"Hi, may I speak to Evan Allerdyce? It's his kid." John waited and his father came on the line.
"John?"
"I'm staying over Ellis's tonight. Maybe for the weekend." His father didn't say anything for a moment and John was about to make sure they hadn't been cut off.
But his father said "fine," and hung up.
John stared at the phone for a minute. "Last night, he said… I think he's caught on that I'm queer."
"Yeah? Is that why…" Ellis touched John's cheek. He shook his head.
"Dunno. But he knows about me leaving at night. Not about the showering or where I go, went but… I think he thinks you and I are having sex or dating or something."
"Oh."
"Thought I'd warn you."
"Oh. Thanks." John handed him the phone and started to walk back to his room. Ellis grabbed his shoulder and held him there. He stayed, and Ellis's hand stayed on his shoulder, kneading it gently. "Hey Greg? Yeah, it's Ellis. Look, John's kinda puking all over the place and I don't want to leave him so- yeah he's gonna be fine. I think he just has like the stomach flu or something. 24 hour virus, yeah probably. But if you and Angela want to use my room to work on the project or take off or whatever, we can get together later this weekend. Ok? Sorry, I just feel bad leaving him. What? No, you don't have to tell my mom. I'll be home before dinner so… yeah. Talk to you later. Bye."
"Nice." Ellis shrugged.
"Doubt he'll tell my mom. Buys us time." He looked at the clock. "Got like an hour or so before you'll need to leave." John nodded and they stood there for a moment. Ellis touched his chin again and holding it in place, kissed him. John waited a beat and then pulled away. "I'm sorry, I-"
"Not here. Not…" John motioned to his parent's room. "Not…"
"Right." They walked back to John's room, Ellis keeping his hand on the small of his back, supporting him as he walked slowly. They stood in the center of the room, no longer sure what to say or do. Both cleared their throats and continued to stare at the floor.
"How was it?"
"What?"
"Kissing a boy."
Ellis shrugged. "Good. I dunno if it was cause it was you or whatever but it was good." John nodded. Ellis met his eyes again. Staring for a moment, he took his hand and John let him. "You're gonna be ok?"
"Yeah. Fine." Ellis nodded.
"What are you bringing?"
"Well, my dad didn't like touch my shit or anything when I left the first time so I guess if I leave most of it again, I can come back and pick it up when I'm 18."
"And if it looks like he'll do anything to it, Rachel, Marc and I will break in and rescue it all. Maybe not those crappy foreign films though, only the movies where you get what the people are saying." John smiled.
"Thanks. Break out the super powers for me?" Ellis smiled and shrugged. "So I'm bringing some clothes, CD wallet, CD player… a picture of you all, another of my mom, dad, Spencer. Pretty much like last time. Sketchpads."
"The notebooks right?"
"Yeah."
"Thought so."
'You didn't say anything to Marc or Rachel-"
"No. But I'm gonna call them tonight."
"Thanks." Ellis nodded. "I'm sorry I can't stay it's just…"
"John, if he keeps on like this, he's gonna kill you. You have to leave and it sucks but…" Ellis shrugged. John nodded. Ellis leaned in and kissed him again. John kissed back with his eyes closed, waited. He took Ellis's hand and placed it on the small of his back and Ellis put his arms around him. After a moment, he detached from the kiss, and leaned against him gingerly. Feeling his arms tighten around him, holding him.
"thank you."
"'S ok. Be ok." Ellis rubbed his back gently, mindful of older bruises or pressing John's chest into his. They stood there for a long while, finally breaking apart when John opened his eyes and looked at the clock.
"Should get to McFarland's."
"How do you know he'll be there?"
"He writes through the night, sleeps in the mornings, then gets up around noon and writes again. Right about now, he's probably having lunch or on a writing kick. He doesn't leave his house too much. Weekends, or mid day, but whenever I showed up he was there. I mean, Scotty was over once so I left before he saw me but…" Ellis nodded and let go. "You mind helping me throw on a sweatshirt? It's probably better... with day light and everything but…"
"Yeah no problem." Slowly Ellis helped him and picked up his bag for him. "I'll carry it."
"But-"
"I'll do it." John shrugged and they went out the back door, John locking it behind him and handing the key to Ellis.
"In case of something… just check in on him ok? If you think something's wrong?"
"Yeah."
Knocking wasn't the hard part. Standing on the doorway, knowing he was visible, knowing he would have to explain, that was worse. "John? Holy crap what happened to you! Come inside. You too Ellis." They did, Ellis closing the door behind him. John leaned against the wall. Mr. McFarland touched his cheekbone gently. "You need to see a doctor."
