Disclaimer: I do not own SSX Tricky or their characters… I just find them very entertaining to play with, on my computer AND on my PS2.
Note: Ummm… in all honesty, the title has absolutely nothing to do with the story. I just couldn't think of a better name. I thought about "If You DON'T Give Mac a Cookie," but decided against it. xD Just read and see what I mean.
The Santa Exchange
"Oh, I'm getting the giddies again," Eddie said, biting his lower lip. He closed his eyes and wrinkled his nose with a smile that stretched from one side of his face to the other. "I just can't look at it Mac. It's too pretty."
"You're so stupid, man," Mac's voice squeaked, rolling his eyes. He stood up a little from his crouch to pull at his pajama bottoms. Mac had been going through a growth spurt over the past couple months, and he told everything that his old PJs "rode him" all the time—though, to Mac, who liked everything on him to sag several inches, "riding" was a huge overstatement.
"Shut up. You're ruining the giddies," Eddie said, opening his eyes. He was getting a little uncomfortable himself in this crouched position, staring wistfully at the Christmas tree through the staircase's banister railing. He attempted to shift his toes, but after teetering dangerously on the narrow stair on which he sat, he gripped the railing tighter and remained still.
"What are the giddies man?" Mac mumbled, sniffing and adjusting himself again. "I mean, you never really explained them."
"It's the feeling I get when I… stare at a Christmas tree? I don't really know. Why? Reminds you of something gross?"
"Totally."
Eddie made a face and stood up, Mac gratefully following suit. "Fine. Well… that's enough reliving my joyous childhood."
Mac nodded, and the two paused, gazing nostalgically at the Christmas tree. "Can we get those cookies now?" Mac finally asked, scratching his buzz cut.
Eddie followed Mac into a small kitchen. The SSX Tricky tour group was taking a well-deserved Christmas vacation in two log cabins Rahzel had rented for them up in the snowy peaks of New York. Undoubtedly he was hoping that, in their spare time, they would dutifully perfect their techniques at Mercury City. But as it was currently Christmas Eve, everyone's thoughts of practice had been replaced with dancing sugarplums. The majority of the group was anxious and irritable, too; due to a nasty contract naively signed by all twelve members, none of the SSX Tricky squad could leave to spend Christmas with their families, and no one could visit them there.
Indeed, sitting on the kitchen counter was a pile of ripped-open envelopes—all that remained when the SSX Tricky members received Christmas cards from home. Mac stood on tiptoes to carefully avoid these remains as if they were something sacred, reaching past them to get two plates for Eddie and himself. The afroed snowboarder lifted the lid off the cookie jar and emitted a small gasp.
"What?" Mac whispered.
"The cookies are gone."
"Seriously?" Mac groaned, scowling. He made another disgusting face and dropped the plates loudly on the kitchen table. "I need these cookies, man. It's a tradition!"
"A… tradition?" Eddie repeated, his orange eyebrows dancing.
"Yea, a tradition… held by me," he whispered, shrugging. Mac scratched his head again, missing the comfort of his beanie. "Is there any dough in the fridge? Maybe we could make some."
Tickled by his friend's dedication to cookies, Eddie turned and opened the refrigerator. "Nope. 'Fraid not. All that's in here is a quart of milk and some celery."
"Which is a PERFECT midnight snack for a hot piece of bod like me," Moby suddenly said from the door. Mac and Eddie jumped and spun around to see the black Englishman in nothing but silk boxers and a fat smirk. Surprisingly enough, Moby also had a thick pair of sunglasses on, as dark as it was outside at 11 o'clock at night. Eddie began to wonder if Moby might actually be blind—until he remembered that Moby was a good enough snowboarder to be a veteran of the SSX team.
"Move out of the way," Moby said, approaching his prize of cold milk and stale celery. His voice was shockingly loud in comparison to the whispers that Eddie and Mac had been speaking in. Eddie scowled.
"A please here or there wouldn't hurt, you know."
"It would please me a great deal if you moved," Moby mocked, crossing his arms. Eddie crossed his in response, the open refrigerator behind him creating a cool draft on his legs.
"Not unless you tell us where you hid the cookies," he bargained slowly, his face deathly serious.
Mac began to laugh at the confused expression on Moby's face. Moby growled irritably.
"Move, Wachowski, before I make you move."
"Tell me where."
"Seriously, I will rip your afro off and feed it to Mac if you do not move."
Mac looked up abruptly at this threat. Normally, he was very cocky and would have taken that to mean nothing more than an empty threat from a pushover. But his hunger for cookies and the sight of Moby in silk boxers had shaken him up considerably.
"Listen, man, maybe you should just give him his celery?" Mac suggested, warily sizing up Eddie's afro.
"We know you've got them somewhere," Eddie continued, ignoring his companion. Because if howling winds and speeds exceeding 70 miles per hour couldn't rip his prized fro from his head, Eddie was almost certain that Moby couldn't, either.
Moby growled again and shoved Eddie back into the fridge. Infuriated, Eddie stumbled back up and lifted his fist to retaliate, only to be stopped by the sound of glass shattering on the floor. All three teens jumped at the sound and searched wildly for its source. The quart of milk in the fridge, rattled by Moby's thrust, had fallen to the floor and broken into several pieces.
"Augh!" Moby yelled, backing up and groaning over spilt milk in the way only Moby—and perhaps Luther—could. "Just great Wachowski. NOW what am I going to eat?"
"My afro?" Eddie suggested bitterly, bending over to pick up the broken glass.
"Get a grip on yourself, yo," Mac chided, tension giving him some of his old spunk. Moby looked at him dryly.
"Don't even try that 'yo' stuff with me, you little git," he barked, "or I'll shove you too."
Suddenly, a pair of callused hands fell overtop of Moby's sunglasses. "Guuuuuuess who?" said a singsong voice.
Already on edge, this just pushed the Englishman even more. No one in their right mind even dared to touch his lenses. He shouted, whirled around, and kicked at whoever it was. Unfortunately, his "guess who"er was just as fast as Moby and managed to stay right on top of him.
