Summary: "I have realized that many Harry Potter fans have a problem with me… Since there are so many 'Draco Malfoy Haters' out there, I have decided to open this mail line."
Draco Malfoy has been receiving many hate letters recently, but what is he going to do about it? Well, he decided that he should answer it!
Disclaimers: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, particularly Draco Malfoy. JK Rowling does. She is so lucky…
A/N: I don't know what you guys think of this…Oh well, it's one of my attempts to satisfy my readers…I…just don't know if it works…
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
I have realized that many Harry Potter fans have a problem with me. What's so good about the Stupid-Boy-Who-Lived anyways? I am smarter, handsomer, sexier, and have more brains than that dope have all together. At least I don't go around the school with a sign on my back saying 'Kill me.' I am a Slytherin, not stupid, like those Gryffindorks. So if you don't like my snide remarks towards the Pothead, "Piss off!" and don't waste your time complaining about it.
Since there are so many 'Draco Malfoy Haters' out there, I have decided to open this mail line. Here are some recent mails I have been getting from Potter's 'fans,' all trying to defend him and his pathetic friends and telling me to 'sod off.'
I was so nice to have replied to them.
Here is a letter sent to me from Lou Singman, from London, England.
My comments are in bold.
*****
Dear Draco Malfoy, He can spell my name! At least you're not an imbecile.
I'm going to get right to the point I take back my remark. You are a prick. A sexy prick. You are just jealous that Harry Potter is more famous than you are Oh sure, I would love to be trampled by stupid idiot fans like you, and he is nicer too. In an idiotic way? So don't go saying bad things about people Only people like you who don't have a life when you know you will be hated for it. And you think writing hate letters to me is not saying bad things? Get a life! Aw thank you for your useless advice. Unlike you, I DO have a life. Many people don't care about you Tell that to all the graveling girls with shrines in their closets worshiping me, so why don't you just go to hell? I would, but I heard only people who write hate letters go to hell. I wouldn't want to meet you there.
Do you know that Harry saved your sorry arse Really? When? Oh yah…all the time he's out getting himself killed, and blaming it all on me so many times during your school years Right. First year, Pissed off the Dark Lord. Second, Pissed off the younger version of the Dark Lord. Third, went on a murderous streak to save a convict. Fourth, he couldn't get enough fame so he decided to enter the Tri-wizard Tournament…then piss off the Dark Lord. And fifth, he killed all of the Dark Lord's servants. Does that have anything to do with me? I don't think so, and probably more in counting? Damn right.
He can kick your ass anytime Sure, after he builds some muscles and grow up first but he is just being nice In what way? and letting you feel as if you have hurt him. I did hurt him. I heard he was crying later on to his friends. He is a great hero, And a great enemy and git too. Aw, isn't he popular? and is loved for it so much Except for those that hate him of course. Many people appreciate him I would appreciate him if he trips and fall down the stairs, even if you don't. I do appreciate him…appreciate all of the dumb stuff he have done to brighten up my day with his idiocy.
You really need to get a life. Didn't you say this already? You are so original. I mean you even have your own page where you answer people hate letters to you. At least, I'm not the one writing the letters. Why don't you go and teach your stupid friends how to talk properly Yah, but they are already beyond hopeless instead of wasting your time on this? Like you? You would be doing something good for a change Change is bad, so how can I do something good be good? and god knows those two lugs need all the help they can get. Why don't YOU help them instead of writing all of this? Since you seem to love and care about them so much, but I guess that proves how desperate you are for friends.
Speaking of friends Who you don't have, and that's why you are spending your time doing this, stop calling Hermione a Mudblood! What is she then? At least she isn't a squib. She is far more smarter than you will ever be. Making friends with Potter? Smart? Getting killed along side with Potter, smart? So what if she is a muggle-born? Lets see, that means she's dirty??? This just proves that pure-bloods isn't the best And you think Mudbloods and Muggles are? Hermione is probably beating you in everything Just because you think her brain is huge under her so called bushy hair, doesn't mean that there is anything in it.
And what do you have against Ron anyway? He's a Weasel. That's what. He is nice and cares for his family a lot Their family needs all the love they can get considering how poor they are. He is not completely poor! No, but at the point of it. At least he has a family that loves him, unlike yours. At least I can have anything I want and have decent clothes to wear.
If I had magic, Finally admitting you're a pathetic muggle? I would have use the killing curse on you already when you were in the first year. How dumb are you? I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
Sincerely,
Lou Singman
Your name says it all
*****
I'm not too worried. He will return and read this. These stupid muggles, I don't know why I am bothering to interact with them. I need some aspirins…or at least a really strong Migraine Potion.
*****
A/N: Totally appreciate it if you review. Tell me if you want me to make another one or not. I don't think I can take too much criticism though, so be nice. Well…a little criticism is okay.