Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own the O.C., nor will I ever.

Life, Love, and Coming Home

Chapter Eight

Seth was torn from his daze when he heard the keys jingling from outside. His heart quickened again and he began tapping his foot nervously on the floor. He turned to look at the door but then quickly turned back again. He rubbed his palms together as he rocked back and forward on the couch. The tension of hearing the locks unlocking slowly one by one was starting to get to him. He was nervous train wreck sitting there…waiting for the damn door to open. He wanted to just go over to there and open it. Open it and face Summer. But of course, he didn't have the guts to do it.

So there it was. I am a fucking coward, he cursed himself silently. With each lock clicking open, he swore his heart quickened a little more. He was damn near to breaking out into a panic attack. He wished that Matt would have just opened the door. Then there wouldn't be any of this fucking tension build-up. But he was in the room, taking another phone call.

Seth sunk down slowly on the couch, hoping she wouldn't see him. It was a big couch, maybe she won't. Fuck. What the hell am I thinking? Yeah, she won't see me because I have just somehow acquired some invisibility power. But he sunk down as far as he could anyway. The door swung opened, and Summer footsteps clicked on the bare floor. This is it.

"I guess things didn't go to well with Sara. She gave me the nastiest look when we passed each other outside," she shouted as she removed her keys from the knob and slammed the door behind her. She kicked off her shoes and Seth could hear her rummaging through the closet, probably to put her coat away or something. He should have turned around, but again, like his whole body, his head was locked firmly in place. All he could do was keep staring ahead.

"I'll have to call you back later," he heard Matt said.

Matt quickly set the phone down and made his way out of room. He stood at the doorway and took in the sight in front of him. Seth was cowering low on the couch while Summer had yet to notice their guest. He gave Seth a last look and proceeded to say, "Hey", to Summer.

"So what the hell happened?" she asked with her head still stuck in the closet.

"Ummm….," he said as he looked in Seth direction again.

"Summer, we have a guest," he said a little unsteadily.

"Who?" she asked as she pops her head out of the closet, a little surprised. 

Matt looked back at the couch and cleared his throat loudly. Seth took it as his cue to stand up, but was somehow afraid that if he did, he knees would give out on him. Stand up. Stand the fuck up. He used his hands and pushed himself up slowly. Summer let out a gasp as she saw the curly head of hair emerge from the couch.

"Cohen," she gasped.

He turned around slowly and let out a simple, "Hey.

"Hi," she said breathlessly, still surprised that Seth was here. Here in New York. Here in her apartment.

Seeing it as he chance to leave, Matt broke the silence, "I'm gonna go take a walk."

Summer just nodded her head, unable to tear her eyes away from Seth.

"Well, I guess I'll see you guys later then," he said again before reaching for the doorknob. Seeing how no one was paying attention to him, he left quickly.

After hearing the door shut behind her, she spoke again softly, "What are you doing here?"

"I….it's a long story," he spoke as he fumbled with the shoelaces of his Chucks. He looked up and met her eyes again, "Marissa may had something to do with it," he spoke quickly.

Summer let out a sigh, "Marissa. She has never change has she?"

Marissa was the peacemaker, the mender of the group. She was always the first one to show up at any sign of trouble or fight, and always the one who tries relentlessly to fix the problem, even though it was sometimes out of her reach of fixing.

She let out another sigh as he picked up her grocery from the floor and walked over to the kitchen area.

"Do you want anything to drink?" she asked as she opened the fridge.

"I'm fine. Thanks."

She grabbed herself a Diet Coke and made her way over to the couch. She sat down and motioned him to sit down as well. She flicked the can open and took a sip. They sat there, in silence until Seth spoke up, "I hope I'm not intruding or anything."

"I should have called," he continued nervously. "I didn't mean to just show up like this," he rambled on.

"Seth. It's okay," she spoke as she gave him a small smile.

Somehow the smile was comforting to him and he smiled back.

"Why are you here?" she asked again delicately.

There was the question he was expecting. And in truth, he didn't know how to answer it exactly.

"I….," he started off shakily. "I was on a six-hour plane ride, trying to figure out exactly how I would answer that question and what I would say to you when I got here. But nothing came. And then I was hoping that some last minute stuff would come to me the cab ride over here, but again, nothing. So I really don't know what to say or where to begin exactly….," he rambled on nervously.

Summer touched his knees softly and he stopped and looked at the hand. He looked up at her and met her eyes again. He almost forgot how beautiful they were.

How beautiful she was. "You were rambling again," she said softly as she retracted her hand from his knee.

"Does this feel weird? Me being here," he asked softly.

"A little," she said as she broke into a smile. "It shouldn't be though," she said quickly.

"Yeah, it shouldn't," he said quietly.

There was another lull between them before Seth spoke again, "Back home, in Newport," he started off slowly.

"When I told you that I love you, it was something I had to say. I didn't expect you to say anything back or do anything. It was just something I needed to hear myself say," he spoke faintly. He paused and continued on, "I've been kinda lost lately. These last few days, I have been a wreck," he said with a small chuckle.

"Seth…" she breathed out slowly, almost whispering his name. She wanted to tell him everything right then and there. Just tell him the truth about everything. Tell him how it was all a lie. A stupid shitty lie.

"I realize that this was all probably for the best. You moving on and all. And I realize I have to move on as well," he went on shakily.

Tell him. Just say it. It's a lie. It's just a fucking lie.

"I was just stuck in the past waiting for something that I knew wasn't there anymore. And I know now that I have to let it go. I have to accept the fact that what we had isn't there anymore. That we can't return to how it used to be," he continued on. "You know what I mean, right?" he asked her.

Her heart dropped right there. She couldn't believe it. All she wanted to do was shout out loud, those three words he whispered to her on the beach. Tell him she still loved him. That she always had. That it wasn't over. That it still isn't. She felt her eyes well up but fought back the tears from falling. She nodded her head quietly. She sniffled back her tears and looked up at him and forced out a smile.

He smiled back gently, "I have no regrets Summer. I'm happy for you."

I am happy for her, reassuring himself that what he was saying was right.

She was happy and he figured that he should be happy for her as well, even though his heart was breaking on the inside. So, this was what a broken heart felt like. It sucked alright. It was finally….over. He couldn't believe it. There he was, sitting in her apartment, with his heart completely shattered. He just wanted to grab her and kiss her again. Kiss her one last time, but that wasn't gonna happen. It was over. They were over. They were over, he repeated to himself silently.

All he could get out of his mouth next was the word, "Friends?" Friends. He was asking her to be friends. This is what I want…right?

She paused for moment before answering. She wanted to scream, No! I don't wanna be friends!

They were never friends. They were always more than that.

But all she could do was whispered back a simple, "Yeah." 

 

…to be continued…

Hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. I know you guys want the truth to get out but please bear with me for a while longer. Again, thanks for all the awesome reviews. It makes me so happy to hear that you guys like the story. Please keep them coming! :)