"I said guess who, not murder me, you psycho ninja, you," the voice sang. Moby growled. He knew that voice. Amongst giggles and laughter from Eddie and Mac, Moby clenched his fists and muttered something inaudible.
"What's that, bloke?" the voice repeated, this time hinting an English accent. "I know ninjas have to keep their voices down, blokety bloke, but you'll have to speak up to a regular bloke like me."
"Shut up Psymon!" Moby growled, grabbing Psymon's hands, ripping them off his eyes, and biting them. Psymon yipped.
"Psycho ninja attack!" he yelled, wrenching his hand from Moby's teeth. "So that's the way you like it, huh? Well then, here's a little taste of my Pseudo Canadian Death Beam of Paaaaain! Whoaaaaa!"
While Moby kept one wary eye on Psymon in case all his howling wasn't just for show, Mac helped Eddie pick up all the pieces of glass positioned dangerously near their feet. He then threw a paper towel over the spill. Mac grimaced, for he had never really had a fondness for milk.
Eddie watched Psymon wave his hands like dancing snakes for a few seconds before yawning. "Well, this mission officially failed," he sighed, watching Mac throw the towels away.
"And sucked," Mac muttered.
"And sucked," Eddie repeated truthfully. "Want to go back to bed?"
Mac shrugged, and so all four boarders—Moby making sure to keep a good distance between he and the ex-con—headed back into the living room to retire upstairs. They stopped short, however, when they saw Brodi lying peacefully on the couch, reading in the dim, colorful light of the Christmas tree.
"Where'd you come from?" Eddie blurted, wondering how long Brodi had been there. Perhaps he and Mac had actually passed him on their way to the kitchen.
"Upstairs," Brodi said, his smile brilliant, even in the soft light. "I heard something smash, noticed that Psymon was taking care of it, and got further distracted from there."
"Oh," Eddie mumbled, skeptical over just what Brodi was implying. He watched as Psymon began tracing his tattoo chains from one ankle to another. When had Psymon ever "taken care of" anything?
"What're you guys doing down here?" Brodi asked, looking at them all and trying not to hesitate at the unpleasant sight of Moby's boxers.
"Going back to bed," Moby growled tersely, shuffling past them to strut up the stairs.
"We were looking for cookies, but we're all out," Mac mumbled, frowning at the Christmas tree. Psymon followed his gaze to the tree and began patting himself down wildly as if looking for something.
Brodi shrugged. "I have to admit that's very odd, because when Marisol and I were making cookies earlier, I made doubly sure that there were six times as many cookies as the normal recipe recommended. The SSX group has a very voracious history."
"Maybe Marisol took them all," Moby said suddenly, halfway up the steps. "Did you check with her?"
Brodi blinked, watching Moby continue up the stairway. "No, actually, I didn't," he mumbled, scratching his head.
"Cool!" Mac said, smiling at Eddie. "We can go over to their cabin and steal their cookies! That'll be much more fun, dawg! Another mission for us!"
"'Vill you ninnies pipe down," an angry French voice exclaimed exasperatedly from the top of the staircase, "'und let the rest of us get some sleep?"
Moby stopped and sneered. "Get out of the way, JP; your fat is holding up the line."
JP frowned and glared at Moby, not shocked in the least to see what he was wearing. In fact, JP looked like a mirror image of the Englishman, expensive sunglasses angled perfectly on the bridge of his nose.
Luther moved to stand behind JP and crossed his arms. His tighty-whities were unpleasantly tight, leaving Luther's fat rolls hanging two inches over them. There was a muffled noise of disgust that came from nearly everyone in the room.
"Great," Moby grumbled. "Now not only is his fat in the way, my precious eyes have been blinded."
"One more comment like that 'nd I'll shove you down 'em stairs," growled Luther, cracking his knuckles.
There was silence for a couple seconds, empty stomachs and high levels of testosterone mixing inauspiciously. Psymon finally spoke up from his position next to the Christmas tree. No one had noticed that he'd moved.
"Does anyone have a lighter I can borrow?" he asked innocently, his eyes wide like saucers.
JP rolled his eyes from behind his sunglasses. "Seriously, break up zis little slumber party you all are having. I can't sleep for all ze damn noise. Shouting, fighting, breaking glass…"
"Uh-oh JP," Eddie warned, frowning and waving his finger. "I'm afraid that's a dirty word, mister. You're going on Santa's naughty list now." He paused. "That is, if you weren't already on there…"
JP bared his teeth and gave Eddie the Italian backhand. Brodi looked around, unable to sense the peace of a calm, wintry Christmas Eve; he could practically feel the hot tension that oozed off everyone—everyone except Mac and Psymon, both of whom seemed thoroughly occupied with their own wants.
"Okay, so um… Eddie, are you coming?" Mac finally asked, adjusting his pajama bottoms again. Brodi sat up suddenly, placing his book on the coffee table.
"I am," he volunteered. Eddie looked from Brodi to Mac.
"Oh yea, sure, 'course I'm going."
"Goin' where?" Luther mumbled, looking curiously at JP. The Frenchman shrugged and glanced at Moby.
"Tattoo boy and I are, like, so there," Psymon said with a smirk, his mood picking up from the slump it was in when he realized he wouldn't be setting their tree on fire. Moby sniffed and looked sharply at Psymon.
"Well, since Blob o' Lard isn't moving any time soon, I guess it wouldn't hurt to drop in on Zoe."
"Alright then," Mac mumbled, sighing briefly as his secret mission with Eddie was turning out to be more of a parade of trumpeting elephants. "Let's go."
Mac, Eddie, and the rest left to get their shoes out in the kitchen. JP clicked his tongue and turned to look at Luther. "I suppose a midnight check on our lovely ladies couldn't hurt, eh Luther?" The question was more of a command. "You'd best go back and fetch your robe before we go. It… it is cold outside."
"I hear ya JP," Luther grunted, turning around and returning to their room.
Several minutes later, all seven boys were crunching around in the dark, snow sighing abruptly under their footfalls. Though all of them were smart enough to grab their shoes before they left, none of them had thought long enough to grab a coat. So, shivering and chattering noisily, the group bumbled blindly to the girls' cabin.
