Author's note: Again, I do not own the wonderful Misfit-verse displayed in this story! The universe of a crossover between "G.I. Joe" and "X-Men: Evolution" was created and is owned solely by fellow fan fiction author, Red Witch. For all those Dinosaucer fans who wish to be more familiar with her hilarious universe, her profile is in my "Favorite Authors" in my profile where she has authored over 400 stories about this plotline! For Red Witch and all Misfit fans, this story takes place after "The Misfit Island Adventure", but they managed to snag Lina Chakram (Dragonfly) as a new recruit. The X-Men and Misfits still haven't made peace with one another after Bobby Drake's disgusting behavior in "Tremors of the Past", so none of the X-Men know what the Misfits are doing. In short, Misfit-canon up until "The Misfit Island Adventure" and Lina's now in the act! Got it? Good!
CHAPTER 3: Enter the Misfits
"Let me get this straight," General Hawk of G.I. Joe said in an even tone, trying to cover the bristling feeling of defensive annoyance spring into his voice, "You think you can simply order the Misfits to do a scouting party for you? Into some godforsaken area in the middle of a wide desert based on some crackpot theory?"
"Need I remind you that as long as Eddington backs me up on this, you really don't have much of a choice, Hawk," Major Cliffton smiled, almost sneering, "Besides, who else would be better to deal with these possible threats to national, if not worldly, security than your elite band of mutants? Eddington and I both feel that with the growing threat of Magneto and the Hellfire Club, it is only logical and reasonable to investigate these creatures and ensure that they do not turn out to be a menace to society. If they join up with Magneto, or God forbid, even Cobra or any other terrorist organization, the results would be catastrophic. It would be an additional hand that could one-up every single weapon and strategy and force we have countered to deal with such freaks."
"The Misfits aren't weapons, Cliffton," Hawk corrected the blond-haired, lanky general, almost close to snapping. Cliffton shrugged uncaringly.
"So you say, Hawk," he remarked with patronizing disdain before taking an 8 ½ by 11 inch manila envelope and tossed it graciously on Hawk's desk, "And contrary to your previous statements, what I have is not some 'crackpot theory'."
Hawk just silently opened the envelope and looked at the documentation Major Cliffton provided. Upon seeing them, General Hawk raised an eyebrow in surprise, though throughout his time on being a general for the Pit, he had witnessed and heard things much more bizarre and worse off than this. Cliffton took Hawk's silence as agreement as he continued.
"As you can see, those...creatures could cause an immediate danger to innocent citizens and threaten homeland security. I mean, good Lord, one of those oversized dinosaurs could take out a robotic sentinel without much hardship, and judging from the data I have gathered, they have the technology to back themselves up for an army of sentinels!! And you know as well as I do that considering that none of them really have made much of an effort to establish a bond of goodwill with the U.S. government, the reptiles must have something to hide or are undoubtedly planning something...perhaps an attack or a hostile takeover."
"Funny, it appears to contradict the findings of how these dinosaurs have made friends with several of the residents that appear to live close by to the desert where they have been believed to be located in," Hawk stated flatly, "in fact, there has never been a case where these aliens have been found to injure or attack anyone except a splinter group of dinosaurs called the Tyrannos, and that has been observed to be due to defense of the neighboring cities themselves. You even seem to have eyewitness testimonies of how the lizards have actually rescued several civilians during a siege by animated dinosaur skeletons, played football at a local stadium to challenge the Tyrannos, attended a middle school's science class, and...is this a record of a court hearing between the two groups?? "
Cliffton recounted a bit sheepishly, but still adamant, "Actually, that was due to the fact that the Tyrannos wanted to sue the Dinosaucers over damages and wished to impose a restraining order against them, but it was later discovered that the Tyrannos wished to prevent the other group from interfering with their plans to harvest the planet's resources, so the restraining order would prevent them from interfering and stopping the Tyrannos...but it should be of no consequence! The Dinosaucers were probably planning to achieve the same fate on our planet as well! They're invaders, interstellar parasites, and both Eddington and I feel that this needs to be dealt with...immediately."
