This is a songfic.
It's about 3:40 in the morning and after reading Valanthe's new one-shot, I felt like doing one myself. I may write up another later explaining the events that happened earlier in the evening.
Thank you in advance for any reviews!
-The Spaz
:Note: I delted this once and it has now been resubmitted. I still don't like the content and it may be revised at a later date.
Now
Don't just walk away
Pretending everything's okay . . . and you don't care about me
Harry Potter sat alone atop the astronomy tower, gazing out among the many swaying treetops of the Forbidden Forest. The night was warm with the early summer heat and for that he was thankful. Right now, he needed the warmth.
Lower in the castle, the dungeons held a tense and brooding potions master diligently pacing his rooms. The thoughts of the evening wouldn't leave his mind no matter how much he walked or how intensely he swore. It was, quite frankly, driving him insane. Finally, he settled himself into a comfortable armchair and tried to concentrate on reading. When he realized he'd been staring at the same line for approximately 15 minutes, he swore again and unceremoniously replaced it on the table.
"Tea," he thought. "Tea might calm me down." The tea, however, also did little good and he ended up scalding his leg. After another bout of swearing profusely, he changed his robes, magically charmed a towel to wipe up the mess, and sat on the sofa. He decided that running from his own thoughts and feelings was a fruitless waist of time and, as much as he could try and deny it, the situation was only going to be resolved if he faced it.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
The guilt and pain had been building up and he was now feeling ill because of it. He choked back the tears that were hitching his breathe. He wanted to forget, but it was too hard. He wanted to run to the dungeons and beg Severus to tell him it was all a dream, but that was too stupid. Instead, he tried to make his mind go as blank as possible, taking in only what was around him; the warm air, the sight of the branches swaying, the light of the moon on his clothing. . .
His mind was telling him it was useless, but he was too stubborn to listen. He would make it go away. After all, he didn't know how he could survive if he didn't.
He was all alone again and there was nothing he could do to change that.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
And I . . . know it's just no use
When all your lies become your truths
And I don't care
Standing up in a flurry of robes, he started abruptly for the door. There was only one thing in his mind he could possibly do and that was to face the young man before he lost his nerve. He didn't know where he'd gone, but he would search the whole castle if that's what it took.
"If I were Harry Potter, where would I be hiding?"
He quickly decided on a few specific places that were likely locations for him to run off to. True, school had let out a week ago, but he wasn't about to go hurling himself into the Gryffindor common room, even if the students weren't there to witness it, if Potter might be somewhere else. He'd start with Moaning Myrtle's bathroom and go from there.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Harry closed his eyes, trying to let the light breeze rub off some of it's peacefulness on him. He had no idea how long he'd been there, but he didn't mind.
Briefly, he thought of Ron and Hermione. They would surely tell him he was being ridiculous. Hell, the whole thing was ridiculous. He'd run away like a frightened bird to perch on the astronomy tower without bothering to wait and see if he could somehow fix things. He sighed at the thought. Now he couldn't even face his former professor.
Could you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you're happy now?
Would you tell it to my face, or have I been erased?
Are you happy now?
The sound of footsteps brought him out of his daze. He noticed he'd tensed at the sound and made a conscious effort to relax his shoulders. His anxiety worsened as the steps drew closer, each second growing louder than the last. Every instinct in his body was telling him to get up and run, but he fought the urge and stayed put. Running wouldn't do much good anyway. Finally, the sound stopped at the entrance behind him. Drawing his courage together, he turned his head to look at the door.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
His insides leaped as he saw Harry's form sitting before him. Moaning Myrtle's bathroom had been completely void of Potter. Myrtle, however, showed up right as he was leaving and informed him of the direction that Harry had taken. Now that he'd found the boy, he wasn't sure what to do. Harry shifted his weight and turned his to look back at him, finally acknowledging his presence, but the sight made his heart clench. The look on the boy's face was so hurt and saddened that he was taken aback.
"Harry . . . " His voice broke and he was startled at the sudden burning in his eyes. Harry returned to his previous position to look out over the forest. This time he drew his legs up and hugged his arms tight around them.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to . . . " Severus thought his heart was literally breaking as the words reached his ears. They were laced with so much sadness and they barely rose above a whisper. He looked so defeated.
"It slipped, I'm sorry. . . sorry. Really." He was so quiet now that Severus had to strain to hear him. He walked over to Harry and begged him to stand up. After a litter hesitation, he did, but as soon as he was standing his eyes lowered immediately to stare at the floor. He called his name gently but the boy merely winced.
"This is going to be harder than I thought."
Stepping forward, he gingerly wrapped his arms around Harry's slim waist and held him tightly. The action seemed to break him and he all but melted into the arms, wrapping his own around the professor's neck.
"There's no need to apologize," he whispered soothingly. Severus pulled back just enough to look down at the boy. He saw his eyes were rimmed with red and must have be on the verge of crying. He let his eyes close as he leaned in, letting his lips brush lightly across Harry's. The body in his arms began to tremble slightly and a few tears ran escaped, coursing down his cheeks.
You took all there was to take
and left me with an empty plate
"Severus. . ."
He freed one of his arms to brush away Harry's tears and then returned it, pulling the lighter frame into a tight embrace. He nestled his head against Harry's, taking in his intoxicating scent, his eyes fluttering shut once more.
"I think I love you, too, Harry." Harry hugged him closer and Severus welcomed the embrace. He felt as if his life's burden's were being lifted from his shoulders and all he could feel was content. At that moment, it didn't matter what Voldemort had in store or what he'd have to deal with at the next Order meeting because at that moment he had Harry Potter, the boy who loved him.