Snow had recently fallen, and the silence of nature around them was thick enough to cut through with a knife. Thick snow clouds had yet to move, either, so the moon and stars were hidden from the midnight sky. It was this type of dark setting, more than anything, that made the group's going extremely difficult.
"Does anyone really know where we're going?" Eddie asked after tripping up on his fifth log.
There was no answer. JP cursed after stubbing his toe on a rock, and Eddie chided him about Santa's lists again.
"This feels worse than getting out of a hot tub in freezing temperatures and gusty winds," Moby mumbled suddenly.
Mac shook his head. "You're so random," he grumbled incredulously to Moby's left. Moby turned to yell back at him when a sudden blood-chilling howl made them all stop dead in their tracks. JP grabbed Luther, and Eddie grabbed Brodi—or, who the thought was Brodi.
"'Verevolf? Here?" JP whispered, looking up to see if he could find the moon. Brodi shook his head in the dark.
"Of course not, you guys. It was just—"
Another, somewhat muffled, howl cut him short, accompanied by Eddie's frightened scream. Everyone whirled around to see what it was, only to remember that it was too dark to see anything. Then they heard the angry sound of flesh beating flesh.
"Psymon!" Eddie grunted loudly. Psymon howled and cackled; an instant later, he dashed away into the dark like a graceful panther, still laughing ominously. Everyone listened as his footfalls and laughter slowly subsided to nothing.
"I hope he dies," Eddie grumbled, brushing himself off. "Stinkin' loon."
"Mates," Moby ventured, shivering, "can we go now?"
It was several more minutes of trudging blindly before someone spoke up again. Mac had been over to the girls' cabin several times before tonight, and he didn't remember it being this far away, nor this hard to find. He yelped when more snow fell in the inside of his boot.
"Didn't anyone think to bring a flashlight?" he whined, banging his shin on something he couldn't see.
"If we had thought of that, maybe we'd have thought to bring blankets," Moby barked back. "Priorities, boy. Get your priorities straight."
"You lookin' for a smack down?"
"Some mission this has turned out to be," Eddie interrupted, stumbling over a rock. "This'll be the last mission I ever go on with you guys."
"This'll be the last Christmas I ever spend with y'all," Luther grumbled suddenly. Everyone silently nodded in solemn agreement, chilled to the core and shivering.
Brodi hit something solid a couple seconds later, something that didn't feel anything like the rough bark of a pine tree. He rubbed his hands over it and smiled ecstatically. "The cabin! I found it you guys! We're here!"
He was answered with five soft bumps and groans as everyone else "found" the cabin. Brodi backed up a couple steps and looked up.
"There! There, in the window! I see their Christmas tree!"
"Shut up you loser, and help us find ze door," JP growled. JP made a mental point that he had never really wanted to come out here in the first place. It was always the crazy Americans' fault; their sense of cold was just plain unequivocal to that of the French.
"Freedom!" Mac shouted as he stumbled up the deck stairs. He bumbled his way to the front door and turned the handle rapidly, whining when it didn't open.
"What's wrong?" Eddie whispered from behind him, the rest of the boys not too far behind.
"The door's locked!"
"Well beat it down!"
Eddie and Mac began pummeling, scratching and kicking the front door as if they were wild animals attacking meat. Brodi's head perked up when he heard the sound of answering footsteps coming from inside.
"Someone's coming!" Brodi shouted over the racket, fighting to keep his teeth from chattering. "Calm down, you two; someone's at the door!"
Eddie and Mac refused to listen, however, and continued to pound ruthlessly on the door, even as it was being opened.
"Stay back!" a familiar Japanese voice cried. The boys began to emit sighs of joy before they realized what Kaori was holding: one of Mac's prized baseball bats. "Stay back! I'm armed!"
"Um… Kay?" Mac whined pitifully.
"Moby?" answered another voice from inside. Zoe stepped forward so everyone could see her; she had a bat too, but it looked to be made of plastic.
"Baby, it's cold outside," Moby forced through chattering teeth.
"No pun intended," Zoe mumbled incredulously. "Of course! Come in and sit down everyone. Go make them some hot chocolate, Kaori."
"Oh—sorry—right," Kaori agreed, dropping the bat and bustling off into the kitchen. Zoe let them in, scratching her head as she watched the male side of the SSX team shuffle into the living room and huddle near the crackling fireplace—wearing their pajamas. She shook her head and shut the door with a shiver, carefully avoiding snow that had fallen off their shoes.
"What's going on?" a clear, commanding voice asked from the top of the staircase. "I heard really loud knocking."
Elise started down the stairs, clutching her pink robe tightly around her throat to avoid the draft that had crept into the house. She stopped abruptly when she saw Eddie warming his butt by their fireplace.
"We have some company," Zoe answered from the front door.
Elise smiled weakly and returned the boys' sheepish wave. "I see…"
Luther and JP gratefully reclined on the couch, their teeth still chattering on occasion. Brodi helped Zoe pick up the guys' shoes and take them to the door, as everyone had been in such a mad rush before that they'd forgotten to. Elise looked around and shook her head.
"So the gang's all here, huh? Now… why in the world would you boys go running around half-naked in the snow?"
Moby shivered from the reminder and sat down with his back to the fireplace. Mac and Brodi answered at the same time.
"Well, we're not all here," Brodi pointed out. "Psymon's gone. He ran off somewhere—"
"We came for cookies 'cause Eddie and I were really hungry, and Brodi said that Marisol took them all."
Elise ignored the first bit of news, gladly jumping at any chance to insult her rival. "Oh, I've no doubt she did," she agreed, her head nodding so fast that Eddie thought it might roll off her neck. "Fat little pig she is; it's a wonder that we all don't starve over here, I swear."
"Psymon's gone?" Zoe repeated, the corners of her lips tugging downward into a frown. "I hope he's okay. It's really cold outside."
"He was acting like a wolf when he left," Moby said loudly, motioning for her to sit next to him, "so I wouldn't be too worried. I'm sure he's found himself a pack by now that will gladly take him in."