General Hawk frowned; something about this didn't quite add up.
"The way I see it, there has been no direct evidence that these...'Dinosaucers' have posed any immediate danger nor have they generated any fear and panic by exposing themselves to the human population. Despite these sightings in the late-eighties, from what you've gathered, the terrestrial dinosaurs have pretty much kept to themselves, and it appears that a few years later afterwards, they virtually vanished without a trace. In fact, there has been no sighting of them after the early nineties, and despite what you claim, I can't say I particularly believe that these dinosaurs mean any harm to us nor have any plans to cause a great war over Earth's natural resources. So...why do you want the Misfits?"
It was then that Major Cliffton craftily smiled.
"Both Eddington and I felt that the Misfits would be a perfect convoy to extend a branch of invitation for these creatures to work with the government, perhaps form a discreet alliance with us. Hawk, think about it: if we had an association with these aliens, we could spy on their activities and have a much easier time observing their every move. After all, if we do not reach out to them, some other group like Cobra or another rogue government agency will. If they won't be for us, they'll be against us...and we can't afford that, especially not after the mutant crisis that is hitting the nation by storm. It's bad enough that groups such as Magneto's Acolytes and the Hellfire Club now exist, but to have them join with the Dinosaucers would be disastrous! Alien technology, a chance for potential new recruits and soldiers, an entire new road that could lead us to other civilizations and worlds and societies in space! Could you imagine how much we could gain, how much it could benefit us?!"
Ah, it becomes clear now.
"And if they refuse our offer of friendship..." Hawk muttered, close to growling.
"...then the Dinosaucers would find it difficult to fight against a group of trained mutants in the American army, and the problem shall be, shall we say, dealt with," Cliffton finished for him with a vulpine gleam. General Hawk wasn't thrilled with the idea.
"I'm not sure these aliens should be the ones termed as 'invaders', Cliffton."
"Irony notwithstanding, if anyone can find these dinosaurs, it is your group of Misfits. Just follow your orders from above, and no one has to face any unpleasantness. After all, we wouldn't wish to hinder the efforts from the Jugglers themselves, would we?"
The man certainly didn't miss much; Hawk almost wished Cliffton was stupid enough to make demands without the veiled threat.
General Hawk just glared at Cliffton's retreating back as he cockily strode out of Hawk's office.
---
"So what's our assignment?" Althea asked as she and the rest of the Misfits were gathered around the conference room with Hawk, Roadblock, Shipwreck, Cover Girl, Low Light, Spirit and the Blind Master. Hawk called them all in earlier, and for reasons unknown, requested that the handlers also be included in this mission. Despite his confidence in the Misfits (albeit the explosions and fighting and pranks), Hawk couldn't shake the feeling that the G.I. Joes might be needed as additional force. And his gut feeling was never wrong. This mission would require the utmost duty and concentration and orthodox planning. Unfortunately...
"Ow! Dad, Quinn just hit me!!"
"Only because you took my favorite seat in Hawk's office!!" snapped Quinn at Brittney.
"I had dibs, so nyah!!"
"Hey, I had double dibs, so move your fat butt!!"
"Make me!" snapped Brittney.
CRASH!
"Lance, you've been holding that picture of Kitty in your pocket for the past month! Will you please get over it?! You've got your pride on the line!!" Wanda pleaded, exasperated.
"Hey I can get rid of it anytime I want to...I just don't want to!"
"That's it! Intervention time!!" snapped Todd as he, Xi, and Wanda tackled Lance, sending them all crashing to the floor.
THUD!
"OW! Will you get off me?! GET OFF!! Toad, if you even try it -!!"
BAM! SMASH!!
"There goes my chair...and my lamp..." groaned Hawk to himself.
"So...when's the wedding, Blobbo?" quipped Pietro as he wiggled his eyelashes suggestively towards Lina.
