No One said it would be Easy

Disclaimer: The song is Sheryl Crows, the characters you recognize are Anthony Zuicker's. I am making no profits off of this story.

Rating:PG

Category: Romance N/S (eventually)

Summary: Sara has been away from Vegas for three years, but now has to go back to fight her demons there.

Author: Katie

Sara Sidle walked into her house; she let her handbag fall to the bench next to the door, toed off her shoes and sighed with relief. Suddenly she heard fast footfalls coming from the living room.

"Mommy!" yelled Sara's three year old son. He jumped and flew into her arms as if he hadn't seen her in a week.

"Woah! Where's the fire little man?"

"Granpa's a gorilla!" he said pointing toward Sara's father as he crawled toward them.

"Oh no!" she yelled in play, "We must get away from him!!" She threw the boy over her shoulder and dashed around her father into the kitchen, laughing.

"Mommy it's just Granpa," her son said matter-of-factly.

"Oh well I suppose it is." She set him down on the floor and he just grinned and dashed into the living room that joined onto the kitchen. Her dad came up to her and gave her a hug.

"How was your day Sunshine?"

"Don't call me that dad!"

"But it's your name! Sunshine Sara Sidle, you were the one who wanted to be called Sara. We didn't decide that!"

"I know, but Sunshine is so hippieish," her father shook with laughter.

"I suppose it is Sunshine, but it is still your name. So anyway how was your day?"

"It was ok. Nothing really exciting, Mitchell fell over his own feet though. We all thought that was comical." Sara ran the CSI office in San Francisco. Her dad wasn't her usual babysitter but was in town that day and wanted to spend some time with his grandson.

"Granpa?"

"What's up Tiger?"

"Do you have to go home today?" the boy's eyes pleaded with his grandfather, not wanting him to leave.

"Yeah I do. Grandma would get lonely at the B and B you know that."

"I know," he replied with a pout.

"Oh Matty don't pout," said Sara. "You will see Gran and Granpa on Saturday and you know it!"

"Oh yeah!" the boy brightened. "I forgot!" he ran from the room again his arms out wide like he was flying.

"Actually I better head out, Sunshine. You two are defiantly coming this Saturday right?"

"Yeah, Matty would be heartbroken if we didn't."

"So are you going to go?" She looked at him a question on her face. "To the convention, in Las Vegas."

"Oh, um...no. I hadn't planned on it. I was going to send one of my CSI's."

"I thought it was for the heads of the departments. And it would be good for Tiger to see something new I think."

"Look dad, I don't have the time. There are too many cases here that need my attention"

"That's not true. You just said you had a slow day! You are just too damn afraid of seeing anyone that you used to work with. Are you ashamed of your own son?" Sara looked at him sharply her eye enflamed.

"Matthew is the last thing that I would ever be ashamed of. He is the only good thing that has come out of my life you know that!"

"Then what is the problem?"

"Nothing, I just don't have the time to go to Las Vegas."

"What if I called Gil?"

"Why would you call Gil? How would that make any difference?"

"You and Tiger could stay with him. He knows about him wouldn't he be the best choice?"

"No dad I'm not going."

"Why?"

"Too much has been buried since my years in Vegas. I don't want to dig that up again, for myself, for Matt and for those that I worked with and was close to."

"Is Tiger's father still in Vegas?"

"Dad, Matt's father was a drunken one night stand with someone at a bar. I don't know his father."

"It's not Nick?"

"No, dad it's not Nick. If you knew Nick you would know that." Matthew walked into the room and grabbed his mother's hand.

"Mommy, can we eat soon?" Sara lifted him to her hip.

"Yeah, just a minute ok? What do you want?"

"Sgetti!"

"Ok, we'll have spaghetti. Go play for a minute though while I talk to Grandpa ok?"

"Ok, bye bye Granpa!" he said and hugged his grandfather.

"Bye Tiger. Be good for your Momma ok?"

"Yup!" he replied and ran to the toy box.

"I have to cook dinner for my son. I will see you on Saturday dad."

"Look, Sunshine I'm sorry for upsetting you. I just think that Matthew should see some of where your life used to be, and where your heart still lies."

Sara stood in front of her bookcase where there were pictures strategically placed. The one closest to her was of Matt in a baseball jersey; he had it taken last spring at daycare. The one next to Matt's was of her and Matt on the day he was born. Sara's eyes teared at the memory. The final one in the front row was of her and Nick working a crime scene. Greg snapped it saying he needed to finish the roll of film. It had been taken just a month before she left Las Vegas. The rows of pictures behind the front were all of her coworker's in Las Vegas. Maybe her father was right. Maybe she needed to see them for closure.

Sara walked quietly to Matthew's room, he lay tucked under his quilt a stuffed bear in one had while the other's thumb was firmly planted in his mouth. It was still unbelievable to Sara that she had this little miracle. She had found out she was pregnant when she was only 3 weeks along. She had started bleeding profusely at work, so Grissom had taken her to the emergency room. The doctors said she'd had a miscarriage. Sara went home shocked she hadn't even known she was pregnant. Two months went by, but she hadn't had her period since the miscarriage, she went to her OB/GYN to see if something had happened as well as the miscarriage. She was shocked to find out that she was still pregnant and had only aborted her son's twin. Sara immediately went to Grissom and asked for a leave of absence. It was three and a half years later and Sara was still on her leave.

Now she stood outside her son's door, watching him sleep. She didn't have to watch him to see him she could just close her eyes. He had skin that was two shades darker than her own, brown eyes that shined back at her and gorgeous curly brown hair, just like hers as a child. He was tall for three, his legs already outgrowing his small body. He was so smart; he had started walking at eleven months and started speaking shortly after. He had never spoken baby talk; Sara had never let anyone speak to him that way and said that was why he spoke well quickly.

Sara walked forward and stroked her son's soft hair. She knew what she had to do. She had to go back to Las Vegas.