"A wolf?" Zoe giggled softly and sat next to Moby, even though there were still traces of concern in her eyes. A couple minutes passed silently, and JP had almost drifted off to sleep on the comfy couch when Kaori returned with the hot cocoa. Everyone took a cup gratefully.
"Thanks Kay," Mac mumbled, smiling at her as she handed him the last mug. Kaori returned the smile but immediately looked around, noticing right away that something was out of place.
"Where's Psymon?" she asked warily. Brodi cleared his throat.
"Um… that's actually a good question. He's… well…"
"We don't know," Mac finished with a shrug. Kaori nodded slowly, unable to decide whether this was a good for bad thing. She took a small sip of hot cocoa and sat on the floor next to Mac.
There was peaceful silence for a few minutes as all boarders, friends and enemies alike, put aside their differences for the moment. They breathed deeply, their eyes half-closed, and stared at the beauty of the Christmas tree. Everything was ideal, serene, and perfect.
…A little TOO perfect…
Suddenly, two high-pitched screams pierced sharply through everyone's thoughts. It took the group several shared glances and a few confused seconds of pause before anyone did anything. It was Elise who reacted first.
She burst into laughter.
"What?" Eddie said, looking confused. JP paled and jumped up immediately, rushing to climb up the stairs. Luther sat up, hesitated, and then followed his boss diligently. Eddie repeated his question, watching the two men scurry.
"Mar—Marisol!" Elise managed through gales of laughter. "It's—it's Marisol!"
Brodi jumped up next and rushed after JP, his hot cocoa sloshing around dangerously when he set it down. He was hot on Luther's heels and JP was halfway up the stairs, taking them two at a time, when Marisol and Seeiah suddenly appeared. Both were still screaming and scantily dressed compared to the robes all the other girls had on. Marisol's hair was mused and messy compared to its normal measure of slick and straight, and Seeiah still had on a green facemask. They continued to scream as they threw themselves down the stairs, terrified of something behind them.
JP stopped and stared in horror. Neither girl seemed to have seen him.
There was a loud smack as Marisol collided heavily with JP, another smack as JP fell into Luther, another smack when Seeiah cracked heads with Marisol, and yet another smack when Luther tumbled back into Brodi. The rest of the gang watched in awe as nearly half the SSX league tumbled down the oak staircase, limbs and blonde hair flying wildly in all directions.
There was an extremely heavy thump when Brodi and Luther slammed into the opposite wall. All six boarders that were watching cringed and exchanged glances, wondering who would volunteer to help their fellow man out first. It was obvious that no one person was particularly eager to move. Despite the pain they saw, revenge was almost certainly behind it, and, judging from the combination of people in the mess, even more pain was being ominously prognosticated.
But when they heard something shuffle out of the bedroom, their attention was directed to the top of the stairs. Whatever it was that had scared Marisol and Seeiah so badly was now making its way into the living room. Eddie and Moby stood up cautiously, Zoe picked up her empty mug as if to throw it, and Kaori dashed out of the room and to the front door. She came back a couple seconds later, Mac's metal bat poised in her hands.
"Ugh," JP groaned softly, making a meek attempt to lift his neck and see where he was.
"I think I broke my butt," Luther grunted from somewhere, his face hidden in the pile of people.
"Well if you did, you broke it right on top of my ribs," Brodi wheezed. The fall on his back and Luther's 280 pounds had knocked the wind out of him.
The pile of boarders weakly attempted to straighten themselves out, but before any progress could be made, another loud thump sounded upstairs. Kaori gulped and glanced at Mac.
"Do you think it'll come downstairs?" she whispered. Mac returned her look but found he couldn't answer. Instead, he asked another question.
"Marisol… Seeiah," he began weakly, "just what was it that you two saw upstairs?"
The mystery creature decided to answer with a high-pitched howl. It was long, drawn out, and awfully familiar…
Psymon crawled to the banister on all fours and sat down in a squat, peering at them between the railings with a feral look in his eyes.
"PSYMON!" all the uninjured boarders shouted in unison. Psymon chuckled, lifting his hand to lick the top of it. Somehow he had managed to find moss outside in the dark, and he had stuffed it in every nook and cranny he could find on himself, even in his spiky hair. There were dark, wet spots all over his body and small traces of melting ice, signals of the snow he had packed down on himself for an extra effect.
"What do you think you're doing, man?" Eddie shouted, lowering his fists. But while everyone else visibly relaxed, Kaori only held her bat tighter, looking like Derek Jeter getting ready for the pitcher to throw.
"Howl," Psymon drawled, winking at Eddie. Eddie put his face in his hands. Zoe suppressed a giggle.
"And um… just how did you get in here?" Moby asked slowly, his brow dancing above his dark lenses.
"Through a window like the debonair werewolf lover that I am," he replied, looking at his wet hand fondly. "You should know. You're one too."
"Smart Sketchy, but cats are the ones that lick the top of their hands," Elise snapped with a smirk, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Psymon stopped in mid-lick, his tongue hovering above his hand. He chuckled darkly.
"Right, right. Dogs would lick their crotch, right? Or sniff their butt? I guess I'm acting like a dog right now cause I can smell your butt from all the way over here."
Zoe snorted and turned around, unable to contain that fit. Elise scowled deeper and Psymon smirked, standing up from his crouch. He turned to look at the bottom of the stairs; his eyes widened with glee.
"Oh my gosh… you all started the orgy without me?!" he gasped in fake offense. He grabbed the railing and leaped down the stairs. "Cow-a-bun-ga!"
"Psymon, no!" everyone shouted, particularly the wounded group on the floor. Brodi's head was the only one that was uncovered and facing the right direction, so only he could really see the horror that awaited him. But the rest were all too familiar of Psymon's psychotic tendencies and didn't need a second guess about what was happening.
"Oh my sweet Buddha," Brodi mumbled, his tan face paling a shade.
Psymon crashed on top of the pile and forced a painful grunt from everyone, like a rubber toy being squeezed for its squeak. He cackled and made a swimming motion as Seeiah tried to kick him off her thigh; JP bucked angrily.