"I need a favor."
"Who did this to you? Ellis you-"
"No, I would never!" Mr. McFarland nodded and turned his attention back to John, gently rubbing his cheek with the knuckles of his left hand, the other hand holding onto John's shoulder. In case he fell, he guessed.
"What happened?"
"My dad beat the shit out of me. I need to leave. I have a ticket waiting for me at the airport but I was wondering… could you drive?"
"Yeah, of course. Where are you going?" John shrugged.
"Ticket says New York."
"Do you need money?"
"No." Mr. McFarland had him by the chin, was slowly turning his head from side to side, up and down, to get a better look at him. "Ellis is gonna come too, to the airport."
"OK. Your father did this?" John nodded and met his eyes. "He does this a lot, doesn't he? You should report this, John you have to."
"I don't have any place to go."
"We can you find a place without you needing to run away."
"No. I don't, I don't think I could ever just testify or whatever… I couldn't do that, not to his face."
"John it's not betrayal. He stopped deserving any of your confidence or respect the minute he hit you. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"I can't. I can't do that to him. You don't… I feel… he's lonely. He misses my mom and he doesn't know how to deal, how to get her back because she doesn't want to come back, not to either of us. And that I'm leaving, just running like this- I couldn't- I don't have the balls to tell him to his face. I'd stay. I know I would.
And he's always slapped me around. Always drank too much. Who'd believe me? I'm a bad kid."
"That's shit John."
"It's true- I'm always getting into fights, mouthing off to teachers, everyone."
"John no one deserves to have the crap kicked out of them once, let alone their whole life."
"No, it's… When I was younger, he'd slap me yeah, if he got really drunk or angry but it wasn't until after Spencer left, after my mom took off that it got bad. I can't stay. I can't. Look, either take me to the airport or I'll walk or something."
"You're not walking to the airport."
"Then are you driving?" Mr. McFarland sighed, his thumb resting on the center of John's bottom lip and eyes meeting John's, who tried to make his into the international symbol for 'please, for the love of God, please'. He nodded. "We have to go now. The flight leaves in a little over an hour and with tickets and everything, we gotta go."
"I got his bag," Ellis said quietly, speaking for the first time.
"Give me a moment, ok? Just wait here. Are either of you hungry?" They shook their hands. "You sure? John it's a long flight."
"I'm fine."
"Ellis?"
"I'm ok." Mr. McFarland nodded and jogged up the stairs to his room.
"He seems nice."
"He is."
"You two… you two never um…" John shot Ellis a Look. "Oh. OK." They waited and Ellis wrapped his hand around the back of John's neck, slowly moving his thumb up and down the bumps of his vertebrae. Mr. McFarland came back down, clutching the handles of a brown paper bag.
"Ready?" They nodded and followed him to the car.
The lady at the ticket counter sat up straight when John stepped to the counter. "Are you ok? Can I help you?"
"St. John Allerdyce. I called in a ticket to New York."
She typed quickly for a moment, not looking at the keyboard but at his cheek, the swelling of his eyes. It made a beeping noise and she looked down. "Bereavement. To New York. Departure at 6:30. Is that right?" He nodded. "That'll be . Cash? Credit card?"
"What? That's-"
"We only had a spot open in first class. Sorry." Mr. McFarland stepped up as John started to take out his wallet.
"I got it."
"No, I told you-"
"I got it John. Don't take his money ok?" He addressed the woman, and with a mystified expression she nodded. He handed over a credit card. "Consider it a good bye gift."
"No, you've done enough, you-"
"Don't finish that sentence. I'm buying your ticket." Defeated John sighed.
"Fine. Thank you." Mr. McFarland nodded, and rubbed his shoulder gently.
"Here you go." She handed over his boarding pass. "Any luggage?"
"Just a carry on, thanks."
She hesitated. "Are you sure you're ok? The cut on your cheek looks real bad." He touched it gently and cursed. He could feel it starting to bleed.
"Yeah fine." He paused. "Car crash."
"Oh. Oh, God, I'm so sorry."
'It's ok. Thanks.'
"Have a nice flight.' He nodded and left. Mr. McFarland and Ellis pulled him into a bathroom and over to the sinks. Ellis wet a paper towel and pressed the tip against the cut and Mr. McFarland reached into his bag, pulling out medical tape.