"Shut up, Pietro! And don't even think about it!" Fred grumbled.
"Not my fault if I'd be the more attractive choice to Lina. Man, and I thought Summers was a slowpoke when it came to his love life! Hee hee hee – ACK!"
"Why you little -!!" Blob growled as he grabbed Pietro around the neck and started strangling him.
"Fred, stop that!" Lina snapped, defending Pietro.
...the Misfits were anything but sane and orthodox.
It was a while after the incident with training on the island with, as much as General Hawk couldn't believe it, the giant monsters and animals and dragon villagers. The relationship between the X-Men and the Misfits were at an all-time low still from the blowout. Ever since Bobby Drake revealed Lance's past to the other X-Men, tension and mistrust from both sides ballooned, and after the fights and tearful arguments settled, Althea and her family decided that some time and space was needed greatly.
They were all there: Althea, Todd, Pietro, Lance, Wanda, Xi, Fred, even the Triplets, Daria, Quinn, and Brittney. Yet to the outside world, they were also known as: Wavedancer, Toad, Quicksilver, Avalanche, Scarlet Witch, Xi, the Blob, and Trinity. Altogether, they were the Misfits, a group of mutants trained and adopted by G.I. Joe and brought together as a family. Also with them was their newest recruit, Lina Chakram, also known as "Dragonfly". They luckily found her when her insect-like mutation just emerged fully once she cocooned herself, and upon seeing her, Mr. and Mrs. Chakram disowned Lina heartlessly, not wanting a freak for a daughter. So, she was adopted into the Misfits, and after much therapy and counseling, Lina grew adjusted to her role as a medic and soldier with the Misfits and G.I. Joe.
Once things got calmed down (and after several threats to take away the cable and the big-screen TV from the Misfit house for a year), Hawk gave a deep sigh before starting, "Your mission is to search throughout the desert located in central Montana to locate the base of a group of alien creatures and try to offer them amnesty with the United States military."
Hawk then turned off the lights to his office as a screen projector displayed the images of Cliffton's investigations on the far side of the wall. There were a few murmurs of surprise as they saw the candid photos of Allo, the Dinosaucers, and the Secret Scouts plainly visible on the smooth white paint.
"Whoa, freaky..." Todd commented.
"Talk about the pot calling the kettle black," sneered Pietro before he turned to General Hawk, "So, what are these aliens? They almost look like...dinosaurs."
"And who are those kids that seem to be with them?" Cover Girl added with her arms folded in front of her, her eyes a bit widened at the images she was registering.
Hawk explained, "These creatures call themselves 'the Dinosaucers', and from what an independent party had gathered, they are extraterrestrial life forms, and they came to Earth around seventeen years ago. And you're partly right about your observation, Pietro. They're basically anthropoid dinosaurs with cognitive thought, opposable thumbs, and the ability to communicate and walk upright like any other human. Cliffton thinks that they may have been the predecessors of the actual dinosaurs that arose in prehistoric times. From what we've been told, these aliens came from another planet called Reptilion and have settled here on Earth in the mid-eighties. Though the pictures are dated and obviously they have grown drastically, those children were the very first human beings that came into contact with the Dinosaucers and eventually, they befriended them. The three boys and one girl became 'the Secret Scouts', a sort of covert group to help the Dinosaucers assimilate and understand the culture of human beings. We have their identities as: Sarah Whitterson, Ryan Whitterson, Paul Dreggar, and David McLagan. They're now adults...but Cliffton was able to keep track of their moments, and currently, those kids have already graduated college and are coming back to their hometown for what appears to be an annual visit. This may point out that they're gathering to meet the dinosaur extraterrestrials again."
"And what have the Dinosaucers have done to warrant this mission? Are they planning something?" Low Light asked.
General Hawk sighed before he answered, "No...apparently, there never have been any reports of the Dinosaucers attacking any human civilians nor did they cause any destruction. On the contrary, there were even cases when the Dinosaucers have managed to integrate into society and even helped out with rescuing innocent people from destructive causes and events due to their mortal nemesis, the Tyrannos."