"Oh Psymon," Zoe sighed chidingly. She placed her hands on her hips just as he turned to look at her. "No! Bad dog! You know better than that… down boy!"
Psymon barked and managed to push himself deftly off everyone, once again causing a series of grunts and gasps. He crawled over to her with exceptional skill for a biped and sat at her feet, rubbing his face against her shin. Elise quirked her eyebrow.
"Once again, that's a cat."
"What, you want him to hump her leg?" Mac remarked. Elise considered this for a moment while Eddie snickered.
"Well…"
"Um, excuse me," Brodi gasped, staring pleadingly above Luther's butt. "Can you all give us a hand?"
With the help of the free SSX boarders, minus Zoe and Psymon, as no one wanted Psymon anywhere near them and Zoe couldn't move without him clinging to her leg, the people pile was quickly unraveled. The worst injuries that anyone seemed to have were, thankfully, merely busted lips. Marisol and JP sported them, and both were dodgy and hesitant to reveal the details as to how they came about. No one pressed the issue too much.
"This feels much better," Brodi said, reclining on the couch and stretching out his long legs. "You know, being trapped under a large smelly butt can really make you appreciate the little things in life…"
Luther opened his mouth to say something, but JP interrupted, ordering him to fetch a bag of ice from the kitchen for his lip. Luther hesitated, caught the death glare from JP, and decided it was best if he just obeyed. After the events of tonight, JP was in no mood to be crossed.
"I'm going to go wash this… um… off my face," Seeiah mumbled sheepishly. She dismissed herself to the bathroom.
"I cannot believe this… Only you boys. This is insane," Marisol muttered, unable to remove her glare from the dog-but-really-cat-like Psymon. Luther passed her, and she snapped her fingers, not breaking her chilly gaze. "Get one for me too, fatty."
Luther stopped short and gaped at her. "What'd you say to me, lil' lady?"
"Luther…"
"…Right boss. Two bags of ice."
Several minutes dragged on after Seeiah and Luther returned. The grandfather clock in the hallway sang a long, embellished song, signaling that it was now midnight. Mac shuffled his feet and adjusted his pajama bottoms. He was getting restless. The minutes were ticking by and still his cookie question had never really been answered. He would hold it in for a few more minutes, however. Everyone was in too poor of a mood for him to dare push them further.
Kaori still had one hand on her bat, leaning against the wall and carefully watching Psymon attempt to scratch his ear with his foot; the moss in his hair was starting to fall out and was really irritating him. He gave up after nearly turning himself into a pretzel, and instead he licked his hand and rubbed it on his ear, deciding that cats just had the easier life.
"Presents," Moby said after a while. Everyone looked at him, but with his thick sunglasses on, no one was absolutely sure just what he was looking at. Mac shook his head.
"Again I say: random."
"No, you brainless git," Moby growled at him. He unfolded one of his arms and pointed a finger at the Christmas tree. "Presents. Duh."
There were indeed presents under the Christmas tree, a good many of them, all wrapped in colorful papers. There were bags of stuff, too, with ornate bows positioned beautifully on the top. Mac looked at them for a few seconds before shrugging and turning back to Moby. "I see them. What about 'em?"
"We don't have any, that's what," Eddie interrupted curiously, actually noticing the multitude of presents under the tree for the first time. He fell to his knees beside them, reading the labels. Moby turned and stuck his tongue out at Mac.
"See? Even Wachowski gets it, and he's more of a brainless ninny than you are."
"I sure am," Eddie mumbled thoughtlessly, picking up a gift addressed to him. He looked up at Elise. "Where did you get these… and why do you have these?"
Elise smirked playfully from her spot on the couch next to Brodi. "Rahzel let us have them without you boys knowing it. He figured that the gifts would probably have a longer life expectancy if they were in the girls' cabin."
"Wha…?" Eddie said, his mouth dropping as if offended. Seeiah smiled and giggled.
"Yup. He came by a little after seven tonight and dropped them off."
Eddie blinked and turned to look back at his package. He picked it up and shook it. "Well… we gotta open these! Look Elise, this one's from you. I'm gonna rip it up."
"No!" Marisol said, her frown slightly visible behind her bad of ice. "Most certainly not! We're not to open them until Christmas Day."
"Wake up Sparky, the clock just struck twelve. Didn't you hear it?" Elise spat. "It is Christmas Day."
Marisol's temper ignited in a flash. "And so what, you want us to forget Rahzel's instructions and go ahead and open them? He said he wanted to be here bimbo, remember?"
"Hey, who you callin' bimbo, you tramp—"
"You, Goliath, are your ears not working now—"
"Goliath?! How dare you call me Goliath, you frickin' elf—"
Brodi flinched, as Elise was shouting right in his ear. "Listen, girls, let's try not to get into another fight just yet—"
"Oh shut up!" both women barked, crossing their arms and turning to look away from each other in a hot pout. Brodi rubbed his hands over his face and sighed.
There was a tense silence for a couple more minutes, occasionally broken up by dark, angry murmurs from one diva to another. Eddie looked back at his package. He shook it again, this time with less vigor.
"So can I open it?" he asked, not looking up.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, listen," Mac interrupted, giving everyone a serious look, "before we decide to do anything, can someone PLEASE tell me if you guys have cookies over here? That's the entire reason we came here."
The whole room stopped to blink at Mac. After a few seconds, Psymon began digging through his hair. Kaori watched him warily, tightening the grip on her bat.
"Oh yea, here buddy-bud! I have one!" Psymon said with an insane smile, somehow summoning a cookie from his wild mane. Mac stared at it like it was poisoned.
"Um… okay, I'm not going to ask…"
Zoe stared at the cookie for a couple seconds before taking it out of Psymon's hand. He purred and went back to stroking her leg with his face. "Well whaddya know… this IS one of our cookies… How'd you get this Psymon?"
Mac didn't want to know the answer, nor did he want to know what else Psymon might have stuck up his hair. "So you guys do have cookies?" he pressed, interrupting before the maniac could answer. "Uh… untainted ones?"
