Carmelita - A Fanfiction Starring...Carmelita Spats!
Summary: Not really, she just made us say that.
Disclaimer: Thankfully, I don't own Carmelita. Or Olaf. Or anybody else, so there. Sue me. Actually, I'd prefer it if you didn't.
Author's Note: This is a series of, er, random chapters, that are..random.
Chapter One: A Tap-Dancing Ballerina Fairy Princess Veterinarian No More!
In which Carmelita is a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess no more
"I've decided I'm not a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian anymore!" Carmelita Spats stated smugly to Esme Squalor, her hands on her hips. The Snow Scouts cheered raucously, and Carmelita scowled. "Shut up, you cakesniffers! Doesn't mean I'm not going to sing anymore!" The Snow Scouts groaned. "And you'll like my singing!" Carmelita added, her bottom lip stuck out.
"Of course they will, dear," Esme Squalor told Carmelita, swinging around her damp noodle, "What are you now?"
"A break-dancing actress criminal dentist movie-star!" Carmelita yelled at Olaf, who was across the room, "Can't you tell?" She pointed to herself. A gaudy pink boa was draped over her shoulders, her wiry hair was curled, and she wore a mask like Zorro.
"Of course, of course," Olaf muttered, "We were just testing you, of course."
"Good!" Carmelita screamed. "I want a squirrel!"
Wait, wait, wait, wrong book. I'm in a Roald Dahl phase here. Correction...
"Good!" Carmelita screamed, "I want a damp noodle like Esme has, County! Get me one!"
"Right, right," Olaf muttered.
"NOW!" Carmy demanded. Carmelita glared. She was mad that the author was giving her a stupid nickname.
Olaf frowned. He was upset that the author hadn't given him a stupid nickname yet.
The Snow Scouts grinned. They didn't have stupid nicknames.
Esme pouted. Why was the author temporarily ignoring her? She was fashionable! She had a soon-to-be rich and famous boyfriend! She was the sixth most important financial something-or-other in somewhere-or-other! Esme frowned. She was getting mad! The author was completely forgetting what she was sixth most important something of!
Carmy opened her mouth to scream. She wanted the author to get on with it already!
Olaf panicked. He ran to the kitchen to get another damp noodle. "Hooky, get me another damp noodle! Pronto!" he demanded, using an expression that here means "Right now or I'll cut your head off".
"Right-o," Fernald agreed glumly, using an expression that here means "Whatever".
Soon, Carmelita got her noodle. She waved it around as she danced and shrieked - er - sang, and many Snow Scouts fell over groaning with the force of the vicious noodle. Carmelita was happy. Even if she wasn't able to slap the BAUDELAIRE cakesniffers, she could slap other cakesniffy people!
"So proud," Esme Squalor sobbed, wiping her tears away with her new dress, which was made out of bottle caps.
THE END...of Chapter One