Hawk switched to the next slide to display the Tyrannos, a group of red-skinned, ferocious dinosaur humanoids led by a tall, strapping evil-looking Tyrannosaurus Rex. All of them were wearing metallic armor of yellow, ochre, and gray.
"Wait, I'm confused," confessed Fred, and Pietro was heard snickering.
"So what else is new, Blob?" Fred chose to ignore the comment, especially since he heard Lance and Xi give Pietro a good smack on the head for that remark. Fred continued slowly.
"So...we have two groups of dinosaurs here on Earth? One is the Dinosaucers and the other is...these 'Tyrannos'? So, which one are the bad guys??"
"The Tyrannos, apparently," answered Hawk gravely, "but the problem is, even though they may be a possible threat in the future, Eddington wants us to search and find the base of the Dinosaucers themselves. Major Cliffton was able to narrow down the search of the aliens' base to this wide strip of desert here. The coordinates have already been uploaded to the Mass Device for teleportation as soon as you are all prepared and ready"
Hawk then displayed a close-up map of the desert within the very center of the mountain range.
"Ready? Ready for what?? To do battle? But, I thought you said that these Dinosaucers have helped the human race before, and if they have made acquaintances with several humans, then it cannot mean they have possibly planned any malicious intent for the Earth. So, why are we hunting them and not the Tyrannos??" asked Xi, the lizard-like, genetically-engineered mutant whose yellow eyes were scrutinizing the general in front of him.
"That was one of the things I've had a major quibble over, Xi. Personally, I see no reason to send you Misfits out on a mission to find the Dinosaucers. However, as much as I would like too, I can't tell Eddington to take his head out of his butt; he and Cliffton are too thoroughly blindsided. They both think that because of the lack of sightings of the Dinosaucers indicate that they must be planning something huge, perhaps a doomsday device or a plot to wipe out the human race or, by Cliffton's standards, a further idea to harvest the natural resources and minerals of Earth to selfishly be used as wealth back at their own planet. In short, because of the lack of exposure, the Jugglers want you to investigate and offer an alliance with the United States military. Since the Dinosaucers are good beings, the Jugglers anticipate that they would do the noble thing and accept an alliance willingly. Apparently, a bond formed with this race may prove beneficial to the Jugglers, and if they chose a side, the Dinosaucers may be safer with us rather than Magneto or Cobra. However, with Eddington and the Jugglers, I wouldn't put a lot of faith in that statement."
Althea then stood up furiously, her eyes indignant. Hawk didn't need to state that she already guessed what Eddington wanted them for; after all, she wasn't the resourceful, brave, and strategic leader of the Misfits for nothing.
"This mission is a load of crap, and you know it, General!" she snapped, "Eddington's really using us to wipe out the Dinosaucers and their friends if they refuse to form a relationship with the military!! That creep's just using the notion of the aliens being a possible danger as an excuse for the fact that he can't stand it if a possible branch of resources and power for him and the Jugglers went unused!"
"He can't do that!" gasped Wanda.
"He can, and he will, Scarlet Witch," Roadblock stated grimly, narrowing his eyes, "If Eddington can't use them, he'll kill them all without a hitch."
"In other words, if he can't have them, no one else will," the Blind Master frowned.
"Then why should we do this?! Tell Eddington and Cliffton to go kiss the President's ass cause there's no way in hell we're going to execute and commit genocide on this race and be his lapdogs!!" Lance retorted angrily.
Hawk sighed as he gravely answered, "Lance, don't think that I didn't think of that, but then guess what will happen? Eddington can use this slight insubordination as a further weakening point to hold over our heads as a threat to disband the G.I. Joe team and the Misfits if he chooses to show to the Jugglers how incompetent you are with G.I. Joe."
"How nice of him," Wanda sarcastically growled.