"Yes, of course, in a cabinet second from the right of the refrigerator," Zoe mumbled, motioning to the kitchen. Mac pulled his arm back in a victory motion and scuffled off to claim his prize, pulling at his pajama bottoms the whole way.
JP sighed and looked at the Christmas tree. He wanted to open the gifts now. It would show everyone just what kind of quality items he could afford to give—another chance to shine. He lifted his sunglasses and rubbed his tired eyes. Either open gifts or go to sleep, it would soon be one or the other for him.
"So can I open it?" Eddie asked for the bazillionth time. Moby rolled his eyes.
"If you're going to open it, just open it already! You don't need our permission!"
Eddie glanced at him in disbelief. One look from Elise told him that he did need permission—or else. Elise weighed the options in her head, making a point to look very thoughtful as all eyes were on her. She finally sighed.
"You know, I don't see why not," she said coolly, glancing at Marisol. But by now the other diva didn't seem to care. She shrugged when Eddie looked at her, too.
"It really doesn't bother me. I'm sure Rahzel would have liked to have been here just to catch us all on film or something. Personally, I'd like to experience Christmas without the public watching my every move."
There was a general murmur of agreement. It would be much more pleasant if they didn't have to constantly act for the camera. Mac came back in with his mouth and both hands full of cookies, and Moby shifted on his feet anxiously, looking at a gift wrapped in bright gold wrapping paper. He could practically sense that that one was for him.
"Let's do it then!" Luther hooted. There was a general shift towards the Christmas tree and the immediate sound of paper shredding as Eddie undid Elise's wrapping job. Zoe began to distribute gifts to everyone with the help of Psymon, who was just as faithful a pet as anyone could ask for.
"It's… oh my gosh, it's—a brand new laptop!" Eddie gasped. Everyone stopped shuffling around to stare in awe at his expensive gift. Elise was terribly smug. "I—I can't believe this, Elise, this must have cost you a fortune."
"That's no run-of-the-mill laptop either," she added, nodding slowly. "I figured I'd have to get something top notch, or you would know I was being cheap."
Eddie's mouth began to sag before he could force his tongue to make words. "Oh… oh but Elise, this isn't even somewhat ordinary; this is—this is brand spankin' new! They only came out with this model this year!"
"Yup."
"Elise I—I don't know what to say," Eddie said, swallowing. A huge smile began to creep across his lips. "Thank you, very much."
"That's not all. Turn it on."
Eddie blinked for a couple seconds before Brodi, full of anticipation, grinned and echoed the Canadian. Eddie nodded, lifted the screen up and found the power button. It beeped sleepily as the screen flashed to life. He licked his lips and sat the computer in his lap, watching it like a mother might her firstborn.
"See anything interesting?" Elise asked him, her grin widening. Brodi looked at her for a couple of seconds, but it didn't last long before he turned his attention back to the gift; everyone could hardly look away from the laptop now.
Eddie gasped and grabbed his afro before he could say anything, chewing on his lower lip. He let out a soft, gurgling noise.
"What?" Kaori whispered, creeping behind him. She began to giggle and laugh before letting out a choked, "Awww!"
"What?!" the room echoed. Eddie answered by turning his laptop around so they could all see just what was on it, still chewing on his bottom lip.
On the desktop of his shiny new computer was a blown up picture of Elise kissing Eddie's cheek, a shot that looked strangely familiar to everyone. In fact, it was the first time Elise had ever kissed Eddie, even if it was for the camera. But as publicized as it had been, the memory of the kiss still hadn't lost its charm; it was a flirty little keepsake that would always have a special place in Eddie's heart.
"Awww," echoed several people across the room, most of them girls. Moby crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.
"Please, mates, I'm going to vomit all over it if we don't 'urry up."
"Take one of Mac's cookies and keep it down," Zoe hushed him, winking. "This is special for them, Mobe."
Psymon looked from Zoe to Moby and began digging through his hair again. He pulled yet another cookie from his hair and offered it to Moby, barking sharply. Moby sneered at it.
"No thanks, I don't need no charity."
Psymon hissed at him and put the cookie back in his hair.
"Alright," Eddie said with a sigh, turning the laptop around and, after a second of thought, turning it off. He wiped fake tears out of the corners of his eyes. "Thanks Elise, that was, like, the most beautiful gift I've ever received."
Elise laughed softly. "You're so totally welcome Eddie."
Eddie delicately placed his computer back in its box, pushing it safely out of harm's way. Mac sniffed and stuck two cookies in his mouth.
"Cam we con'inue 'ow, 'ogs?"
Moby was the next person to open one. His attempt to suppress his anticipation and curiosity over a "childish tradition" wasn't working too well. He ripped the colorful paper off and stared blankly at his gift. He blinked, stunned, but still his present didn't change into something else. He grabbed his crumpled-up paper and searched for the nametag.
Zoe looked up at him, handing Psymon a gift that was to go to Seeiah. "Whacha got there, baby?"
Moby didn't turn to look at her. He'd found the nametag and felt his face and ears glow red hot.
"Mobe?" she asked. Several people looked up from their gifts. JP was one of them, and he laughed.
"So you want a bloody nose in addition to a bloody lip, eh, JP?" Moby shouted, standing up and lunging for his rival. Luther reached out and caught Moby in one arm, pushing Moby back a couple steps.
JP could hardly stop laughing. "Oh my, well—I figured you could use it—since, you know, you wear such tight spandex all the time."
Zoe looked at what Moby had dropped on the floor. She frowned. It was a jockstrap and a sports cup, dressed with a pretty pink bow on top.
"You just wait, JP. Just wait," Moby swore, pointing dangerously. Mac looked at the gift and began laughing too, nearly choking on a chocolate chip cookie. "You too, boy. Just—just you wait!" Moby spat embarrassedly, turning around to glare at Mac.
Zoe shrugged. "Hey, I think you look good out there. You don't need something like that."
Moby looked at her exasperatedly. "But Zoe, I do wear one out there!"
Zoe blinked. "Oh… well then, take the gift. The more the merrier."
