Someday My Prince Will Come

Chapter 19

I was wondering what would happen to me...

Jack looked up at the sky, preparing himself, even as he walked. Time was on his side wasn't it? Will wasn't seeing anyone. In fact he was very sad about not having someone to care about. And it was almost a year since they met. It was perfect.

The cold was very present, and Jack shivered. But he was aware of himself now. He felt more brash and more certain of his love for Will. He felt the reality of the incoming winter, and he felt the surge of his love as his only warmth. Nothing was more important. Nothing mattered more than Will. He couldn't even think about a possible rejection. He was confident his feelings would be returned, that Will would be overjoyed that his best friend, his guardian would be the one he was looking for... the one he wanted to care for.

Their eyes met briefly at the shoe store, and Jack was never more sure of himself, he gave Will a small smile, and almost shyly turned away.

I was wondering what would happen to me...

...does he see it?

Does he know?

Or does he see something else?

Does he know how different I am now?

Jack held himself, cautiously watching as Will browsed through the shelves. They were out shopping for Thanksgiving. The rain was crazy outside, but Jack felt much more hectic inside than the storm beyond the doors to the grocery store. His eyes followed Will's every move.

Im at his mercy. He's in power here. And this will be the last time anyone will have any power over me.

Its all on him.

Jack fidgeted and smiled, trying to be as confident as he felt earlier... he joked and fooled around as usual, hoping Will wasn't as cruel as he pictured him, in his worst nightmares, in the scenarios he imagined, when things would take a turn for the worst. He summoned up him courage and held his breath.

Its all up to him. Its all him now.

"Jack.... what kind should we get?"

Its all him now....

flashback

"Jack remember in Syracuse, when you said we weren't wrong? That we were made this way?"

"Yea."

"I really, really wonder about that. If God, or whatever, really did make us like this on purpose, or if we're just sick."

"You still wonder? What's to wonder? Its great to be like this. Its good to be happy with what you are, to deal with what we have and enjoy everything! I just want to live and love!" Jack said brightly.

"Do you really believe that? Or did you get that from a book?"

"I didn't get it from a book!"

"Oh that's right, you haven't picked one up since junior high." Will smiled.

"I just hope to live t hat way. I want to be that way."

"Jack. Honestly, do you think there's 'true love' out there for people like us?"

"Of course. Stop asking me that question." Jack was quiet. "Why? Do you think its all blind lust, guys going after each other, without thought or responsibility?"

"Yea." Will laughed.

"Well, most of the time its like that." Jack conceded. "But there is love out there. All those other things are buffers to prepare you for the real pain that, that feeling will bring you."

Will stared incredulously, shocked that those words fell from his young friend's mouth. His eyes softened in admiration, and he never thought Jack could be like this.

"Now Im sure you got that from a book." Will smiled, but felt something fall away inside him.

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

Jack was soaked with rainwater. He could feel his skin going numb beneath his coat. But he kept running. He couldn't tell how long he had been running. All he knew was that he had tripped three times, and bumped into eight different people. The sidewalk was slippery and sticky, and the city never looked so dirty and ugly to him.

You fucking idiot! He cursed himself. He thought he should stop running and catch a bus. But he couldn't. He had to will his pain away.

He knew he didn't have a clear mind anymore, that the brashness he thought he had was gone, that he was no longer brave or determined. Jack collided with a woman, and then started running again.

When did I think he'd ever love me?

Why did I ever think anything would go the way I hoped?

He collapsed on a bench, sprawling himself on it, not concerned with the torrent of water and cold that fell on him. His eyes were shut, and his chest was tight with shame and horror. Never before did he consider ending it all. Never did he think that the world was out to get him until now.

When James was alive, when he was terrorizing him, not even then did he believe the world was so cruel. As long as he had Will, and the prospect of his companionship, everything was okay. And now that his dream had been slaughtered, he wondered who he could blame. Who would be there to explain this to him? He had no one now. Noah. Frank. He had pushed them away these past weeks. He had murdered all hope, and now he was done.

He could feel his young spirit dying, and he hoped he would die as well, alone, and wet on the bench.

I was waiting so long....