"Thought you might need this." He waited till the cut stopped and Ellis had dried it and gently taped the sides together.
"You know, I can take care of myself."
"Sure Sexy. That's what got the crap kicked out of you in primary school. You and your mouth have always done an excellent job in taking care of yourself," said Ellis. Mr. McFarland ripped off another piece and tore it in half, taping the cut by his eye together.
"You should consider stitches."
"I'll get 'em when I get there."
"Promise?" Ellis stuck out his hand and John sighed.
"Yeah." They shook and walked back out, looking for the terminal. After security, they still had ten minutes before John was to board. They sat in silence on the uncomfortable chairs. "You do realize you bought me a first class ticket?"
"Like I said, a gift."
"Just checking you're mentally stable and everything. I mean Ellis has to drive back with you."
"Here," Mr. McFarland handed over the bag.
"What's this?"
"Just take it." John sighed and opened the bag. "Keep the medical tape and the gauze, you'll need it. The other is for you to keep." John pulled out a book- The Little Prince.
"Antoine de Saint-Exupery?"
"He's good. And it's not just a book for kids, ok?" John flipped it open and noticed the inside cover was signed. alaster mcfarland.
"This is yours."
"A close friend gave it to me a long time ago and I'm gifting it to you." He took the book from John's hands for a moment and pulled out a pen. "Here." He wrote and tapped the page. "My phone number. Please, please, please, please. Call me if you need anything or if you're in trouble. I don't care when or how bad it is. Just please call me if you need help."
"I will. Thanks." He took the book and slid it into his bag. "Thank you."
"I would have grabbed something but I figured you didn't want your shit back…" Ellis pulled a little on his Smoking Popes shirt. John smiled.
"It's ok, really-"
"Wait!' Ellis ran into a gift shop. He came back out holding a small brown paper bag. "Here." John pulled out a lighter with an Australian flag engraved upon it. As he stared at it, Ellis pulled off his shirt and tossed it into his lap. "Take it."
He laughed. "Thanks." He wound the shirt around and around the lighter and slipped it into his bag.
"Take good care of yourself, you bastard."
"Same to you." The boarding call was made and they stood, silent for a long minute. "Well I guess…. Tell Marc and Rachel I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye in person." Ellis nodded. "Take care of yourself, and them." Ellis nodded again and smiled.
"You're the one running. If you ever need any help thinking up fake alias, just call me and let me know. Good at thinking up dirty ones. Anita Fuck and all that." John laughed.
"Take care of yourself, ok?" said Mr. McFarland. He nodded. "And John, art and music make you no less of a man than anyone else. The only time you could be considered that is if you don't do something you love because of someone else and their opinion. OK?"
"Yeah." They walked him to the desk, where the first class passengers were beginning to board. Hesitating before getting online, John faced the other two. "Bye," he said, and stepped to Mr. McFarland and embraced him, kissing him on the cheek quickly. His shoulders were held and Mr. McFarland looked at him.
"I meant what I said. Call me if you need help or just someone to talk to."
"I know. I will." Mr. McFarland kissed his cheek and hugged him quickly, then let go. John looked at Ellis and smiled. "C'mere you bastard." Ellis hugged him, long although mindful of his chest.
"Take care of yourself or so help me God I'll have to kick your ass into shape."
"Oh you're gonna kick my ass? Since when did you become able to kick my ass?"
"Since always."
"Yeah sure. You get knocked in the head recently?"
"Whatever Sexy." John laughed. "I mean it, take care of yourself. This Bobby better be worth you."
John nodded. "He is."
"Me, Marc, Rachel, always be there if you need us."
"I know." They hugged again, and John kissed Ellis, crushing their lips together for a moment. "So how is it kissing a boy?" Ellis laughed and hugged him, holding him for a moment.
"Better if the boy wasn't such an asshole." John hit him lightly and turned, walking to desk, handing in his ticket. After stepping through the barrier, he turned, tonguing his labret. Mr. McFarland watched and Ellis blew a kiss, rubbing his skin to ward off goose bumps from the overactive air conditioning. John gave him the middle finger and walked onto the plane.
(later)
John woke up, an idea to draw itching in his head. Digging through his bag he pulled out the newest sketchpad and turned to an empty page. Finding a watercolor pencil, he began to sketch himself, flying over the Pacific. He wrote in caption, You will probably ask yourself why I bothered to write this, the story of my father and in turn, myself. He nodded in acknowledgment of memory and continued to draw, ignoring everything else around him, drawing who his father was.