There was a general round of soft laughter from everyone, and Moby calmed down slightly. He turned and grumbled, sitting back in his old spot with one big, pouting movement. Psymon crawled up to him with a package in his mouth, his eyebrows dancing. Moby grumbled and yanked the package out of his teeth with a growl.
"You know… I'll take that stuff, if you don't want it. Or maybe even if you do want it."
"Get lost."
The manic turned away with a throaty chuckle.
Kaori and Mac opened up the gifts they'd given to each other at the same time. They gasped, almost simultaneously. "Oh Mac-kun," Kaori giggled. "You really shouldn't have!"
"Well I—you shouldn't have gotten this for me, either."
Kaori lifted up an adorable Hello Kitty backpack and squealed, kicking her feet in glee. Mac laughed softly before awkwardly lifting up his gift out of the box. It was a foot-long model of the Orange Explosion Fun Girl. Kaori noticed his look and laughed some more.
"Oh, Mac-chan, just wait till you see what it does. Press the button on her back!"
Mac did just as she asked. The doll's eyes glowed and it chanted Kaori's voice, saying, "Nakayoshi!"
Mac blinked and laughed. "Oh! Umm… what does that mean?"
"It means 'close friends'," Kaori translated, winking at him. Mac blushed.
"Oh… Um… thanks."
"Do itashi mashite, Mac-kun."
For many minutes, there was nothing but the sounds of gifts unwrapping and pleasant squeals of surprise. Marisol was thrilled to receive a dance CD and a pair of reservation tickets to the hottest nightclub in Ibiza, graciously given to her by Seeiah. Marisol, in return, had given Seeiah a $2000 gift card to Bloomingdale's fur center—hopefully enough to cover the cost of one coat. Brodi had given Eddie three new Hawaiian t-shirts, and he received a shiny new surfboard and suntan lotion. Zoe gave Moby a pair of fishnet stockings for laughs, only to really follow up the gift with a new bench and set of weights. He, in turn, gave her a brand new bass guitar—claiming that she would have to learn if he was planning to go anywhere with his drums.
Luther gave JP "one free pass to ride down 'em streets of New Orleans on ma' hog on Mardi Gras," to which JP responded by giving Luther the set of keys to a brand new Rolls-Royce Phantom. Kaori gave Brodi a large foam "Number 1" finger, and Brodi gave her 1001 Zen Sayings for the Eager Ear. Eddie gave Mac several new beanies and a couple new music CDs. Mac gave Eddie a decorative comb to put in his fro.
And the gift giving continued happily like this for a good thirty minutes. The boarders had almost completely covered the floor with torn bits of paper, tape and bows, and there wasn't an unhappy face to be found. In fact, after Moby's "gift," there were no other unpleasant surprises to be uncovered.
Yet.
"Oh," Kaori said quietly, looking at her final gift. It was wrapped in a dull brown paper of no luster, and there were chocolate stains around the "To—From" tag. She breathed in deeply. It didn't smell particularly normal, it was exceptionally heavy, and it was from Psymon.
She wanted to pitch the gift out the very window that Psymon had crawled through that night.
"Whacha got there, squirt?" Psymon asked, crawling over to her. He looked downright giddy with evil thought.
"Your… gift…" Kaori mumbled slowly, setting the gift to the side. The closer Psymon got to her, the more she wished she had Mac's bat at her side. But she'd placed it against the wall, caught up in the spirit of the room.
"THEN OPEN IT!" Psymon hooted, grinning broadly. Kaori flinched, and several people stopped speaking to look at him. Zoe almost called him off, but something stopped her at the last minute. She watched carefully instead.
"Just as long as you don't shout at me."
Psymon snickered. "You think I was shouting… Wow. You should hear Tattoo-Boy when he gets excited. And always right in my ear, just blah blah blah blah, all the time. Really annoying, you know? You know? NOW OPEN IT!"
"OKAY, JUST SHUT UP!" Kaori shouted back, frowning irritably. Psymon snickered, but silenced, turning his eyes to the brown package. Kaori did the same, slowly tearing the tape away from the sides.
He's not backing up, she noticed, so it's not explosive, at least.
"What is it?" Mac asked cautiously after several seconds had crawled by.
"Why it's a… it's…" Kaori began, a smile creeping up on her lips. She laughed shortly. "It's a bat! Oh my gosh, my very own bat!"
She lifted up the bat in her hands, smiling at how heavy and shiny it was. Despite the wrapping paper on the outside, the gift itself shared none of its dirty, chocolaty qualities. She giggled and gripped it tighter before stopping and glancing sharply at Psymon.
"This isn't going to melt, explode, combust, scream at me, insult me, electrocute me or hit me on of its own accord… is it?"
Psymon gave her a "now why would it do that" face. And for once, because it was the Christmas season—and because Psymon smelt so badly that she wanted him to quickly leave her presence—Kaori thanked him for his ingenious gift. He hugged her and scampered off to Zoe's leg, leaving Kaori with the awful feeling that she needed to shower.
Zoe smiled and picked up another gift, this one also from Psymon. It was dressed in two different kinds of wrapping paper, and both of them were R-rated. She blinked and looked for the tag.
"Of course," she muttered, looking down at her leg, "it would be from you."
Psymon looked up and smirked. "Oh yea… did you see the little women on the paper?"
Zoe nodded. "Yes I did. Lots of little women that look astonishingly like Elise and Marisol during the summertime."
"And did you see the blood and guts on the other one?!"
She nodded again and blinked at him. "Psymon, before I even open this, where in the WORLD did you get such… colorful… paper?"
Psymon pointed to his head. "Outta here. I keep a lot of stuff up there, you know."
"And hopefully none of it is alive…"
This comment only served to widen his smirk. "Yes, yes… that's what we all hope…"
Zoe giggled and cleared her throat, daintily removing the paper so as not to rip it more than it already was, hoping to keep as a memento. Moby sat down next to her, kicking his feet out. He started to throw his arm around Zoe before he noticed the wrapping paper on her lap. "My word…" he mumbled, pulling the bikini ladies closer and removing his sunglasses—the first time he'd done so all night.
Zoe rolled her eyes. "Well be careful not to wrinkle it," she muttered. "I want to keep that. It's the funniest looking wrapping paper I've ever seen."
