Of Ogres & Wolverines Chapter 4: It Was HIS Idea!, a x-men: evolution fanfic

I'm just gonna keep rolling along here. Hmm, have I said that somewhere else before? Oh well, déjà vu can be really annoying. Then, I guess, so would this parody. O.o Okay I'll shut up. Thank you all for reviewing! You are very awesome!!!!! This next chapter is dedicated to you.

Disclaimer: People, did we take stupid pills this morning? I ain't gonna claim somethin's mine when I am majorly at risk of losing all my money! And I don't have a lot! Okay!??!?

Okay, in laymen's terms that would be: GET OFF MY CASE I DON"T OWN ANYTHING HERE, NOT EVEN THE FRICKIN' STORYLINE!!!!!!!

Hope you enjoy. (eyes glow red while looking at the staff of , Marvel & Dreamworks)

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Chapter 4 – Revelation

...okay that's stupid let's try something else...

Chapter 4 – It Was HIS Idea! (much better)

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAAAAAAAAAAAMP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Logan's voice echoed to every corner of the swamp, causing everyone to turn towards him. And immediately, they were terrified.

Okay, it was one thing to send us all here, but no one said anything about having that guy as our landlord!!!

Several of the witches and other flying beings went into hiding inside their tents. Many who were standing in line for a bowl of porridge dropped their bowls when they saw that hunking (yes, hunking) mass of pure rage and pure adamantium hollering at the top of his lungs. Others merely tried to get as far away from the big bad Wolverine as possible.

And Logan was only too happy. In fact, he wanted everyone to get as far away from him as possible, including out of his swamp. So he began urging them away.

"Okay, get out of here, all of ya! C'mon, hurry up!" His efforts weren't doing much though. While the other mutants moved away, they didn't leave. In fact, some of them even dodged past him to get inside. "Oh no no no no!" he cried when he realized their objective. "Not in there! Get out, get out!"

The group slammed the door shut just as he was about the reach them, in the meantime abandoning one of the pixies so it smashed into the door and fell to the ground unconscious. Logan furiously shook the knob, only to acknowledge that it was locked. He let out a deep growl and turned eyes filled with dark rage and impatience to Kurt.

Kurt looked around and back at him with innocence. "Hey, don't look at me! I didn't invite zhem!"

Evan, the mutant boy who had spikes growing out of him, stood next to Kurt. "Well gosh, nobody invited us!" he pointed out, as if it was obvious.

"What?!" cried Logan.

Evan quickly backed off but continued to explain. "We were forced to come here."

"By who?!?"

"Lord Magneto!" cried one of the three little Blobs. "He huffed and he puffed and he. . . signed an eviction notice."

Logan let out another deep growl. Man, this was just not his day. "Alright," he finally groaned. "Who can tell me where this . . . Magneto guy is?"

Kurt looked around for a second, then shouted, "Oh, I do! I know vhere he is!"

Logan growled at him. "Does anyone else know where to find him?"

At first Beast's son raised a paw, but Beast quickly put it down. In another place Mystique and Captain America pointed at each other. "Anyone at all?" Logan asked again.

"Me! Me!" cried Kurt, now jumping up and down.

"Anyone?" asked Logan again, trying his best to ignore Kurt, who kept jumping in his face.

"Oh, pick me! Oh I know! Pick me! Me! Me!" The elf boy was jumping about five feet off the ground. Finally, Logan had to give in. If no one else would volunteer, he certainly couldn't make them do it. Not when there was someone who wanted to risk his neck. He growled once more.

"Alright, fine. Attention all . . . mutants and mutated things: do not get comfortable! You're welcome has been officially worn out! In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Magneto right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from!!!"

There was a pause and a unanimous looked of astonishment. Then came the wild cheer. Everyone clapped excitedly for who Logan guessed they now considered their "hero." Just make sure it doesn't last, he noted to himself. Still, he was glad everyone was warming up to it. They just went a little overboard though when a group of birds came over and draped a cape of flowers around his shoulders. He quickly shooed them away.

Then he turned to Kurt. "You!" Kurt looked at him. "You're comin' with me!" He began to make his way down the path in the crowd while taking off the cape. Kurt quickly followed him. "Oh yeah, that's vhat I like to hear! Logan and Kurt, two star studded heroes on a vhirl vind big city adventure! I love it!" As he spoke, another group of birds flew over to place a crown of flowers on his head. He smiled at them and caught up with his friend again.

