logan and Kurt made their way over the hill where, down below, lay what to Kurt looked like a waste pit filled with all kinds of unpleasant creatures and smells. However, it just turned out to be a swamp. But the fact left Kurt no less repelled by it.

"Whew, look at zhat! Who vould live in a place like zhat?"

Logan placed his fists on his hips and stared down at the fuzzy elf. "That," he answered, "would be my home."

Kurt's expression immediately relaxed in realizing his boldness as well as his stupidity. (Amazing, he just realized it.) But he quickly came back with a mouthful of compliments.

"Oh and it is lo-ve-ly! Just beautiful! You know you are quite a decorator it's amazing vhat you can do viz such a modest budget!" Logan just ignored him further as the descended the hill, but Kurt was determined to make it up to him. He spotted a large random boulder next to him. "I like zat boulder. Zhat is a nice boulder!"

When they finally reached the bottom and Kurt followed Logan to his dwelling, the elf boy took note of the "Go Away" and "Beware of Wolverine" signs planted in the yard. "I guess you – uh – don't entertain much, do you?"

"I like my privacy," replied Logan flatly, glancing over his shoulder for a second.

"You know I do too. Zhat's anozher zhing ve have in common! Like when you have somevon in you face, you're trying to give zhem a hint and zhey von't leave. And zhen zhere's zhat big awkward silence, you know?"

Logan turned away from his door and stared at him. Kurt looked down, realizing that this was the awkward silence.

He suddenly looked up again. "Can I stay vith you?"

Logan couldn't believe this guy, still. He was so random and talkative. Way too talkative. "W-what?" he stuttered.

"Can I stay vith you. . ." he put on his most adorable face. ". . . please?"

After a pause, Logan said, "Of course!"

"Really?"

"No."

"Please!!!" cried Kurt as Logan began to turn away again. He desperately jumped on Logan's chest when the poor fool decided to look back, holding onto his shirt collar. (Yes, I do mean Logan. That poor poor fool.)

"I can't go back out zhere! You don't know vhat it's like being considered a freak!"

A pause.

"Vell . . . maybe. . . you do . . but zhat's vhy ve gotta stick togezer! You gotta let me stay! Please!! PLEASE!!!"

"OKAY, okay," cried Logan, no longer able to withstand Kurt's pitiful antics. He waited for Kurt to get off his chest before opening the door. "But one night only-"

Kurt immediately dashed in. "OH BOY!"

Oh crap! Logan tried to stop Kurt, but the elf was too fast. "Wait! No! Not in ther-"

"Oh man, zhis is gonna be great!" cried Kurt as he jumped up into Logan's big comfy chair. "Ve can stay up late, share some manly stories, and in zhe morning – I'm making vaffles!"

"Grrrr!" was all Logan could say.

After looking around a moment, Kurt said, "So, uh . . . vhere do – I sleep?"

"Outside!"

The elf's face immediately dropped. He went from extremely happy to extremely depressed. "Oh, vell, I guess zhat's cool," he said quietly, looking down at his feet. "I mean, you don't know me and I don't know you so, outside is best, you know?"

Sniffling a little, he jumped off the chair and walked out the door, Logan's eyes staring down at him unmercifully. He was the last person to ever fall for the demon-boy's guilt trip. Or so Logan thought with every confidence he had.

"Goodnight," murmured Kurt, almost on the edge of crying. Logan slammed the door behind him. The boy only sighed.

Logan was about to walk away from the door when he heard that voice talking again – the same voice he had been listening to for the past twenty minutes straight. "I mean I just love the outdoors – I vas born outdoors. So I guess I'll just be by myself outside. By myself outside." Another sob. "I'm all alone . . . zhere's nobody here besides me . . ."

Great. Now that kid's gonna talk even when nobody's around? Seriously, if nothing else, he will be the death of me. Logan thought this as he growled for the umpth time and turned away.

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His dinner was all laid out. Everything was perfect. From the appetizers of caterpillars, bugs and maggots, an entrée of giant slug, to swamp water martini with a slug eye for a little more flavor, there seemed nothing wrong with it.

So why did Logan feel so . . . nah, he couldn't feel guilt, could he?

But still, something gnawed at him, ever so slightly. He tried to shake it off as best as he could. Come on. Why on earth would you feel guilty for the elf sleeping outside? This is my home and my home only. Besides, that guy nearly drove me insane today. It's better not to get attached so things can return to normal as quickly as possible.

Yeah, that's how he would think about it. He began to feel much better. After giving the dinner table another look over before feasting, he realized exactly what he needed to make it even more special. He walked over to a desk on the far side of the room, opened the drawer in front, and selected one of his homemade candles. (He made them by collecting his earwax on long pieces of string.)