"Absolutely hilarious," Moby muttered thoughtlessly. Zoe stopped unwrapping to pop him playfully in the stomach. He dropped the paper and laughed, winking at her. "Just joking you, mate, just joking you."
"Uh-huh," she said, removing the top of her box. She and Moby blinked, hesitating. "O…kay…"
Psymon leaned eagerly over her shins. "You like it?"
Zoe held up the box, full to the brim with crepes, bottles of chocolate syrup, and deep-fried candy bars. "Well… I… I love it," she answered, nodding her head slowly. Moby scoffed.
"Oh yea, love, and your cholesterol level is going to love it too, I'm sure." He sneered slightly and reached over to grab one, but Psymon began to bark and growl fiercely. Moby yanked his hand back. "Right-o. Not for me, I suppose…"
Zoe blinked and picked up a chocolate bar, sniffing it. "Not to be mean, Psy… but how old are these things?"
Psymon shook his head with a wicked smile. "Oooh, not very, I would suppose. I just made them last night." His throaty voice was steady and deep, like the roaring of falls.
"Uh-huh," Zoe mumbled. She put the bar down and smiled. "Thank you so very much, Psymon, that was very sweet of you. I will thoroughly enjoy these."
"Maybe we can eat them together," he suggested, his eyebrows jumping alluringly. They were hovering over a pair of eyes that were giving her looks Moby just couldn't agree with. He cleared his throat.
"Ah, no thanks. We generally let the dogs get the scraps."
"I'll take whatever I can get," Psymon replied, shrugging nonchalantly. He settled his eyes onto Zoe and smirked. "Woof."
Zoe was turning the color of her face paint. "Oh—well, I got you a gift too," she suddenly interrupted, turning away abruptly and looking behind her to avoid Moby's glance. "It's… it's over here somewhere."
Psymon watched her fruitlessly shift piles of paper out of the way for a while, enjoying the sight of her squirming. Moby tried to catch his eye to glare at him, but, upon realization that Psymon wouldn't look his way unless necessary, the Englishman gave up with an irritable sigh. He put his heavy lenses back on to hide the scowl in his eyes.
"I… can't seem to find it," Zoe mumbled, turning back. Her face was clearer now.
"You mean this?" Psymon said suavely, reaching into his hair. He slowly retrieved a colorful package the size of a ring box. Zoe blinked several times.
So much for suave.
"WOOOOOO-HOOOOOOO!" Psymon squealed before she could answer. He hunched over his prize and tore the tiny strips of paper off with lightening-fast speed. It turned out to be nothing more than a regular box, but Psymon's excitement was not deterred. He lifted the top of the package off and gasped.
"HOW DID YOU KNOW?!" Psymon breathed excitedly, jumping up to his own two feet to do a dance of joy. Everyone in the room had stopped to look at him by now. Eddie laughed after a second, surprised that anyone had actually given Psymon Stark a present.
"What's in the box, Sketchy?" Elise asked in her usual loud tone.
"Catnip!" Psymon giggled. He stopped and suddenly gave Elise a horrible death glare. "But you can't have any, you hear? OR I KILL YOU!"
Elise lifted up her hands. "Well, can't argue with that."
The maniac laughed once again, lifted the box above his head and turned it over. Catnip particles fell into the depths of his hair to lie among with who knows what else. He turned to Zoe and fell at her feet again. "How did you ever know?"
Zoe shrugged and giggled. "Let's just say that Santa knows all."
Psymon smiled manically, curled up by her side, and purred. He was going to act like a kitten—or a tiger—for the rest of the night.
Brodi watched, peace and harmony encircling his face. "Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love," he muttered softly.
"Shut ze Zen stuff, Brodi. Now is not ze time."
"There is always time for Zen, JP," Brodi countered, staring at the fireplace. "And for your information, that wasn't Zen. That was merely a quote of Hamilton Wright Mable."
"Yea, stupid," Eddie said, brushing off invisible dust from his new laptop. Once glance from Luther silenced him, however; his laptop was just not worth the risk of losing to fat fists.
The presents now all opened, Marisol and Seeiah rose and collected the wrapping paper on the floor in large, dark trash bags. They moved slowly and sleepily, yawning with frequency. The grandfather clock in the hallway struck one.
Seeiah emitted a light gasp and giggle that caught everyone's attention. She pointed to Mac and Kaori, both of whom were fast asleep on the floor, curled up next to each other. Mac still had half of a chocolate chip cookie in his mouth.
"Now that's cute," Elise said softly, smiling. She looked at Eddie. "What do you think, bud? Want to spend the night here too?"
"Sounds excellent to me," he said, piling his presents up and setting them against the wall. Elise cleared a space on the floor and got down.
"How about we all stay here tonight?" Elise encouraged with a smile. Yawns across the room told her that that was a definite yes.
"Puuuuurr," Psymon said, adjusting himself so that his head was propped up on Zoe's feet. She giggled and wiggled her toes in his hair. Moby stretched and took his sunglasses off, laying them next to his new weight set.
And so the SSX Tricky group settled down for the evening in the living room of the girls' cabin with no pillows, no blankets—using each other for comfort and warmth. It was strange and uncharacteristic, but, as Brodi had noticed, perhaps it was merely the season's charm that had gotten to them all.
Eddie stretched sleepily between Brodi and Elise, feeling comforted and safe. He turned over on his side and propped his head with his arm, watching Brodi's back rise and fall rhythmically. Life was good, he surmised. Despite Luther's tighty-whites, cold weather, and the discovery that Psymon could crawl through second-story windows, he'd relived his childhood experiences, had gotten Mac some cookies, and had received a new laptop from a wonderful girl. It could be surmised in two words, he supposed, drifting slowly off to sleep amongst Luther's resonating snores.
Mission accomplished.
xOx
And…? Did you like it? I've read several humorous Christmas one-shotters (haven't we all? Lol… they're just so much fun to do!) and wanted to try my hand at something different. Your thoughts, both the good and bad ones, would certainly be appreciated.
Merry Christmas!
Puddy G.