Hehehe, sorry about that really long delay I've been putting you guys through. Really, I hate that sort of thing. I've been doing a lot of thinking on my other story, plus some others things that need no mention. Okay, here goes, time to get serious. Let's get this parody over and done with. Well, okay, not right now but I really WILL try to get everything done ASAP.

I don't know if I'm going to get to Logan & Rogue's first meeting in this chapter. But if I don't it will definitely be in the next. Thank you all once more for reviewing. I'll need something to shield me when the Romy hunters—uh—I mean fans come to get me. Hehe.

Well, here you go!

Ooh, one little note: I'm tweeking the formatting of the story to make it look better. So don't mind if it seems to change a little every chapter. Alright? Okey-dokey then!

Disclaimer: Forget it.

(thousands of pointy objects surround xfan2003)

Uh, I mean, ofCOURSE I don't own anything! Hehe, that's what I meant!

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Chapter 6 – Fire, Teeth, & Really Creepy Castles

A day and a night passed while Logan and Kurt went on their journey. The trip had so far been uneventful, with the exception of Logan's foot getting slightly burned while putting out their campfire from the night before. But as the pair approached a very high mountain with dark forbidding clouds of smoke and sulfur encircling its peak, they became sure of two things:

"Well, looks like things are going to get interesting."

"Man, that looks a lot like Mount Doom! Are we in Middle Earth or something?"

(You can probably guess who was thinking what.)

Nevertheless, they ascended the mountainside, and without the least bit of trouble.

Yeah, right.

Well, at least without much physical trouble. But mentally, Logan thought he was on his last nerve.

Fortunately, Kurt had hushed up for a short time as they ascended. But somehow he soon found a reason to start yapping. As they were coming closer and closer to the top, Logan led the way and Kurt followed. Suddenly, Kurt recoiled.

"Phew! Logan, did you do zhat?! Really Logan, you need to warn somebody before you just crack one off! My mouth vas open and everything!"

Logan turned and looked at his friend with a slight chuckle. "Believe me, Elf. If that's was me, you'd be dead." Then he lifted his nose and took a sniff. "It's brimstone. We must be getting close."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right, brimstone. Trust me, zhat smell came off no brimstone, and it came off of no stone neither."

Just as Kurt spoke he and Logan had reached the top. They both gripped the sides of the peak where the mountain's side ended. Together, they pulled themselves up and beheld a sight that left them, for the moment, speechless and in awe.

The mountain was more like a volcano, since the middle of the mountaintop opened up into a large scathing pool of lava. In the middle stood a perilously placed land mass with little base support to keep it up. And on the chunk of ground an emaciated but nevertheless terrifying and magnificent castle stood. Its walls had large chunks missing everywhere. It was as if they were blown out by a terrible fire. The sulfuric clouds that loomed over the castle's highest towers thundered and flashed. Strange black flying creatures passed over the pinnacles, screeching and cawing. The only connection between the rim of the mountain side and the landmass with the castle on it was a very narrow, very old, very unsteady rope bridge.

Several moments passed as the two travelers stared at this sight. Then, thinking that the dreaded silence needed to be broken, Logan said, "Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location!"

He began cracking up at his own joke, but Kurt was too terrified to be amused. As Logan tried to subdue his laughter, he climbed over the edge of the top and walked toward the rope bridge. It was clear that Kurt was becoming more and more nervous.

"Hey, uh, Logan? Remember vhat you said, tha-that Volverines have layers?"

"Yeah?" answered Logan very casually as he neared the bridge.

As Kurt spoke again, he spotted a nearby skeleton of a large dead animal. "Vell, um, I have a confession to make. gasp Elves, uh, Nightcrawlers, don't have layers. Ve—ve wear our layers right out on our sleeves!"

"Wait a minute!" said Logan. "Nightcrawlers don't have sleeves!"

Kurt shot Logan an annoyed looked. That was a first. "You know vhat I mean."

It was Logan's turn to roll his eyes. "Oh, come on. You can't tell me you're afraid of heights."

They both looked down into the fiery pit.

"N-n-no," answered Kurt, not doing a very good job of maintaining any signs of confidence. "I'm just a little uncomfortable traveling on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava."

"C'mon, Kurt. I'm right here beside ya, for . . . emotional support." Logan patted his furry friend on the head and gestured him to step onto the bridge first. "We'll just take this thing one little baby step at a time." He gave Kurt one hardy backslap of reassurance.

Kurt gulped. "Really?"

"Really really."

He sighed. "Okay. Zhat makes me feel so much better." Then he began to process over the bridge, taking every step carefully while holding on to the rope railing.