When he did, he began to sing:

On zhe road again! Sing along Logan!

I can't vait to be on the road again--

Logan grabbed a torch from a Morlock, quickly turned to Kurt and tore off his flower crown. "What did I say about singing?!"

Kurt stopped and searched for another way to express his excitement musically. "Vell, can I vhistle?"

"No."

"Vell, can I hum?"

A growl. "Alright."

So Kurt went on his merry way with Logan in lead, humming his song. Logan feared that allowing Kurt to hum was gonna be a big mistake.

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The figure laden in red and purple armor made his way down the hall. Already he could hear the morbid sounds that sent shivers of fear down the spines of his prisoners – the banging of a glass tank on a steel table, the pouring of hot water. He simply enjoyed it, knowing how his devices would be able to break his prisoners. This particular one was a tough cookie, but he knew that he would eventually break. No doubt about it.

He tugged on his right glove, preparing his interrogation. His eyes glowed menacingly from under the helmet. He stopped just before the door to the dungeon. The guards immediately stood at attention for their lord and stood aside. As he past by, he looked up at them with respect, though he in truth was trying to repress a sneer. Pathetic humans, he thought. He didn't care that they were twice his height; or moreover, that everyone was twice his height. He deserved dominance. He was of higher brains that no other could compete with. That is why he knew he would be the perfect king, ruling the perfect kingdom.

He pushed the doors open and looked at his latest project. A large, metallic figure was dunking another figure into the small tank of water that was resting on a part of the torture table. After a moment, the man in armor raised a hand. "That's enough, Colossus. He's ready to talk."

The metallic man drew the poor mutant out of the steaming tank – a boy, no older than fifteen, who was completely covered in ice. Colossus laid the ice boy hard on the table. It was clear to see now that not only was the boy coughing and gasping from undergoing the tortuous punishment of being dunked into scathing water, but that the bottom half of both his legs had been broken off.

Lord Magneto, the man in armor, approached the table, laughing with all the malice he possessed. "Mwahahaha . . . hahahahah . . . AHAHAHAHAH –"

His laughter quickly stopped when he noticed the table was too high for him. Only his eyes and the top of his helmet peeked over the table. "A-A-AHEM!"

Colossus quickly lowered the table. Now Magneto was looking down on the ice mutant. He picked up the boy's legs in his hands and began walking them across the table. "Run, run, run as fast as you can," he hissed mockingly. "You can't catch me – I'm the ICEMAN!"

"You're a monster!" cried the boy.

"I'm not the monster here, you are!" He tossed the boy's leg, nearly hitting said boy in the head. "You and the rest of that mutant trash poisoning my perfect world!" He broke and crumpled up the other leg. "Now tell me, where are the others?!"

"But I don't understand! Aren't you a mutant too?" Iceman looked up at him, very confused.

"Of course I am! That is why I seek to take over the world! I am the best, among humans and mutants! But the only way to have absolute control would be to bring the humans to my side and rid the world of all lesser mutants. That way I will have total dominance over the rest of the human race and no one will be able to stop me!!!"

"Oh," said Iceman, finally understanding.

"Now tell me, where are the others?!" Magneto asked again.

Now Iceman's boldness had been boosted. "Melt me!" he cried, spitting a piece of ice into Magneto's eye. "Argh!" he snarled as he wiped the now droplet of water away. He walked around to the other side of the table. "I've tried to be fair to you creatures, now my patience has reached its end!" He reached for Iceman's shirt buttons. "Tell me, or I'll –"

"No, not the buttons! Not my ice cube buttons!" He whimpered in defeat.

"Alright then! Who's hiding them?" Magneto drew the lamp light closer to Iceman's face. The poor boy sat up. "Alright," he whimpered sadly, "I'll tell you. Do you know . . . the Aqua Man?"

"The Aqua Man?" asked Magneto, returning to his former position on the opposite side of the table.

"The Aqua Man."

"Yes, I know the Aqua Man – w-who lives on Wavy Lane?"

"Well . . . she's married to . . . the Aqua Man."

"The Aqua Man?!"

"The AQUA MAN!"

"She's married to the Aqua Man . . ."

Suddenly the door flew open. Trask dashed in breathless. Both Magneto and Iceman looked up to the new arrival. "My lord! We've found it!"

Magneto immediately cheered up. "Well what are waiting for? Bring it in!"

