(A/N) well, this interesting. This parody is just something I randomly came up with. Basically it's Star Wars with the kids in my band playing the roles. Some of my band friends wanted me to post it so…here I am. But anyway, let me know what you think of it. Tell me if I should continue with it or not.
Band Wars
A New Horn
It is a period of band war. Striking from a hidden Storage Room, rebel brass leaders have won their first victory against the evil Woodwind Empire. Brass spies have managed to steal plans for the Empire's new secret weapon, the Death Flute, an armored instrument so high-pitched it could spell doom for the fledgling Brass Alliance.
Pursued by the Empire's sinister clarinets, Princess Amanda races home aboard her tenor sax case, custodian of the Minimally Speaking Show, a show so difficult it can make students drop dead. This show could be the only thing that can destroy the Death Flute and bring order to the Marching Band.
The night skies of Colorado seemed peaceful as a tenor sax case drifted through the clouds. The occupants of the case were just starting to breath a sigh of relief. The Littleton System was just ahead of them. The saxes hadn't found them.
But suddenly, out of nowhere, there came a loud blast. All on board the case quaked with fear. There was no mistaking that sound.
The brass warriors on the case prepared for battle as an alto sax case sailed up behind them. The sound waves that the second case had produced had stopped the first dead in its tracks. The case now hovered motionless, miles above the ground, waiting for the sax troopers to board it.
The alto sax case pulled up to the tenor sax case and docked. The sax troopers set about drilling open the main clasp.
Meanwhile, on board the case, two band students wandered about the winding corridors as the trumpet warriors raced to the front of the case to defend it from the sax troopers. The shorter of the two, Tim2-Sax2, was so attached to his tenor sax that it never left his mouth. Now he could only speak in beeps and whistles. This made him an apt spy for the Brass. In the days of peace, before the war between the Brass and the Woodwinds, Tim2 had been a noted band student. But when the Woodwinds took over he, having no desire for power, joined the resistance.
The taller of the students, A-10dr, was the resident worry wart. A good advisor and interpreter, the student was still known to obsess over the smallest thing.
Just then another blast shook the case.
"Did you hear that?" A-10dr asked fearfully. "They're breaking through the main clasp! We'll be destroyed for sure. This is madness!"
Tim2 whistled a word of comfort to his friend but A-10 only continued to rant as more trumpets raced past them.
"We're doomed." he said, plain and simple. "There'll be no escape for the Princess this time."
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
Meanwhile, back at the main clasp, the Brass rebels positioned themselves along the entry corridor, preparing for the arrival of the sax troopers. They stood tensely, trumpets held at the ready, knowing that any given moment could be their last.
Suddenly the clasp broke away and the forward bit of the case's lid exploded inward. Smoke billowed into the corridor along with pieces of smoldering debris. Out of the smoke came bolts of searing energy. Their cause soon followed. The sax troopers came pouring through the gaping hole in the case. They were all clad in pure white marching uniforms with black trim. A sight that would strike fear into the heart of any sane creature. The troopers all held shiny alto saxophones. This was the source of the blaster bolts. With every note that was played an energy beam was emitted from the bell of each instrument.
The sax troopers stormed through the corridors, firing at anything that moved. But the Brass fired back just as fiercely. The sounds of blaster fire and the clash of alto sax and trumpet echoed throughout the passageways of the case. The battle only ceased when each one of the Brass warriors lay dead, their blood barely noticeable against the red of their marching jackets.
It was during this break in the action that he boarded the case. A figure so evil and cruel that even his own troops scurried out of his path as he strode down the main corridor. He paid no mind to the masses of dead Brass that he was walking through. He was dressed in a jet black Drum Major's uniform. A long black cape flowed out behind him as he walked. His shako was pulled so low that it covered his eyes. A computerized viewing screen on the shako's inside allowed him to see the outside world. This was Darth Fred. The Empire's most feared Drum Major.
Fred made his way through the corpses to a group of sax troopers. They had cornered the pilot of the case.
"The Minimally Speaking show is not in the main computer." the lead trooper reported to him.
Angered by this, Fred grabbed the pilot by the neck and lifted him off of the floor.
"Where is the music you intercepted? What have you done with that show?!"
"We intercepted no music!" the pilot tried to speak through his crushed windpipe. "This is a consular case. We're on a- diplomatic mission."
"If this is a consular case, where is the section leader?!" Darth Fred asked contemptuously.
But the pilot could no longer answer. He had strangled to death. Fred tossed his limp body aside and turned to address the troopers.