"Just keep going," advised Logan. "And don't look down."

For about halfway across the bridge, Kurt was fine. Well, fine might be an exaggeration. He was at least not flipping out. He just kept mumbling to himself Logan's last words to him, trying his hardest not to lose his nerve.

"Don't look down, don't look down . . . keep on moving, and don't look down."

Suddenly, one of the planks that Kurt stepped on broke underneath him. Kurt gasped and allowed himself to watch the plank fall to a fiery end.

"Logan, I'm looking down!"

He screamed and turned around. "Zhat's it! I can't do this! Just let me off right now, please!"

"But you're already halfway!" said Logan.

"Yeah, but I know zhat half is safe!"

Logan growled. "Okay, fine! I don't have time for this! YOU go back!" Without stopping or moving aside to let Kurt pass, Logan kept on marching.

"NO! Logan, let me go!" Kurt was in a frenzy of terror as he tried to pass Logan, but the feral mutant's entire body blocked the way. He was so terrified he didn't even think to teleport back. (Or rather forward.)

Logan's stalking caused the bridge to rock more and more, making Kurt ready to wet himself. Kurt kept begging to go back while Logan answered to just do so (but never mentioning that he could just 'port back). Seeing that Kurt was only standing in his way, Logan shook the entire bridge, making Kurt jump back a few feet.

"Don't do zhat!!"

Inspiration suddenly dawned on Logan. "Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, you mean this?" He shook the bridge again.

"Yes, zhat!"

"Yes? Yes, do it. Okay." So Logan did it a few more times. It led to Kurt screaming more and more for Logan to stop and saying he was gonna die. This time, however, both Kurt and Logan were moving to the other side. Logan's shaking made Kurt back up more and more until he reached solid ground again.

"I'm gonna! I'm gonna die! Logan, I'm gonna die!" He opened his eyes and looked down. "Oh!"

With a smug smile, Logan walked up to Kurt and rubbed his head. "That'll do, Elf. That'll do." Then he walked passed.

Kurt looked with new admiration for his partner, glanced once more at the bridge and the lava, then looked back at Logan. "Cool."

As Kurt caught up with Logan, just before they entered the ever eerie fortress, he asked, "So vhere is this fire-breathing pain-in-zhe-neck anyway?"

"Inside," answered Logan, "waiting for us to rescue her! Ha ha!"

"I vas talking about zhe dragon, Logan."

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The inside of the castle was beginning to seem worse than the outside. At least to Kurt. It was hard to tell how Logan felt, since he always made sure never to look afraid. Whether he was afraid at all was still in question. Whatever state he was in, he at least always remained cool but alert.

Kurt, on the other hand, had trouble with both of these things. He was frantic and oblivious.

"You scared?" whispered Kurt as they walked through the dark halls. The floor was filled with cracks and potholes of lava and cluttered with armor, battle suits, weapons, and skeletons of previous knights and warriors.

Logan turned to Kurt, his annoyance returning. "No, but shh."

"Oh good, me neither," replied Kurt. But he was distracted by all the burned carcasses lying on the ground that the next time he looked up Logan had moved ahead. He let out a short panicked cry and ran to catch up.

"Of course, zhere's nothing wrong vith being afraid, considering the situation. I mean, ve're dealing with a dragon, who breathes fire—it's clear he breathes fire. So, you know, it doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. But you know me, I'm not scared at all, I'm—"

Suddenly Kurt walked into a spear sticking out of the floor. On its tip was a suit with a mask attached to it. As Kurt bumped into the spear, it fell over and the suit fell on top of him. The mask fell almost perfectly over his head. When he looked up, he cried out again and jumped back, beholding a very large pile of bodies, battle uniforms and weapons.

Logan turned back to Kurt again. "Kurt, two words, okay?

Shut. Up.

Now go over there and see if you can find some stairs."

As he said this, he took the uniform from Kurt, took off his jacket, and slipped the uniform over his clothes.

(A/N: Yeah yeah, I know. In reality he would wear his clothes over his uniform. But think about it, how is he gonna carry his clothes around while he's fighting a dragon and rescuing a princess? Too time consuming to explain.  )

"Stairs? I thought we vere looking for zhe princess?"

"The princess will be up the steps, in the highest room, in the tallest tower." Logan worked his way through the pile to find a pair of boots and gloves that went with the uniform. He quickly slipped them on and started walking away.

"Vhat makes you think she'll be zhere?"

"I read it in a book once," he answered as he pulled the mask over the top of his face.

Kurt smiled. He could see now where this was going as he watched Logan pop his claws out. "Cool. You take care of the dragon. I'll handle the stairs." He turned away and looked around the halls. Well, actually he was more talking to himself excitedly.