He plastered the bottom of it to a wooden block, placed the candle on the table, fired up a match and lit it. Then Logan finally sat down and began to dig in.

Outside, Kurt watched his new 'friend' eating inside the house. It didn't make Kurt sad because he was so hungry and wished he had a dinner to eat and a house in which to keep warm. He did want those things, but even more, he wished he could be in the presence of the only 'friend' he ever had. He walked away from the window and took a seat in front of the door, hugging his knees and placing his chin on top of them.

Logan continued to enjoy his meal, when suddenly he heard a creaking sound, followed by the sound of movement inside the house. Logan growled and put down his fork, thinking Kurt was trying to sneak in through the door. "I thought I told you to stay outside!" he snapped.

"I am outside!" answered Kurt, poking his head in through the window from the outside.

Then what was –

He heard more sounds, and saw not one but at least three shadows cast on the wall. On instinct, Logan popped out his claws and began sniffing around. Hmm, well, it's not anybody I recognize. It doesn't smell human either. Well, not exactly human.

He looked under the table for a moment. When he looked up again, though, he was in for a surprise.

Three women, who were about six inches tall and wearing dark glasses and carrying walking sticks, were wandering around on top of the table. "Well ladies," said one, "it's a long cry from a little house in Mississippi, but what choice do we have?" Suddenly, she tripped over a spoon. "Oof! Didn't see that coming."

"It's not home," said another, "but it'll do just fine."

The third one had found Logan's giant slug and sat down on it. "What a lovely bed!"

Logan grabbed for her. "Gotcha!" But he didn't. He looked into his hand and the little woman wasn't there.

In fact, she had somehow managed to get on his shoulder. She sniffed his ear. "Hey, I think I found the cheese in my vision!" She took a bite, causing Logan to howl in pain. He swiped for her, but she unwittingly escaped to the other shoulder. "Blah! Awful stuff!"

Now the woman jumped down, landing on the handle end of the fork Logan had been eating with a moment ago. And it still had food on it. At least, until it flew into Logan's eye, causing him to howl again.

"Is that you, Irene?" said the first woman to the woman who had landed on the spoon.

"How did you know?!"

"Enough!" yelled Logan as he picked up all the women into his hand. "What are you doing in my house?"

Suddenly, there was another interruption. Something very large and heavy had knocked into Logan's shoulder, causing him to drop the third blind women. "Hey!" he shouted, and realized with horror who his company was.

It was the seven Morlocks with a brown haired girl in a coffin, with said coffin resting on the table. The Morlocks looked anxiously at Logan.

"Oh, no, no, no! Dead broad off the table!" Logan began to push the coffin away.

"Where are we supposed to put her?" asked on of the Morlocks, Lucid. "The bed's taken!" He pushed the coffin back.

Logan was about to retaliate when what Lucid said registered into his mind. "Huh?"

He quickly went into his room, horrified by what he saw.

Mystique was in his bed. (Just pause and stare at this for a second. -)

She was just as shocked to see him and quickly took on the disguise of a sickly old hag. "What? Don't you recognize you dear old grandmother?"

Logan went over and grabbed Mystique by the neck, forcing her to change back to herself. As the Morlocks watched in fear, he dragged the blue skinned whore- I mean woman to his door. "Look, I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying Wolverine!" He knocked the door open. "What do I have to do to get a little privacy!?!"

With that, he threw Mystique out the door. But that wasn't the end of it. OH NO. It was far from the end.

Logan's eyes widened in even greater horror than when he found Mystique in his bed. (and that's pretty scary!)

His entire swamp was filled with every imaginable mutant superhero or heroes with unusual powers from different worlds. Even members of the Justice League and the Teen Titans were there along with almost every marvel character with superpowers.

Telepaths, telekinetics, witches, sorcerers and sorceresses, aliens, people who could fly, create sonic booms, cause earthquakes, control fire and water, the list went on and on. But all Logan could think was, "No no no no NO NO NO!"

He couldn't believe it. They were everywhere! They were everywhere in his swamp! It was just unconceivable. How could it be possible? Why were they even there?!

So, being in the situation he was in, Logan handled the situation like any sensible respectable Wolverine would.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMPPPPP!?!?!?!?!?!"

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Well, there it is. For now. Man I have got to do better updating. I know. now I'm repeating myself. Sorry I didn't get to squeeze in Farquad and Fiona in this chappie, but definitely in the next one! You can count on it! And if the chaps are too long, let me know and I'll try and cut them down! Thanks for reviewin' y'all! Goodnight and drive safely!