"Commander, tear this case apart until you've found that show! And bring me the passengers. I want them alive!!"
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
A-10dr wandered the case, dodging the troopers and desperately searching for his companion. Tim2 had disappeared in all of the commotion.
"Tim2-Sax2, where are you?!" he asked indignantly as he searched the underbelly of the case. That was when he spotted something.
Tim2 was kneeling in front of a small alcove. A-10 thought he saw a taller figure in white crouched there as well. He watched as Tim2 tucked something into the bell of his instrument. Then Tim2 walked over to him as if nothing had happened. A-10 turned his attention back to where he had seen the figure in white but there was nothing there. By now he was pretty sure that he had imagined it.
"At last! Where have you been?!" A-10 asked, more than a little irked. "They're heading in this direction. What are we going to do?! We'll be sent to the training school of Pueblo! Forced to play woodwind instruments!"
Tim2 played a small note of annoyance at A-10 before walking away.
"Wait a minute! Where are you going?!"
Meanwhile, the figure that A-10 had thought he'd seen was still crouched in the shadows, watching as the two students headed for the escape reed launch bay. The figure was a young woman clad in white robes. She was tall and slender with blonde hair that was cropped short at her neck. Though it couldn't be seen at first glance because of her hunched position, she clutched a tenor saxophone to her chest. This was Princess Amanda.
Amanda ducked further into her haven when she heard the sound of the sax troopers approaching. But the commander still saw her.
"There's one. Set your saxes for stun-"
He never got a chance to finish the sentence because at that moment Amanda fired a shot and made a break for it.
A second trooper brushed past his fallen commander and took a shot at Amanda. The stun blast hit her retreating back and she fell, unconscious, to the floor of the case.
"She'll be all right. Inform Lord Fred. We have a prisoner."
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
"Hey! You're not permitted in there. It's restricted for warriors only. You'll be fired for sure." A-10 scolded Tim2 as the younger student boarded an escape reed and attempted to operate it. Tim2 gave a chiding whistle before continuing with his task.
"Don't you call me a mindless tuba you midget tenor! Now come on off of that before somebody sees you."
Tim2 beeped in protest, trying to explain.
"Secret mission?! What show?! What are you talking about?! I'm not getting on that thing!"
But A-10 was soon persuaded to do otherwise when a blast from an alto sax exploded over his head.
"I'm going to regret this." A-10 said to himself as he boarded the escape reed.
Tim2 activated the release mechanism and the reed craft was jettisoned out of the open hatch. Tim2 then activated the engines attached to the rear of the craft. Hence, instead of plummeting to Earth, the reed descended at a tolerable pace.
"That's funny. The damage doesn't look as bad from out here." But then a thought struck A-10.
"Are you sure this thing is safe?"
Whatever Tim2's answer was, it did nothing to console the distraught A-10.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
Back on board the case, Princess Amanda had regained consciousness only to find herself a captive of the Woodwinds. She was now being marched to the bridge of the case. She would meet her captor momentarily but Amanda had a feeling that she already knew who was behind it. And indeed, as the dark Drum Major approached her, Amanda's suspicions were confirmed.
"Darth Fred." she said coldly. "Only you would be so bold. The Woodwind Senate will not sit still for this! When they hear you've attacked a diplomatic-"
"Don't act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren't on any mercy mission this time." Darth Fred interrupted her mockingly. "Several transmissions were beamed to this case by Brass spies. I want to know what happened to the show they sent you."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Amanda replied. "I'm a member of the Woodwind Senate on a diplomatic mission to California High."
"You are part of the Brass Alliance and a traitor! Take her away!!" Fred snapped at the troopers detaining Amanda.
Not wanting to incur the wrath of the Drum Major, the sax troopers rushed away with the Princess.
Then, an officer in a drab green marching uniform approached Fred. In the holster at his side, the officer carried a clarinet.
"Holding her is dangerous. If word of this gets out, it could generate sympathy for the Brass in the Senate." he warned as the two began to walk back to the main clasp.
"I have traced the Brass spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret storage room."
"She'll die before she'll tell you anything."
"Leave that to me." Darth Fred said ominously. "Send a distress signal. And then inform the Senate that all aboard were killed."
"Lord Fred." came the voice of another officer. "The Minimally Speaking show is not aboard this case and no transmissions were made. An escape reed was jettisoned during the fighting. No brass were aboard." he reported.
"She must have hidden the show on the escape reed. Send a detachment down to retrieve it. See to it personally, commander. There'll be no one to stop us this time."
"Yes, sir."