"Oh, I'll find zhose stairs. I'll kick their butts too! Those stairs won't know vhich way they go! I'll find a step here and here and step all over it!"

Unfortunately, he found something else before he found those stairs.

Logan was still searching the other end of the castle and adjusting his glove one more time. Then he looked up and stopped. He could see the other towers of the castle from the end of the hall, where it opened up into a balcony. There was a light on in the window of a room at the top of a tower that seemed to be higher than the rest.

"Well," mumbled Logan, "at least we know where the princess is. But, where's the—"

"DRAAAAAAGOOOOOOON!!!!"

Logan turned and saw Kurt running toward him like a crazy animal. And behind him came the dragon he had been looking for.

Just as Kurt was about to reach Logan, the dragon reared up on its hind legs and released a giant fireball.

"Kurt, look out!" Logan grabbed Kurt off his feet and threw him out of the range of the fireball, barely saving himself from the deadly flame in time. Kurt was quickly back on his feet, his fear never leaving him. The dragon began to charge him again, but once again spat another fireball. It was high enough off the ground so Kurt could flatten himself. His tail, however, was not completely spared.

The dragon drew closer, preparing to take out Kurt once and for all. Suddenly, the dragon was stopped by a tug of its tail. Turning around, it saw Logan giving it another hard pull. "Gotcha!"

It wasn't for long though. The dragon picked up its tail with ease and began swinging it around with Logan still attached. Logan didn't exactly plan this nor did he find it all that enjoyable. Two swings of the giant lizard's tail and Logan was flung high into the air. As he yelled, he realized he was headed straight for the princess' tower. His body broke through the stone roof and crashed onto the bedroom floor, knocking him out cold.

The dragon let out a mighty roar and once again pursued Kurt. It released another fireball, which chased Kurt up a walled staircase that led to a walkway between two small towers. Kurt managed to outrun it before it lost all energy and disappeared, but now he was trapped. The dragon had created a ring of fire around itself, Kurt, and the walkway. With flames that climbed up to the bridge and blocked most of his view, Kurt couldn't see any place to teleport to. His best chance was to escape to one of the towers. However, the dragon had already premeditated his plan. First it smashed out the first tower that Kurt desperately tried to run to, then it did the same to the other tower when he tried to double back. Kurt soon found himself on an isolated pillar of stone surrounded by flame. He shivered in terror, fearfully looking up at the dragon as it reared onto its hind legs again.

"No! No no! Aah!" As Kurt tried to take a step back, a piece of rock broke off. He stepped forward again. The dragon snarled at him.

"My, vhat large teeth you have!" cried Kurt. The dragon roared. Realizing that he had to do something to get himself out, he tried to not make the dragon mad.

"I-I mean white sparkling teeth! I—I know you must hear zhis all the time from your food, but you must bleach or somezhing 'cuz that is von dazzling smile you've got there!"

The dragon's mood changed from hostile to deeply flattered. He almost thought it was blushing.

"And may I add a hint of minty freshness?" Uh, that might have been a little too far. Kurt cleared his throat nervously. "And besides, you're—"

Suddenly, the dragon's form changed, and it seemed to settle down on the same pillar he was on. Before he knew it, Kurt was face to face with a rather pretty black girl with long mahogany hair and a sorceress outfit.

"You're—a sorceress!" cried Kurt in utter surprise. The girl didn't speak, she only smiled at him. "Uh, I mean, 'COURSE you're a sorceress! 'Cuz you're just reeking vith mystic feminine beauty and—"

That was when Kurt noticed the girl had come awfully close tohim and was fluttering her eyelashes.

"Vhat's the matter, got something in your eye?"

The girl, still smiling, took a step back and blew a smoke ring out of her mouth. Kurt realized it was in the shape of a heart.

"Oh! Oooh. Man I'd love to stay, but cough I'm an asthmatic, you know, and I don't think it vould really work out vith you blowing smoke rings." As he spoke he nervously turned away and faced into the rough direction of where Logan had been thrown.

"LOGAN!!!"

The girl quickly morphed back into a dragon and picked up Kurt by his tail. Then she trotted back into the castle, playfully swinging Kurt from her mouth like a cat with a mouse she just caught.

"Aaah! No! No! Logan! Logan!!! NO, no, no, no, no . . ."

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Okay, so I probably could fit the first meeting between Rogue & Logan, but then this chapter would be WAAAY too long. So, sorry! I promise, I'll try to update as soon as possible. Yes, I am repeating myself. So now it is time to shut up. Please review!!! Thanks!