Trask and his men brought down the specimen as quickly as they could. It was covered with a large burlap sack. When they finally reached the bottom, they hung it on the hook of a chain that was to be used as a torturing device. Trask pulled the sack off, revealing a large mirror. But not just any mirror. Almost instantly a face formed in the mirror like that of an old man with large side burns and blue eyes.

"Oooooooh," said the soldiers.

"Ohhhhhhh," gasped Iceman.

Magneto began to whisper, "Mirror Mastermind –"

"Don't tell him anything!!!" cried Iceman, cutting off Magneto. The Master of Magnetism quickly went over to the boy of ice and knocked him into a trash bin, closing the lid tightly. Then he turned back to the face in the mirror. "Evening," he greeted in as friendly a tone as he could manage. "Mastermind, Mastermind, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?"

Mastermind hesitated before answering. "Well . . . technically you're not a king."

Magneto immediately straightened. That wasn't what he was listening for. "Uh, Colossus?"

Colossus picked up a hand-held mirror and quickly smashed it with his fist. Magneto looked back at Mastermind. "You were saying?"

"W-what I mean is," Mastermind explained quickly, now very nervous. "- is that you're not a king yet. B-but you can become one. All you have to do it marry a princess."

Magneto looked interested, but now he wished for his interest to be satisfied. "Go on."

Mastermind let out a nervous chuckle. "Soooo . . . just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you – to meet today's eligible bachelorettes – and heeeeeeeerrrrrrrreee they are!"

Suddenly the background in the mirror changed from black to light bluish-purple with lots of pink and yellow flowers, along with three darkened pictures of the bachelorettes.

"Bachelorette #1 is a mentally abused shut-in from the kingdom Far, Far Away," narrated Mastermind's voice in the background. "She loves sushi and hot tubbing – anytime! Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome – Jeanerella!" The picture turned around and revealed a very beautiful red head with a purple top and a pair khaki cargoes. Many of the guys couldn't help but ogle at her. (Blah!)

"Next, Bachelorette # 2 is a petite-wearing girl from the land of Fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead frozen lips and see what a livewire she is! Come on! Give it up for – Shadow Cat!" The picture turned and showed a brunette girl lying unconscious on a bed. Although she looked very young, she was none the less very pretty. More ogles from the guys, especially Colossus. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) Magneto nodded in interest. Both girls were very attractive, but he couldn't help to be curious what the next bachelorette would be like.

"Finally, Bachelorette # 3 is a fiery skunk-head who lives in a castle guarded by the dragon Lockheed and surrounded by hot boiling lava!" The image swirled with the lava. "But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who loves piña coladas and getting caught in the rain! Yours for the rescuing – Princess Rogue!" The picture turned around a showed a gothic girl with white streaks framing her face while sitting by a window sill.

There was much applause. Magneto nodded again, this time even more interested. "So, who will it be?" asked Mastermind. "Bachelorette # 1, Bachelorette # 2, or Bachelorette # 3?"

The soldiers all began shouting numbers at once, mostly numbers 2 and 3. (Poor Jean. Mwahahaha!) Magneto tried to concentrate. Whomever he selected had to be perfect. "Two? No, one? No, three?"

Suddenly, Colossus called out, "Three! Pick number three, m' lord!" (Even though he was holding up two fingers.)

"Alright, alright, alright!" shouted Magneto, trying to get everyone to shut up. He had made his decision. "Okay, um . . . number three!"

"Lord Magneto," said Mastermind, "you have chosen – Princess Rogue." Her picture now took up the entire frame of the mirror. More applause. Especially from Colossus. Yeah! Now he won't get Bachelorette number two!

The longer Magneto stared at her, the more satisfied he became. "Princess . . . Rogue. She's perfect." He turned away from the mirror. "All I have to do is find someone who . . ."

Mastermind decided it was time to speak up. "I think I should mention the little thing that happens at night."

"I'll do it!" announced Magneto.

"Yes, but after sunset –"

"Silence!" Magneto held up his hand and the mirror quickly shut up.

"I will make this Princess Rogue my queen, and Asteroid M will finally have . . . the perfect king! Captain Trask, assemble your finest men! We're going to have a tournament!"

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Well, there you go! Now you know all! Or do you? Hmm, is it possible I have something up my sleeve? Hmmmmm. Oh well, I guess you'll have to keep reading to find out! MWAHAHAHAHAHA – (cough)(cough)(cough)(wheeze)(cough) I hate it when that happens.