What was I waiting for?

The world takes too long.

Jack felt numb all over. The rain had long since ceased. He knew he would be sick in the morning. He knew he could have pneumonia, or be hypothermic, or something. But those things were just footnotes, now that he realized fully what had happened earlier.

He actually confessed his... Jack buried his face in his hands, the shame heavier than the rain soaked coat around him. He could feel his knees trembling, his teeth chattering, and his eyes brimming with fresh tears.

Why? Why did I wait so long if this is what happened? What was the point? All this hope for nothing? Why?

Jack stood up and walked down to the bus stop. He remembered how stupidly he covered up his confession. And he knew Will was not convinced. He knew Will was smarter than he was. He knew that Will was probably laughing, or shaking his head in pity. And he felt nauseous. He whined in shame once more.

The sky was darker than he'd ever seen it before. But he knew what was out there. He knew how the city looked like. He knew how much he had to grind his teeth and bear it all, in order to live and survive. He wondered if he would be strong enough to go on...

I can still be his friend.

Its all right.

If we had been together, and did everything it takes in order to be together, it would have destroyed us. Something like that shouldn't come between us.

But why did I want him so much? Why?

Taking some change from his pocket, Jack sat down on the bus and watched the darkness pour past him.

I was wondering what would happen to me... I waited too long. And I did the dumbest things. Maybe Will could see all the bad things inside me. All the stupid things inside me. Maybe he knew I had nothing for him really. I learned how to do everything and yet it wasn't good enough. Im not good enough for him.

He has other hopes. They are different from my own. He's waiting for someone else.

A few days later Jack returned home to a dark house, and a very calm looking Jesse on his doorstep.

Jack didn't say anything, he merely looked at him and smiled. It was a different smile than the ones he smiled before.

After all, his young spirit was dead now. He took Jesse's arm and they went inside.

I love Will. It hurts a lot. And I hate him for not understanding my pain. He ignores what happened and so do I. .I can see he doesn't need me anymore. We see a lot of each other, but its different now. I love him and will do anything to protect him, and keep him, whether as a friend or anything else. We're both being very patient, still wanting to see if there is indeed true love for people like us. And sometimes I think he hates me, because I don't see what he sees. What he sees when he looks at the city, for instance, is gloom, filth and danger. I see those things, but I pretend not to. I pretend that all I notice is light, fun and excitement. But I do see those terrible things, in fact I think I see them more clearly than Will does.

And Will thinks he's much better than I am because he thinks he knows more, and that makes me think of how Noah, James and Jesse presumed the same things. And sometimes I hate them all.

Will doesn't need me as much anymore. In fact there's a faint detachment in him when Im with him, as if he's realized something I haven't, as if he knows something I would never understand. He spends much more of his time with that ex-girlfriend of his. That redhead with the big feet. If I ever hated anyone more, its Grace. I know its meanspirited to think so. Its evil to want someone all to yourself and curse all others who attempt to steal him.

But its what I will do for a while. And I'll feel pain, and I know I'll go with others, but just to fix this pain, to make me happy for the moment.

And I won't let anyone destroy me, or tell me how Im supposed to feel. It'll be me. Its all up to me now. And if these feelings never leave me, I'll just die, waiting. The world takes too long.

He's waiting for someone else after all. Im still waiting for him.

"Jack! What are you doing?!"

Jesse and Jack's heads emerged from the sheet. They exchanged panicked glances.

"Uh, checking for lice."

I'll wait forever if I have to.

That's the end my friends. If you didn't like the ending, well oh well. I liked it. And my sister did too! (BTW: Her penname is Blurple and she's writing a Teen Titans story, so check her out if you like that stuff. She's the one that left me crazy, psycho reviews.)

I want to thank everyone who reviewed and put up with my lateness, and my laziness. I want to thank everyone who stuck around since the beginning of this story. Each review meant something to me, even the ones that criticized and admonished me. I needed those! Im going on hiatus from fanfiction for the moment, but I do plan on returning. Hopefully with something stemming from my 'The Finest' time-line. I hope to give our boys some new adventures! He he. But Im not making any promises.

I love you all.