"But also look at this way: if we don't do it, Eddington, the Jugglers, and Cliffton will find another group who will...and that won't be any better of an alternative. And I wouldn't be surprised if somehow Cobra or the Dreadnoks got wind of this if we refused Cliffton's request. I sure as hell don't trust Eddington to keep his mouth shut. And if that happens, Cobra may be able to truly manipulate the Dinosaucers against us and other people, and then we'd be in a worse off situation. At least this way, we won't follow the orders entirely."
"I get it," grinned Spirit, the Native American G.I. Joe solider who was also Lance's adoptive father.
"I don't!" huffed Shipwreck, Althea's bearded, sailor father.
"Me neither," confessed Fred, scratching the back of his head.
"Do we have to explain everything, Dad?" groaned Althea as she held her forehead in one hand, feeling another headache coming on.
"Apparently," commented Daria as she rolled her eyes.
"If we go, we can make sure that Eddington and Cliffton don't get their paws on the Dinosaucers. We can make friends with them, maybe warn them about what's coming, and we can make sure we help them remain hidden from government surveillance. We can offer them a chance for amnesty from all organizations, including the ones related to Eddington, Cobra, and Magneto," Spirit explained.
"Huh?" Fred asked.
"I think he's saying if we do it, it'll help protect the Dinosaucers and we can lie to Eddington and Cliffton. Just because they may be hesitant to trust the army doesn't mean they may be hesitant to trust a band of mutants since we have our own secrets to hide," Lina explained patiently. Out of all the Misfits, Lina cared for Fred the most...but unfortunately for Fred and Lina, they were both too shy to admit their feelings to each other. A fact that their teammates and parents teased them about relentlessly.
"It would be better coming from us," mused Cover Girl, "at least we'd be honest with them."
"And it would be more believable and be easier for them to relate to us," Lance said thoughtfully.
"And we'll have new playmates! And maybe we can steal, er, borrow some of their technology for our inventions!" chirped Daria excitedly as she, Brittney, and Quinn all had starry-filled eyes of all the gadgets they could invent. Althea, seeing the potential danger, snapped angrily at her seven-year old triplet sisters.
"Oh no, you don't! We already finished rebuilding the basement after your 'portable ocean' invention, we haven't replaced the hole in the roof after the 'rocket engine' fiasco, every electronic device in the house hasn't been the same ever since your 'cold-fusion' mess, you still need to replace the windows after your lava-gun exploded, we just got rid of all the dynamite from your closets and the secret compartment under the floorboards...!!"
"I told you we should have hidden it better!" hissed Brittney to Daria and Quinn.
"Oh be quiet," Daria grumbled. Althea continued, ticking the events off with her fingers.
"...and we just finished the lawsuit with NASA after your 'propulsion Care-Bear soldier' ideas! And stop laughing! The NASA board didn't find it funny after they found a Grumpy-Bear doll rammed into one of their satellites and when the Lionheart-Bear doll used its bazooka to destroy the Hubble telescope!! If you think we're going to let you three get your hands on that technology and cause even more damage, you're all nuts!!"
Trinity pouted in unison. Lina then asked hesitantly to Hawk, "But General Hawk...what do we do if the Dinosaucers won't accept us, and they view us as their enemies?"
Hawk sighed as he looked at the final photograph of the Dinosaucers and the Secret Scouts standing side by side, all blissfully smiling in contentment, as a family. He was vexed about the same thing.
"We'll worry about that bridge when we come to it, Lina."
All right! Another chapter down! The next chapter is going to delve into the Dinosaucers' lives, and not only are the old Dinosaucers gonna be introduced, but we meet some new recruits I created just for this universe!
Shipwreck: I wonder if the Dinosaucers know what alcohol is?
Cover Girl: Well, if the title of the next chapter, "Never Piss Off A Drunk Dinosaucer", is any clue...
Spirit, Shipwreck, Low Light, and Roadblock: Woo-hoo! We'll get the glasses!
Misfits (groaning): WE'LL get the sobriety pills...
General Hawk (groaning): I'LL get the aspirin...